New episode up right now!
On this episode I talk about my trip to Texas and some other shit. Big and Rich’s “Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy” gets its time on “I’m Sorry, Que”
If you i don’t know want to listen or follow me on Instagram below are the links to listen and my Instgrams
@Lifeasamoon and @em_ily421
I’m back and creepier than ever. When I say creepier I mean it in the most wonderful way it can possibly sound. You know what Ixnay on the creepier-ay… I could possibly be the next CIA/FBI/Secret Agent/Detective/007, honestly any of those would work that’s how good my (I don’t want to say stalking but if the shoe fits) investigative skills are. I shall give thee a little story on the person you are about to learn about.
Once upon a time there was a pre-teen (or maybe even teen-teen) and she went by the name of… umm let’s just say she went by the name of… you know what her name was Emily and it was me. Any who this pre-teen/teen-teen met a boy through her neighbor and bestie at the time…we are no longer neighbors nor are we really friends anymore you know how that goes, you get older one of you becomes a little, how you say, sluttie when we were slightly (way) too young for it, so the other one (me) kind of just gradually cuts the sluttie one out of her life. I know I know it was a real sh🌙tty thing to do but I was fucking 14 or some sh🌙t and I didn’t know how to handle it so shut your face and listen to the rest of the story! (We’re still friends in Facebook if that counts)So Emily was introduced to this boy named Garry… his name was Garry with two R’s. So Emily and Garry become really good friends and the best part about this friendship was that his younger cousin lived up the block from her house. They got to hang out all the time and of course Emily fell into puppy love with Garry (with two R’s). This “love” was so serious that practically everyone on the block knew of Emily’s feelings for Garry. As the days went by the kids on the block would play football, tag, manhunt and just hang out on the steps. All of a sudden Garry tells Emily that his family is moving to California. Emily’s little teenager heart was broken she didn’t know how to deal. She had never told Garry that she liked him liked him, so she simply told him that she’d miss him and to keep in touch.
A year or so passes and Emily is no longer friends with the neighbor that had once been her bestie. Emily is now a freshman (I think) in high school and has somewhat forgotten about her puppy love and is crushing on other boys from her school and some not from her school. One day she had gotten home from I think it was softball practice and she was just hanging out in front of her house eating string cheese, when a boy that looked oddly familiar was walking up the block. Emily just stared at this boy trying to figure out who he was. Meanwhile the boy was also looking at Emily as well. With their eyes locked he continued his trek up the block.
This story is getting really long so what I’m saying is, that boy she saw was Garry and he’d moved back to Jersey and apparently had been back for a while. So Garry and Emily started to hang out again but then his family moved again and I haven’t seen him since. This is where my investigative skills come into play.
While I was awake in the middle of the night (a couple of days ago) when I should’ve been sleeping… something reminded me of Garry (it could’ve been the fact that I was watching SpongeBob and Gary the snail ( 🐌) slithered around the pineapple). The next thing I know I’m googling Garry (with two R’s) lo and behold there he was my Garry just 12 years older and still looking a little like J-Boog from B2K (if you don’t know who B2K is… you may leave right NOW!! j/k you can stay just google them so you get the picture). What I found was not something I liked.
Apparently Garry has a family. He has two kids and a girlfriend and lives somewhere that is not New Jersey. So the moral of this story is… don’t go chasing waterfalls please stick to the rivers and the lakes that your used to I know that your gonna have it your way or nothing at all but I think your moving to fast… LISTEN TO MEEEE (sorry I couldn’t help myself and by the way that was waterfalls by TLC if you didn’t know). Anyway moral of the story is you should probably go to sleep at a decent time so you don’t Instagram stalk the kid you were in love with when you were just a wee little lass. You won’t like what you find even though you should be over him because honestly Emily it’s been 12 years since you last saw him what the f🌙ck did you expect.
Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily (once upon a time Mrs. Garry with two R’s)
P.S. Happy Early Independence Day/ 4th of July!!!
