Vino Viernes Part Deux begins in 3…2…(mouths the number 1 and points to host)
Welcome back to tonight episode, this is the time one would give a recap of what they missed, buuuut as we all know by now I’m super lazy… I suggest just taking a quick gander and Vino Viernes Part Un so we can all be on he same page!
Today our story begins and ends on a warm Saturday (August 22). I know super sad, but all we did Sunday was drive back home; not many interesting things happened. Back to the story, Saturday we had a day full of adventures and obviously more wine!! Our main goal on Saturday though was to have the Poutine, so we basically planned our day around it… I’ll get back the the Poutine a little later.
You would think because we (myself, Boobielicious and Slutty McSlutterson… Just incase you forgot) were on vacation and well because it was a fucking Saturday and the day before we were up at the butt crack of dawn driving to Casa Carajo Land… I just asked my mom how I would translate that for you and it apparently has a bajillion meanings (most of them are bad) but in this case it basically means Far as F*** Land… And explored Montreal all day, that I l don’t know maybe we would sleep past fucking 8 O’Fing Clock in the morning; I digress.
When we all showered and dressed (separately… You nasties!!) we devised a plan for the day:
1. Exchange American Mula for Canadian Dough. This didn’t work out as we planned so we ended up just withdrawing money from a TD bank ( didn’t know TD is a Canadian bank… Well that’s what my parents told me so obvi they wouldn’t lie to me, or would they?). So I ended up taking out 100 in Canadian Dough which equals to like 70 something in American Mula… PEOPLE THIS WAS THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME!!!! How do I know the exchange rate when my mathematic skills are horrid, you ask. Well my friends I look on my Bank of America App and that’s how I found out. How did I get to use my app when I had my phone on airplane mode the whole time, you ask. Well me and these slutties I went with hooked up to every free Wifi we could get onto… That’s how! GENIUSNESS!!!! It’s was like everywhere we walked (well everywhere we walked in the Village) was like having contact with the world, because we hopped from Wifi (Weefee… Correct pronunciation, just in case you didn’t know) to Wifi. Of course everyone knows that if it’s not snap chatted or Insta-ed than you weren’t really there. HAAA gosh I’m so funny.
2. Food. You’d think, that’s simple enough… Weeeell not so much we still had to somehow read the menu to order breakfast.
3.Bikes. No not the motorized ones, although I do wish we had one of those instead. You see nobody tells you that when your going to explore a new city walking and/or biking, one must wear comfortable shoes and cloths. You might say that is common sense and I do agree with you there, but you don’t realize how much walking and or biking you have done until you stop doing it! Holy mother of pearl, I’ve never been in so much pain in my fucking life! The only thing that soothed my pain was coming across a, I want to say pirate festival, where they had Wine tastings!!! Yes I said Wine TASTINGS!!! And it was amazing! I tried like six different kinds and they were all amazing and I might’ve gotten a little tipsyish… And yes I did end up buying a bottle which will be revealed to you this Friday for the real Vino Viernes!!! So exciting! Aside from the wine we also tried Maple Liqueur? Liquor? I’m not sure which one was used on the bottle, but Holy Hannah Montana it was sooooo creaking (Crack and freaking morfied into one) good. So the lady that was giving us the sample told us at first to take a small sip so we would be able to taste the liquor… Then for the rest of the shot she poured cream in it and Holy Crocodile Dundee it was Canadian Maple Heaven! So so so so so so so feeling DELISH!!!
4. Poutine. YAAAAASSSSS. We got to have some Poutine. I’ve been wanting to try this since my brother went to Montreal last year and told me about it. He did not steer me wrong. This meal was so freaking good. I had the smoked meat Poutine, which is basically fries, the most delicious gravy, cheese and smoked meat on top. Holy Crap your pants fantastic! After a day of walking and biking this was the best lunch ever! If I could I would have one everyday!
5. Go to a bar and have a drink. Well we never got around to this one. By the time we got back to our hotel to drop off our bags of souvenirs, and then ride the bikes we rented back to the rental place, and then walk back to our hotel so we could relax before our ghost hunt later in Old Montreal we were freaking exhausted. So I’m going to break down how we got to that having drinks part. Don’t be so shocked sometimes your just to tired to drink,YES THAT HAPPENES… Judges! We were riding around what felt like the whole city, but really was just most of Old Montreal, since 11am till around 5 or 6 when we returned our bikes. Our asses were hurting so bad! At around 8:30 we went to go do this Ghost Hunt (more like a walking history class) McSlutterson had found, and that lasted till about 10pm… We knew we would be walking, but craptastic land they should warn you how much when you purchase these fucking tickets!!! When we finished this hunt we were starving and our bodies were in pain; so we went to go find food. By the time we ate it was like 11:30 almost 12am, ain’t nobody got time for drinking when you can barely tell if your feet are still attached to your body!
All in all our trip was freaking amazing, and I still have a bicycle seat imprint on my ass to show for it! Although next time I go to Montreal I’m going to have to buy clouds for shoes and padded undies for a more comfy bike ride! Bonne Nuit ( Good Night… I’m telling you my French is on point, thanks to google translate)!
Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily (I just want to apologize for all the F bombs I dropped tonight… That’s just the only way I knew how to express myself correctly.)