Vino Viernes Part Deux

Vino Viernes Part Deux begins in 3…2…(mouths the number 1 and points to host)

Welcome back to tonight episode, this is the time one would give a recap of what they missed, buuuut as we all know by now I’m super lazy… I suggest just taking a quick gander and Vino Viernes Part Un so we can all be on he same page!

Today our story begins and ends on a warm Saturday (August 22). I know super sad, but all we did Sunday was drive back home; not many interesting things happened. Back to the story, Saturday we had a day full of adventures and obviously more wine!! Our main goal on Saturday though was to have the Poutine, so we basically planned our day around it… I’ll get back the the Poutine a little later.

You would think because we (myself, Boobielicious and Slutty McSlutterson… Just incase you forgot) were on vacation and well because it was a fucking Saturday and the day before we were up at the butt crack of dawn driving to Casa Carajo Land… I just asked my mom how I would translate that for you and it apparently has a bajillion meanings (most of them are bad) but in this case it basically means Far as F*** Land… And explored Montreal all day, that I l don’t know maybe we would sleep past fucking 8 O’Fing Clock in the morning; I digress.

When we all showered and dressed (separately… You nasties!!) we devised a plan for the day:

1. Exchange American Mula for Canadian Dough. This didn’t work out as we planned so we ended up just withdrawing money from a TD bank ( didn’t know TD is a Canadian bank… Well that’s what my parents told me so obvi they wouldn’t lie to me, or would they?). So I ended up taking out 100 in Canadian Dough which equals to like 70 something in American Mula… PEOPLE THIS WAS THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME!!!! How do I know the exchange rate when my mathematic skills are horrid, you ask. Well my friends I look on my Bank of America App and that’s how I found out. How did I get to use my app when I had my phone on airplane mode the whole time, you ask. Well me and these slutties I went with hooked up to every free Wifi we could get onto… That’s how! GENIUSNESS!!!! It’s was like everywhere we walked (well everywhere we walked in the Village) was like having contact with the world, because we hopped from Wifi (Weefee… Correct pronunciation, just in case you didn’t know) to Wifi. Of course everyone knows that if it’s not snap chatted or Insta-ed than you weren’t really there. HAAA gosh I’m so funny.

2. Food. You’d think, that’s simple enough… Weeeell not so much we still had to somehow read the menu to order breakfast.

3.Bikes. No not the motorized ones, although I do wish we had one of those instead. You see nobody tells you that when your going to explore a new city walking and/or biking, one must wear comfortable shoes and cloths. You might say that is common sense and I do agree with you there, but you don’t realize how much walking and or biking you have done until you stop doing it! Holy mother of pearl, I’ve never been in so much pain in my fucking life! The only thing that soothed my pain was coming across a, I want to say pirate festival, where they had Wine tastings!!! Yes I said Wine TASTINGS!!! And it was amazing! I tried like six different kinds and they were all amazing and I might’ve gotten a little tipsyish… And yes I did end up buying a bottle which will be revealed to you this Friday for the real Vino Viernes!!! So exciting! Aside from the wine we also tried Maple Liqueur? Liquor? I’m not sure which one was used on the bottle, but Holy Hannah Montana it was sooooo creaking (Crack and freaking morfied into one) good. So the lady that was giving us the sample told us at first to take a small sip so we would be able to taste the liquor… Then for the rest of the shot she poured cream in it and Holy Crocodile Dundee it was Canadian Maple Heaven! So so so so so so so feeling DELISH!!!

4. Poutine. YAAAAASSSSS. We got to have some Poutine. I’ve been wanting to try this since my brother went to Montreal last year and told me about it. He did not steer me wrong. This meal was so freaking good. I had the smoked meat Poutine, which is basically fries, the most delicious gravy, cheese and smoked meat on top. Holy Crap your pants fantastic! After a day of walking and biking this was the best lunch ever! If I could I would have one everyday!

