Camping Virgin… I Think Not!

HELLOOO!!! Guess what I did this weekend?! And no it was not stay home and nap all day. (Gasp!!) I know it’s crazy even to my own eyes, but I actually went out this weekend. I went camping for the first time in my life! I popped my camping cherry!! Ooo how I learned a thing or two about camping. 

1. Don’t camp when it’s cold outside. Just don’t do it! I usually don’t get cold because I’m practically a freaking walking human furnace and I (pause on the I so you understand the emphasis I’m trying to make) felt like my lady bits were no longer attached to my body! I thought I lost toes, but never fear, I still have all 10 little nuggets. So basically if you decided to go camping in September in Upstate NY for two nights, pack as if you’re moving to Antarctica to study the migration pattern of polar bears (or whatever reason you possibly have to go to Antarctica).

2. I feel like Pop Tarts make better S’mores than the real thing, but I was also reminded that I’m a lazy Emily Snow( for those of you that don’t watch Game of Thrones…first you should be ashamed of yourself and secondly Snow means bastard) and I only really like Pop Tarts better because it’s already made for you. Well all I have to say to you is that. Is. Absolutely. True! I am a lazy mofo. Also the real smores were pretty freaking delish!

3. There are a lot more stars in the sky then the four or five I see and the random planes that trick me into thinking there are blinking red stars. This is how one knows you are a city kid. The last time I saw that many stars I was 13 and on vacation with my family in the Dominican Republic. 

I know I might not be painting my weekend getaway in the best light, but I did have a great time! I got to see some friends haven’t seen in a while. I got to sit by a fire and make believe that I was a Targaryen (Game of Thrones reference again… smh to those of you who don’t know what I mean… please watch GOT because it’s too long for me to go through 7 seasons to explain what I mean … okay thanks!). All in all I would definitely go camping again (hopefully when it’s warmer out), it’s a great experience and it’s a great way to spend time with friends laughing and playing whiffle ball… and possibly over act when you get hit by a pitch and fall to the ground to inevitably hurt yourself because you were playing hurt! Oooo karma you is a bitch! Yes it was I who won an Oscar on getting hit by a pitch through method acting.. thank you but please hold the applause.

Well my baby nuggets it’s been swell!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily (Camper Extraordinaire)

P.S. Life As A Moon has an Instagram account!!! Yay!! It’s actually been up for a couple of months I just keep forgetting to tell people. Anywho if you want to see random things I like to post and any updates about the blog please follow @lifeasamoon

Puppy-Love and Stalkerish Tendencies.

I’m back and creepier than ever. When I say creepier I mean it in the most wonderful way it can possibly sound. You know what Ixnay on the creepier-ay… I could possibly be the next CIA/FBI/Secret Agent/Detective/007, honestly any of those would work that’s how good my (I don’t want to say stalking but if the shoe fits) investigative skills are. I shall give thee a little story on the person you are about to learn about. 

Once upon a time there was a pre-teen (or maybe even teen-teen) and she went by the name of… umm let’s just say she went by the name of… you know what her name was Emily and it was me. Any who this pre-teen/teen-teen met a boy through her neighbor and bestie at the time…we are no longer neighbors nor are we really friends anymore you know how that goes, you get older one of you becomes a little, how you say, sluttie when we were slightly (way) too young for it, so the other one (me) kind of just gradually cuts the sluttie one out of her life. I know I know it was a real sh🌙tty thing to do but I was fucking 14 or some sh🌙t and I didn’t know how to handle it so shut your face and listen to the rest of the story! (We’re still friends in Facebook if that counts)So Emily was introduced to this boy named Garry… his name was Garry with two R’s. So Emily and Garry become really good friends and the best part about this friendship was that his younger cousin lived up the block from her house. They got to hang out all the time and of course Emily fell into puppy love with Garry (with two R’s). This “love” was so serious that practically everyone on the block knew of Emily’s feelings for Garry. As the days went by the kids on the block would play football, tag, manhunt and just hang out on the steps. All of a sudden Garry tells Emily that his family is moving to California. Emily’s little teenager heart was broken she didn’t know how to deal. She had never told Garry that she liked him liked him, so she simply told him that she’d miss him and to keep in touch. 

