I’m Sorry, Que?

New episode up right now!!!

This week I talk about how I’m the greatest gift my mother ever received, moving out of my parents house and I completely butcher the song Ella y Yo by Aventura and Don Omar in the Im sorry, Que segment.

Linked below are all the platforms you can find the podcast. I hope you come by and experience life through me. 😂

Anchor:

https://anchor.fm/lifeasamoon

Apple Podcast:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/life-as-a-moon/id1485767206?uo=4

Spotify:

https://open.spotify.com/show/5yuaE0CsX5MuqHEaDYIjK4

Google Podcast:

https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy9mYjhmYmI0L3BvZGNhc3QvcnNz

Breaker:

https://www.breaker.audio/life-as-a-moon

Pocket Cast:

https://pca.st/8kxhqus0

Overcast:

https://overcast.fm/itunes1485767206/life-as-a-moon

A Change Gon’ Come

As the amazing Sam Cooke would say…”It’s been a looooong, a long time coming but I knooooow a change gon come… oh yes it is.” With that said, I’ve decided to change this blog into a podcast. I know right, I’m super cool. The podcast will keep the same name as the blog and the same format… even though we all know that there is no structure what so ever on this thing. But on the podcast you’ll get to hear my voice. And just like I like to sing on here for you, I will being singing on the podcast as well. Will it be the best singing you’ve ever heard… possibly, I don’t know what kind of singers you listen to. Or will it be the worst singing ever recorded in the world… probably. But you know what I say…Fuck it! I’m gonna did it anyway. 

So, if you would like to follow me into the podcast world (which I would absolutely love) My first episode will be up on Sunday!!!! I haven’t designated a day the episodes will go up, since you know I’m super indecisive, but I’ll figure it out eventually. I’m super excited about this change and also extremely nervous because you know I’ll be singing for reals, but it’s time for me to try something new and this is it! I will be posting the link to the episode here on Sunday, and if you want to know what else may be going on in my life please follow me on Instagram @lifeasamoon.

Well guys this blogging world has been fun. Hope to hear from you on my new podcasting adventure.
Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily (wish me luck 🤞🏽)

Movie Date 101

Hello!! I have returned!! Oh how I’ve missed thee! I was trying to be all Game of Thrones and wait a while before coming back, and I may or may not have wanted to leave some suspense and mystery about my whereabouts. Anywho,It has been a crazy year and I swears I’ll write about it at some point. I can’t just throw it all out there, then what would I have to write about. I decided to come back with a bang, and bring back my favorite… lists! So if you would kindly continue reading on for my criteria on what a potential significant other needs to become a significant other. It’s a working title I’m sure I’ll figure out a good name by the end of this.

1. Must not talk during a movie. I thought that was a relatively simple rule to follow. Even the movie theater tells you in a very nice way to shut the fuck up right before the movie starts. One would think everyone would shut the fuck up….buuuuuuuut that’s not always the case.

2. Must not talk during movie after a person specifically told you that she was really excited to see the movie.

3. Must not attempt to kiss person during the movie she said she really wanted to fucking see.

Ok guys I’m not sure if you see a pattern, but the she I was referring to is me. Here’s the story behind my new potential significant other criteria… honestly it’s more like a guide on how to behave during a Movie date. Ooooo guess what I’m calling this…MOVIE DATE 101.

As I was saying, about a week or so ago I went on a date. Well first you should know that this was a let me give this guy a second chance second date. It wasn’t a OMG I can’t wait to see this guy again second date… you get my drift. So basically this guy already had 1 strike against him and if you didn’t know I’m a former huge baseball fan (ever since Derek Jeter retired I can’t call myself a huge baseball fan anymore, but this is completely unrelated). As I was saying homeboy already had 1 strike against him and in my game there’s no balls ; ok that sounds wrong but if you know baseball you know that there are balls and strikes but I’m not getting into the rules of baseball. Anyway there are only strikes in my game is what I’m trying to say. Holy shit that took way to long for me to get to that point.

So this guy already had 1 strike against him, but I followed my slutties ( if you don’t remember, because I know it’s been a while, Slutties is a term of endearment I call my friends) advice and decided to give this guy a second chance. Our first date wasn’t horrible or anything, I just didn’t feel anything towards this guy. Our second and last date was to go see the movie Yesterday, which I was soooo excited to see because I’m a fan of the Beatles.

Throughout the entire movie this guy, let’s call him Motormouth, wouldn’t shut the fuck up… the. ENTIRE. TIME! For someone like me who thoroughly ( idk why this word just looks like I spelled it wrong but I spelled check and it didn’t correct me so onward we go) enjoy watching movies. I especially wanted to see this movie and I had expressed that fact when we made the plans to go and then again when we got into the theater. So it wasn’t like I only told him once and he forgot! That shit was fresh in his mind! (By the way this was strike numero dos… number 2 for those who may not know Spanish)

His blabbering wasn’t the only problem. In the middle of the movie he attempted to kiss me! KISS! ME!!! Like mofo did you even listen to me when I said I wanted to fucking see this movie! So I literally snuffed his face and told him in a very angry hushed voice (because I have common decency and didn’t want to ruin the movie for other people) NOT! DURING! THE! MOVIE! (I would greatly appreciate it, if you would read this in an angry hushed voice it really brings it home). (For those I’m the back still keeping count that was strike numero trois…(that’s number three for those that don’t know French… don’t worry I had to google translate that) YOU’RE OUT!!!

