Soooooo my inner sloth took over yesterday and decided not to do anything productive, basically I was super lazy and laid in bed all day and caught up on some show… it was magical! Anywho because I was away in New Orleans a couple weeks ago everything is out of order in my life. Last week I had to tell you all about my adventures in such a beautiful city, but I also wanted to write about my birthday shenanigans and there was a huge battle in my head for who shall win aaaaaaand if you read last week New Orleans won. BUT TODAY IS THE DAY FOR MY BIRTHDAY EXTRAVAGANZA! For those that don’t know I celebrated my 6th anniversary of turning 21 years of age a little over a week ago. ‘Twas a weekend spent in the city ( for those who don’t know what city I’m referring to… I be talking about The Big Apple, NYC… In New Yoooooork concrete jungle where dreams are made of. Wow thank you Alicia Keys that was beautiful)
My Birthday weekend extravaganza started out very tamed. On Friday the day of my birth I was with my family. We put some yum yums in my tum tums, then came back home stayed up talking shit and reminiscing. We laughed we cried we laughed some more it was a great night.
Saturday day night is were sh🌙t got cray cray. Me, my brother and a couple of my friends went to the Strip Club!! It was a night to remember. I got some titties in my face. Let me tell you these ladies have the smoothest skin I’ve ever felt in my life! Also I learned that I’m horrible at the whole strip club thing. I did nothing like what I’ve seen on TV. I was gently placing dollars on the floor and when one of the ladies came closer a told me to slap her ass, I gently tapped it… even she was like “girl!! Slap my ass!!” And proceeded to grab my wrist and made me slap her bum. I was even worried that I would give the girls a paper cut…It was hilarious. One of the ladies gave me the biggest compliment of my entire life… the following is how the conversation went (well from what I can remember):
Exotic Dancer: hi the most awesome person I’ve ever seen in my life I heard it was your birthday…come here (pulls my head to her breasts and shimmies)
Me: (blushing profusely thoughout the night) *giggling* yea it is…thanks. (Gently placed dollar in her g-string)
Lady that Dances on poles: do you have some Asian in your family. ( crawls on floor)
Me: *gasp* yes I do… can you really tell?
Woman whom shakes her Tatas: yes you look a little Hawaiian! (Pulls g-string open for some mula)
Me: (gently places money in said pulled g-string) Oh my gosh stop it… you’re making me blush!
Lovely lady in nothing but a g-string: really… you look like Moana!!!
Me: OMG I LOVE YOU!!! I’ve always wanted to be a part of Disney!!! (Turns to Frenemy) she said I look like Moana!!! MOANA!! I love her!! How did she know just what to say to me!! (Gave the rest of the money in my hand to the nice lady)
And that was the highlight of the night for me.
Also, my brother did a T-Pain and went and fell in love with a stripper… so now I might have a future Stripper In-Law.
Well that’s all for now!
Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( or should I say Moana)