5. Go to a bar and have a drink. Well we never got around to this one. By the time we got back to our hotel to drop off our bags of souvenirs, and then ride the bikes we rented back to the rental place, and then walk back to our hotel so we could relax before our ghost hunt later in Old Montreal we were freaking exhausted. So I’m going to break down how we got to that having drinks part. Don’t be so shocked sometimes your just to tired to drink,YES THAT HAPPENES… Judges! We were riding around what felt like the whole city, but really was just most of Old Montreal, since 11am till around 5 or 6 when we returned our bikes. Our asses were hurting so bad! At around 8:30 we went to go do this Ghost Hunt (more like a walking history class) McSlutterson had found, and that lasted till about 10pm… We knew we would be walking, but craptastic land they should warn you how much when you purchase these fucking tickets!!! When we finished this hunt we were starving and our bodies were in pain; so we went to go find food. By the time we ate it was like 11:30 almost 12am, ain’t nobody got time for drinking when you can barely tell if your feet are still attached to your body!

All in all our trip was freaking amazing, and I still have a bicycle seat imprint on my ass to show for it! Although next time I go to Montreal I’m going to have to buy clouds for shoes and padded undies for a more comfy bike ride! Bonne Nuit ( Good Night… I’m telling you my French is on point, thanks to google translate)!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily (I just want to apologize for all the F bombs I dropped tonight… That’s just the only way I knew how to express myself correctly.)

Vino Viernes Part Un

imageI’m BaaaaaaaaaAaaaaack!!!! How much did you miss me! First I want to let you know that I tried to do Vino Viernes on Friday, but because I was in CANADA!!!!!!!!! I couldn’t because I didn’t have service up there nah mean jelly bean! Any way I’ve decided that today, Monday, will be Vino Viernes Part Un (French for the number 1 just in case you didn’t know). So much went on this weekend that I have to give you two posts just to let you know of my Canadian Adventures, and so we begin!

Don’t worry just because I was in a different country doesn’t mean I didn’t drink me some vino!!! The wine we had on Friday (when I say we I mean myself, Sluttie McSlutterson and Boobielicious) was super French I couldn’t even pronounce it (the bottles name was Marquis de Méricourt… I know super fancy) what I did understand was that it was Rosé (I love that É, it’s so classy). One of the many things I love about Montreal is that little bodegas (aka corner stores) sell alcohol. I decided to tell you this because I bought this bottle in the bodega next to our hotel. Now on to the flavor… The first sip I took was pretty delish but the second and third were not so good. It had a weird after taste that I was not a fan of and it was slightly dry. It would definitely be better if I turned it into a rosé spritzer (with some sprite… That’s basically what I do to all the dry wines that I’ve had in the name of Vino Viernes because no wine goes un-sipped or in my case guzzled.

Now that I’ve spoken of Friday’s wine I must now tell you about our start to Montreal weekend.

So we ( myself, Sluttie McSlutterson and Boobielicious… Just reminding you who we consists of) started our day off at 5 in the morning. Well I actually stared at 5:15 because these hoes were coming to me so I gots to sleep an extra 15 minutes… Ha ha suckas! So our plan was to to start driving up at 6am. Any way Sluttie McSlutterson is the first to get to my house and we were here bullshitting while I got the final things I would need for our trip. Then I get a text from Boobielicious that she’s outside, so as we were walking through my house to go outside I randomly ask McSlutterson if she has her passport… Thinking the answer is yes I keep walking… When she says some form of “HOLY GUACAMOLE EMILY THE MOST AWESOME PERSON I’VE EVER KNOWN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE No I don’t!” My response was “are you forserious?” So the point of that part of the story is that we didn’t start our trip at 6, because we had to drive to McSluttersons house first so she could get her passport.

