Tag: wine

Four Course Meal!! And Some Dessert!

I’ve finally done something I’ve been wanting to do for a very long time! I had my first FOUR course meal and it was just as freaking magical as I thought it would be! “But Emily where and how did you get this magnificent dinner? Did you go on a date with a super fancy Doctor…Lawyer…Super Rich Guy… Derek Jeter?” You ask. Weeeeeellll no it wasn’t a date but I’m flattered you think it was any of those four options. How I had this magical journey of food was through my jobs Christmas Dinner! I was living the fancy life on Friday night people!!!

My night started off like this… I walked into this beautiful restaurant called Grissini. As my coworkers and I walked through the restaurant towards our seating area our nostrils were basking in all the wonderfully delicious smells. When we got to our reserved room we saw the beauty that awaited us. Looking around I noticed names situated on different tables and as I walked through the room I found my name beautifully printed in black (please see picture below as reference). As I sat in my seat I noticed the menu on my plate (also see same picture below as reference) and the page was filled with such deliciousness. While I sat talking to my coworkers a waiter came and asked us what we would like to drink (thank god he started at the other end of my table because once I heard people ordering alcoholic beverages I was like HELL YES!! If he would’ve started with me I would’ve just gotten water and what a waste of free alcohol that would’ve been). I told our waiter, Michael Angelo (might or might not be his real name… or maybe just one of those names is his real name… you shall never know!! Bwuhahahaha) that I’ll have a glass of… Riesling (I know fancy as fuck right). As the night progressed and meal after meal was placed in front of me I thought to myself… DAAAAYUMMM I need to do this shit more often. 

And that is how I Emily had my fanciest moment thus far… hopefully there’s some more fancy coming my way… nah mean!

The End.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( I now know how people can do multiple courses… the food comes in rather small portions… but I’d still do that shit again!)

Vino Viernes… Bonus Post!

Vino Viernes is back but for one night only… well honestly who knows it might just come back the the week of January 20, 2017… but I guess we’ll find out when we get there.

After the events of this past week I needed a fucking drink. WHAT. THE. FUCK. HAPPENED?! How is it that someone with NO political background is going to be the next President of the United States! That is some fucked up shit. 

You know what worries me the most about Donald Trump becoming the president… it’s not what he can possibly do, because there are no drastic changes that he can make without the approval or support of congress and the senate and all that shit. What has me worried is what Donald Trump represents. This man represents racism, this man represents misogyny, this man represents sexism, this man represents bigotry, THIS. MAN. REPRESENTS A COUNTRY DIVIDED.

I fully understand that people want a change, but is this the change you were asking for. Did this change include the United States of America regressing. When Donald Trump and his campaign said they wanted to make America Great Again, did he mean when people of color or people in the LGBT community lived in fear, or when woman had no rights. Is that the America he’s talking about. If we want a change we have to BE that change. We have to continue to progress. We have to continue to make America Great, not again, because a Great America is one that stands United, is one that no matter the color of your skin, sexual orientation, or sex you’re opinions mean something, that your concerns and fears are heard and that something productive is done.I hope that Donald Trump does prove me wrong, and works his ass off trying to make our country better.
Well that’s all I got, see you Sunday!( hopefully because you know I am very forgetful and also lazy)
Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( Michelle Obama for President 2020!)

P.S. I’m not even drinking wine, I did buy some though (I bought the Barefoot refreshers and they are Delish!!!). I’m actually drinking Blue Moon. I just couldn’t think of a good title with Blue Moon or Beer.
P.P.S. Happy Veterans Day!! 

Worst Week Ever!

Well this week has been a miserable one. Last weekend me and my mom decided to go on a diet. So you know its been a week without any sweets, and all the delicious non healthy things. I don’t mind eating healthier, I like veggies and fruits, and I don’t even mind not having carbs all the time. The thing that is making this torture is what my mother told me on Friday.

