Tag: weekend

Newport, You Were A Beaut!!

Every time I visit a new city, I’m reminded of how badly I wish I was a gypsy, nomad, or honestly super f🌙cking rich so I can continuously travel around the world and not have to worry about a job and all that boring adult stuff. You’re probably wondering “Emily where the f🌙ck did that come from?” Well, I’m glad you asked. Last weekend I was in a magical place called Newport, Rhode Island. If you remember from last year (you probably don’t because I barely remember it) my slutties and I had a girls weekend getaway in the beautiful (slightly chilly but still beautiful) Salem, Massachusetts. With this new girls weekend getaway tradition, this year as I said before we went to the magical land of mermaids aka Newport, Rhode Island!

As a courtesy to all you lovely peeps I’ve decided to compile a list called “If you’re planning a trip to Newport here is what you should know” I know super catchy right…. I’m really good and making list titles, me thinks me missed me calling.

1. Don’t drive to Newport when it’s dark out. You see I don’t think they believe in street lights. When me and my slutties started our adventure to the isle of le mermaids we left a tad bit late. Just so you have an estimate of how far we are from Newport it took us roughly 9,000 hours to get there. Okay you caught me it didn’t take that long but that’s how long it took us to get out of Connecticut. There’s no need for CT to be that long. Moral of this story is don’t drive in the dark…it sucks.

2. Newport is beautiful! I love the ease I felt when I was there. Living close to NYC everything and everyone is always on the move, but being in Newport it was like I was in a whole other world. Everything was very chill (literally and figuratively) but I think what added to that feeling was being surrounded by water. I don’t know if you know this but I love the water… it might be the Dominican in me that feels closer to her homeland by being near water but I love being by the water. Whenever I can I try to go down by the river and I just get this sense of calm whenever I’m there. Annnnyyyyyway, Newport gives you a very mellow feeling… it could’ve also been the fact that it was freezing out and there weren’t a lot of people out and about, but i like to think it was probably a mix of both (aka the freezing temperatures).

3. Whilst on your visit to Newport you should most definitely visit and have wine tastings at their many vineyards. Me and the slutties went to a vineyard called Greenvale Vineyards. It was the best time ever. We sipped on different wines and made believe like we were connoisseurs and we were saying things like “this has an oaky taste” and “oh wow you can really taste the oak in this one”. Listen that is the only thing I know about wines! Don’t judge me! As I was saying we had a really great time walking through the vines… don’t tell anyone but we even tasted the grapes of one of the wines we had tasted and it tasted nothing like the wine but the grapes were pretty delish!

4. If you’re going to go to Newport or any place with your friends, just go with people you know you’ll have a good time with and don’t mind the smell of your farts. That’s all you need in a good road trip. OH you also need snacks because then those people you thought were gonna be fun actually suck because your not on a sugar high. Good thing Big Booty Judy brought the goods with her.

Well my little world travelers that is all I have for thee.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily (please enjoy a few of the beautiful pictures by the best photographer I know… ME!! Bwuahahaha… to see more go to the Life As A Moon instagram: @lifeasamoon)

My Wrists!!! Are You Forserious!

As you may know… if you don’t know now you know (thank you for that Mr. Biggie Smalls). Anywho, I’ve been on a diet for a little over a month now, and I feel pretty good. I’ve lost some weight and that’s awesome but I haven’t really seen it when I look at myself. I’ve heard from my coworkers, my parents, my brother and a couple of my friends that they see it in my face and around my waist. Which is freaking great, at least someone is seeing progress. The other day I did notice alittle something something. You want to know where… I saw that my wrist looks thinner… WTF!!! My wrist! Like I really wanted to go that extra space on my watch! You know where I want to go that extra hole for on my freaking belt!!! Well I don’t wear belts but you get my drift.

Why is it when you start to lose weight, the weight comes off in the most ridiculous areas!! Like I’m ok with fat wrist! I don’t wear bracelets or even fancy watches. I have a freaking Fitbit. Why can’t the weight come if in significant places. I would really appreciate it when my boobs start to look smaller and my chichos (means love handles in le Spanish) start to shrink. I know weight loss is a long and strenuous process, but come on, my fucking WRISTS!!

Well that’s all the rant I have in me… my energy levels aren’t the same since I’ve been starving myself for my wrists to look better.
Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily (my boney ass wrist and I need our beauty sleep.)

Camping Virgin… I Think Not!

HELLOOO!!! Guess what I did this weekend?! And no it was not stay home and nap all day. (Gasp!!) I know it’s crazy even to my own eyes, but I actually went out this weekend. I went camping for the first time in my life! I popped my camping cherry!! Ooo how I learned a thing or two about camping. 

