Wedding Bells are Ringing…They’re Not Mine.

“Hello, is it me you’re looking for? I can see it in your eyes, I can see it in your smile.” Do you ever feel like busting out into some Lionel Richie! No? Just me? Well, that got awkward. Anyyyyyy who, I’m baaaaaaaack and I had so many stories to tell you, but I’ve been slacking and not writing my stories down in my notes, and as you know I have horrible memory. But trust me they were going to be epic and hilarious and all the magical things you could imagine. Never fear though because I do have a little story to tell you about a girl and a wedding.

Once upon a time there was a girl (let’s call her Emily) and she went to a wedding (let’s say it was yesterday). Emily danced all night, drank about the same amount as she danced (she also didn’t get drunk if you were wondering… I know I am just as surprised as you!). She basically had the best time ever with her friends! After this magical night where one of her close friends married the love of her life. 

I’m telling you their love story is straight out of a fairytale. It’s one of the most beautiful things to witness from the beginning to their happily ever after. It’s stories like theirs that make you believe in true love and soulmates.

Ok ok back to the story. After this magical wedding Emily started thinking of her own future wedding. Emily always thought that she would just do a quick Vegas thing and just save the money for the most awesomeballz honeymoon ever! But now she finds herself thinking about who she would chose to be her bridesmaids, and that she might actually have her brother as man of honor and cousin as bridesman. She’s also thinking about the color scheme and venue and that she would like a beach, garden or vineyard venue. She might also have a Pinterest board full of wedding related things. Also she’s already decided on the song for her first dance with her future husband. ( La vie en rose by Edith Piaf)So moral of the story is I might actually want a wedding and all that jazz…and I can thank the newlyweds for that.

Ta ta for now! 
Love Ya From The Moon and Back,

Emily ( first things first I need to find me some husband material candidates… I must go now)

Ballet Watching 101!

Cinderelly CinderellyNight and day it’s Cinderelly

Make the fire!

Fix the breakfast!

Wash the dishes!

Do the mopping!
I just saw my first ballet and it was Cinderella!!! I loved it! It was so beautiful and the colors of the costumes were magical. The best part is we had box seating!!! BOX SEATING!!! Yes we were one of those fancy people. I felt a little bit like Viv (Julia Roberts) from Pretty Woman minus the whole prostitution thing and the really rich handsome dude named Edward (Richard Gere). I went with my momma, I had bought these tickets for her birthday and she freaking loved it, Soooooo basically It’s a fact that I am her favorite child! YAAAASSSS! 

If you ever want to go see a ballet I have a couple of tips for you:

1/2. The correct way to pronounce ballet is Baa Let… don’t let others steer you wrong… bwuhahahaha (this is my evil laugh… also I was too lazy to move the numbers around so that’s where the half came from).

1. You should probably dress a little fancy, like where the jeans The don’t have those rips on them. There were a lot of people in full blown gowns for this show. Meanwhile me and my mom are in jeans and a sweater thinking nobody is going to come that dressed up for a show at 3 o’clock in the afternoon!! We were WRONG!

2. Be prepared to spend roughly $21.15 actually $22.15 (I tipped a dollar I know i know I’m super generous) on two mini bottles of Sprite, a bag of skittles and Welch’s fruit snack (Horse manure!!!).

3. You will see lots of bulges (you know man parts in tights) and wedgies! WOW!!! That’s all I have to say!

4. You will leave there believing you can do all those moves just as beautifully, but you can’t Emily!!! You’re not properly trained so stop it or you will break your fucking toes, ankles, snap your Achilles basically anything that makes up your foot! Just stop it Emily!

5. Lastly be prepared for a lot of clapping!!! There is more clapping in ballet than in any sporting event. My arms and hands are sore from clapping so much. I’m surprised I can even type this right now!
Well there you go I hope these tips help anyone who wants to see a ballet! 
Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily ( future ballet star!! Nah never mind I don’t have the balance or grace for that!)

The Magical Things I’ve Figured Out This Past Month!

So I’ve been the shittiest of the shittiest people. I said that I would post something on the Fourth of July and here we are on August 7. WOW!! Doesn’t time just like fly by. Anywho, I’ve stumbled across a couple of pretty Awesomeballz things and some pretty stupid shit this past month. I was going to write this in my OOOOOH so favorite list form but then decided against it because what I have to say cannot be numbered. Only because some of it is long. Ooo fuck it I’m making a list!! I shall call this list The Magical Things I’ve Figured Out This Past Month!:

1. Stop what you’re doing because I know how to figure out who you’re meant to be with by finding out what day they’re birthday lands on. If both your birthdays land on the same day then…(Drum roll Sam… Tap tap tap tap tap… That was Sam… My drummer) YOU’RE MEANT TO BE!! “But Emily how do you know these other worldly things… Well it’s easy… My parents have been married for more than a thousand years and they still seem to tolerate each other and their birthdays land on the same day!!

2. People who don’t know how to staple papers correctly apparently piss me off! I learned this at my new job. Everyday I have to remove staples from stacks of f🌙ing papers and then re-staple those mofos. Like how hard is it to staple in the fucking top left side! Holy freaking walrus balls!!

3. As we all know I am a very indecisive person. I’ve told you about my dabbling in several majors and hobbies and all that good stuff. But I have a new hobby that I’m really getting into. Photography. I took a class once,  you know in that time when I was trying to be pre-med ( and realized this shit ain’t like Grey’s Anatomy, but then simultaneously remembered that in Greys they were already done with the whole pre-med part of becoming doctors so you know long story short… I’m not a Doctor) and I thought the class was kind of a joke. My professor was a tad bit on the eccentric side( basically she was a little nutty bar). Now thinking back on this class I wish I would have taken it serious. I’ve always loved taking pictures but now I wish I learned more about it. Damn me and my asshole ways!!

4. Once upon a time a girl named Emily decided to go braless. It’s was a magical time but she came across some thing she had never thought of before this day. So the day Emily decided to let her titties be free was the day she was hugging everybody and their mom (this is just an expression I really wasn’t hugging moms… Just wanted to clarify this). Those people Emily hugged felt a whole lot they weren’t expecting. It was just full on titties with no bra barrier and it might have been slightly chilly… Just saying. This same night Emily meets a new person all the others she had hugged till this point she didn’t care if they felt tittie because they were her friends and they know that Emily is a little on the not normal side, but on this marvelous day of tittie freedom she met a new person and oh was he a hugger he went straight for the kill… And in her head she was like damn it this guy just felt nip town. Oh and a little advise for those with bigger chesticles… You might want to bring baby powder with you because you will get swamp tittie.

5. Finally I wanted to tell you about the time at my other job when I was complimented on my speaking voice. This woman had me so freaking flattered that I was blushing! She asked me if I ever considered working in radio! I was like GIRL!!!! Who is paying you to say these wonderful things to me! Needless to say I’m obviously going to pursue and career in radio now. Because I have a “beautiful speaking voice”. OOOO Gosh! *blushing* Still gets me every time.

Well that’s all I have for tonight. I shall see thee when I see thee!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily (A couple of weeks ago I had a dream that I was pregnant, and woke up freaking out reaching for my belly and was immensely relieved that it was not true… So clearly I’m totally ready to have a baby.)