“I’m still breathing, I’m still breathing, I’m still breathing, I’m still breathing… I’m ALIIIIIIIIVE, I’m aliiiiiive I’m aLIIIIIIIIIVE, I’m aliiiiiive!” Gosh darn it Sia I love you!!! If you haven’t listened to Sia’s This is Acting album then your crazy! I’m alive and bird set free speak to me… It’s freaking magical!
Any who’s Ello Loves. It was a pretty fantastical weekend for me. Fine all right already I’ll tell you. I met someone. And it’s not just anyone, but I thinks it’s THE ONE! I know I didn’t expect it either but when you know you know, and ooo do I know. We fell inlove so fast I can’t even believe it myself, and believe me I’m slightly cynical so it’s crazy.
So we met Saturday like mid morning at a Honda dealership. Such an unlikely place to find love but in our case it just makes sense. Anyway at first I wasn’t sure how to approach it, but eventually I grew some cojones (balls) and was like “hey, how are you? I think we can be really great together” ( I know so forward of me, but sometimes you just have to go for it… You know). Then we just went driving for hours… We went to the mall, target and then five below (love this store it’s kind of addicting so be careful). We just made a day for us… And it was truly magical. I want everyone to meet the love of my life ( for about the next 2 and a half to 3 years or so) Betty!
Gosh that was such a romantical love story. I should really just write for a living. Ooo thanks for bring that up…By the by I’m thinking of starting another blog, but that one would just be for some stories that I’ve written. I haven’t decided when I will start it, but it’s in the thinking and planning stages right now. So you know it’ll happen eventually.
Well that’s all I got I’m just going to stare at Betty’s picture lovingly now.
Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( naming Betty was hard for me… My mum and I went back and forth between Barry, Barry Blanc (must say with French accent) and Betty, but Betty just felt more lady than lad… Nah mean!)
Ps. Happy National Sibling Day!
Have you ever wondered if you’ve already met “the One” but met him/her at the wrong time in your life? Or if you’ve already met your “soulmate” but didn’t even realize it? No, so just me… Is it my loneliness aka single as Fuckness kicking in and messing with my head. That actually might be it, but I was actually thinking about my brothers life when this popped into my head, and of course it later turned into me thinking about the same things for myself, but I’ll tell you that a little later.
I guess we can start off with why I was thinking about my brothers life… obviously there was alcohol involved, but honestly when isn’t there. We were at our cousins house Saturday night, and having an in the backyard loud as hell R&B session… And when R&B/ slow jams are playing one tends to think about either romantic things or their last breakup. In this case I started thinking about my brothers ex-girlfriends and wondering if he had met any one of them at a different time in his life would one of them have ended up being my sister in-law. For those who know me I hope you know which one I’m talking about. I feel if he met this one Ex of his at a later time in his life things would’ve been different for them… In all honesty I think she was the One, but at the wrong time.
Then I started thinking if she was his soulmate. I know some might think “the One” and “soulmate” are one in the same, but I feel like they’re completely different. For me the One is that person who compliments you; who even though they might not see or believe things the same way you do they still want to be apart of your life, they want to make a life with you, they feel like they can’t live without you, that person who loves you unconditionally with your flaws and all that good shit that comes with you. I swear I read and watch way to much romantical shit, and it has ruined me for life. Any way, a soulmate is that person who you connect with on another level, someone you knows you inside and out, and not necessarily in a romantical way, it’s that person that you feel you can be your absolute self and you honestly don’t give a fuck what they think because they’re probably doing and the thinking the same thing about you. I feel like my brother has already found his soulmate, and it’s his best friend. Those two are like two peas in a pod, they’ve been best friends for as long as I can remember and they are still the best friends you would ever meet. At times I’m kind of jealous of their friendship… Of course I love my friends to death they are like my sisters, but this bond that my brother and my Brother from Anotha Motha (my brothers bestie) have is something beautiful. It’s like they were just meant to be in each others lives.