1. Don’t camp when it’s cold outside. Just don’t do it! I usually don’t get cold because I’m practically a freaking walking human furnace and I (pause on the I so you understand the emphasis I’m trying to make) felt like my lady bits were no longer attached to my body! I thought I lost toes, but never fear, I still have all 10 little nuggets. So basically if you decided to go camping in September in Upstate NY for two nights, pack as if you’re moving to Antarctica to study the migration pattern of polar bears (or whatever reason you possibly have to go to Antarctica).

2. I feel like Pop Tarts make better S’mores than the real thing, but I was also reminded that I’m a lazy Emily Snow( for those of you that don’t watch Game of Thrones…first you should be ashamed of yourself and secondly Snow means bastard) and I only really like Pop Tarts better because it’s already made for you. Well all I have to say to you is that. Is. Absolutely. True! I am a lazy mofo. Also the real smores were pretty freaking delish!

3. There are a lot more stars in the sky then the four or five I see and the random planes that trick me into thinking there are blinking red stars. This is how one knows you are a city kid. The last time I saw that many stars I was 13 and on vacation with my family in the Dominican Republic. 

I know I might not be painting my weekend getaway in the best light, but I did have a great time! I got to see some friends haven’t seen in a while. I got to sit by a fire and make believe that I was a Targaryen (Game of Thrones reference again… smh to those of you who don’t know what I mean… please watch GOT because it’s too long for me to go through 7 seasons to explain what I mean … okay thanks!). All in all I would definitely go camping again (hopefully when it’s warmer out), it’s a great experience and it’s a great way to spend time with friends laughing and playing whiffle ball… and possibly over act when you get hit by a pitch and fall to the ground to inevitably hurt yourself because you were playing hurt! Oooo karma you is a bitch! Yes it was I who won an Oscar on getting hit by a pitch through method acting.. thank you but please hold the applause.

Well my baby nuggets it’s been swell!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily (Camper Extraordinaire)

P.S. Life As A Moon has an Instagram account!!! Yay!! It’s actually been up for a couple of months I just keep forgetting to tell people. Anywho if you want to see random things I like to post and any updates about the blog please follow @lifeasamoon

APRIL, HOW THE HECK ARE YOU?!?

HELLO APRIL, The best month ever! “But Emily, why is April the best month ever?”. I’m glad you asked. There are a lot of reasons, the first and most important one being is that I, Emily, was born in the month of April twenty-one plus years ago (for those who really want to know my age I was born in 1990… you do the math I’m not gonna make this easy on you… although I have mentioned it in previous posts, just saying…you might not want to do math, and I don’t blame you!). There you have it the main reason April is the freaking best is the day of my birth ( just in case anybody wants to get me an extravagant present, you still have time my special day isn’t until the 21st so get on!).

Another reason why Abril (April in Spanish) is fantabulous is because I will be in NEW ORLEANS next weekend!!!! I’m so freaking excited!! This will be my first time going and I can’t wait to see all the magical things NOLA has to offer!! The second best thing about going to NOLA, is the build-up for it. This past week I’ve been buying little things I might need, and of course I need some sluttie outfits. Because I’m not going down there just for the fun of it. Okay, well I am but there’s a bigger reason. I’m going down there for a bachelorette weekend!!! So there will be an abundance of alcohol consumption, hopefully some nakedness happens, and just a whole bunch of shenanigans that I will most likely not remember and I CANT WAIT!!

So basically what I’m trying to tell you is that there will be no post next Sunday, because 1. I will not be in my bathroom at home to write this to you. And 2. I will hopefully not remember my name for a few hours, so how do you expect me to remember to write a post… that’s really needy and selfish of you. Well that’s all for tonight I must mentally prepare myself for next weekend I’m not as young as I used to be and will need a lot of rest leading up to this adventure. Toodles!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,Emily (if I come back Mrs. Emily Some-random-guys-last-name don’t be alarmed, because that’s what I’m hoping for.)

I’ll Always Remember The Night I Lost An Hour!

A couple of years ago… (I’m pretty sure it was 2011 because I remember thinking it’s not illegal to drink when you’re gonna be 21 in a month right?) me and a couple of my friends went to a bar about five blocks from my house. This bar was having a St. Patrick’s Day party. There was corned beef, cabbage, potatoes, more corned beef (there was a lot of food I just don’t remember it all it’s been years and I have trouble remembering what I did an hour ago you can’t expect me to remember what I did 6 years ago!) but most importantly there was a lot of alcohol! 