Friday night my parents and I went to Outback, my usual reaction would be like hell yeah free food and drinks… buuuuuut then again I’m on a diet and can’t have my Alice Springs Chicken Quesadilla. So I went with steak and some steamed veggies crap, but I was still okay with that because I was gonna have either a big glass of beer or my favorite a frozen peach Bellini (its called a Wally-B Darned but I’m not sure if I spelled it right). As I was saying I was cool not having my usual because I was gonna get my drink on.

Do you want to know what my mother said to me. She said I can’t have any delish alcoholic beverages while being on this diet… Blasphemy!! I felt scandalized, how could she say such horrid things to me. To clarify I asked if that also meant my most beloved Vino, Wine, Deliciousness in a bottle as well. She had the audacity to say yup nothing with alcohol those are empty calories, EMPTY CALORIES!! HOW RUDE. I know right,  how dare my mom say such mean things about something I love. Wine has never did me dirty… I cant say the same for other alcohol related things, because one to many shots and who knows what I’ll do or who I’ll become. But wine, that’s my home girl/home boy/best friends I ever had. I don’t consider wine alcohol; wine is just grape juice with a kick you know grown-up grape juice or something. It does magical things.

I told my mom that I’d just have beer, wine and deeeelish peach Bellini’s for dinner. I didn’t think it was a bad idea, but Mama Moon didn’t approve of this idea. so basically this week really just turned to crap on Friday night when I was told that I’m not allowed to have Alcohol. Whoa is me… What kind of world do we live in that drinking has calories in the first place. don’t even start with the skinny girl drinks, I’d rather drink gasoline then that crap. Well I’m off to have another miserable week. See ya next Sunday.

Love Ya from The Moon and Back,

Emily (I hope everyone is enjoying their wings and other scrumptious foods you’ll be eating on this fine Super Bowl Sunday; while I sit here eating celery and carrots and waiting for the Half-Time show… where you know Queen Bey is going to Slay.)

Vino Viernes!!

This whole week has revolved around getting ready for my vacation, I like to call it prepping for Cali week. The following is what was done to prepare for California: getting my nails and toes done, buying the last couple of things I forgot to get, getting my hair done, packing, and finally taming the caterpillars on my lower forehead right above my eyes aka eyebrows.

Prepping week started off on Saturday when I went to get my nails done did. Me and my momma dukes went to a new place, and don’t get me wrong they did a really good job but that shit was expensive and they were having a 40% off sale… Imagine how much that shit is at regular price… Scandalous!!!! Also the second most awkward situation is when you get your nails done and while they’re drying your manicurist gives you a back rub and they’re hurting you more than relieving back ache and you don’t know how to say can you fucking stop your hurting me without being a bitch so you sit there in pain pretending that it feels really good… I think I should win a freaking Oscar for making my lady believe she gives and amazing back massage.

Next was getting my toes done. I love getting my toes done , but girl when they get to scrubbing it tickles like a mofo, and apparently my pedicurist is a drill sergeant giving me orders and shit… Stretch! Switch! You have ugly toes… Gasp hurtful!( so she didn’t say that but she was definitely thinking it).

Now please tell me I am not the only one that curses out my eyebrow lady in my head at a very loud inner head voice? If the lady that does my eyebrows could read my mind I wouldn’t leave with hair any where. Well, Tonight I’m toasting to my future adventures in California with a glass of Sutter Homes Sparkling Pink Moscato… As you might know I’m a BareFoot fan but I didn’t have to pay so I’m a Sutter Home lady tonight.

Ps. I’m taking a two week hiatus so I’ll see you guys two Vino Viernes’ from now!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily (California here I come!!)

Vino Viernes!

I was having a pretty good night (Was being the operative word) until some little sucka duck pissed me off!!! I shall start from the beginning for thee.