Well this was a lot longer than I thought it was going to be. That’s all for now… Maybe on Friday I’ll tell you about what I think I discovered about myself.
Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( I’m sure there are people who have been fortunate enough to find both their soulmate and the One in one person, and I hope to one day be apart of those fortunate.)
Ps. I want to take this time to thank the men and women that have fought for our country and our freedom. You all are truly Amazing/Brave/Beautiful human beings and I love you all. Happy Veterans Day!
Sooooo I might have remembered a little late that Monday was Monday and not Sunday. Because of Labor Day I was off from work, so in my head the whole weekend just shifted. By the time I remembered Monday was Monday and not Sunday it was like 10:30pm and I had nothing to write about. Although my friend suggested I should write about the first thing that popped into my head, which was penis (totes inapprops). So I just decided to write nothing, because if I did it would just have been the word Penis written over and over again in lower case, in CAPS, in MiXeD… Nah mean. My post would’ve looked like the scene from 500 Days of Summer when Zoey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon Levitt are yelling “PENIS!!” in the park. So I vetoed that.
I was originally going to write about the dynamics in a guy/girl friendship, and if it’s really possible for guys and girls to just be friends without one or the other getting all “emotional” and feeling things more than friendship!. Buuuuuuut it’s hot as FUCK in my house right now and the light coming off my phone and the movement of my fingers on the keyboard is making me sweat like a person that sweats a lot, so I’m gonna leave this topic for Friday. This way I’ll be drunkish and it would probably be way more fun!
Love Ya from The Moon and Back,
Emily (let the California countdown begin… In 1 month and 1 day I will be heading to California know how to party, California knows how to party!!)
So I totally dyed my hair again, the blonde was boring me. My new color was supposed to be a blackish/purplish mix. Because of my blonde hair though, I’ve created a masterpiece!!! It’s more of a grayish/purple…I’m completely in love with this color. It looks so cool and totally different than anything I’ve ever done to my hair. I feel like I finally got a winner. I’ve met my hair color soulmate! Here’s a picture for everyone to see.It might not be as noticeable in picture form, but it’s freaking bad ass in real life!!! I’m so excited about my hair that I just want to look at my hair all day in the mirror and tell my hair how beautiful it is and how much I love you, and that you are my one true love.
On to other news, I love you hair Sooo much!! Sorry I had to… Okay forrealz this time, I had a pretty good weekend… Well besides seeing my once upon a time love of my life and my mother saying such horrid things like asking about his so called “wife”. Ugh, As If!!! They’re not married, well I hope they’re not…okay I really don’t mean that (I kinda do, but I kinda don’t) I want them to be happy or whatever, but just not near me so I don’t have to like see it ever!!! OOOO and I thought my mother was on my side… How dare she call her his “wife” in front of me!!! I would disown her, but I can’t cuz you know I live in her house, so that would be kind of rude of me.
On a much much much much much much happier note, I saw MAGIC MIKE XXL… And holy shit that was, I don’t even have words to explain the MAN-liciousness that occurred on that screen. I bow down to those that decided to make a movie about male entertainers… Because GAWD DAMN!!! It was amazing. Magic Mike XXL, you turned my almost shitty weekend right around and ended it on a AWESOMEBALLZ NOTE. I was so flustered after this movie that me and alcohol are back in good terms… Because you know I needed a drink or two after that! Whew! I gots my self all hot and bothered just reminiscing… I gotta go!
Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( I finally have the purple hair I’ve been dreaming about!!)
