Congratulatory Ass Slap!

I want to know who decided the best way to congratulate a teammate is by slapping their ass.

I can imagine that first person who did it was probably just trying to give his/her teammate a pat on the back but when they were about to they tripped over their own foot and while they were falling their hand was still in the ready position to pat said teammate on the back but because of the momentum of their body ended up slapping their teammates ass. Classic.

Now imagine said teammates reaction to having their ass slapped, they were probably scandalized and then figured their teammate that slapped their butt did it because he/she wanted to make him/her feel special and gave them a special pat on the lower region of their back (aka their ass). When in reality the teammate that slapped the other teammates ass was just trying not to do a face plant. It was all just a mistake but the rest of them team already saw it and were like yes this is how we should congratulate each other from now on because it’s super special!

Ooo what I would give to be the only lady on any sports team full of delicious men. Even if they messed up I would still slap their ass so they know I’m trying to make them feel special about themselves. And of course I would want the same respect I have given them, I would even bend over and say “guys didn’t I do a great job today” with a huge smile on my face. Hehehehe when I said that to my mom yesterday she laughed looked and my dad and said “did you hear what your awesomely whorish daughter said” (I might have tweaked what she said just a little).

It’s about that time again… Peace and Chicken Grease!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily (since were on the sports subject… I LOVE DEREK JETER!)

Five Stages of Hungover!

This weekend was fun… Well Friday and Saturday were fun, but Sunday not so much! I had thee worst hangover I have ever had in my life of hangovers! I’m telling you I hadn’t felt that sick in forever! The worst part about it is that I was just drinking beer. I would understand it a little more if I was doing shots or drinking hard liquor on top of the beer, but it was only beer. I’ve had bad hangovers before, like my 21st birthday weekend, well maybe that summer of my 21st birthday I lived with a hangover… But it was never this bad, like EVER! That’s what I get for hanging out with my cousins.

I’m gonna give you a little recap of what happened on Saturday. As I hope most of you know it was the FOURTH OF JULY!!! Yay!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA!! Any who my cousins had a barbecue at their house and everyone and there mother was there. But before people started showing up it was only me and my brother waiting on my cousin (Trap Queen) to get home… Just so everyone knows we were told the party started at “12”… It didn’t really start till 3:30ish.

So when my cousin got home at around 1:30 we started having beers and then gradually more of our family started showing up. I was super popular on Saturday and my cousins were hating. I usually don’t show up to family parties, because 1. I’m super lazy and 2. You have to have a certain tolerance level to hang with these people. As I was saying I was SUUUUPERRR FAMOUS, every body that saw me was like OMG EMILY-ANN, how are you?, what have you been up 2?, I haven’t seen you in so long, and I got like a bazillion hugs. So obviously my cousins got peanut butter and jealous, but I was totes loving it. They don’t understand that’s why I don’t show up for so long, because when the family finally does see me… It’s a magical moment!

Soooo fast forward to Sunday!!! Ugh… Just thinking about it now is making me nauseous. In my hungover haze… There were a lot of things that went through my head. I’m sure most of you know this but I’m still gonna hit you with some knowledge. I call this the 5 Stages of HUNGOVER!
1. Hate… This is when your just wake up from the night before, with a pounding headache, nausea, and wondering how much time you have to make it to the bathroom before you throw up all of over the place. This is when you realize how much you hate yourself for what you’ve done.
2. Anger… After you’ve thrown up what you had last night and probably that whole week, you become super Angry at yourself for going past your limit. Your freaking twenty-five years old… You should know when to stop damn it!!! (There might be some residual anger for the next couple days I’ll let you know when it goes away)
3. Tired… You just want to go to sleep, but your head is spinning to much for you to lay down and any sudden movement sends you running to the bathroom again. You might cry in this stage because all you want is to sleep, but your left sitting back against your wall because that’s the time your the least dizzy.
4. Bargaining… Now you’ll tell anyone who will listen that you will never drink again if this nausea and dizziness just goes away. (We all know it’s a lie, but it kind of makes us feel better after we’ve said it)
5. Acceptance… You fucked up… You drank to much, but you had a good time doing it. Now you gotta live with this disgusting feeling for the rest of the day. At this point your making yourself get out of bed and buy your self a Gatorade or like 4 ( Gatorade flavor choice is key, I chose a bad flavor and it made me feel worse… So I bought another one to wash out the nastiness of the first one) and move on with your crappy day, but it slow motion… Remember you move to fast you better find a bathroom and quick!

Love Ya From the Moon and Back,
Emily ( I also somehow got a cold, because I’ve been coughing a lung up all day)

Ps. CONGRATS TO THE U.S. WOMANS SOCCER TEAM FOR WINNING THE WORLD CUP!!!!… Yasssss!!!