A year or so passes and Emily is no longer friends with the neighbor that had once been her bestie. Emily is now a freshman (I think) in high school and has somewhat forgotten about her puppy love and is crushing on other boys from her school and some not from her school. One day she had gotten home from I think it was softball practice and she was just hanging out in front of her house eating string cheese, when a boy that looked oddly familiar was walking up the block. Emily just stared at this boy trying to figure out who he was. Meanwhile the boy was also looking at Emily as well. With their eyes locked he continued his trek up the block.

This story is getting really long so what I’m saying is, that boy she saw was Garry and he’d moved back to Jersey and apparently had been back for a while. So Garry and Emily started to hang out again but then his family moved again and I haven’t seen him since. This is where my investigative skills come into play.

While I was awake in the middle of the night (a couple of days ago) when I should’ve been sleeping… something reminded me of Garry (it could’ve been the fact that I was watching SpongeBob and Gary the snail ( 🐌) slithered around the pineapple). The next thing I know I’m googling Garry (with two R’s) lo and behold there he was my Garry just 12 years older and still looking a little like J-Boog from B2K (if you don’t know who B2K is… you may leave right NOW!! j/k you can stay just google them so you get the picture). What I found was not something I liked.

Apparently Garry has a family. He has two kids and a girlfriend and lives somewhere that is not New Jersey. So the moral of this story is… don’t go chasing waterfalls please stick to the rivers and the lakes that your used to I know that your gonna have it your way or nothing at all but I think your moving to fast… LISTEN TO MEEEE (sorry I couldn’t help myself and by the way that was waterfalls by TLC if you didn’t know). Anyway moral of the story is you should probably go to sleep at a decent time so you don’t Instagram stalk the kid you were in love with when you were just a wee little lass. You won’t like what you find even though you should be over him because honestly Emily it’s been 12 years since you last saw him what the f🌙ck did you expect.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily (once upon a time Mrs. Garry with two R’s)

P.S. Happy Early Independence Day/ 4th of July!!!

One Year Anniversary!

I know your probably thinking “this freaking amazing woman forgot to post again”, but I did not. This time it was intentional for a special reason. One year ago today I started this amazing journey of writing a blog. You got it people, it’s Life As A Moon’s one year Anniversary! Yay! We made it! In honor of this momentous occasion I’m going to tell you a little story.

This blog had been in the planning stages for a couple of years… I’m not exactly sure how many but I know it was a couple. You see I’ve always loved to write, but only for fun, once I have to write for an assignment it’s over I hate it. Anyway I remember one day I was having (I think it was) lunch at a dinner with Frover, and we were talking about different things about what we thought our lives were going to look like at that point. I was telling her that I thought I would’ve been done with school and starting my career, and just knowing who and what I was going to become. In truth I was no where near done with school. I had this hatred towards school. I believed it was pointless for me to be going because there was nothing worth my time and money. There was nothing that I was passionate enough to make me want to stick through it. For me to feel those things had me in a bad place for so many years. I constantly had this negative pattern of thinking, and it wasn’t healthy for me.

At that point I had never told anybody how I felt about the path my life had taken or how I felt lost, and what Frover told me that day is what ultimately made my decision to start this blog. She told me( and I’m paraphrasing because I don’t remember it word for word) to just write, forget about school and forget about everything else that makes you unhappy. She basically told me to do me. I don’t think I ever told her because I was trying not to sob uncontrollably in the middle of this dinner, but I want to say thank you to her. Even though it took me years to get the courage to actually start my own blog (because I was scared that people would judge me) I finally did last year and look at me now… It’s my One Year Anniversary!! I guess it just had to be at the right time in my life for me to just feel like fuck it, I’m going to do what I’ve always loved to do and finally have a place where I can go to be myself, and most importantly not give a flying fuck what other people thought of me. I remember what I told to myself before I posted my first post ( and yes I talk to myself). If people read this and they like me and what I have to say then that’s Awesomeballz in a can filled with Awesomeness, but if they don’t…oh well you can’t please everybody.