Holy sweet heavenly goodness in a glass of AWESOME!!! This wine is sooooo freaking AMAZEBALLZ, I thinks I just fell in LURVE!! I’m so In love right now that I’m just gonna sing for you!!! “Im in love with the VI-NO, Vi-no, I got for the Low low( must be sung in that I’m in love with the CoCo way)… Got me looking so crazy right now this WINE got me looking so crazy right now… This WINE is on FIIIIIYAAAAH… This wine is on Fiiiiyaaaaaah… I am in love with you, You set me free, I can’t do this thing call drinking with out you here with me… Hey delicious Vino let me whisper in your ear, tell you some things you might like to hear… Tonight I’ll be your naughty girl, I’m not calling any of my girls cuz I want you to myself, because your so delicious.” This medley is dedicated to Barefoots Rosa Red Blend!!! I just want to say I’ve never met a wine that just knows me like you do… Your my wine soulmate/bottle. I’d like to take this time to thank: the guy who raps that CoCo song (sorry I don’t know your name), Alicia Keys, the Ying Yang Twins and of course Beyoncé for those wonderful renditions, Rosa Red Blend and I thank you very much.
Sorry I got carried away, but I’m telling you this wine is sooooo good!!! It’s sweet but not to sweet ( like I likes it… I was trying to think of something naughty to say but it didn’t make any sense) and the best part it’s bubble-y toooooooo ( I put extra Os because I’m not sure if it’s this to or this too… So I make it extra!!!).
I was totally gonna write something else, but I’m so in love right now I don’t want to ruin the moment, and I also might have forgotten what I was gonna write.
Ooo okay so today… I took another quiz!!!! You just know that “these are a few of my favorite things” ( brief cameo from Julie Andrews… The goddess I pray to, as Fräulein Mary from The Sound of Music). As I was saying, taking quizzes is my favorite thing to do in the world… Besides drinking this Vino. Today’s quiz was, What is your southern name? When I saw this I was like HECK FREAKING YEAH I NEED TO KNOW WHAT MY SOUTHERN NAME IS!!! It’s as amazing as I thought it would be. My southern name is Savannah Summers. I just freaking love it!! The best thing about this was that my mom actually wanted to name me Summer. Just in case you don’t remember I’m Hispanic, Dominican to be exact… Yes I might be the most Americanized Dominican I’ve ever met, but I still think Summer would’ve pushed me over the edge. But I do love it as my southern last name it just flows… I wanna say this was the Gods and Goddesses of Mount Olympus’s way of letting me know that Summer is destined to be apart of me. Well it’s time for me to go have a romantic evening with my vino… I’m going to need a do not disturb sign!
Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( but you can call me lover of Rose Red Blend, or Savannah Summers. Whatever tickles your pickle)
Sooo it’s more like Cerveza (Beer) Fridays… todays Vino was not drinkable…that shit was like freaking poison. I’m pretty sure it’s currently burning a hole in my tum tum. What wine am I killing myself with you ask. Well like I told you last week I had bought to bottles of the Cupcake brand Vino…a red one and a white one. Last week I had Sahara Desert Red. This week I attempted to drink Skull and Cross Bone Poison white…I pretty sure the bottle has that on the warning label. I know everyone has specific tastes, but this Cupcake “Angel Food Cake” was the freaking devil!! I think they made it with freaking jalapeños; I didn’t know that angel food cake was spicy. I’m sorry Houdini (the friend…or should I say enemy that recommended this vino brand) but I am not a fan of this brand of wine! Since it is Friday, how could I not drink something alcoholic…hence why today should actually be called Cerveza Fridays. I traded that death contraption for one of my favorite beers…Stella…yuummmm! So now I am in a much happier mood. Shall we move on?
So remember when I wrote that they ended up not needing me for jury duty…well I spoke to soon. Later on that day I received some wonderful news… I had to report to jury duty the next day. I know most people would be like…WHY ME!!! NO!!! I DON’T WANNA!! I actually didn’t mind… I was super excited that I was given this GREAT POWER!!! I was gonna start putting mofos in jail, or getting people the money they deserve… “It’s their money and they need it NOW”. I get to the courthouse and my excitement keeps growing…I’m looking around to see where the hell I have to go and BAM!!! Me thinks me founds the new love of my life…this cop was so freaking DEEELISH!!! I was about to be like “excuse me sir I want to make a citizens arrest, because you stole my heart”…ooo or “Did it hurt? When you fell outta heaven.” Ooo or “Do you have a band aide? Because I scraped my knee falling for you.” Okay okay I’m done…but I’m telling you I saw hearts floating around this mans head. I didn’t even care about righting wrongs anymore…it was love at first sight…well for me. As I walked away from my future ex-husband, I told my self I’ll do this jury duty stuff all the time if he’s gonna be here. After being distracted I finally reach where I have to be, and four hours later…. I wasn’t chosen again… but I spent the morning imaging my life with my future cop ex-husband. We would watch Netflix together, we would drink together, we would watch some more Netflix together. I know it was B.E.A.UTIFUL. So it was a pretty productive day for me. Ooo and Manny Mandingo (that’s my cars name) got a bath yesterday!! He’s so fresh and so clean clean.
