J.E.R.K.!!!

“You need to give it up…had about enough… it’s not hard to see…THE. BOY. IS. MINE.” Please tell me I’m not the only one that acts out both Brandy and Monica’s parts in the beginning of The Boy Is Mine. I do this no matter where I am. If I manage to catch this song from the beginning I switch into character real quick. When I’m Monica I roll my neck, use my hands a lot and cross my arms. When I’m Brandy I roll my neck (because neck rolls show whose boss), purse my lips and roll my eyes (just so you know while I was writing this i’m obviously acting it out as well). I have each character down packed/down pat…umm, urban dictionary gave me both options so I don’t know what to do with my self (just incase you don’t know what this means…it basically means to have it perfect). As I was saying my performance of The Boy Is Mine could win me both a Grammy and an Oscar!!

I’m trying this new thing where when I get a thought I want to write about I record my self. Because I’m a very forgetful person, I blame it on my self diagnosed ADD. I get so many ideas coming at me at once (especially when I’m driving), and by the time I open the notes app on my phone (I’m not sure if you knew, but it’s super illegal to like text and drive) or get a paper and pen (I know paper and pens/pencils still exist…its pretty incredible the things this paper stuff can do)…hold on I lost my train of thought…see what I’m saying even when I’m writing about how forgetful I am, I forget. Basically what I’m trying to say it that I completely forget what I was just thinking about at that moment. It’s happens to me all the time…I think I need to talk to someone about this… this cant be normal. Well I’m not normal anyway so I guess it works fine for me.

Anyway, I’m currently listening back to what I wanted to write about today…and it’s a doozer. I’m taking you on a short trip to my younger years. They’ll be several cameos from my slutties. But first I have to tell you that holy Cucamonga, I curse A LOT; and I just called myself an idiot for using Frovers fake name in my recording…ooo how I make myself laugh. Okay back to my flash back.

So back in the day, when myspace was cool, and who ever wasn’t on your top 8 meant that you didn’t give a shit about them, and whoever was booted off your top 8 meant…YOU F***ED UP real bad!

There was a group of slutties/sluttos that called themselves J.E.R.K. (No I’m not gonna tell you why…that’s later when you’ve earned my trust) any who these Slutties created THE longest list of rules to live by (I wanna say it was like 120 rules…Slutties correct me if I’m wrong…I don’t really remember). One of the rules (which was my favorite)…if possible in any scenario answer or speak in song lyrics! The best rules J.E.R.K. lived by were: F*** falling in love, ass before friends (we were real lady like back then), money before ass, and another good one was, your only allowed 1 good cry in front of the rest of us. It’s not like we were heartless bitches (all the time), we just didn’t/still don’t like too many of those things people call “emotions”. Now that were older and bitchy-er we don’t live by these rules anymore. Though we still do believe in Ass before friends; but I wanna say if one of us were really in trouble…then maybe we might think of helping each other…but it has to be really bad…like if you get arrested…I’m sorry your staying there till I’m done.

Well that was today’s episode. See you next time on…Life As A Moon (Vino Viernes edition).

 

Love Ya froimage1m the Moon and Back,

Emily (J.E.R.K. for life!!)

Ps. just wait till I tell you about the UN-DICTIONARY.

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