Thank you Frover for being my proofreader, my psychologist, my supporter and most importantly my Sluttie for life… Love you!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( holy bananas this year flew by!)

Emily’s Thanksgiving of Thankfulness List!

In the spirit of Thanksgiving all I’m going to do tonight is make a list of the things I am thankful for, we shall call this list Emily’s Thanksgiving of Thankfulness List ( I know I know your super jealous of how my incredibly creative mind works).

1. The most important thing I’m thankful for is obviously my Awesomeness. Although if it weren’t for my parents I guess I wouldn’t be this awesome. In that case I’m most definitely grateful for my mommy and daddy. Without their individual Awesomness none of my super duper Awesomeness would exist, and that would just be super sad.

2. I’m thankful for my brothers ( I consider my cousin my brother so this thanksgiving he has been upgraded… Your welcome Saca Moco) without those two mofos, my life would’ve been rather dull and boring. Making fun of them is what I live for and without them I would have to be nice and make actual friends I’m not related to.

3. I’m thankful for my friends/slutties/sisters/boysters(boy sisters) for just being funny, crazy, sarcastic psychopaths that accept and embrace their crazy, because if not you’ll get cut from the group and there’s no coming back from that. We’ve all seen that happen, so don’t mess shit up for your selves.

4. Lastly, Im thankful for my office (my bathroom) where I write most posts from. Without this bathroom there would be no Life As A Moon because this is where all my ideas finally become something I can write about.

In all seriousness without any of the people on my list I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I am truly thankful to have each and everyone of you in my life. Without any of you I wouldn’t have anyone to laugh, cry, make up choreography to 3LW, sing, act, direct, or even watch Dancing with the Stars with. I love you all from the bottom of my heart… Especially you bathroom.

Love Ya From the Moon and Back,
Emily ( Happy Thanksgiving to all and to all a goodnight… I know that’s for Christmas but I feel like it just goes)

LA LA LAND!!!

Although Los Angeles was our (Myself and Sluttie McSlutterson) home base during our week California/West Coast Adventure, we were probably there for maybe two full days. We did a lot of traveling this trip… we might have overdone it for a one-week trip, but we couldn’t help ourselves.

Today is about my LA adventures… After we got back from San Francisco (at like 2am mind you…Never take the scenic route no matter how much you want to see the ocean.) the following day we scheduled a tour. It was called A Day in LA Tour, it wasn’t exactly what I was expecting; after looking at the pictures and reading the reviews I was expecting the tour to be like a bus party with some random LA facts and some sight seeing (and maybe even alittle bit of Celebrity sightings), but it was just some facts and sight seeing. It was nice getting to see Beverly Hills, Rodeo Drive, Griffith Park, The Hollywood Sign and the Walk of Fame, but it was kind of blah. Maybe it was the other people on our tour…which were basically from everywhere in the world. There were Australians and New Zealandians….New Zealians? Anyway that was the first time I heard and Australian/New Zealian accent in person… it was pretty awesome.

I don’t know why but LA wasn’t what I thought it was going to be… I was hoping I was going to see a bajillion celebrities like at least some D list ones and I got nothing… NOTHING!!!! I still get to check it off my list, and hopefully the next time I go I can actually spend more than two days exploring…then maybe I would find more fun things to do. Welp that’s all I got or tonight I gotta get ready for Arrow that’s starting in two minutes.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily (by the way Santa Monica is super Awesome!!! That was where we were supposed to spend most of our trip)

 

 

San Francisco I Love You!!

 

“If your going to San Francisco, be sure to wear some flowers in your hair.” You sing it Scott Mckenzie. If you haven’t noticed today is San Francisco day.

So we (Sluttie McSluttersons and I) technically started our California adventure in Los Angeles and ooo what a day it was. We landed at around noon west coast time which is like 3pm normal Emily time. Any way the day before we left for our trip I checked the LA weather so I don’t sweat my face off when we land. Because it was rather cold in Jersey and it was going to be super duckin nova hot in LA,  I compromised and wore shorts and a sweater for the plane ride over there. I figured I’ve seen people from California wear sweaters in that blistering heat and they look perfectly fine. Soooo I figured I’d be good I’m wearing shorts! OOOOOHHHHH was I wrong, as soon as I stepped out of an air conditioned airport it was like the defrost was turned on full blast and my titties started to melt!!! I had swamp titties for the majority of my LA stay… Just in case you wanted to know.

