Month: June 2015

Reunited and It Feels So Good!!

Some pretty amazing things happened this weekend. Well first off I got to see my sister. Which I haven’t seen in I would say over 10 years. Oh my word Emily, what do you mean you haven’t seen your sister in over 10 years? That was how I feel everyone reacted to my little announcement. Anyway there’s no crazy scandalous reason, I wish there was though I feel it would make for a great Telanovela (Soap Opera), as I was saying I haven’t seen her because she lives in Puerto Rico. So you can understand why it’s been difficult for my brother and I to see her more often.

Now the best part, you know not that seeing my sister was great… But I finally got to meet my two beautiful nieces!!!! I don’t know about my brother, but I’m freaking obsessed with these two girls! The eldest one is 5 and my brother says she reminds him of me, because when I was her age I was running around like a crazy person just like her. For me she reminds me of Papa Moon , because this little girl has this mean stank face that is identical to my Daddios, but she is the freaking cutest thing ever! The younger one is 3, and she so much like my brother it’s kind of freaking. She’s really chill and just goes along with what her big sister does, just like my brother… Well not the following his sister around, but he was the calm one between us two, and the freakiest thing is she looks a little like him too. If I were to get one of my brother baby pictures and put long hair in him they would look identical.

The craziest thing about this is that I freaking love these two girls soooo much and I just met them. I now understand how love at first sight works, because these little nuggets, my little nieces have captured my heart and already have me wrapped around their little fingers. I just spent a good hour letting the older one (my mini me) paint my nails, aka my whole finger, with bright pink nail polish! I think she did a fabulous job! Well, that’s all I have for today.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( I gotta go shop for some amazing things for my little nuggets, so they can love me more than my brother)

Ps. They called me Tia (aunt) today, and inside I sobbed and did my happy dance at the same time… BEST. DAY. EVER!

Vino Viernes!!!!

Sip, sip, sip, sip, sip EVERYBODY!!! One, two, three… One, Two, Three Drink! EVERYBODY put your glasses up and I drink to that! Now Raise your glass! OOO GOSH I can’t think of another songs that talkS about drinking… How is that possible!!!
Anyway if you haven’t noticed by my wonderful intro…IT’S. VINO. VIERNES!!!! My favorite day of the week!!!! Today I’m drinking something my cousin Harry Queen of the Potters told me to try! It’s called Real Sangria… And all I have to say is that this is REAL DELISSSSH!!! I bought two different types, a red one and a white one… Because you know me if you give me options I can’t handle the pressure… So the logical thing to do is buy both bottles, which I did! YASSS!!! So today I’m drinking the white one and leaving the red one for next week!
Not only is it Vino Viernes, but there is a one of the greatest reasons to drink a little something something today/tonight!! Some historical shit happened today!! Finally the U.S. of the motherfing A has equalized marriage!!! This is a huge mile stone not only for the LGBT Community, but for Americans! I’ve always felt that no matter who you love you should be able to express yourself and not feel like there are restraints or feeling of judgement! Fuck what other people think about you and just love who you want, be with who you want, Marry who you want! You should be able to Marry that man or woman that you want to spend the rest of your life with, that’s your choice, and finally everyone gets to make that choice! LOVE WINS!!! I honestly have no other words for you today, I’m just very happy for everyone. So on that note, I would like everyone to please raise a glass and help me toast for the Equalization of Marriage and for LOVE CONQUERING ALL!!! Now EVERYONE get DRUNK IN LOOOOOVE!!!

Love You from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( I know this is a short one, but that’s all that needs to be said for tonight… LOVE WINS!)

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Throwback Third Week of June!!