So in conclusion, don’t fuck with me during a movie I will Heisman the fuck out of you!

Well folks that’s all for today. Oh how I’ve missed our little chats!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily (future Heisman Trophy winner)

Where Did My Brain Go?

I’ve done some incredibly nerve-wrecking things and have had some pretty nerve induced moments in my life, but the nervousness I went through last week was insurmountable. Before I get to the shit show that went down last week let me be incredibly modest and just write about all the magnificent things that have happened in my life. It all started when my mom found out she was pregnant with the most magical being to ever exist… ok you don’t need to know that let’s just fast forward through my incredible existence. 

So, I’ve played sports throughout my life and there have been some nail biting moments then, buuuuut I’ve still done more hand shaking hyperventilating type things. I’ve auditioned for multiple singing competitions. “But Emily, why would that make you nervous? You seem like a pocket full of sunshine and merry-go-rounds, and you would never be nervous for anything.” Well I really appreciate the vote of confidence you have in me, but I actually have something called “Le stage fright”. I know right… ME…having stage fright…. impossible. Negator…extremely possible. When it comes to singing in front of people (doesn’t matter if I know them or not) I have some trouble. The only way I can sing in front of anyone and it doesn’t bother me is if we are related (because you can’t get rid of me I will always be a part of your family… bwuahahahaha) or if I’m really close to you. Ooo also I’ll sing to you if you sing with me… I love doing that!. Anywho so yes I’ve auditioned for American Idol, The Voice (*cough* several times *cough*) and X-Factor. 

After all of that I never thought I would be as nervous as I was then. Oooo but was I wrong! Last week I had to do a video interview for this job I applied for. I know right… super fancy! I thought everything was going to be fine I’ve had experience interviewing before, yes it was my first time doing a video interview but honestly how bad can it be. LET ME TELL YOU… it can go horribly horrendously wrong! Once that little light on my laptop went on letting me know the recording had commenced… my whole body froze! When I say my whole body I mean even my fucking brain!!! It’s like I forgot every word I’ve ever learned in my 27 years of life. I’m pretty sure I forgot my name… actually no that was the only thing I remembered because I introduced myself even though they never asked. Eventually I got over my stupor, but it didn’t get any better. I was so nervous that my hands were shaking and I’m pretty sure I was sweating profusely. All in all it wasn’t great…. possibly the worse experience of my life to date. 

Well I must sleep now because after reliving that interview my nerves are shot.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,Emily (if you were wondering I didn’t get a second interview… Momma always told me… you win some, you lose some and sometimes you ruin your own life… just kidding, she didn’t say that I made that up.)

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas and Happy Holiday! No matter what your holiday is a time to celebrate!! Oh *NSYNC you guys just know how to bring out the joy in all!!!

For those that don’t know, us Hispanics celebrate Christmas Eve… Christmas Day is just a day for leftovers and us chillin out maxin and relaxing all cool just shooting some B-Ball outside of the school… sorry sorry I went to far with that one. 

So Christmas Eve my family and I dressed in onesies: I was Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, my brother was Batman. My cousin was Pikachu, my mom was a Snowman and my dad was some green thing we thought maybe a caterpillar but as the night progressed he started looking more and more like a pea pod. Any who we played Midnight Taboo and it was the funniest shit ever! My dad is fucking HIGHlarious! This guy was playing three games in one. If my brother couldn’t guess what he was trying to say he would start playing Taboo Espanish mixed with a little bit of charades. It was magical!

Today Christmas morning I’m here in my room listening to my new record player… watching my cousin play on my PS4 and my brother lay on my watching videos waiting for 12 to come so me and my fam can go watch Assassins Creed! YAAAASSSS!!! Well that’s all I have for today I’m gonna go stuff my face and listen to some of my Vinyls!
Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily (Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all you crazy kids!)

“The Saddest Day Of My Life”

“The saddest day of my life, is when you left me with a broken heart I was feeling the pain, the pain, the PAIN” ; you might be asking yourself ” Emily why are you singing this song “Saddest Day” by Wayne Wonder and from what Google is telling me Foxy Brown? Well guys I’m super sad that’s why I’m singing it. One of my sluttos ( male version of slutties, which is what I call my group of friends) has moved away to another state people call Texas! Fucking Texas man!! That’s far as fuck! I’ve been friends with this mofo since grammar school people!!! This mofo has been in my life since before I knew what boxed hair dye was (this is the first thing I could think of because I’m about to dye my hair).