So tonight I went to the movies with two of my slutties… We saw The Scorch Trials, which was fucking amazing… Not only am I slightly obsessed with Dylan O’Brien, but I’m okay I’m extremely obsessed. In all honesty this movie was amazing… If you haven’t seen The Maze Runner go see that one first then go see The Scorch Trials, you shan’t be disappointed! Any way back to my story. So after the movie Boobielicuous and I decide that we Hungry, so we made our way to Applebee’s, because you know half price appetizers after 10pm, and while we were there we saw some peeps and caught up with people.

While we were there these two couples on what look like a double date to me, but they could totes be swingers who knows. Anyway these couples sitting behind Boobielicious were right in my line of vision! And oooo was the PDA on full blast! These mofos have no respect for us lonely motherfuckers. There they were all huggy and kissy and sharing fucking dessert… LIKE WTF, give me a break I’m about to be in tears here being reminded of my singledom! My lonely, broke, lonely singledom.

After I’m already depressed because I’m there with my Sluttie instead of my future Ex-husband, Boobielicious decides she wants to stab me and twist the knife(metaphorically speaking, but ooo did it feel real!!) this WHORE points out that our waiter didn’t even ID me for the Pitcher of Peach Sangria I ordered, which I basically drank the whole thing, I only let Boobielicious have one glass, well that’s what she deserved for inadvertently calling me old and then for literally (must say with British accent) looking in my face and calling me old! Now you know Boobielicious why you are a WHORE and why you only got one glass!!!

At those point I was still having a good night and then this is where this little mofo in the Honda Civic with his little mofo friends come into the picture! These little dickheads were parked next to my Manny, and were just sitting there with their windows down talking shit. So when we got in the car and started to take off this little shit head asshole piece of horse manure takes off at the same time as me!!! And then the little slut bitch cunt licker sitting in the back throws up dueces out the window!!! I don’t know if you understand the anger that was coursing through me!! I was about to do some horrid horrid things to those little fubnuckers! I don’t think people understand that I keep my ghetto locked down at all times, but when you do some dumbass shit like that my inner Chonga comes out and it’s a bitch to lock her up again! Okay I feel better now. I’m sorry for all the profanity today I just couldn’t hold it back.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( now because I’m all worked up I’m hot as hell!)

Vino Viernes!!!

Welcome and Good Evening, I have something really special prepared for you tonight! It’s going to tickle your pickle, it’s going be like the Goose that gets you feeling loose, it’s going dittle your skittle, it’s going to blah blah your blah blah… Sorry I ran out of random sayings. Anyway there’s really nothing special tonight I just wanted to get everyone hyped up. I’m sorry I did that I can be such an asshole. It might actually (must say with British accent) be Delilah (my alter ego) since its been a very long time since she came out to play. When she doesn’t get out much she starts to randomly seep into my everyday life, and that’s not good because this bitch is reckless. I find it so funny that my alter ego decided to name herself Delilah… Like why couldn’t she think of something more fun. Look at Beyoncé bro her alter egos name is Sasha Fierce… It’s amazing!! This is why Beyoncé is the Queen! My life goal is to one day be so incredibly famous that phones auto correct my name like they do with Beyoncé. I’ve spelled her name so many times that it’s started to look like it’s spelled incorrectly.imageSoooo tonight’s wine is Cabernet Sauvignon from Sweet Bitch! I’ve never had Cabernet Sauvignon before, but I just assumed that it was a dry wine! I feel like all wines that have a fancy name are dry… Clearly I know a lot about wines. Any way this wine was incredibly sweet. It was so sweet that it felt dry if that makes any type of sense. I love the sweeter wines but this shit was like have a shit of the sweetest syrup ( I can’t think of any syrup right now… I think I’m having a surfer overload). I had everybody in my house try this wine and everyone made the same face. Their faces was as if they had just bit into a slice of lemon! My parents were even saying that this wine could give you a good case of the diarrhea. If your into really sweet wines than this brand is for you because all the bottles I saw said a Smooth and Sweet.