This week has been a throw back week for me! It all started on Sunday with my brother (Snot Rocket) and my cousins ( I wanted to name one alcoholic, but that’s not right… Being a drinker is just in the Moon blood…not one person can be singled out). So I shall name them… Queen Bee, Trap Queen and Harry Queen of the Potters… These three might or might not be siblings, I’m not telling. Any way on Sunday my cousins came by and we spent the majority of the day jamming to 90s R&B. When I say jamming I literally (must be said with British accent) mean we had the best performances ever!!! EVER!!! We freaking brought the house down! I’m pretty sure my neighbors hated us… We were singing at the top of our lungs and NAILING IT!! You see us Moons love music… We especially love R&B and when you put 5 Moons in one place listening to Usher tell Chili that she got it she got it back… Shit gon get real! And my friends it did. Me and Trap Queen battled it out as Monica and Brandy singing to that Boy is Mine. Oh and did I mention that there was alcohol involved… If you know my family you can just disregard that last sentence cuz…. HELLUR of course there was alcohol! We’re Moons for a reason!

So yea we got real turnt up ( I feel like I’m not gangsta enough to say Turnt)!
As I told you guys in Monday I went to the NKOTB concert… YOU KNOW, that was super throw back because I didn’t even know they’re songs!

But yesterday and today I’ve been listening to everything I listened to back when I was in grammar school, meaning NSYNC… And Disney Musicals!!! You know what’s crazy, is that I haven’t listened to these songs in the LONGEST time… Well mostly NSYNC, because I can’t lie I listen to Childhood Classics on iHeart at least once a week and that all consist of The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, The Lion King, Aladdin, Pochahontas basically all the beast Disney movies.

As I was saying I haven’t listen to NSYNC in a long time, and it’s crazy as soon as the songs come on I instantly remember all the lyrics. If you were to ask me to sing you Tearin Up My Heart a-cappella I would probably only be able to sing the chorus. But you put that song on and I’ll sing the hell out of that song and it would make you think I wrote that shit. What I want to know is why this amazing memory for lyrics (from songs that I listened to from when I was 7 till like I was 12) can easily pop into my head… But ask me a question about something I just learned can’t be found anywhere in my brain. I think my brain was meant to just remember lyrics and movie quotes… Maybe I should sing everything I want my self to remember, and it might work. It’s been AMAZEBALLZ… As the best boy bad EVER would say… BYE BYE BYE!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( NSYNC is better than the Backstreet Boys)

Ps. I almost killed my waiter for putting two lemons in my water and only putting one in Sluttie McSluttersons water… I HATE LEMON IN MY WATER!!! It’s a freaking conspiracy, they were plotting against me I know it!

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Nelly…TLC…NKOTB!!

HAAAALLELUJAH…HAAAAALLELUJAH!!! A couple of minutes ago I had one of the best feelings in the world!!! I took off my bra!!! Yaaaaassss!!! Sherlock and Holmes ( I’ve decided this is what my boobies shall be named) didn’t want to wait till we got home. They screamed no way Jose, Let me free now, I’ve been in here way to long! All this happened while I was driving, so being the kind person I am… I let these bad boys free! Freedom!!!!
Now for the reason I’m posting this sooooo late!! I went to see Nelly, TLC, and New Kids On The Block with my slutties Frover, Big Booty Judy, Boobielicious and Ditzy Doodle!!! I’ve never seen so many middle aged woman shaking their asses off! It was freaking BANANAS!!!

Nelly…. OOOO Nelly… This man made my old school wannabe thug come out of me, and I keep that Chonga locked up tight. One of the reason Frover and I get along so well is because we think alike. At the same time we yelled out to Nelly..”Take off your shirt!!” We were ratchet city… It was pretty ridiculous! By the time Nelly got to Hot in Hurr I was ready to do exactly as that song says. Nelly my friend you have become more deeeeelish with age! I still kind of miss your bandaid though.

Next in the line up was… TLC!!!! TLC, TLC!!! Ahhhhh…. I fan girled so hard when TLC came out!!! I did notice something that I never realized before. It was more of the T-boz show than TLC… It kind of looked like Chilli was just a very expensive back up singer/dancer. I still don’t care though!!! I love me some TLC!!! When Waterfalls came out I was doing that bob and point to the right with your thumbs and then to the left like in the video!! I was on POINT!!!! Don’t go chasing waterfalls please stick to the rivers and the lakes that your used to… Damn I love this song!!!

