Back At It Again…With the Diets!

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about seeking different weight loss options, and how I was leaning towards getting weight loss surgery. Welp! that didn’t go as planned. Apparently my insurance sucks big walrus balls. When I found that out I might’ve been…. OKAY… OKAY! I was extremely upset and I basically was like “fuck this shit, imma do me!”. So basically I gave up, and my thought pattern was not good. I was in a bad place for a while. I still attempted to save face and show Momma Moon that I was still trying to find ways to get this surgery, but I was over it!

Alas, two weeks ago some inspiration came to me! I didn’t have some big “come to jesus” moment or anything. The reason I decided to continue on this weight loss journey might not even be conventional, but I’m pretty out there and I don’t do conventional. “What are you doing now to lose weight?” you ask (even though I know that’s not the question you were asking, BUT it’s the one I want to answer this one first!). I signed up for Weight Watchers, and I have a feeling that it might actually work for me this time around. I know that Weight Watchers definitely ( I literally just spent 5 mins trying to spell definitely correctly) works because a few of my friends are on it now or have been on it at some point, and they have lost weight and have kept it off. Anywho back to me!! I’ve decided that this diet is going to work for me this time because I have the motivation this time!

“What is motivating you this much Emily?” Well two weeks ago I went to a tattoo convention with Sluttie McSlutterson, and let me tell you I got the itch to get another tattoo!! Since that day I have found three tattoos that I want to get and the placement of two of these tats are in the mid section, and the third would be going down my spine… nah mean jelly bean.

So because of these three tattoos that I want to get I’ve decided that I need to lose the weight so that they look super magical!!! I can’t wait… I’m super excited about this, and I’m hoping that by my birthday in April that I can get at least one of the tats that will possibly be on the or around the mid-section.

Well that’s all I got for now.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily (Future owner…are you an owner of a tattoo since technically you’re paying for it and it’s on your body, or are you like a work of art… any way future owner/work of art)

Is My Right Side My Good Side?

So this week has been super interesting. So many things happened to me I don’t even know where to start. 

I’m lying nothing happened this week. Ok well maybe two somewhat eventful things happened to me. The first thing is I had a root canal done this past Wednesday, and let me tell you the things you think of when someone is all up in your grill and you can’t speak is pretty interesting. 

A couple of thoughts popped into my head, but I don’t remember them all…I couldn’t write them down as it happened because my tooth was being shaved down and dental tools that look like push pins were being jabbed into my tooth chamber or maybe it was root chamber idk I’m pretty sure I heard the dentist say something like that or I could’ve just made it up… honestly who knows at this point. In other words I wasn’t able to move or I might’ve lost the left side of my face. 

There were about four things that I remember thinking during my tooth surgery and they go a little something like this:

1. Sir Dentist you should have a little camera attached to your head light thing and the office should have a tv on the ceiling so you can stream everything to the tv so I can watch what’s going on because I’m extremely bored just laying here while you drill into my tooth homeboy.

2. I wonder if those push pin looking things are his version of a scalpel. (I also imagined him saying to his helper “let’s save some teeth today” you know a dentist version of Dr. McDreamy aka Dr. Shepard aka Patrick Dempsey from Greys Anatomy little saying he would say before he started some very elaborate brain surgery).

3. I wish people were telepathic so I could ask Dr Dentist (I clearly do not know the mans name that was all up in my mouth… hehehe that sounds so dirty) about the root canal. Like why isn’t your helper using her suction thing to get the saliva that is currently congregating in the back of my throat and about to drown me? And also why did you become a dentist this is horrible? And also do I have any boogies in my nose I don’t remember if I cleaned it out before I came here, but I did make sure to brush my teeth so you wouldn’t smell the everything bagel I had for lunch today.

4. I hope my mom didn’t order food without me I’m super hungry.
4 1/2. I’m gonna get soup from the Chinese place on the corner.

5. I wonder how long all the anesthesia Senor (Sir) Dentista injected into my gums is going to last. I’m not even sure I have a left side to my face anymore… I don’t feel it.

6. I wonder how I’ll look with half a face. Would I be like two face… no he has two different looking faces. I would just have my right side. I would look like those stone sculptures. Is my right side my good side. I hope so because I don’t think I have a left side anymore.

Ok I might’ve remembered more than 4. Well there you have it… that was a little snippet of what goes on in my head. Just imagine how much more nonsense and sense sense I was making in my head.
Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( the second thing that happened was that I went to the birthday celebration keg party of Frover and Frenemy last night… but I’ll save that for another time)

Damn You Elevator!

I’m having this craving for coffee and I don’t understand why. I’m not a big coffee drinker I prefer tea, but this coffee craving is taking over. It’s like everything I see is coffee, in the TV shows everybody’s drinking it. I feel like every commercial I’ve seen today was either Dunkin Donuts, Folgers, or Starbucks (I might be lying about this one I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Starbucks commercial). Anyway I just thought you should know that I’m craving a nice big cup of coffee preferably Iced French Vanilla light and sweet from Dunkin Donuts… Just in case anybody wanted to buy me one or whatever.

I’m sure most know by now that I’m a little on the weird crazy random thoughts side so this should not come by surprise, anywho the other day when I was in the bathroom I saw a fly and my first instinct is to slap it away because it was in my personal space. After I slapped it away I started to wonder what the fly was thinking, so of course I’ve created a list for you… Thoughts of a Fly:
1. WTF why are you trying to kill me?
2. What have I ever done to you? Stop it, leave me alone.
3. Aye I’m flying here!
4. I wonder if this car will give me a ride on its wind shield (obviously flys are super smart and know what a car and wind shield is… If you didn’t know this then you should go watch the movie A Bugs Life)
5. Hey stop trying to slap me I’m just trying to fly but you keep putting obstacles in my way.
6. I vant to suck your blood, bwuhahahaha (this is how the Vampire Fly aka Mosquito would sound)

Now I would like to end today with a little bit of knowledge. The most awkward situation/ place you will ever be in is an elevator. People trying not to make to much eye contact, or trying not to be to close to one another, or the lack of personal space, and the worst part is being that person who’s waiting for an elevator and when it finally gets to you but it’s full to the point some Final Destination shit can happen and everybody in the elevator just looks at you with pity in their eyes because you now have to wait for the next elevator to come while those bastards get a head start to getting to their cars and getting home before you would get to your house and it has nothing to do with the fact that they might live closer than you and has everything to do with the fact you were that loser who couldn’t be on that first elevator because there were a thousand people already on there… Damn you!!! So don’t mind my run on sentence I don’t believe in proper punctuation I feel like it kills creativity… I’m just saying.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( it’s either 2 or 3 days till Cali I feel like I shouldn’t count today because it’s basically over already… Right?)