Vino Viernes!!!

 

Oh yes it’s ladies night and the feelings right, oh yes it’s ladies night… Oh what a night… Oh what a night!

If my intro didn’t clue you in I’m hang out with the… Wait for it… SLUTTIES!!! I, Princess Amelia, Big Booty Judy, Frover, Ditzy Doodle and Boobielicious are here at Sluttie McSlutterson Bitch Pad (you know her apartment); watching Netflix, Drinking some Vino and reading Gay Porn Titles…you know the usual.

Soooo…the wine that we’ve decided to drink is Barefoots Reisling… I’ve had this deliciousness before, all I have to say is Scrumdidilyumtious.

Just so everyone knows alcohol and I are still not on the best of terms. After all my hard earn money going to support you and your life… How could you do this to me alcohol. I loved you once and this is how you repay me. Anyway I’m here taking the smallest sips I’ve ever taken in my life, because of my dedication to Vino Viernes.
OOOO so Frover and I were trying to buy tickets to see T. Swizzle in concert. Our plan was to wait till the last possible minute to see how low the prices would go. Although the prices were much lower than when we checked we ultimately decided not to go. As much as we loooove Tay Tay, it just wasn’t happening. One, I didn’t have the proper outfit and when going to a Taylor Swift concert, you gotta be all Swiftied out… And I wasn’t looking right. Aaaaaand the tickets were still kinda expensive… I gotta save my money for my Vino!
Sorry peeps but I gots to go were watching How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days… YAAASSSS!!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( Princess Sofie…Crawl the Warrior King)

Ps. I’m totes over this blonde/yellow hair I needs something new in my life.

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Buzzfeed is Life!!

BUZZFEED IS LIFE!!! I used to think Google was life, but it’s like number two on that list. A couple of weeks ago I figured out that Buzzfeed isn’t blocked at my job… I’ve been on it everyday since then! If you don’t know what Buzzfeed is you need to stopping reading and go to sleep because I can’t talk to you anymore! Okay okay I didn’t mean that, Buzzfeed is where I take 99.99998% of my quizzes. They are the best quizzes ever!! I’m pretty sure I might have taken every possible quiz they have since I found out that I can go on. There are ALOT of quizzes… It’s marvelous!!! Not only do they have quizzes that helps me find out how British I am… They also have actual news, so I kind of know what’s going on in the world. They also have random articles on lifestyle, how adorably amazing Tay Tay (that’s my home girl Taylor Swift… We cool like that so she lets me call her that) and Calvin Harris are together… They’re so cute they make me want to throw up, and 13 movie facts that will make you feel truly old ( that’s one of the articles they have).

So while I was scrolling and clicking random links and pictures I came across an article called “27 Funny, Random, and Bizarre Things People Have Bought Online While Drunk”. Some of these people bought the funniest things… My favorite one was a girl talking about how when her best friend gets drunk she like to order things off of Amazon. Because the girls friend likes to be surprised she never cancelled the orders as long as they weren’t that expensive. The girls friend apparently has ordered her self vibrators, and after 12 of them she started canceling the orders. I laughed so loud that my coworkers thought I was crazier than usual and just stared at me until I stopped laughing.

After going through this list of things that people have bought themselves it got me thinking… Have I ever bought myself anything interesting or fun when I was drunk. That’s when I realized that Sallie Mae hadn’t called me in like 4 days. Those Mofos call me at least 10 times a day… EVERYDAY!! So I was super suspicious, Sallie Mae doesn’t know how to let people live their lives without bothering. With that in mind I checked my account, and apparently my fucking drunk ass on Saturday made a freaking payment to Sallie Mae!!! Apparently drunk me is super responsible and pays off freaking loans instead of buying my self pretty surprises!!! The only surprise I got was when I looked at my bank account and saw that I really did pay that hoe Sallie… It was on my damn statement!!! I must’ve gotten to the point where my drunkness completely passed Delilah and made me a grown up… Ugh!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily (I’m gonna have to start hiding my credit/debit cards when I get drunk… I might end up paying my car two months in advance)

Vino Viernes!!!