Any who onward we go… Our San Francisco trip started very early we got up Sunday morning at around 5am wired and we were wondering why we’re so awake and then realized it’s freaking 8am in our east coast set minds. As I was saying we started our road trip rather earlier well because, you know and if you didn’t now you do, it’s like a 6 hour drive… And ooo did we see a lot on that drive there were so many mountains and farms and some more farms a couple of gas stations and then we finally made it to The Bay Area!!!

When we got to San Francisco we first attempted to find parking not a successful 2 hours. After parking the car we headed to the Fisherman’s Wharf where I had the BEST CLAM CHOWDER IN A BREAD BOWL, EVER!!! We explored the Wharf a little more, it was so beautiful, we got to see the trolleys that I’ve seen in so many movies and TV shows. When I first saw it of course the first thing I wanted to do was jump on and hang off the side like in the opening credits of Full House, but apparently that’s a big no no… They don’t allow that so obviously dreams were crushed, but it was still pretty awesome to see. The next morning is when we got to see THE GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE, and it was as amazing as I’ve always thought it would be!!! No joke the bridge was pretty much the only reason we drove 6 hrs there and about 12 hrs back to our original destination (LA). If you ever drive to San Fran don’t take the scenic route back the LA!!! That was the worst decision we’ve ever made… Yes there was a lot of beautiful scenery, but once it gets dark and your in the middle of the Big Sur shit ain’t so pretty anymore! I’ve decided though the next time I go to San Fran I’m definitely going for a couple of days and I might not come back because I’m completely in love, but before I move I need to get my cardio game up because those hills are bananas!!!
It’s been swell until next time!

Love Ya From the Moon and Back,
Emily ( “If your going to San Francisco, your gonna meet some gentle people there.”)

image

Vino Viernes Part Un

imageI’m BaaaaaaaaaAaaaaack!!!! How much did you miss me! First I want to let you know that I tried to do Vino Viernes on Friday, but because I was in CANADA!!!!!!!!! I couldn’t because I didn’t have service up there nah mean jelly bean! Any way I’ve decided that today, Monday, will be Vino Viernes Part Un (French for the number 1 just in case you didn’t know). So much went on this weekend that I have to give you two posts just to let you know of my Canadian Adventures, and so we begin!

Don’t worry just because I was in a different country doesn’t mean I didn’t drink me some vino!!! The wine we had on Friday (when I say we I mean myself, Sluttie McSlutterson and Boobielicious) was super French I couldn’t even pronounce it (the bottles name was Marquis de Méricourt… I know super fancy) what I did understand was that it was Rosé (I love that É, it’s so classy). One of the many things I love about Montreal is that little bodegas (aka corner stores) sell alcohol. I decided to tell you this because I bought this bottle in the bodega next to our hotel. Now on to the flavor… The first sip I took was pretty delish but the second and third were not so good. It had a weird after taste that I was not a fan of and it was slightly dry. It would definitely be better if I turned it into a rosé spritzer (with some sprite… That’s basically what I do to all the dry wines that I’ve had in the name of Vino Viernes because no wine goes un-sipped or in my case guzzled.

Now that I’ve spoken of Friday’s wine I must now tell you about our start to Montreal weekend.

So we ( myself, Sluttie McSlutterson and Boobielicious… Just reminding you who we consists of) started our day off at 5 in the morning. Well I actually stared at 5:15 because these hoes were coming to me so I gots to sleep an extra 15 minutes… Ha ha suckas! So our plan was to to start driving up at 6am. Any way Sluttie McSlutterson is the first to get to my house and we were here bullshitting while I got the final things I would need for our trip. Then I get a text from Boobielicious that she’s outside, so as we were walking through my house to go outside I randomly ask McSlutterson if she has her passport… Thinking the answer is yes I keep walking… When she says some form of “HOLY GUACAMOLE EMILY THE MOST AWESOME PERSON I’VE EVER KNOWN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE No I don’t!” My response was “are you forserious?” So the point of that part of the story is that we didn’t start our trip at 6, because we had to drive to McSluttersons house first so she could get her passport.