Today my mother and I realized we can no longer go shopping together because we enable each other to buy random things we don’t need! Our original plan tonight was to go get dinner and then go buy another beach chair for this weekend. So after we went to dinner we stopped at Sam’s Club we ended up walking back out because they didn’t have anything. Next we went to Walmart ,which is right next to Sam’s, we walked around aimlessly until we came upon the beach chairs… I had to do some climbing but we found what we needed and we got the hell out of there because shit got crazy. You know if your in Walmart to long shit gets crazy!!!

While we were in Walmart I was telling my mom that I need to buy a suitcase for my trip to California next month, so she suggested we go to BJ’s. We went to BJ’s looked at the sit cases for like two seconds (because they were crazy expensive) and almost walked out with a supersize bag of peanut M&Ms, an oversized beach towel, some random tub mat and a new shower head for my bathroom ( that was like 50 bucks… I was willing to pay $50 for a shower head I don’t need instead of buying a suitcase I do need, I sometimes don’t understand my own logic) any way thank god those longs were long and we put everything back where we didn’t find them (sorry BJ’s workers, I know we’re such assholes).

Any-who after we leave BJ’s Mama Moon and I go to Burlington Coat Factory ( I don’t think that’s the name anymore, it might just be Burlington), so while we walk around there looking suitcases ( which were just as expensive as BJ’s) we find a section of paintings and photographs… So basically we walked out of Burlington without the suitcase, but I did get three new paintings for my room. I like to call it the Wino Wall!!imageLove Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( the lady at the liquor store lied to me, she said the wine would be dry! How can I ever trust her again!)

Vino Viernes! The Original

 

It’s back and better than ever!!!! The original Vino Viernes!!! Yaaaassss!!!! Just so you know this will be Ashley… Sorry I meant to put a short one… Ahhhh. Holy fubnucker this Canadian shit is strong as hell!!! If you haven’t noticed I’m drinking the bottle I bought in Montreal! It’s called Cassius Blackcurrant… I think there are a lot of names on this bottle and I’m not sure which one it is, but I can describe the bottle to you. Actually I’m super lazy and slightly sloshed ( I heard someone say this and I thought it’s was highlarious!) so I’m going to put a picture up instead!

As I said before this shit is strong as hell… Any way this wine has a very fruity taste! From what I remember the lady ( the one who had us taste the wines at the festival in Montreal) said that it was blackberry, but I wouldn’t be able to tell you because I’ve never had blackberries before so I can’t say. All I can tell you is that it’s pretty DELISH! My dad doesn’t like it so that means I like it even more!!!! Hopefully this bottle lasts longer than the others. One thing I suggest with this wine is taking breaks between sips, because it’s so sweet it can be very tiring. The thing I don’t like about this wine is that it kind of smells like potpourri… seriously just had the hardest time trying to spell potpourri, Who the hell knew there was a T in that word. I hate silent letters… If letters are put together to make a word then freaking pronounce the letters… All of them!!!! You don’t understand how much that bothers me!! Well that’s it for tonight peeps I’m gonna go drink/listen to music with my brother and cousin!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( how deep is your love… Aaaah ooooo aaaaah oooo… I want you to breathe me, let me be your air… How deep is your love, is it like nirvana, hit me harder oooo yeah, how deep is your love, is it like the ocean pull me closer!!! I love this song!!! Calvin Harris- How Deep is Your Love!!)

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Vino Viernes Part Deux

Vino Viernes Part Deux begins in 3…2…(mouths the number 1 and points to host)

Welcome back to tonight episode, this is the time one would give a recap of what they missed, buuuut as we all know by now I’m super lazy… I suggest just taking a quick gander and Vino Viernes Part Un so we can all be on he same page!

Today our story begins and ends on a warm Saturday (August 22). I know super sad, but all we did Sunday was drive back home; not many interesting things happened. Back to the story, Saturday we had a day full of adventures and obviously more wine!! Our main goal on Saturday though was to have the Poutine, so we basically planned our day around it… I’ll get back the the Poutine a little later.

