Movie Date 101

Hello!! I have returned!! Oh how I’ve missed thee! I was trying to be all Game of Thrones and wait a while before coming back, and I may or may not have wanted to leave some suspense and mystery about my whereabouts. Anywho,It has been a crazy year and I swears I’ll write about it at some point. I can’t just throw it all out there, then what would I have to write about. I decided to come back with a bang, and bring back my favorite… lists! So if you would kindly continue reading on for my criteria on what a potential significant other needs to become a significant other. It’s a working title I’m sure I’ll figure out a good name by the end of this.

1. Must not talk during a movie. I thought that was a relatively simple rule to follow. Even the movie theater tells you in a very nice way to shut the fuck up right before the movie starts. One would think everyone would shut the fuck up….buuuuuuuut that’s not always the case.

2. Must not talk during movie after a person specifically told you that she was really excited to see the movie.

3. Must not attempt to kiss person during the movie she said she really wanted to fucking see.

Ok guys I’m not sure if you see a pattern, but the she I was referring to is me. Here’s the story behind my new potential significant other criteria… honestly it’s more like a guide on how to behave during a Movie date. Ooooo guess what I’m calling this…MOVIE DATE 101.

As I was saying, about a week or so ago I went on a date. Well first you should know that this was a let me give this guy a second chance second date. It wasn’t a OMG I can’t wait to see this guy again second date… you get my drift. So basically this guy already had 1 strike against him and if you didn’t know I’m a former huge baseball fan (ever since Derek Jeter retired I can’t call myself a huge baseball fan anymore, but this is completely unrelated). As I was saying homeboy already had 1 strike against him and in my game there’s no balls ; ok that sounds wrong but if you know baseball you know that there are balls and strikes but I’m not getting into the rules of baseball. Anyway there are only strikes in my game is what I’m trying to say. Holy shit that took way to long for me to get to that point.

So this guy already had 1 strike against him, but I followed my slutties ( if you don’t remember, because I know it’s been a while, Slutties is a term of endearment I call my friends) advice and decided to give this guy a second chance. Our first date wasn’t horrible or anything, I just didn’t feel anything towards this guy. Our second and last date was to go see the movie Yesterday, which I was soooo excited to see because I’m a fan of the Beatles.

Throughout the entire movie this guy, let’s call him Motormouth, wouldn’t shut the fuck up… the. ENTIRE. TIME! For someone like me who thoroughly ( idk why this word just looks like I spelled it wrong but I spelled check and it didn’t correct me so onward we go) enjoy watching movies. I especially wanted to see this movie and I had expressed that fact when we made the plans to go and then again when we got into the theater. So it wasn’t like I only told him once and he forgot! That shit was fresh in his mind! (By the way this was strike numero dos… number 2 for those who may not know Spanish)

His blabbering wasn’t the only problem. In the middle of the movie he attempted to kiss me! KISS! ME!!! Like mofo did you even listen to me when I said I wanted to fucking see this movie! So I literally snuffed his face and told him in a very angry hushed voice (because I have common decency and didn’t want to ruin the movie for other people) NOT! DURING! THE! MOVIE! (I would greatly appreciate it, if you would read this in an angry hushed voice it really brings it home). (For those I’m the back still keeping count that was strike numero trois…(that’s number three for those that don’t know French… don’t worry I had to google translate that) YOU’RE OUT!!!

So in conclusion, don’t fuck with me during a movie I will Heisman the fuck out of you!

Well folks that’s all for today. Oh how I’ve missed our little chats!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily (future Heisman Trophy winner)

The List Of Things That Happened To Me Since The Last Time!

Guys so many things happened to me these past two weeks. Oh, where shall I begin. You know what, I haven’t done a list in so long I think it is time. I shall call it The list of things that happened to me since the last time. I know that’s kinda long but also perf!