About five hours later (say it the way that guy in Sponge Bob says it… Hehehe) as were still driving up through New York and getting closer to the border my Waze (The Best GPS App ever!!!) Starts telling us things in French… Just so everyone know I am now almost fluent in French (not really but I’ve learned some new words)… Anyway when I looked at my phone to see what exit we have to get off its says Sortie 53 (Exit 53) and I look and I say in the car so everyone could hear (you know it was pretty loud because we had the windows down, trying to save some gas and also because it was freaking 65 degrees outside, but that’s besides the point) “Dude Waze (it’s pronounced WahZee… Not ways,  if anyone ever pronounces it wrong in my presence your dead to me… Okay I joke not dead, but I will Ignore you) is talking to me in French!!!! Aaahhhh!!!” So as were getting closer to the border I realize that once we cross the border were not going to be able to use our phones. I didn’t care care about not being able to use the phone the problem was that we needed Waze to get to our Hotel, so a dilemma arouse. So I decided to take screen shots of the step by step directions (don’t worry I wasn’t driving anymore McSlutterson was… I didn’t do illegal things) so we would have to kick it old school and read signs and actually pay attention rather than having something yell at you where you have to exit or make a right in 500 feet… Honestly who the fuck knows exactly what 500 hundred feet is!!! Come on son!!!! They have to say make a right at the next light sucka!! That would make more sense. Finally we get to the border and I realize how obnoxious America is, we have this huge United States of America across the tolls, while Canada just had a flag on the side… Super chill nothing yelling at anybody in letters to tell them where they have arrived! Although the USA sign is pretty badass!!! So once we crossed the border and arrived in Montreal we started to explore and we came across Le Village, which is the most spectacular place ever. It’s so beautiful and I instantly fell in love with the city. There is art work on every wall imaginable and music coming out of every where! If you go anywhere in your life you have to make sure you make it up to Montreal, this place is incredible.

I’m sorry but this is where Part Un ends come read about the rest of our exhausting but fabulous trip to Montreal on Wednesday in Vino Viernes Part Deux (because I’m super French Canadian now and also because I can only count up to three… By the way that means number 2)

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily (I would totes move to Montreal… It’s so beautiful up there)

My Imagination Always Wins!

My imagination is on another level sometimes! I’m not going to lie though, having such an active imagination is where most if not all my creativity comes from. Well that and being awesome… It’s really a toss up between the two.

Why do I bring this up you ask… Well today at work when I was walking to the bathroom I started thinking that I was some secret agent and the bathroom is a hidden way to get to the secret headquarters where all the spies go and congregate, and receive their missions. Once that thought popped into my head I was like WTF is wrong with me… It’s just a normal bathroom crazy! While I was sitting there doing number 1 (you know the pee pee) I realize I do this a lot. I’m not sure if it’s because of all the movies I watch that I start thinking I’m living out a scene; it’s not like I’m acting this shit out, there’s nobody in my head calling cut… It’s really happening in my head in vivid detail.

That’s one of the reasons I don’t like to watch scary movies… It’s not even the movie that freaks me out, I fucking scare myself. I imagine scarier shit than anybody can come up with and that never goes away!!! After I watch a scary movie I feel like I can’t trust anything. One night I went into the bathroom (maybe it’s the bathroom that’s messing with my head) and I turned on the light and pulled the shower curtain back as fast as I could to make sure nobody was there. The other day I was a Sluttie McSluttersons house and when I was walking back to my car and where I parked was in like the darkest corner ever under a tree… I saw twenty thousand different scenarios in my head from every possible scary movie. So I unlocked my car and jumped in (because if you’ve learned anything from a scary movie never longer too long) and turned around to make sure nobody was there to shank me and then I looked in my rear view mirror just in case that mofo got in after I turned my head. Mind you we weren’t even watching anything scary, we were actually planning our trip to Canada! I’m telling you my imagination is going to give me a freaking heart attack one day.