About five hours later (say it the way that guy in Sponge Bob says it… Hehehe) as were still driving up through New York and getting closer to the border my Waze (The Best GPS App ever!!!) Starts telling us things in French… Just so everyone know I am now almost fluent in French (not really but I’ve learned some new words)… Anyway when I looked at my phone to see what exit we have to get off its says Sortie 53 (Exit 53) and I look and I say in the car so everyone could hear (you know it was pretty loud because we had the windows down, trying to save some gas and also because it was freaking 65 degrees outside, but that’s besides the point) “Dude Waze (it’s pronounced WahZee… Not ways,  if anyone ever pronounces it wrong in my presence your dead to me… Okay I joke not dead, but I will Ignore you) is talking to me in French!!!! Aaahhhh!!!” So as were getting closer to the border I realize that once we cross the border were not going to be able to use our phones. I didn’t care care about not being able to use the phone the problem was that we needed Waze to get to our Hotel, so a dilemma arouse. So I decided to take screen shots of the step by step directions (don’t worry I wasn’t driving anymore McSlutterson was… I didn’t do illegal things) so we would have to kick it old school and read signs and actually pay attention rather than having something yell at you where you have to exit or make a right in 500 feet… Honestly who the fuck knows exactly what 500 hundred feet is!!! Come on son!!!! They have to say make a right at the next light sucka!! That would make more sense. Finally we get to the border and I realize how obnoxious America is, we have this huge United States of America across the tolls, while Canada just had a flag on the side… Super chill nothing yelling at anybody in letters to tell them where they have arrived! Although the USA sign is pretty badass!!! So once we crossed the border and arrived in Montreal we started to explore and we came across Le Village, which is the most spectacular place ever. It’s so beautiful and I instantly fell in love with the city. There is art work on every wall imaginable and music coming out of every where! If you go anywhere in your life you have to make sure you make it up to Montreal, this place is incredible.

I’m sorry but this is where Part Un ends come read about the rest of our exhausting but fabulous trip to Montreal on Wednesday in Vino Viernes Part Deux (because I’m super French Canadian now and also because I can only count up to three… By the way that means number 2)

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily (I would totes move to Montreal… It’s so beautiful up there)

Vino Viernes!!

When I got home today I was welcomed with the best thing ever!!! My cousins and brother telling me how much they missed me and loved me! Mmmh (sigh) to be loved so much… It’s the best thing ever!!! As we all know… Today is Friday!!! Vino Viernes!!!! For today’s wine I tried something new… Of course it’s still by Barefoot because honestly I don’t drink anything else… I had some Pinto Noir. Before I altered my glass of wine I took a sip like the classy people. The following is how to drink wine like a classy person:

1. One needs a wine glass… It’s a lie when they say size doesn’t matter, because it does… So get the biggest glass you have.

2. Pour about a sip into said wine glass.

3. Hold said wine glass by the stem ( which is the skinny stick part… I should’ve really done a wine etiquette Friday… To late for that now we must learn on the fly)

4. Slightly spin wine glass, and when I say spin I mean enough that the wine looks like a small whirl pool.

5. Stopping spinning after about two seconds.

6. This is a big one you must sniff the win… I have no clue why I’ve just seen and read that this is what should be done.

7. Take a sip but make sure there’s some air with it, as if you were slurping ( I’ve seen my uncle do this, apparently it’s suppose to bring out the real taste… Idk, whatever)

8. Finally, after you’ve tasted it and even if you like it or not pour yourself a larger glass (if you like the taste drink up… If not add some sprite to that bitch and drink up!!)

So what I’m trying to say is that Pinto Noir is a dry wine, and I’m not a fan of that kind but if Barefoot makes it I’m gonna drink. Obviously I added a generous amount of sprite.

I just have to tell you my reason for getting Pinto Noir… I knew from the beginning it was dry, but a when I saw the bottle in the liquor store I fell in love with it. First of all the bottle has a purple label… I love purple!!! Secondly I saw an episode of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt a while ago when I binged watched the whole first season in one day. If you haven’t seen it yet go on Netflix right now and watch it and if you don’t have Netflix I’m sorry but we cannot be associated with each other… I joke I joke… But seriously get Netflix because this show is amazeballz!! Anyway in and episode Kimmys roommate Titus makes a music video of a song he wrote called Pinot Noir! It is freaking highlarious!!! Please if you get anything from this post it is to look up Titus’s song Pinto Noir… I’m begging you!! OOOO and you should watch Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.. Just saying!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( Pinto Noir, Caviar, Myanmar, Mid-sized car, You don’t have to be popu-lar Find out who your true friends are?… That’s just a little snippet of the song for you guys)

Vino Viernes!!!