  1. Don’t pick up the phone you know he’s only calling cause he’s drunk and alone… sorry I couldn’t help myself that song is forever in my head. Any way I got my nails done… I know that might not seem like a big deal and that’s because it’s not. I just decided to have a little me time and have a nice relaxing nail day where my nail tech (are they called nail techs or just like the lady that does my nails. I don’t really know the term.) decided that I didn’t need my cuties aka cuticles, and proceeded to zzzzz (that’s the sound the nail filing thing makes… clearly I did my research on this.) until I bled. Really it was as relaxing as it sounds, but my nails do look cute so I guess pain is beauty.
  2. I decided that I want to cut my hair because its super long (well for me any way because I usually keep my hair short) and I don’t want to deal with it. But then at the same time I don’t want to cut my hair because I want to see how long I’ll let it grow until I ultimately cut it. So I’m back at square one, nothing getting done… the usual.
  3. I got a new laptop! Which I am currently typing tonights post on which is why its probably going to be super long because I’m usually writing from the bathroom on my phone. It’s where all my best thinking happens. Just so you know I got a MacBook Air. I know moving on up!
  4. I saw Black Panther the weekend it came out and it was the most amazing thing I’ve seen in so long. In my opinion it is the best marvel movie! The storyline… Amazing! The Villian… HOT also Amazing! The fact that this movie not only showcased talented black people from the actors to the director, but the fact that the powerful black women were the driving force… was fucking MAGICAL! This movie was so good I watched it twice and I’m trying to go watch it again, so whoever wants to go let me know!
  5. This is a big one people! I got a new JOB! I know I’m so excited! For those of you that don’t know I’ve been on the job hunt and let me tell you it has not been easy. When I first started looking I told myself that I only wanted to apply for jobs that I would be passionate about. If some of you don’t know I’m currently going to school for Creative Writing. So logically I want to be a New York Times Bestselling Author, but apparently one needs to write and wait for it publish a book for that to happen. But never fear I’m in the process of writing a little something something, nah mean jelly bean. I do have a back up career and that is to work in publishing. Just so you know getting a job in publishing is incredibly hard… honestly getting a job in any field is hard. After a couple of months with no luck, I broaden my scope. I can learn more in whatever field I get into and when I finish my degree and can go back out there and try again. With that being said I start my new job, not in publishing but that’s ok, in two weeks! In the mean time I’ll just keep writing and go with the flow!
  6. Finally, I was asked a very important question last night! A couple of weeks ago I mentioned that two of my slutties got engaged. Well Frover, my most favorite sluttie of all, asked me to be her bridesmaid! AAAAHHHHH! I’m so excited!! She asked in the cutest way! She gave us (her bridesmaids) a wine glass with the question written on it! It was the most beautiful thing. I got teary eyed and everything! Just thinking about it now has my eyes watery! Please enjoy the picture below because I had about an hour-long photo shoot with my glass!

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Well this went on as long as I predicted… god I love this fucking MacBook… I really just like writing MacBook… and just think about it guys I could be writing the next New York Times Bestselling book right here on this MacBook!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily (future Bridesmaid! and hopeful New York Times Bestselling Author!)

Holy Harry Potter World

I was supposed to post this last week, but let’s be serious there was a Justin Timberlake concert I had to prep for. For those of you that don’t know what I’m talking about… last Sunday was the Super Bowl and JT was the half-time show performer. So I had to mentally prepare myself all day. So let us begin where we left off.

After finally arriving in Orlando after the deathly mission Slutty Mcslutterson and I had to accomplish, we just relaxed that day. We had originally planned on getting to FL on Thursday night and then go to Universal Friday and then on Saturday just hang out around our hotel buying souvenirs and all that touristy sh🌙t. Because of the little mishap we had everything was moved around. Since we arrived on Friday morning we decided to just hang out do some tourist sh🌙t, drink and get tattoos. You know the normal things you do when one goes on a trip. You might be wondering how this whole get “a tattoo” thing happened, when a week before we went on our trip Mcslutterson and I had gotten tattoos (I’m pretty sure I have pictures of them on my Instagram @lifeasamoon…yes that was a shameless plug).

This new tattoo came about when Mcslutterson and I were walking around Old Town(Old Town is a promenade of sorts that also has a mini carnival). Anywho, Mcslutterson had mentioned getting tattoos (which she does every trip we go on) and I told her “I’m down” (which I tell her every time she mentions it). So, while walking in Old Town we saw the tattoo shop Mcslutterson had found on le google. We went into the shop and our plan was if it’s not too expensive we’re gonna get tats. Lo and behold, we got new tats later that night.