You would think because we (myself, Boobielicious and Slutty McSlutterson… Just incase you forgot) were on vacation and well because it was a fucking Saturday and the day before we were up at the butt crack of dawn driving to Casa Carajo Land… I just asked my mom how I would translate that for you and it apparently has a bajillion meanings (most of them are bad) but in this case it basically means Far as F*** Land… And explored Montreal all day, that I l don’t know maybe we would sleep past fucking 8 O’Fing Clock in the morning; I digress.

When we all showered and dressed (separately… You nasties!!) we devised a plan for the day:

1. Exchange American Mula for Canadian Dough. This didn’t work out as we planned so we ended up just withdrawing money from a TD bank ( didn’t know TD is a Canadian bank… Well that’s what my parents told me so obvi they wouldn’t lie to me, or would they?). So I ended up taking out 100 in Canadian Dough which equals to like 70 something in American Mula… PEOPLE THIS WAS THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME!!!! How do I know the exchange rate when my mathematic skills are horrid, you ask. Well my friends I look on my Bank of America App and that’s how I found out. How did I get to use my app when I had my phone on airplane mode the whole time, you ask. Well me and these slutties I went with hooked up to every free Wifi we could get onto… That’s how! GENIUSNESS!!!! It’s was like everywhere we walked (well everywhere we walked in the Village) was like having contact with the world, because we hopped from Wifi (Weefee… Correct pronunciation, just in case you didn’t know) to Wifi. Of course everyone knows that if it’s not snap chatted or Insta-ed than you weren’t really there. HAAA gosh I’m so funny.

2. Food. You’d think, that’s simple enough… Weeeell not so much we still had to somehow read the menu to order breakfast.

3.Bikes. No not the motorized ones, although I do wish we had one of those instead. You see nobody tells you that when your going to explore a new city walking and/or biking, one must wear comfortable shoes and cloths. You might say that is common sense and I do agree with you there, but you don’t realize how much walking and or biking you have done until you stop doing it! Holy mother of pearl, I’ve never been in so much pain in my fucking life! The only thing that soothed my pain was coming across a, I want to say pirate festival, where they had Wine tastings!!! Yes I said Wine TASTINGS!!! And it was amazing! I tried like six different kinds and they were all amazing and I might’ve gotten a little tipsyish… And yes I did end up buying a bottle which will be revealed to you this Friday for the real Vino Viernes!!! So exciting! Aside from the wine we also tried Maple Liqueur? Liquor? I’m not sure which one was used on the bottle, but Holy Hannah Montana it was sooooo creaking (Crack and freaking morfied into one) good. So the lady that was giving us the sample told us at first to take a small sip so we would be able to taste the liquor… Then for the rest of the shot she poured cream in it and Holy Crocodile Dundee it was Canadian Maple Heaven! So so so so so so so feeling DELISH!!!

4. Poutine. YAAAAASSSSS. We got to have some Poutine. I’ve been wanting to try this since my brother went to Montreal last year and told me about it. He did not steer me wrong. This meal was so freaking good. I had the smoked meat Poutine, which is basically fries, the most delicious gravy, cheese and smoked meat on top. Holy Crap your pants fantastic! After a day of walking and biking this was the best lunch ever! If I could I would have one everyday!

5. Go to a bar and have a drink. Well we never got around to this one. By the time we got back to our hotel to drop off our bags of souvenirs, and then ride the bikes we rented back to the rental place, and then walk back to our hotel so we could relax before our ghost hunt later in Old Montreal we were freaking exhausted. So I’m going to break down how we got to that having drinks part. Don’t be so shocked sometimes your just to tired to drink,YES THAT HAPPENES… Judges! We were riding around what felt like the whole city, but really was just most of Old Montreal, since 11am till around 5 or 6 when we returned our bikes. Our asses were hurting so bad! At around 8:30 we went to go do this Ghost Hunt (more like a walking history class) McSlutterson had found, and that lasted till about 10pm… We knew we would be walking, but craptastic land they should warn you how much when you purchase these fucking tickets!!! When we finished this hunt we were starving and our bodies were in pain; so we went to go find food. By the time we ate it was like 11:30 almost 12am, ain’t nobody got time for drinking when you can barely tell if your feet are still attached to your body!