AAAAAAHHHHH…. I’m sooooo freaking glad it’s Friday!!! I started out today in a perfectly good mood, and then it gradually went down the poop shoot. I thought everything was gonna be all good… There was no traffic I got to work super early, and because of that I got to take a quick cat nap. So I was super duper happy! Then I walked into the office and found out the AC was broken or some crap like that!! WTF!!! It was cooler outside than it was inside that office!! Of course this would happen on the day I decided to wear a half sleeve shirt… Sure it might have been super thin material and slightly seen through (don’t worry I’m super professional and wore a tank top under… I’m only slightly sluttie after work hours). Any way I was still sweating profusely! I am not a happy person when I’m HOT!!!! I get extremely cranky. My day was just blah after that. The only thing I had to look forward to was this big ass fan we have in the hall way, and every time I walked by it I felt like Sasha Fierce ( Beyoncés alter ego). All the single ladies all the single ladies all the single ladies now put your hands up!!

On to why we’re really here… VINO VIERNES!!! Today I’m having Barefoots deliciously sweet Moscato. As you all know by now I’m obsessed with Barefoot and would never say anything bad about any of its wines. Also this wine is amazing anyway so I have nothing bad to say even if I wanted to. For those of you that didn’t Moscato pairs perfectly with mild cheese… The bottle said so, and because the bottle said it I had to have some cheese with my wine today. It might not have been mild because it was mozzarella string cheese…cheese is cheese and I love it as much as I love wine!

I’m still super Grumpy Magee and hot so I’m out this piece… And I’m going to go see Grease and this movie night in the park my town is having!!! GREASE LIGHTENING GO GO GO GO GO GOGO GO GOGO GREASE LIGHTENING YOUR BURNING UP HE QUARTER MILE!! That’s just a sample of what I’ll be doing to night!!! Singing at the top of my lungs!!!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( it’s electrifying!!! If you’ve seen Grease than you’ll know!!)

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Vino Viernes!!

CALIFORNIA LOVE (intro to California love by sir Tupac)…And no I ain’t been to MIA I heard that Cali never rains and New York’s heart awaits…If you’re going to San Francisco, Be sure to wear some flowers in your hair, If you’re going to San Francisco You’re gonna meet some gentle people there…I’d be safe and warm I’d be safe and warm) If I was in L.A. (if I was in L.A.) California dreaming (California dreaming) On such a winter’s day, Okay I know it’s summer but deal with it! I’m going going back back to Cali Cali, so technically this will be my first time going to California… But I feel like I’ve been there in my dreams; that should count for something.

If you haven’t realized, by my beautiful medley of California inspired songs by different generations and genres of music… I’m going to California!!! YASSSSS!!!! It’s official people Sluttie McSlutterson and I will be going to Cali for a week!!!! I’m so freaking excited!!! We are gonna be the biggest freaking tourist L.A., San Fran, San Diego, and maybe Vegas has ever seen. Yes I know Vegas is not in Cali, but honestly when your that close to Vegas how can we resist. It would be a crime for us not to go to Vegas at least one night while we’re out west.

I think the thing I’m most excited about is being able to say that I was in the Pacific Ocean. I know totes nerdy, but I don’t give a Flying farting pigs ass!!! Even if it’s considered “too cold” to go in the ocean over there, I’m fucking going in… Even if it’s just my big toes IDC. I want to say that I have been in both the Atlantic and motherfing Pacific Oceans!
Anyway as the time for my trip approaches, I will probably mention random things along the way! I AM SO FREAKING EXCITED!!!!

Today I’m sad to report that I did not have any “vino”. BUT I did have me some Piña Colada!! I hear from a source that no one knows about that Piña Colada is considered the Vino of all pineapple based drinks. Soooo there you have it… Those are the facts that I was told from a little birdy that works with a lot of Pineappley things. That’s all I have for you tonight.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( I wonder if Californians have a different slang than New Jersians… They probably do, it’s probably way more chill that’s in Jersey)

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Vino Viernes!!