Finally, New Kids On The Block… To be completely honest I’m not a NKOTB fan. I was not even a blip on my parents mind and I was too young to be one of their fans! But I still had a good time watching them perform… They were pretty amazing! There’s one thing I learned at the concert. Every group has a JT. Basically I broke down the members of NKOTB in terms I would know aka NSYNC!! Just like NSYNC, New Kids has a Justin Timberlake equivalent, which means that they have a front man!! And everybody that loved and still loves NSYNC knows that JT was the face of the band, and shut your faces JC fans nobody cares what you think. I’m sorry I take that back I care about you, but not as much as JT fans. Well peeps there you have it… JT IS EVERYWHERE!! I’m off to eat, because dancing around like a crazy person in your seat to NKOTB songs you don’t know, works up an appetite.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily ( OMG Mark freaking Walhburg made an appearance…. Made my night!!! I love you Marky Mark)

Vino Viernes!!

Leeeeeet’s get ready to RUMBLLLLLE!!!! Sorry I just saw this meme with Steph Curry and Lebron James in a boxing ring!!! It’s HIGHlarious! It’s Friday people!!!! It’s been waaaay tooooo long since I last saw you Friday and I’ve missed you. Since your here today lets drink some Vino, shall we. I haven’t changed my vino since last week… It’s just way too good to give up so soon!

Today we are having a special edition of Vino Viernes! Since Father’s Day is this Sunday I decided to dedicate this Friday to my home boy Papa Moon! This isn’t going to be like my Mother’s Day post. I’m not gonna get all emotional because I’m pretty sure Papa Moon doesn’t read this so it would be pointless. So what I’m gonna do today is just tell everyone a little bit about my Daddio in what I like to call…

The Guide to Understanding Papa Moon:
1. He looks mean and bald, but he’s harmless…Sometimes
2. He knows how to work a pink shirt… Work it girl… Fierce!!
3. He wants anything and everything that Apple makes… If Apple painted a portrait of a banana, B.A.N.A.N.A.S, he would buy it.
4. BEER!
5. He’s most likely the clumsiest person I’ve ever met. When he shaves his head, he always manages to fuck his shit up. This mofo makes himself bleed like he cut a main artery.
6. If you buy something to eat or drink and you leave it the refrigerator, don’t ever think of eating or drinking it again. His policy is “if it’s in MY Fridge, it’s mine”.
7. He just tried to drink my wine!
8. He’s the one that wanted all these dogs.
9. He has a lot of nick names, but we like to call him the Tank!
10. Mother Fucker… Is his favorite thing to say… Ever
There you have it kiddies. He’s the best dad ever… I wouldn’t trade him for anything!!! HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!!!

I Love You Mother Fucker for ever and ever and ever,
Mimi ( your favorite child… Everybody knows it’s true!!)

Car Lights? Blimps? and Hair? Oh My!

I don’t know what it is about Wednesday’s, but apparently everybody and their mother decides to go to work on this day of the week. Every other day there aren’t that many cars on the road, but today shit was cray cray. I was like why are there so many cars today it’s freaking Thursday… But then something on the radio said something about it being Wednesday, and I was like oh now all these mofos on the road makes sense. Because every Wednesday there’s always a trillion cars out. I want to know where these other people work because if they only have to work on Wednesday… Where can I send my resume (daaaayum I should be a rapper… You saw how that ish rhymed!!)!! And the others if you took of Monday and Tuesday why go back Wednesday, might as well stay home all week.