Now it is Saturday and we are in Universal. Mind you I’ve never been to Universal so I’m fully tourist-ing out. I’m taking pictures of everything and staring up at all the attractions and mentally asking myself… “how the f🌙ck?”. When we got to the Harry Potter attraction I was f🌙cking blown away!! Full disclosure I was never a super potter head. I watched the movies but I never got super into them. Before this trip Mcslutterson demanded that I’d watch all the movies, so the Harry Potter universe was fresh in my mind. I was in f🌙cking awe at how detailed everything was. I felt like I was transported to Hogsmeade and Hogwarts. It was f🌙cking magical!!! The more we explored Harry Potter world the more I fell in love with it all! What really pushed me over to becoming a Potterhead was the ButterBeer! Holy crapola that was the most delicious drink I’ve ever drunk in my life!

If you ever get a change to go to Universal,The Wizarding World of Harry Potter is the place to be! Well that’s all for this muggle.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily (ooo also I found out that I’m House Hufflepuff! YAAAAAASSSSS!)

P.S. pictures of trip will be on my instagram @lifeasamoon. But here’s a little sneak peek.

It’s Oscar Night!

In preparation for the Academy Awards Indigo, Royal Blue, another friend ( I haven’t decided what to name him yet) and myself were suppose to watch the movies that were nominated for Best Picture. We did have well over a month to watch all nine movies, buuuuuuut I’m not a procrastinator for nothing. Of course I waited until this last week to get those movies in. Mind you I had only watched two of those nine movies prior to this last week. So basically I had to get my movie watching on. Just to cut out all of that suspense you must be in. I’ll just tell you now, no I did not watch them all and it wasn’t for lack of trying. 

Let me tell you what happened. I only had two movies left to watch before tonight. I attempted one of the two yesterday morning and fell sleep about 20mins in. All I remember seeing was a garbage truck and then credits. I’m not saying this movie was bad by any means. It might’ve just been the fact that I watched  it at around 7 in the morning and was just probably tired. I decided since I fell sleep during that movie I wasn’t going to watch it again… I’ve lost my chance. For that other movie I didn’t see… it just didn’t attract my attention. If a movie I actually wanted to see had me asleep within 20mins, why would I put myself through a movie that I could care less about. Anywho here are my predictions:

And the Oscar goes to ( or is it and the Academy Award goes to… I’m not really sure which one they use I think it’s the Oscar one… I wonder why they call it an Oscar, maybe I should look it up)…

Best Picture: Lion

Best Actor: Andrew Garfield (Hacksaw Ridge)

Best Actress: Emma Stone (La La Land)

Best Animated Film: Moana (absolutely love this movie!)

Best Supporting Actor: Dev Patel (Lion) (also wouldn’t mind if he were my future baby daddy… hey Dev call me 🤙🏽😘)

Best Supporting Actress: Octavia Spencer (Hidden Figures)

 There you have it!! I’m actually very excited about the Oscars this year because I have invested a lot of time watching these movies, but most importantly I’ve invested a lot of tears as well. It’s been a freaking emotional roller coaster! Also I might’ve slightly fallen in love with Dev Patel ( Hey Dev … Sup 😘).

Till next time.

Love ya From the Moon and Back,
Mrs. Emily Patel… I mean Emily ( this might actually be the first time I’m watching the Oscars all the way through)

Don’t Just Say It…Do it!!

So I’ve decided to turn over a new leaf with the help of my Sluttie PIC (Partner In Crime…not a sluttie picture of me you nastys…previously known as Ditzy Doodle). Today we had a very productive day. We went to the movies to see How To Be Single, which we thought was fitting since we’re both single and it’s Valentine’s Day. So yeah it was slightly depressing, but the movie was really funny even though the theater had a little technical difficulties. It was overall a good movie. Now your probably asking where in this story did you decide to turn over a new leaf. Well don’t rush me I’m getting there, GOSH!!