All in all our trip was freaking amazing, and I still have a bicycle seat imprint on my ass to show for it! Although next time I go to Montreal I’m going to have to buy clouds for shoes and padded undies for a more comfy bike ride! Bonne Nuit ( Good Night… I’m telling you my French is on point, thanks to google translate)!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily (I just want to apologize for all the F bombs I dropped tonight… That’s just the only way I knew how to express myself correctly.)

Vino Viernes Part Un

imageI’m BaaaaaaaaaAaaaaack!!!! How much did you miss me! First I want to let you know that I tried to do Vino Viernes on Friday, but because I was in CANADA!!!!!!!!! I couldn’t because I didn’t have service up there nah mean jelly bean! Any way I’ve decided that today, Monday, will be Vino Viernes Part Un (French for the number 1 just in case you didn’t know). So much went on this weekend that I have to give you two posts just to let you know of my Canadian Adventures, and so we begin!

Don’t worry just because I was in a different country doesn’t mean I didn’t drink me some vino!!! The wine we had on Friday (when I say we I mean myself, Sluttie McSlutterson and Boobielicious) was super French I couldn’t even pronounce it (the bottles name was Marquis de Méricourt… I know super fancy) what I did understand was that it was Rosé (I love that É, it’s so classy). One of the many things I love about Montreal is that little bodegas (aka corner stores) sell alcohol. I decided to tell you this because I bought this bottle in the bodega next to our hotel. Now on to the flavor… The first sip I took was pretty delish but the second and third were not so good. It had a weird after taste that I was not a fan of and it was slightly dry. It would definitely be better if I turned it into a rosé spritzer (with some sprite… That’s basically what I do to all the dry wines that I’ve had in the name of Vino Viernes because no wine goes un-sipped or in my case guzzled.

Now that I’ve spoken of Friday’s wine I must now tell you about our start to Montreal weekend.

So we ( myself, Sluttie McSlutterson and Boobielicious… Just reminding you who we consists of) started our day off at 5 in the morning. Well I actually stared at 5:15 because these hoes were coming to me so I gots to sleep an extra 15 minutes… Ha ha suckas! So our plan was to to start driving up at 6am. Any way Sluttie McSlutterson is the first to get to my house and we were here bullshitting while I got the final things I would need for our trip. Then I get a text from Boobielicious that she’s outside, so as we were walking through my house to go outside I randomly ask McSlutterson if she has her passport… Thinking the answer is yes I keep walking… When she says some form of “HOLY GUACAMOLE EMILY THE MOST AWESOME PERSON I’VE EVER KNOWN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE No I don’t!” My response was “are you forserious?” So the point of that part of the story is that we didn’t start our trip at 6, because we had to drive to McSluttersons house first so she could get her passport.