Holy sweet heavenly goodness in a glass of AWESOME!!! This wine is sooooo freaking AMAZEBALLZ, I thinks I just fell in LURVE!! I’m so In love right now that I’m just gonna sing for you!!! “Im in love with the VI-NO, Vi-no, I got for the Low low( must be sung in that I’m in love with the CoCo way)… Got me looking so crazy right now this WINE got me looking so crazy right now… This WINE is on FIIIIIYAAAAH… This wine is on Fiiiiyaaaaaah… I am in love with you, You set me free, I can’t do this thing call drinking with out you here with me… Hey delicious Vino let me whisper in your ear, tell you some things you might like to hear… Tonight I’ll be your naughty girl, I’m not calling any of my girls cuz I want you to myself, because your so delicious.” This medley is dedicated to Barefoots Rosa Red Blend!!! I just want to say I’ve never met a wine that just knows me like you do… Your my wine soulmate/bottle. I’d like to take this time to thank: the guy who raps that CoCo song (sorry I don’t know your name), Alicia Keys, the Ying Yang Twins and of course Beyoncé for those wonderful renditions, Rosa Red Blend and I thank you very much.

Sorry I got carried away, but I’m telling you this wine is sooooo good!!! It’s sweet but not to sweet ( like I likes it… I was trying to think of something naughty to say but it didn’t make any sense) and the best part it’s bubble-y toooooooo ( I put extra Os because I’m not sure if it’s this to or this too… So I make it extra!!!).
I was totally gonna write something else, but I’m so in love right now I don’t want to ruin the moment, and I also might have forgotten what I was gonna write.

Ooo okay so today… I took another quiz!!!! You just know that “these are a few of my favorite things” ( brief cameo from Julie Andrews… The goddess I pray to, as Fräulein Mary from The Sound of Music). As I was saying, taking quizzes is my favorite thing to do in the world… Besides drinking this Vino. Today’s quiz was, What is your southern name? When I saw this I was like HECK FREAKING YEAH I NEED TO KNOW WHAT MY SOUTHERN NAME IS!!! It’s as amazing as I thought it would be. My southern name is Savannah Summers. I just freaking love it!! The best thing about this was that my mom actually wanted to name me Summer. Just in case you don’t remember I’m Hispanic, Dominican to be exact… Yes I might be the most Americanized Dominican I’ve ever met, but I still think Summer would’ve pushed me over the edge. But I do love it as my southern last name it just flows… I wanna say this was the Gods and Goddesses of Mount Olympus’s way of letting me know that Summer is destined to be apart of me. Well it’s time for me to go have a romantic evening with my vino… I’m going to need a do not disturb sign!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( but you can call me lover of Rose Red Blend, or Savannah Summers. Whatever tickles your pickle)

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Vino Viernes!!!

IMG_0539Grrrrrr, ruff ruff…. Stop, Drop, Shut’em Down open up shop…OOOO NOOOO that’s how Ruff Ryders Roll (Thank You DMX and the Ruff Ryders for that amazing intro). For the past two days I’ve been feeling real Gangsta…nah mean!! Yesterday I was in the mood to listen to some Tupac Radio on iHeartRadio (which basically consists of obvisously the man Tupac, Snoop Dogg, Biggie, Dmx, Mobb Deep, Big Pun, and all that good stuff), and I haven’t stopped listening since. This morning the song by NWA, you know the one (F the police) came on and of course I drive right by a cop car. I felt like he/she heard it and was going to pull me over and I was freaking out, but then I looked in my rearview (like five exits later… because you know, I didn’t want to attract anymore attention to my self by constantly looking back and slowing done…I swear there was some logic in that) and when I glanced up that cop was no where to be found. Yasssss!!!!

On my way home I was feeling extremely proud of my self for escaping the cops (earlier in the morning) that I was about to go to a tattoo place and get THUG LIFE tattooed across my belly (I didn’t do it by the way… my mom doesn’t approve of the tattoos I have now imagine if I came home with that…my ass would’ve be kicked out). In the middle of my bars (I hear that’s what rappers call it) of Biggies Juicy, I started thinking…holy shit I was like younger than 10 when I first heard these songs and I was rapping along to them then like a boss. But then you think about the things these rappers were saying… scandalous, I feel like the Thug Life gods have just revoked my lifetime pass!!!