I’m sorry guys, besides me sitting in traffic for an hour…my life was not eventful today. Maybe I’ll have something good for you next week.
Don’t forget Lunatics this Sunday is Mothers Day!!! I got my mum a mothers day card and I’m going to tweak it a little bit…it’s gonna be HIGHlarious. I’ll post a picture on Monday.
Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily (master pick up artist… My love for you is like diarrhea; I just can’t hold it in…okay okay I’m done now)
“On Wednesdays, we wear pink”. You might be wondering why I quoted Mean Girls, and my reasons are:
- Because I felt like it
- Why not
- Whenever you can quote a movie, especially Mean Girls, you go on and quote that movie till you little nugget heart desires.
- Mean Girls is the Bomb Dot Com and one should live by it
- Because I did my favorite thing ever… I took another one of those Facebook/Buzzfeed quiz I love oh so much.
The name of the quiz is…drum roll please… I said…drum roll please…Damn it Tony pay attention (*throws chair at Tony*)!! Sorry I just had a Whiplash moment… if you haven’t seen Whiplash yet, IT’S. A. MUST. , That movie is amazing. As I was saying the name of the quiz is… tatatatatatata (thank you Tony that was beautiful) Which One Of The Plastics Are You? I got freaking Cady Heron! Honestly who wants to be Cady…besides the whole living in South Africa, which sounds pretty cool, she’s too nice…BORING! I wanted to be Regina George. She is freaking amazing…she’s such a bitch and I love it . I think its HIGHlarious, aaaand I’m also slightly obsessed with Rachel McAdams. Although, I do like Fetch (even if Regina kept shutting it down… “Gretchen, stop trying to make fetch happen! It’s not going to happen.”) I can TOTES make Fetch happen.
Keeping in the spirit of High School I did a little reminiscing and a small amount of threatening bodily harm with my friends yesterday through group text. While I was at work there was a customer and her kids names were Emily and Fable (that’s not the boys real name by the way). Any who, in high school I had the biggest crush on a guy named “Fable”, he’s my brothers friends brother, and okay it was more than a crush it t’was LOVE…the truest love of them all…hehehehe (I laugh through my pain). So I decided to text my friends to tell them what I always knew was true…that we were meant to be… I just wasn’t sure if it was in a happily married with like 9 kids situation or if we were just meant to be siblings …so I’m kinda pissed at you FATE!!! How could you break my heart more than it already is? If you’re wondering why I shan’t be with the former (okay maybe I’m not totally over it…I’m holding out till he gets married…because I’m not a home wrecker, well I hope I’m not, I’ve never been in that situation) any way, the former love of my life is currently in a relationship; with some Whore…okay she’s probably not a whore I don’t even know this girl, she’s probably one of the nicest people ever, but I don’t care!!! It’s the principle that matters okay…sheesh! She’s a thief, even though he was never technically mine… blah blah blah, whatevs! I think I reminisced too much and the teenager inside has emerged. On that note, I’m out this bitch.
Love Ya from the Moon and back,
Emily ( the 15 year old inside me is crying…holy crapola it’s been 10 years I needs to get over this ish)
P.S. I want to say Happy Birthday to Ditzy Doodle, one of my slutties, Love you Slore ( slut whore for those that don’t know what that means).