To say goodbye to our friend we had a going away party on Friday, and it was Texas/Country themed! Basically we dressed up like how we think people from Texas dress. You know jeans, some plaid, some boots, and some plastic Cowboy hats. We ( when I say we I mean Frover and I) tried to speak with a southern accent, it went well for about 5 mins… But then my mind automatically started talking with a British accent. So basically I stopped. It was a successful party we drank, made fun of each other, played beer pong, had some delicious motherFing Jell-O shots, talked shit about other people that were in other rooms of the house ( mainly a certain somebody that was brought to said party and introduced as a girlfriend of my Texas Bound besties brother that didn’t want to participate in our picture taking… Well not me because I rarely take pictures but my slutties were taking pictures and home girl turned her face… HOW RUDE!!), had a cowboy boot shaped piñata with sex related things stuffed inside…

imageBasically some good ole fun with some crazy people and that one girlfriend of my Texas Bound besties brother that didn’t want to take pictures. We had a blasty blast. It was the perfect way for us to say goodbye to our friend! Well that’s all I got for today!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( to my Texas Bound Bestfriend since grammar school (even though I don’t think you read this)… I’m going to miss you like crazy… I hope for the very best for you and I freaking LOVE YOU MOFO!! Just remember that I’m you’re number 1 bestie not Frenemy… Ok?… ME I’M YOUR BESTIE!)

Tori Kelly is a Boss!!

I feel like going to a concert is like studying for a big test. You spend all week listening to every song they ever made so you can sing along the whole time. It was exhausting but fantabulouso! “Ain’t nobody love, ain’t nobody love like you do… It’s should’ve been us, shoulda been a fire, shoulda been the perfect storm, it should’ve been us, coulda been the real thing… Only your love could fill up my cup cuz I’m hollooooooooow yea I’m holloooouhuhoooow…was it real or was it all in my head, she’s so pretty you to look so great it’s time for me to move on now it was probably just some silly crush anyway.” So I was totally at Tori Kelly’s Unbreakable Concert on Friday and it was freaking amazing!!! She is incredible, her voice gave me goose bumps the whole time!! If you haven’t jumped on the Tori Kelly Train hurry up and do it l, you don’t know what your missing!

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Sooooo my trip to DR was AMAZEBALLZ!! Me and Sluttie McSlutterson hung out at the pool all weekend and drank alot of Banana Mamas (which are freaking DEEELISH!!!). One of the days we went to this little baby nugget island called Cayo Arena, which is absolutely beautiful. I got to snorkel and see so many beautiful colors of the coral reef and the most amazing fishes. I was hoping I would get to see a few turtles, but I didn’t which ultimately might’ve been a good thing because I don’t think a Sea Turtle would’ve passed customs or fit in my carry on. Basically I had the best Birthday ever, helped me forget that I’m four years closer to 30… Ooo god it hurts my soul just thinking about it. Well that’s all I have for you today.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily (if you ever get a chance to go to DR you must go to Cayo Arena it’s freaking magical!!)

I’m Baaaaack!

Guess who’s back, back again, Emily’s back tell your friends, guess who’s back, guess who’s back, guess who’s back, guess who’s back, guys who’s back, guess who’s back, duh na na… Sorry I got a little excited! If you haven’t figured it out by that beautiful rendition of Slim Shadys song, I have returned from my small hiatus! If your wondering why I was gone you shall continue to wonder cause I’m not telling. I joke I joke…I had a very exciting, slightly exciting, okay a somewhat exciting two weeks. Basically I just got really lazy and kept saying I’ll just write on Monday and then Monday turned into two Sunday’s later, what evs don’t judge. This is a judge free zone.

So basically what I’ve been doing these past two weeks was learn how to knit, make funny videos on my snap chat, and just basically be lazy. Yes I know I lead a super exciting life, thank you. Knitting turned out to be a lot of fun. I actually just got out of my second knitting class. We’re learning how to knit a hat… Yay. Soon I’m gonna be so amazeballz at knitting and crocheting I will never have to buy another scarf, pair of gloves, hat and even maybe a blanket ever again. Well that’s where I hope I get to at some point in my life.image

I also signed up for a new dating site named Bumble. This sight is suppose to minimize on the creepers that start a conversation with… Hey wanna see my dick, or send me picture of yourself (first off my pictures on my profile douchebag, and hell no I’m not gonna send you a picture of my boobs). Anyway this app cuts that shit out. How?, you ask. Well the twist is the girl has to be the one to initiate the conversation, but we only have 24hrs to do so or the guys profile gets erased for you to ever match with them again. So there’s a little excitement. Girls can only start the convo if she matches with the guy she swipes right with. Meaning homeboy swiped right too. Get’em GIRL!!!

I decided to try this app out because I’m super lonely, and I need me some loving. Also because I was tired of the guy I was sort of talking to constantly sending me dick pics. Like dude you’ve sent me a picture of your dick in every possible angle and even one with a Christmas hat on. No I don’t want anymore I think I’m good thanks. When did it even become appropriate to send dick pics as a conversation started. Well anyway let’s see how this dating app works out, if not I can always just become a spinster and knit things for my friends kids.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( just if you were wondering dick pics are not appropriate, unless if asked for one. Then homeboy dick pic it away!)