I guess in the spirit of Valentine’s Day I was originally going to talk about the fact that I don’t remember how it is to have feelings for someone. I’m currently in a situation…of my own making in my head, because this person doesn’t know the fucked upness happening in Le Noggin. Anywho so I don’t remember how it is to have feelings for someone because it’s been a long time since I’ve had said feelings. I was talking about this with PIC and she really helped me see that I don’t know how I feel about the person I was previously talking about that has no clue what is going on in my head, sorry I’m babbling. She basically pointed out that I’m scared of rejection, and won’t allow myself to feel anything on purpose…hence why I don’t feel the normal things one would feel if they had feelings for someone. That’s why I’m so confused, because this guy is very nice, funny, and I can be my crazy ass self around him, who wouldn’t want that. These are definitely things you want in someone you would possible want to see where things go with. BUUUUUT because I’ve been burned before I’m basically in a self preservation mode that probably won’t be broken… like ever. God this is so depressing!! Damn you St. Valentine for having a day and making things miserable!

After PIC and I spoke about our emotional baggage and had a smodginal ( this means smidge and inal…NO not anal, get your head out of the gutter… together, I don’t have a better definition because the word is made up…sorry). Any way we had cry fest in Houlihans where we’ve come to the conclusion that we need to stop dwelling on shit that can’t be changed and just go with the flow and do fun activities to keep ourselves preoccupied, so you wont have time to think about shit that’s out of your control. If your asking “how did this idea make your leaf turn? Your already a phenomenal person.”  Oh Sweet Baby Jesus made with extra lovin’, that’s mighty swell of yall to think. Well if you were wondering that; it’s because I don’t go out and  actually do have “emotions” (*shivers* that word gives me the Heebie-Jeebies) …I know Scandalous, but it’s super true. Well as depressing as this was I must leave thee.

Love Ya from The Moon and Back,

Emily (Happy Valentine’s Day!!!)

Grease Live Recap!

Omg!!! I have to say that I really enjoyed watching Grease Live last night… I know that there were changes from the original and believe me I know that freakin movie like the back of my hand, but I still loved watching it. The actors were amazing, they all had oh my Lort (Madea voice) awesomeballz voices. I’m just saying Julianne Hough was sooooo good as Sandy. When she sang “Hopelessly Devoted” I got chills and they were multiplying… Hehehe I cracks myself up. Speaking of who was super awesomeballz was freaking Vanessa Hudgens. She did phenomenal as Rizzo. Rizzo is my favorite and considering what she was going through emotionally she was fanfuckingtastic!!! I just don’t know how she was able to even get out of bed let alone have the performance she did. When she sang “There Are Worst Things” I was just sitting there watching her, and usually I’m singing along acting out the scene… Just so you have a clear idea of how transfixed I was. OMG and Boyz II Men people… Done!!!

Okay so you know (if you watched Grease Live last night) that it wasn’t an exactly like the Original Grease, which of course I knew it wouldn’t be, but there were a few things I wasn’t really into. One was the songs I didn’t know, and it had nothing to do with the people singing I thought Keke Palmer and Carly Rae Jepsen were great I just didn’t like their songs because I couldn’t sing along with them. The thing that did bother me was the dance moves!!! I get that it’s not going to be the same but at least the parts that everybody knows like in Grease Lightening and the Hand Jive those should have been incorporated into the new dance moves, I was waiting to dance with them. All in all I had fun watching and criticizing it, and I feel like everyone did a fantabulouso job!! I applaud you all because that had to be incredibly hard to do all of that live!! Well that’s all for me today…Till next time.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily (just so you know I should’ve been apart of Grease Live I would’ve totally nailed it! Just saying.)

The Last Post!

This is the last post… Of 2015!!!! Ahhhhhh I can’t believe how fast this year went by. It’s crazy how when I was younger I felt like the year would just drag, and summer vacation would never come. Now it’s like you blink and boom your sitting in your room watching the Departed and wondering what the hell have you been doing with your life.