Thank the God of Asgard it is mother Fing Friday!!! It’s been a ridiculously long week for no reason. I just don’t understand why we need to work so many days during the week. For me the perfect work week would be Wednesday through yea that’s pretty much it… Just Wednesday. Ain’t nobody got time to work five or even more than five days a week… This is freaking insanity!

Today’s wine was ehh… It was Sutter Homes White Zinfandel. It wasn’t bad but it wasn’t something I would drink again…You know unless if the world ran out of every other wine and my options were either to drink a Cupcake brand wine (which are freaking nasty to the point that my DAD didn’t want anything to do with it) and Sutter Homes White Zinfandel… Obviously I’m gonna choose the whitey. I did mix the wine with some sprite which made it taste 10 times better. I’m telling you Sprite is the real MVP.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me maybe I need to get some you know sexy time or it could honestly be my perverted mind… It’s most likely a mix of both, but today when I look at the clouds in the sky I swear to you I saw penises everywhere. Just so you know it’s not safe to be driving and staring at a freaking cloud shaped penis, it is extremely distracting. I took pictures of the cloud dingalings in question. These were both at different times and I don’t think they are the same one.

The first one I was in my car and I remember I was singing and trying to belt out the most amazing note you’ve ever heard (it was to Ginuwines Pony… That’s pretty Highlarious) and when I looked up I saw penis. If you’ve seen that J.Lo movie the Wedding Planner, it kind of looks like the scultures penis that Matthew McConaughey breaks off.

The second one just kind of looks like a Dildy. I went to this sex toy party once, and the instructor was showing us all these different size dildos in different colors and what dildo is good for what. I learned a lot like I mean A LOT!!! I didn’t know there was such a variety of dildos in the world… It was mind blowing (hehehe… I wanna say no pun intended, but I’m pretty sure it was intended). Anywho this cloud Willie reminded me of the dildo the instructor called Mr. Big (for obvious reasons). As Porky Pig would say “Th-th-th-th-th-THAT’S ALL FOLKS.”

image imageLove Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily (mom don’t read anything after I talk about wine… It’s not important… If you have, lets just forget about it and never speak of it again)

Vino Viernes!!!

I know it’s technically Saturday but it’s still Friday night for me!!! I know I know this is two nights in one week that I’m acting my age. Idk what’s gotten into me… I’m a freaking party animal!!!!

Sooo totes had a Roooooooad TRIP today!!! Well kinda we’re just down the shore for the night, but it’s still a road trip especially because there was some traffic and I decided ,thinking I was some kind of GPS, I would be able to find a way around it. Well we did find a way but it ended up being a tour of most of central/southernish NJ. So instead of the hour and a half it ended up being about a four hour trip. So yea I consider that a road trip!

After we finally got here, we went to a bar where I drank some amoretto sours ( so it’s more like Amoretto Saturday). I know it’s not Vino, but this is my go to drink when I got out… I just couldn’t give it up. Any way we went to a bar in Long Beach Island (LBI), and I saw my first live cover band and it was AMAZEBALLZ!!!!!! Okay it’s time for me to go now I’m about to eat some CHICKEN AND WAFFLES!!! Another first for me!!! I’m popping so many cherries tonight!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily (question: Did the Chicken come before the Egg?… The place I’m eating at is called The Chicken or The Egg. Im so freakin clever)

Vino Viernes!!!

 

Oh yes it’s ladies night and the feelings right, oh yes it’s ladies night… Oh what a night… Oh what a night!

If my intro didn’t clue you in I’m hang out with the… Wait for it… SLUTTIES!!! I, Princess Amelia, Big Booty Judy, Frover, Ditzy Doodle and Boobielicious are here at Sluttie McSlutterson Bitch Pad (you know her apartment); watching Netflix, Drinking some Vino and reading Gay Porn Titles…you know the usual.

Soooo…the wine that we’ve decided to drink is Barefoots Reisling… I’ve had this deliciousness before, all I have to say is Scrumdidilyumtious.