I got extremely hammered. When I say hammered I mean I drank enough that you could probably open a tap on me and serve my alcohol laced blood… it was some serious shit. I remember there being a lot of shots a couple Yjeger?… jyeger? (how the f🌙ck do you spell this…hold on I must go google…it’s actually super easy to spell… Jesus Emily!) Jagerbombs and I’m pretty sure there were beers. The best part about all this is I don’t think I paid for a damn thing. I remember having money going in and the next day there was still money in my wallet… sooooo I call that a win.So that night I remember going outside the bar a calling this guy I liked back then…just so everyone knows I’m one of those people that likes to drunk dial, well now it’s more drunk text because I hate talking to people, but back then I was really into talking to people on the phone, ok well more like just talking to this one guy on the phone… as I was saying I was talking to this guy and I remember him asking me to go with him to NYC because he didn’t want me out drinking without him (again so everyone knows I hate traveling to The City, even though it’s only about a 15 min bus ride in I still hate it, but once I’m there I have the best time it’s just getting the motivation of actually going that kills it for me). I told this kid he was f🌙cking nuts, one I would have to meet up with him in my already extremely inebriated state and then he expected me to hang out like this, like I said he was f🌙cking nuts. Any way he got mad at me and then I got even more mad because he was mad at me and the alcohol taking up residency in my blood stream didn’t help the situation… I know I know I’m super surprised that I remember this much from this night, but this night is engraved in my brain.

So in my pissed off state I wanted to go home. Boobielicious and I started walking to my house from this bar at like 1:30ish or something. Boobielicious was meeting up with a friend of hers close to my house so she decided to walk with me. When I finally got home its was THREE O’CLOCK IN THE MORNING!!!! It shouldn’t have taken me and my friend an HOUR to get back to my house!!! This bar was 5 blocks away from my house!! When I say 5 blocks I literally mean 5 blocks. So I was really confused and wondered if I blacked out or if I decided to take the extremely long way home… which basically would be me walking around my whole town because it’s not that big for it to take me an hour to get home from a bar that was FIVE BLOCKS AWAY!!! 

Soooo long story short…even though I basically already gave you the whole story… the next morning when I woke up (basically on my death bed) and went to get some water the clock on the kitchen stove said it was 10am which matched what my phone said. For some of you you might be thinking “well yeah that’s what clocks should do… tell the right time” well you see the clock in my kitchen only tells the correct time about 6 months out of the year… the other 6 months it’s usually an hour ahead. That is when I figured out where that hour went… it was daylight savings time. Well there you have it… that is how I lost an hour and it was also the last time I got that drunk… I think.
Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily ( I really am extremely impressed with myself that I remembered that much from that night considering my already bad memory and the amount of drinks I had)

Is My Right Side My Good Side?

So this week has been super interesting. So many things happened to me I don’t even know where to start. 

I’m lying nothing happened this week. Ok well maybe two somewhat eventful things happened to me. The first thing is I had a root canal done this past Wednesday, and let me tell you the things you think of when someone is all up in your grill and you can’t speak is pretty interesting. 

A couple of thoughts popped into my head, but I don’t remember them all…I couldn’t write them down as it happened because my tooth was being shaved down and dental tools that look like push pins were being jabbed into my tooth chamber or maybe it was root chamber idk I’m pretty sure I heard the dentist say something like that or I could’ve just made it up… honestly who knows at this point. In other words I wasn’t able to move or I might’ve lost the left side of my face. 

There were about four things that I remember thinking during my tooth surgery and they go a little something like this:

1. Sir Dentist you should have a little camera attached to your head light thing and the office should have a tv on the ceiling so you can stream everything to the tv so I can watch what’s going on because I’m extremely bored just laying here while you drill into my tooth homeboy.

2. I wonder if those push pin looking things are his version of a scalpel. (I also imagined him saying to his helper “let’s save some teeth today” you know a dentist version of Dr. McDreamy aka Dr. Shepard aka Patrick Dempsey from Greys Anatomy little saying he would say before he started some very elaborate brain surgery).

3. I wish people were telepathic so I could ask Dr Dentist (I clearly do not know the mans name that was all up in my mouth… hehehe that sounds so dirty) about the root canal. Like why isn’t your helper using her suction thing to get the saliva that is currently congregating in the back of my throat and about to drown me? And also why did you become a dentist this is horrible? And also do I have any boogies in my nose I don’t remember if I cleaned it out before I came here, but I did make sure to brush my teeth so you wouldn’t smell the everything bagel I had for lunch today.

4. I hope my mom didn’t order food without me I’m super hungry.
4 1/2. I’m gonna get soup from the Chinese place on the corner.

5. I wonder how long all the anesthesia Senor (Sir) Dentista injected into my gums is going to last. I’m not even sure I have a left side to my face anymore… I don’t feel it.

6. I wonder how I’ll look with half a face. Would I be like two face… no he has two different looking faces. I would just have my right side. I would look like those stone sculptures. Is my right side my good side. I hope so because I don’t think I have a left side anymore.

Ok I might’ve remembered more than 4. Well there you have it… that was a little snippet of what goes on in my head. Just imagine how much more nonsense and sense sense I was making in my head.
Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( the second thing that happened was that I went to the birthday celebration keg party of Frover and Frenemy last night… but I’ll save that for another time)