This year was the year where everyone I know was either having a kid, getting married, or on the verge of getting married. This weekend alone 3 people, one of them being my cousin, got engaged! The whole time while I’m looking at the pictures of the rings I’m thinking like are we really at that point in our lives where the people I went to high school with are getting engaged and married and having kids. Like people were still too young we have our whole lives ahead of us, and then I realize dude your like 25! Get your shit together!

Anyway on a different note, on Wednesday at work I was listening to Edith Piaf ( who is one of the best French Cabaret singers… One if her more popular songs is La Vie En Rose… Check it out. It’s beautiful) and while distracted by work related things I was like omg I understand French. I understood everything she was singing, and then I realized she was singing in English, and I silently judged myself. Well I’m off to finish watching the Departed! See ya.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( Merry Late Christmas!!)

Ps. I got the cutest Puppy… Slippers ever, some socks, and blanket for Christmas and it was all glorious!!!

What Color of the Week is it?

So I’ve been on a mental health retreat. I didn’t go anywhere, just stayed home watched TV… Mostly hallmark, HGTV, Food network and Disney… Singing at the top of my lungs around the house and doing a 1000 piece puzzle. I completely gave up on the puzzle by the way.

On this mental health mini vacation I’ve realized that when I’m not working I lose track of what day it is. Usually at work Monday’s is Blue scrub Monday’s because obviously your feeling real sad and “blue” that your weekend is over and all that jazz.

Tuesday is just well the day in the middle of blue Monday and Pink Wednesday. Wednesday isn’t only pink because of Mean Girls, but I’ve noticed that I wear pink on Wednesdays a lot and I’m not consciously doing it. Wait maybe it is because of Mean Girls, it was just ingrained in my brain.

Thursday is the other day that starts with a T. Finally Friday is Jean day. That’s how I know what day of the week I’m in. Because I haven’t worked since last Wednesday I’ve been lost in life.

The only reason I know what day it is today is because I have to go back to work tomorrow and I can’t wear jeans because it not Friday and I’m currently wearing a somewhat pink shirt. It’s crazy how my brain coordinates what day is what by colors and apparently having a day start with the letter T.

Because I clearly did absolutely nothing for the past couple of days… This is the extent of my exciting life. Well it’s been super swell.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily ( I really don’t wanna go back to work tomorrow. Saddest panda.)

Ps. I just got an email showing me apartments for rent in San Diego. I had no clue I was thinking of moving to San Diego. Weird.

Emily’s Thanksgiving of Thankfulness List!

In the spirit of Thanksgiving all I’m going to do tonight is make a list of the things I am thankful for, we shall call this list Emily’s Thanksgiving of Thankfulness List ( I know I know your super jealous of how my incredibly creative mind works).

1. The most important thing I’m thankful for is obviously my Awesomeness. Although if it weren’t for my parents I guess I wouldn’t be this awesome. In that case I’m most definitely grateful for my mommy and daddy. Without their individual Awesomness none of my super duper Awesomeness would exist, and that would just be super sad.

2. I’m thankful for my brothers ( I consider my cousin my brother so this thanksgiving he has been upgraded… Your welcome Saca Moco) without those two mofos, my life would’ve been rather dull and boring. Making fun of them is what I live for and without them I would have to be nice and make actual friends I’m not related to.

3. I’m thankful for my friends/slutties/sisters/boysters(boy sisters) for just being funny, crazy, sarcastic psychopaths that accept and embrace their crazy, because if not you’ll get cut from the group and there’s no coming back from that. We’ve all seen that happen, so don’t mess shit up for your selves.

4. Lastly, Im thankful for my office (my bathroom) where I write most posts from. Without this bathroom there would be no Life As A Moon because this is where all my ideas finally become something I can write about.

In all seriousness without any of the people on my list I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I am truly thankful to have each and everyone of you in my life. Without any of you I wouldn’t have anyone to laugh, cry, make up choreography to 3LW, sing, act, direct, or even watch Dancing with the Stars with. I love you all from the bottom of my heart… Especially you bathroom.

Love Ya From the Moon and Back,
Emily ( Happy Thanksgiving to all and to all a goodnight… I know that’s for Christmas but I feel like it just goes)