Okay on a completely different subject, WTF IS GOING ON WITH THIS KYLIE JENNER CHALLENGE!! Are these kids stupid!!!! What do these kids expect is going to happen by sucking their lips into these shot glasses or whatever the hell they’re using; that they’re going to get these B.E.A.UTIFUL full lips. NEWS FLASH MOFOS that is only attainable if you were either born with them or get some work done on them, nah mean jellybean. I swear these kids are freaking nuts these days…and I thought I was freaking crazy when I was younger. I just don’t understand why these teenagers are trying to emulate another person. Just be yourself and love what was given to you. LOVE YOURSELF PEOPLE!!

OM YEEZUS!! THIS VINO IS GETTING TO ME BRAH!!! I’ M A LITTLE LIGHT HEADED!!! I’m trying a new Vino for tonights occasion its Barefoot Shiraz. It’s not really my cup of tea, but I’m still drinking it because I can’t say no to Vino. It’s a drier wine than what I like, but I put some Sprite in that shit and made my self THE most DEEEELISH Red Wine Spritzer!!!

OOOO so I took another Facebook quiz yesterday. The quizzes name is Which Five-Letter word describes you perfectly? And apparently not only do my friends and family think I’m CRAZY but so does Facebook. I don’t know if I should be offimage1ended or… actually I’m okay with it. You, Facebook, you know me well!! On that note I say good day. This wine is about to have me laid out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Love Ya from the Moon and back,

Emily (This post makes absolutely no sense and. I. LOVE IT!!!)

P.S. AVENGERS AGE OF ULTRON COMES OUT NEXT FRIDAY!!!! AHHHHH!!!!

Waaaaay Back Wednesday!!!

“On Wednesdays, we wear pink”. You might be wondering why I quoted Mean Girls, and my reasons are:

  1. Because I felt like it
  2. Why not
  3. Whenever you can quote a movie, especially Mean Girls, you go on and quote that movie till you little nugget heart desires.
  4. Mean Girls is the Bomb Dot Com and one should live by it
  5. Because I did my favorite thing ever… I took another one of those Facebook/Buzzfeed quiz I love oh so much.

The name of the quiz is…drum roll please… I said…drum roll please…Damn it Tony pay attention (*throws chair at Tony*)!! Sorry I just had a Whiplash moment… if you haven’t seen Whiplash yet, IT’S. A. MUST. , That movie is amazing. As I was saying the name of the quiz is… tatatatatatata (thank you Tony that was beautiful) Which One Of The Plastics Are You? I got freaking Cady Heron! IMG_0427Honestly who wants to be Cady…besides the whole living in South Africa, which sounds pretty cool, she’s too nice…BORING! I wanted to be Regina George. She is freaking amazing…she’s such a bitch and I love it . I think its HIGHlarious, aaaand I’m also slightly obsessed with Rachel McAdams. Although, I do like Fetch (even if Regina kept shutting it down… “Gretchen, stop trying to make fetch happen! It’s not going to happen.”) I can TOTES make Fetch happen.

Keeping in the spirit of High School I did a little reminiscing and a small amount of threatening bodily harm with my friends yesterday through group text. While I was at work there was a customer and her kids names were Emily and Fable (that’s not the boys real name by the way). Any who, in high school I had the biggest crush on a guy named “Fable”, he’s my brothers friends brother, and okay it was more than a crush it t’was LOVE…the truest love of them all…hehehehe (I laugh through my pain). So I decided to text my friends to tell them what I always knew was true…that we were meant to be… I just wasn’t sure if it was in a happily married with like 9 kids situation or if we were just meant to be siblings …so I’m kinda pissed at you FATE!!! How could you break my heart more than it already is? If you’re wondering why I shan’t be with the former (okay maybe I’m not totally over it…I’m holding out till he gets married…because I’m not a home wrecker, well I hope I’m not, I’ve never been in that situation) any way, the former love of my life is currently in a relationship; with some Whore…okay she’s probably not a whore I don’t even know this girl, she’s probably one of the nicest people ever, but I don’t care!!! It’s the principle that matters okay…sheesh! She’s a thief, even though he was never technically mine… blah blah blah, whatevs! I think I reminisced too much and the teenager inside has emerged. On that note, I’m out this bitch.

Love Ya from the Moon and back,

Emily ( the 15 year old inside me is crying…holy crapola it’s been 10 years I needs to get over this ish)

P.S. I want to say Happy Birthday to Ditzy Doodle, one of my slutties, Love you Slore ( slut whore for those that don’t know what that means).