About five hours later (say it the way that guy in Sponge Bob says it… Hehehe) as were still driving up through New York and getting closer to the border my Waze (The Best GPS App ever!!!) Starts telling us things in French… Just so everyone know I am now almost fluent in French (not really but I’ve learned some new words)… Anyway when I looked at my phone to see what exit we have to get off its says Sortie 53 (Exit 53) and I look and I say in the car so everyone could hear (you know it was pretty loud because we had the windows down, trying to save some gas and also because it was freaking 65 degrees outside, but that’s besides the point) “Dude Waze (it’s pronounced WahZee… Not ways,  if anyone ever pronounces it wrong in my presence your dead to me… Okay I joke not dead, but I will Ignore you) is talking to me in French!!!! Aaahhhh!!!” So as were getting closer to the border I realize that once we cross the border were not going to be able to use our phones. I didn’t care care about not being able to use the phone the problem was that we needed Waze to get to our Hotel, so a dilemma arouse. So I decided to take screen shots of the step by step directions (don’t worry I wasn’t driving anymore McSlutterson was… I didn’t do illegal things) so we would have to kick it old school and read signs and actually pay attention rather than having something yell at you where you have to exit or make a right in 500 feet… Honestly who the fuck knows exactly what 500 hundred feet is!!! Come on son!!!! They have to say make a right at the next light sucka!! That would make more sense. Finally we get to the border and I realize how obnoxious America is, we have this huge United States of America across the tolls, while Canada just had a flag on the side… Super chill nothing yelling at anybody in letters to tell them where they have arrived! Although the USA sign is pretty badass!!! So once we crossed the border and arrived in Montreal we started to explore and we came across Le Village, which is the most spectacular place ever. It’s so beautiful and I instantly fell in love with the city. There is art work on every wall imaginable and music coming out of every where! If you go anywhere in your life you have to make sure you make it up to Montreal, this place is incredible.

I’m sorry but this is where Part Un ends come read about the rest of our exhausting but fabulous trip to Montreal on Wednesday in Vino Viernes Part Deux (because I’m super French Canadian now and also because I can only count up to three… By the way that means number 2)

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily (I would totes move to Montreal… It’s so beautiful up there)

Vino Viernes!!

When I got home today I was welcomed with the best thing ever!!! My cousins and brother telling me how much they missed me and loved me! Mmmh (sigh) to be loved so much… It’s the best thing ever!!! As we all know… Today is Friday!!! Vino Viernes!!!! For today’s wine I tried something new… Of course it’s still by Barefoot because honestly I don’t drink anything else… I had some Pinto Noir. Before I altered my glass of wine I took a sip like the classy people. The following is how to drink wine like a classy person:

1. One needs a wine glass… It’s a lie when they say size doesn’t matter, because it does… So get the biggest glass you have.

2. Pour about a sip into said wine glass.

3. Hold said wine glass by the stem ( which is the skinny stick part… I should’ve really done a wine etiquette Friday… To late for that now we must learn on the fly)

4. Slightly spin wine glass, and when I say spin I mean enough that the wine looks like a small whirl pool.

5. Stopping spinning after about two seconds.

6. This is a big one you must sniff the win… I have no clue why I’ve just seen and read that this is what should be done.

7. Take a sip but make sure there’s some air with it, as if you were slurping ( I’ve seen my uncle do this, apparently it’s suppose to bring out the real taste… Idk, whatever)

8. Finally, after you’ve tasted it and even if you like it or not pour yourself a larger glass (if you like the taste drink up… If not add some sprite to that bitch and drink up!!)

So what I’m trying to say is that Pinto Noir is a dry wine, and I’m not a fan of that kind but if Barefoot makes it I’m gonna drink. Obviously I added a generous amount of sprite.

I just have to tell you my reason for getting Pinto Noir… I knew from the beginning it was dry, but a when I saw the bottle in the liquor store I fell in love with it. First of all the bottle has a purple label… I love purple!!! Secondly I saw an episode of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt a while ago when I binged watched the whole first season in one day. If you haven’t seen it yet go on Netflix right now and watch it and if you don’t have Netflix I’m sorry but we cannot be associated with each other… I joke I joke… But seriously get Netflix because this show is amazeballz!! Anyway in and episode Kimmys roommate Titus makes a music video of a song he wrote called Pinot Noir! It is freaking highlarious!!! Please if you get anything from this post it is to look up Titus’s song Pinto Noir… I’m begging you!! OOOO and you should watch Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.. Just saying!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( Pinto Noir, Caviar, Myanmar, Mid-sized car, You don’t have to be popu-lar Find out who your true friends are?… That’s just a little snippet of the song for you guys)