Dear Vroom Vroom, I hate you but I love you so much!

I’ve come to the conclusion that I have a love/hate relationship with Manny Mandingo (that be my car). Some days I wonder in horror what kind of life would I live if I didn’t have Manny. While other times I wish he never existed. Why do I have so strong feelings about Manny I shall tell you in the form of a list (oh how I love to make lists).

The following are the reasons why I Love Manny:
1. Homeboy gets me places. Anywhere I want to go he got my back.
2. I love to randomly drive around with the windows down and the music blasting! I only like doing this when its night time and there aren’t a lot of cars in the streets. The less cars the less people judge me when I’m performing for my adoring fans!
3. I love to speed. I just get this rush when I’m going fast… I have moments where I think I’m in Need For Speed or GTA (Grand Theft Auto) and the cops are following me and I have to get away from them so the blinking stars on the top of my screen go away. Ooo good times.
4. Music just sounds better when your aimlessly driving. The only works when there is no one else in the car with you and your just strolling around town and your connecting with the music because at that moment iHeart just knows how your feeling and they put that song that makes you feel things and your just like “Damn iHeart you know me so well it’s like your in my soul.”
5. When I need a place to be by myself and just work my shit out I know I can trust Manny to listen to me either cry, talk shit about my friends or whine about my parents. Manny just understands me like nobody else. The best part is when I’m talking to him nobody really judges me because they probably think I’m just animatedly talking on the phone… Well I hope that’s what they’re thinking.

The following are the reasons I Hate Manny:
1. This mofo makes me pay for his loyalty and friendship monthly!
2. On top of having to pay for him to stay around this mofo expects me to feed him as well. It might only be like once a week, but damn I’m like paying at least thirty bucks to make sure he’s full and sometimes that’s not even enough!
3. Driving when a lot of other people are on the road and being stuck in traffic… Sucks AssCakes!!
4. This thing is like a child not only do I need to feed it, but I also have to give this mofo a bath! Like my laundry I pay for someone else to do it for me.
5. I have very bad road rage because of him and other people! I’ve realized once I started driving I hated people with faces! I have very bad anger/hatred issues because of Manny!

Even after all the crap Manny puts me through I love him more than I hate him, because without my car I wouldn’t be able to get to work, go to the movie theatre, or even go on fun road trips. I love you Manny Mandigo I swear one of these days I’ll get you some gas and take you to get washed… Hopefully sometime this week, you know how lazy I get!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( I’ve become extra lazy, but that’s not only Mannys fault… That just started happening after I got my license and has just become worse because of Manny and Hammy Mocha Baby (my first car).

Speed Racers!!

I had a fun little adventure today… Okay okay it wasn’t necessarily an adventure, but I’ll take what I can get. Any who, I had to go to my doctors office to pick up some papers, but the office closes at 6. Which isn’t bad, but my friends, the plot thickens… I get out of work at 5… Dum Dum Duuuuuuum…( thank you Tim… That was B.E.A.UTIFUL, I’ve missed you, I haven’t been using my musicians lately… And I’m very sorry for that guys). That’s not the only dilemma…the thick plot thickens again, I work at least half hour away from my doctors office and that’s on a no traffic day. Today was TRAFFIC CENTRAL!!! I’m telling you, once people see a drop of rain fall… It’s like their minds just shut off the part that knows how to drive.

I was behind soooooo many stuuuuupid people, that shit was bananas… BANANAS! One thing that made me laugh was that one of the stuuuuuuupid people was my Tio Platypus. If only he heard the obscene things I was calling him.

Anyway back to my story… At this point I look at the time and it says 5:45, and I was still about 15mins away from the doctors office. It was a race against the clock!!! It was intense, the whole time all I heard was the mission impossible theme song (dum dum dumdum dum dum dumdum… Pa nana pa nana… Dum dum dunna) shit got crazy! I started bobbing and weaving and I think I might have drifted. I just want to take this time to thank Grand Theft Auto for teaching me how to drive like a maniac… Ooo and also the movie Need for Speed, because I still had the adrenaline coursing through me after watching the movie on Sunday.

Okay sorry back to the story… At this point it’s like 5:55 and I’m stuck at the longest red light known to life!!! It felt like it took years off my life, but it was only really like a minute. Light turns green and I take off almost taking a pigeon with me ( I’m sorry pigeon!), I make a right, then a quick left, then another right…it’s now 5:58… I pull up to the doctors office my tires screeching. I got out of the car and run up the stairs… I ring the bell and……… ( the dots are to build up suspense) they let me in. As I opened the door I glanced at the hours of business thing hanging on the door, and this shit says they close at 7!!!! That franking bitch I called this morning said they close at 6!!! I spadidled (drove extremely fast) like a crazy person, almost became a pigeon murderer, and called my uncle horrid (must say with British accent) names! That freaking bitch! Now I’m here outside parked outside my house waiting for someone to get home because I managed to lose my keys somewhere in my house! Ooo Mommas home…I’m out, I gotta pee real bad!!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( the next star in the Need for Speed movie… *Wink wink*… Just in case they make a second one… I’m totes down)