Speaking of driving, on my way home today the car that was on my right had a red little light on the side view mirror. I see this and I become fascinated with it. The whole ride home I’m making sure I stay near the car so I can look at this light (I think I was either a cat or a dog in a past life because I get distracted very easily). Out of no where the cars little light turns off, and I was like where’d ya go, where’d ya go, come back! So I speed up to get closer to the the car, and the light turns on again. I was super excited, the lane I was in started going slower than the one the other car was in; so I slow down and the cars little light turns off again. My lane starts moving faster and I get closer to the car, and you wouldn’t believe what happened… The light turned on again. I finally realized that this car was sensing my car every time I got closer. That car was so freaking smart man!! It was tell it’s mommy that I was in her blind spot. What I nice little car. When I can trade Manny Mandingo in ( my vroom vroom) I’m totes gonna get a car that tells me when there’s other cars next to me, only because I like the little light in the mirror.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed but there is absolutely no structure in these posts. So on that note, I’m probably the only one that thinks this but anyway, on Saturday I went to Walmart with my cousin (let’s call him Sacamoco Tira Peo… Translation: take out your boogers and throw farts) and just so you know Walmart is packed at all hours of the day!!! We were there at freaking 10 something at night and there were a bajillion people… Like go home people were here trying to buy some fans!! As I was saying while we were getting out of the car I saw a white blimp over the city. I turned to Sacamoco and tell him “you know every time I see a blimp I just think theres an evil mastermind in there with his crew plotting evil things.” It’s not just any evil mastermind, I usually picture Dr. Evil and his crew sitting at an oval table in the middle of a parana moat. This is every time I see blimp, but this blimp especially screamed Dr. Evils secret layer, it was all white and Dr. Evilish!

Okay my children it’s been fun but it’s that time of year again…I have to go shave! I swear I’m gonna get waxed!! Ugh I hate shaving! OOOO if I ever become super rich the first thing I’m doing is getting laser hair removal for my whole body, well except for the hair on my head, but I would totes get my eyebrows perfectly lazered so I wouldn’t have to do them again!!! This is like the most genius plan ever!!!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( I can’t wait till I become super duper rich so I can be hairless)

Speed Racers!!

I had a fun little adventure today… Okay okay it wasn’t necessarily an adventure, but I’ll take what I can get. Any who, I had to go to my doctors office to pick up some papers, but the office closes at 6. Which isn’t bad, but my friends, the plot thickens… I get out of work at 5… Dum Dum Duuuuuuum…( thank you Tim… That was B.E.A.UTIFUL, I’ve missed you, I haven’t been using my musicians lately… And I’m very sorry for that guys). That’s not the only dilemma…the thick plot thickens again, I work at least half hour away from my doctors office and that’s on a no traffic day. Today was TRAFFIC CENTRAL!!! I’m telling you, once people see a drop of rain fall… It’s like their minds just shut off the part that knows how to drive.

I was behind soooooo many stuuuuupid people, that shit was bananas… BANANAS! One thing that made me laugh was that one of the stuuuuuuupid people was my Tio Platypus. If only he heard the obscene things I was calling him.

Anyway back to my story… At this point I look at the time and it says 5:45, and I was still about 15mins away from the doctors office. It was a race against the clock!!! It was intense, the whole time all I heard was the mission impossible theme song (dum dum dumdum dum dum dumdum… Pa nana pa nana… Dum dum dunna) shit got crazy! I started bobbing and weaving and I think I might have drifted. I just want to take this time to thank Grand Theft Auto for teaching me how to drive like a maniac… Ooo and also the movie Need for Speed, because I still had the adrenaline coursing through me after watching the movie on Sunday.

Okay sorry back to the story… At this point it’s like 5:55 and I’m stuck at the longest red light known to life!!! It felt like it took years off my life, but it was only really like a minute. Light turns green and I take off almost taking a pigeon with me ( I’m sorry pigeon!), I make a right, then a quick left, then another right…it’s now 5:58… I pull up to the doctors office my tires screeching. I got out of the car and run up the stairs… I ring the bell and……… ( the dots are to build up suspense) they let me in. As I opened the door I glanced at the hours of business thing hanging on the door, and this shit says they close at 7!!!! That franking bitch I called this morning said they close at 6!!! I spadidled (drove extremely fast) like a crazy person, almost became a pigeon murderer, and called my uncle horrid (must say with British accent) names! That freaking bitch! Now I’m here outside parked outside my house waiting for someone to get home because I managed to lose my keys somewhere in my house! Ooo Mommas home…I’m out, I gotta pee real bad!!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( the next star in the Need for Speed movie… *Wink wink*… Just in case they make a second one… I’m totes down)

Vino Viernes!!!