Just so everyone knows alcohol and I are still not on the best of terms. After all my hard earn money going to support you and your life… How could you do this to me alcohol. I loved you once and this is how you repay me. Anyway I’m here taking the smallest sips I’ve ever taken in my life, because of my dedication to Vino Viernes.
OOOO so Frover and I were trying to buy tickets to see T. Swizzle in concert. Our plan was to wait till the last possible minute to see how low the prices would go. Although the prices were much lower than when we checked we ultimately decided not to go. As much as we loooove Tay Tay, it just wasn’t happening. One, I didn’t have the proper outfit and when going to a Taylor Swift concert, you gotta be all Swiftied out… And I wasn’t looking right. Aaaaaand the tickets were still kinda expensive… I gotta save my money for my Vino!
Sorry peeps but I gots to go were watching How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days… YAAASSSS!!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( Princess Sofie…Crawl the Warrior King)

Ps. I’m totes over this blonde/yellow hair I needs something new in my life.

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Vino Viernes!!!

I finally got my eyebrows done today and that whore muncher fucked my shit up!! One eye brow looks like I’m trying to be The Rock when he does that eyebrow thing, and the other looks somewhat normal… A little thin but normalish.

Okay I’m over it now… I can’t be mad, besides my eyebrows everything else today was AMAZEBALLZ!! First I didn’t have to go to work today… YAAAASSS!!! Second I’m going to the fair tonight!!!! I love the fair!!!! And lastly it’s Friday… And you know what that means!!! VINO, VINO, VINO!!! Yay!!

Last week I tried the wine my cousin told me about, and I ended up buying two bottles a red one and a white one. Well the red one was supposed to be saved for today… Ummm yeeeaaaaa, that bottle did make it passed the weekend ( I ended up drinking the whole bottle on Saturday. Oooo wells!)

So I went out today and bought a new bottle today and it’s called…. CULITOS… Hehehe that means butt. So obviously I got that bottle because the label has three naked people on it. I was intrigued, don’t judge! I wasn’t able to have a full cup because people aka the parentals were rushing me so we could get to the fair, but I was able to take a few generous sips straight from the bottle. Don’t worry I kept it real lady like… I had my pinky up as I took my huge as gulps!! Just so you know it was really freaking good… Just because the bottle is called CULITOS… It doesn’t necessarily mean it tastes like ass.
Any way I gots to go home boys and home girls… I’m here writing to you from the FAIR!!! Deuces!!!!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( I’m soooo excited… I love the FAIR!!)

 

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Vino Viernes!!!!

Sip, sip, sip, sip, sip EVERYBODY!!! One, two, three… One, Two, Three Drink! EVERYBODY put your glasses up and I drink to that! Now Raise your glass! OOO GOSH I can’t think of another songs that talkS about drinking… How is that possible!!!
Anyway if you haven’t noticed by my wonderful intro…IT’S. VINO. VIERNES!!!! My favorite day of the week!!!! Today I’m drinking something my cousin Harry Queen of the Potters told me to try! It’s called Real Sangria… And all I have to say is that this is REAL DELISSSSH!!! I bought two different types, a red one and a white one… Because you know me if you give me options I can’t handle the pressure… So the logical thing to do is buy both bottles, which I did! YASSS!!! So today I’m drinking the white one and leaving the red one for next week!
Not only is it Vino Viernes, but there is a one of the greatest reasons to drink a little something something today/tonight!! Some historical shit happened today!! Finally the U.S. of the motherfing A has equalized marriage!!! This is a huge mile stone not only for the LGBT Community, but for Americans! I’ve always felt that no matter who you love you should be able to express yourself and not feel like there are restraints or feeling of judgement! Fuck what other people think about you and just love who you want, be with who you want, Marry who you want! You should be able to Marry that man or woman that you want to spend the rest of your life with, that’s your choice, and finally everyone gets to make that choice! LOVE WINS!!! I honestly have no other words for you today, I’m just very happy for everyone. So on that note, I would like everyone to please raise a glass and help me toast for the Equalization of Marriage and for LOVE CONQUERING ALL!!! Now EVERYONE get DRUNK IN LOOOOOVE!!!

Love You from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( I know this is a short one, but that’s all that needs to be said for tonight… LOVE WINS!)

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