So I’ve decided to turn over a new leaf with the help of my Sluttie PIC (Partner In Crime…not a sluttie picture of me you nastys…previously known as Ditzy Doodle). Today we had a very productive day. We went to the movies to see How To Be Single, which we thought was fitting since we’re both single and it’s Valentine’s Day. So yeah it was slightly depressing, but the movie was really funny even though the theater had a little technical difficulties. It was overall a good movie. Now your probably asking where in this story did you decide to turn over a new leaf. Well don’t rush me I’m getting there, GOSH!!
I guess in the spirit of Valentine’s Day I was originally going to talk about the fact that I don’t remember how it is to have feelings for someone. I’m currently in a situation…of my own making in my head, because this person doesn’t know the fucked upness happening in Le Noggin. Anywho so I don’t remember how it is to have feelings for someone because it’s been a long time since I’ve had said feelings. I was talking about this with PIC and she really helped me see that I don’t know how I feel about the person I was previously talking about that has no clue what is going on in my head, sorry I’m babbling. She basically pointed out that I’m scared of rejection, and won’t allow myself to feel anything on purpose…hence why I don’t feel the normal things one would feel if they had feelings for someone. That’s why I’m so confused, because this guy is very nice, funny, and I can be my crazy ass self around him, who wouldn’t want that. These are definitely things you want in someone you would possible want to see where things go with. BUUUUUT because I’ve been burned before I’m basically in a self preservation mode that probably won’t be broken… like ever. God this is so depressing!! Damn you St. Valentine for having a day and making things miserable!
After PIC and I spoke about our emotional baggage and had a smodginal ( this means smidge and inal…NO not anal, get your head out of the gutter… together, I don’t have a better definition because the word is made up…sorry). Any way we had cry fest in Houlihans where we’ve come to the conclusion that we need to stop dwelling on shit that can’t be changed and just go with the flow and do fun activities to keep ourselves preoccupied, so you wont have time to think about shit that’s out of your control. If your asking “how did this idea make your leaf turn? Your already a phenomenal person.” Oh Sweet Baby Jesus made with extra lovin’, that’s mighty swell of yall to think. Well if you were wondering that; it’s because I don’t go out and actually do have “emotions” (*shivers* that word gives me the Heebie-Jeebies) …I know Scandalous, but it’s super true. Well as depressing as this was I must leave thee.
Love Ya from The Moon and Back,
Emily (Happy Valentine’s Day!!!)