There is one thing I love about it though, when I read books I can see everything I read as if it was really happening in front of me. That’s one of the reasons I love reading more than watching TV. I like seeing the things my mind comes up with. I feel like it’s also I sign of my rebellious nature to not want to see what other people want me to see… It’s a problem, and I might be slightly crazy! Well there you have a little snippet of what goes on in my cranium.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( just so you know I make believe that I’m actually writing to you from the moon… Don’t judge me!!)

O Canada!!!

O CANADA OUR HOME AND NATIVE LAND….okay I know I’m not Canadian, but I have good reason why I’m singing the Canadian National Anthem, but first…let me take a selfie, I joke I joke. Seriously though every time I think of the Canadian National Anthem I automatically start singing the Genovia National Anthem; Ge-no-via the land I call my home, Genovia Genooooovia for-e-ver will your banner WAAAAVE. For those who don’t know what I speak/sing of you must watch Princess Diaries 1 and 2… One of my favorites!!! Anyway I’m sorry Canada, but the melody is very similar I just can’t help myself.

So the reason I bring up Canada is because I’m planning on going to Canada sometime this month!!! This is so exciting, I go from not even wanting to leave my house sometimes (because I’m extremely lazy) to going to CANADA!!!! I’m so freaking adventurous!

So me and two of my slutties are planning to go to Montreal. For the past week or so I’ve been looking for places to stay and what we should do and all that good stuff. So while googling (because Google is life) I come across this website called Airbnb, which has a lot of great choices. In this website you basically rent someone’s apartment or house. So because the Montreal area speaks French, a lot of the descriptions of the apartments are in french. The most I can do in French is say hi, goodbye, my name is , and ooo I can count to three… Courtesy Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen’s movie Passport to Paris. That’s about as much oooo wait I can also sing that naughty part from the song Lady Marmalade… Hehehe. I think that one would just get me into all kinds of trouble. Basically what I’m telling you is that google translate has been a very good friend to me. At one point though I got tired of copying and pasting, and I just made believe that I understood what I was attempting to read. It’s like when I watch a movie with subtitles, I get tired of reading and just watch the movie assuming I know what they’re saying. Au revoir pour le moment… OOOO Google translate! By the way that’s supposed to mean goodbye for now.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( if I ever try to speak french to a French person they would hate me soooo much)

Vino Viernes!!!

 

Oh yes it’s ladies night and the feelings right, oh yes it’s ladies night… Oh what a night… Oh what a night!

If my intro didn’t clue you in I’m hang out with the… Wait for it… SLUTTIES!!! I, Princess Amelia, Big Booty Judy, Frover, Ditzy Doodle and Boobielicious are here at Sluttie McSlutterson Bitch Pad (you know her apartment); watching Netflix, Drinking some Vino and reading Gay Porn Titles…you know the usual.

Soooo…the wine that we’ve decided to drink is Barefoots Reisling… I’ve had this deliciousness before, all I have to say is Scrumdidilyumtious.

Just so everyone knows alcohol and I are still not on the best of terms. After all my hard earn money going to support you and your life… How could you do this to me alcohol. I loved you once and this is how you repay me. Anyway I’m here taking the smallest sips I’ve ever taken in my life, because of my dedication to Vino Viernes.
OOOO so Frover and I were trying to buy tickets to see T. Swizzle in concert. Our plan was to wait till the last possible minute to see how low the prices would go. Although the prices were much lower than when we checked we ultimately decided not to go. As much as we loooove Tay Tay, it just wasn’t happening. One, I didn’t have the proper outfit and when going to a Taylor Swift concert, you gotta be all Swiftied out… And I wasn’t looking right. Aaaaaand the tickets were still kinda expensive… I gotta save my money for my Vino!
Sorry peeps but I gots to go were watching How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days… YAAASSSS!!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( Princess Sofie…Crawl the Warrior King)

Ps. I’m totes over this blonde/yellow hair I needs something new in my life.

image