Holy sweet heavenly goodness in a glass of AWESOME!!! This wine is sooooo freaking AMAZEBALLZ, I thinks I just fell in LURVE!! I’m so In love right now that I’m just gonna sing for you!!! “Im in love with the VI-NO, Vi-no, I got for the Low low( must be sung in that I’m in love with the CoCo way)… Got me looking so crazy right now this WINE got me looking so crazy right now… This WINE is on FIIIIIYAAAAH… This wine is on Fiiiiyaaaaaah… I am in love with you, You set me free, I can’t do this thing call drinking with out you here with me… Hey delicious Vino let me whisper in your ear, tell you some things you might like to hear… Tonight I’ll be your naughty girl, I’m not calling any of my girls cuz I want you to myself, because your so delicious.” This medley is dedicated to Barefoots Rosa Red Blend!!! I just want to say I’ve never met a wine that just knows me like you do… Your my wine soulmate/bottle. I’d like to take this time to thank: the guy who raps that CoCo song (sorry I don’t know your name), Alicia Keys, the Ying Yang Twins and of course Beyoncé for those wonderful renditions, Rosa Red Blend and I thank you very much.

Sorry I got carried away, but I’m telling you this wine is sooooo good!!! It’s sweet but not to sweet ( like I likes it… I was trying to think of something naughty to say but it didn’t make any sense) and the best part it’s bubble-y toooooooo ( I put extra Os because I’m not sure if it’s this to or this too… So I make it extra!!!).
I was totally gonna write something else, but I’m so in love right now I don’t want to ruin the moment, and I also might have forgotten what I was gonna write.

Ooo okay so today… I took another quiz!!!! You just know that “these are a few of my favorite things” ( brief cameo from Julie Andrews… The goddess I pray to, as Fräulein Mary from The Sound of Music). As I was saying, taking quizzes is my favorite thing to do in the world… Besides drinking this Vino. Today’s quiz was, What is your southern name? When I saw this I was like HECK FREAKING YEAH I NEED TO KNOW WHAT MY SOUTHERN NAME IS!!! It’s as amazing as I thought it would be. My southern name is Savannah Summers. I just freaking love it!! The best thing about this was that my mom actually wanted to name me Summer. Just in case you don’t remember I’m Hispanic, Dominican to be exact… Yes I might be the most Americanized Dominican I’ve ever met, but I still think Summer would’ve pushed me over the edge. But I do love it as my southern last name it just flows… I wanna say this was the Gods and Goddesses of Mount Olympus’s way of letting me know that Summer is destined to be apart of me. Well it’s time for me to go have a romantic evening with my vino… I’m going to need a do not disturb sign!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( but you can call me lover of Rose Red Blend, or Savannah Summers. Whatever tickles your pickle)

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My Milkshake Brings all the Boys to the Yard!

So I was like two blocks away from my house, when this sudden craving for Mozzarella Sticks and a Vanilla Milkshake … My milkshake brings all the boys the the yard , and they’re like it’s better than yours, damn right it’s better than yours, I could teach you but I have to charge… Whoa Kelis take a chill pill… La la la la la… warm it up… Kelis don’t nobody wants warm milkshake… Nasty. I’m sorry don’t mind Kelis, as I was saying a craving hit me!! The next thing I know I’m driving to the Whiteys (White Castle) drive thru. Anyone who doesn’t know what White Castle is… It the home of the murder burgers; these burgers will f*** with your stomach later… But totes worth it, because these small little nugget burgers are super DEEEELISH!!! Any way I feel like they have the best Mozzarella Sticks and Milk shakes from all the fast food places around.

On my drive back home I got stuck in traffic because of this freaking craving (there was no point for me to tell you this I just thought you should know).
These Mozzarella sticks hace the FRENCH FRY EFFECT! You know what I’m talking about; when you go to a drive thru (like, let’s say McDonald’s) and you get your meal and in the drive home you find your hand in the McDonald’s bag digging out your fries. Everybody knows the fries never make it to the house. Those bad boys are either half way or completely GONE…yoooour Gone Fries your gone… All your fries are gone, they’re all gone (that was my rendition of N’SYNCs Gone… Your welcome) any way by the time you get hom your fries are KAPUT!. That is how these Mozzarella sticks are! I don’t know why I keep making the M in Mozzarella capitalized, I think my brain just thinks it’s important enough. Anyway by the time I got home my Mozzarella sticks were gone and my Milkshake still had no give! The thing with White Castle milkshakes you have to leave that shit out in the sun for like 10 mins before you can even taste the thing without cutting the roof of your mouth with the straw. It’s been about an hour since I got my milkshake and I just put in my fourth straw because the others flew out the window all by them selves. Warning these shakes will piss you off, but once you get to the yumminess you forget all the pain you just went through. I hear it’s a lot like giving birth… Hehehehe! Clearly if these craving hadn’t occurred I wouldn’t have had anything else to write about because you know my super eventful/ exciting life would’ve gotten in the way. HA! I make myself life… See ya wouldn’t wanna be ya! Actually ( must be said in British accent) I do wanna be ya… Your lives are most likely more entertaining than mine!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( here I am lovingly gazing at my milkshake… and don’t judge my nose!!)IMG_0845

Happy Birthday Titz!!

Today’s my aunts birthday… For those of you that don’t know my aunt passed away a couple of months ago. So in honor of her memory I wanted to write about her and some of the funny stuff we used to do.

One of our favorite things to do was go to this buffet, called rainbows, on Wednesday because it was CRAB LEG DAY!!! When I tell you we went in on those crab legs…WE. WENT. IN! The second they would bring out fresh crab legs my aunt would be like “Mimi GO!” We had this down to a science! Even if we still had food, one of us would still get up and bring a plate full to the point of toppling over! We even started to recruit a couple of my friends so we would have more hands to bring more plates of Crab Legs. I was afraid that one day they would have a picture of us in the front banning us forever!

Another thing we loved to do was watch this show called Man vs Wild on animal planet! It was the funniest show ever! This Australian guy would go out in the wild and teach us regular people how to survive in different climates and all that good stuff. You know just in case you wander off into the desert or Amazon or whatever. It was some helpful stuff. In one episode the guy was looking for edible berries and her bends down picks up this little pebble looking thing smells it and then takes a nibble out of it. This dude looks right into the camera (with his thick Australian accent) and says “Animal Poo.” Me and Titz could not stop laughing this mofo just ate some random animals shit. It was the funniest thing we’ve ever seen. From that day on we would randomly call each other and just say Animal Poo with our horrible Australian accents!
Man my aunt was my freaking partner in crime. When I was in high school my parents had a strict 10pm curfew for me; it didn’t matter of it was a school night or not… My ass had to be home a 10. Obviously then I thought that they were being inconsiderate, mean, way to strict, ruining my life… You know all those melodramatic teenage girl things. Of course now I understand where my parents were coming from. Shit is crazy out there especially for a 14-18 year old. Yeah my curfew didn’t end until I moved to Connecticut for school. Any way at that age you don’t care about any of the stuff your parents are telling you. So every once and a while I would sleepover my aunts house and she would let me stay out till midnight and for a 17/18 year old ,that was on lockdown, ( I’m locked up they won’t let me out… They won’t let me out) that was GOLD!!!
My favorite thing about my aunt though was that she was always there for me when ever I needed her. There were times where I needed to talk to someone and she would be there to listen no matter how stupid or what stupid thing I did, she was always there. No matter what she would drop everything for me, and that’s what I missed the most. Just knowing that she always had my back. Like times when I would be upset she would call me and be like “Mimi, come pick me up you little bitch, so we can go to the Coach House and make fun of people.” Coach House is a diner that she was obsessed with because of the salad bar.
My aunt was and still is one of the loudest, sarcastic, funniest, amazeballz person I’ve ever know!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TITZ!!!
I Love You from the Heavens and back,
Mimi ( I know your probably looking down at me right know making fun of my yellow hair… I still love you!!! And I miss you!)