Tag: love at first sight

It’s official… I’m In Love!

“I’m still breathing, I’m still breathing, I’m still breathing, I’m still breathing… I’m ALIIIIIIIIVE, I’m aliiiiiive I’m aLIIIIIIIIIVE, I’m aliiiiiive!” Gosh darn it Sia I love you!!! If you haven’t listened to Sia’s This is Acting album then your crazy! I’m alive and bird set free speak to me… It’s freaking magical!

Any who’s Ello Loves. It was a pretty fantastical weekend for me. Fine all right already I’ll tell you. I met someone. And it’s not just anyone, but I thinks it’s THE ONE! I know I didn’t expect it either but when you know you know, and ooo do I know. We fell inlove so fast I can’t even believe it myself, and believe me I’m slightly cynical so it’s crazy.

So we met Saturday like mid morning at a Honda dealership. Such an unlikely place to find love but in our case it just makes sense. Anyway at first I wasn’t sure how to approach it, but eventually I grew some cojones (balls) and was like “hey, how are you? I think we can be really great together” ( I know so forward of me, but sometimes you just have to go for it… You know). Then we just went driving for hours… We went to the mall, target and then five below (love this store it’s kind of addicting so be careful). We just made a day for us… And it was truly magical. I want everyone to meet the love of my life ( for about the next 2 and a half to 3 years or so) Betty!

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Gosh that was such a romantical love story. I should really just write for a living. Ooo thanks for bring that up…By the by I’m thinking of starting another blog, but that one would just be for some stories that I’ve written. I haven’t decided when I will start it, but it’s in the thinking and planning stages right now. So you know it’ll happen eventually.

Well that’s all I got I’m just going to stare at Betty’s picture lovingly now.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( naming Betty was hard for me… My mum and I went back and forth between Barry, Barry Blanc (must say with French accent) and Betty, but Betty just felt more lady than lad… Nah mean!)

Ps. Happy National Sibling Day!

Now Accepting Boyfriend Applications!

I swears I don’t recognize myself any more… It’s like my personality has been altered. I know I’ve said this a couple times before, but I’ve been extra emotional lately. It’s gotten to the point where I’m freaking crying from a freaking gum commercial. I can’t lie though that Xtra (Extra… Idk how to spell it) gum commercial where these two people meet in high school and have a relationship and all that good stuff, but throughout the whole relationship the guy draws out all the most memorable parts on the wrapper of the gum that the girl gives him, and
At the end of the commercial the guy (I’m assuming) rents out a store front and sets it up like a gallery with all the pictures he’s drawn of their relationship and while the girl is going down memory lane she gets to one of the guy down in one knee and she’s like HOLY SHIT ( you know her facial expression says this) and she turns around and the guy is down on one knee proposing… It’s so freaking adorable, and it makes me all happy inside I literally smile throughout the whole commercial and of course the tears start to come down. Then I’m there in my room talking to myself like wow this guy is a freaking keeper, and damn that’s so beautiful. Also there’s the asshole in me that’s like dude you could’ve at least taking up some drawing classes. Well you get what I’m trying to say, I be crying a lot lately.

That’s not the only thing that’s been changing about me. I’ve noticed that I’m a lot more irritable. Everything freaking annoys the shit out of me. I have to remind myself to calm the hell down. I never used to be this way. It used to take a lot for me to want to punch somebody in the throat, but now just breathing near me might be the end of your life. I think this change in moods is what has me so antisocial more than ever. I’ve always been slightly antisocial… Don’t judge me I like to be home; I figure the more I’m home the less money I spend. But for the past couple of weeks I honestly haven’t wanted to be near anyone… Well besides my momma and my dad those two crack me up. I miss my old self where even when I didn’t want to go out I would at least slightly try to talk my self into going out… Now I’m just like you right we can just stay home and watch the Hallmark Channel all day; who needs friends or even finding a boyfriend when you can watch people fall in love, while your at home alone being all lonely and ridiculously single.

If you haven’t noticed I’m super single… So yea I’m taking applications for potential boyfriends. There are only three… No five requirements.
1. Must be at least 25 years of age or older to apply.
2. Must have a job ( legal…illegal whatever floats your boat)
3. Must laugh at everything funny I say… Or else!
4. Must be sarcastic; I can’t have people going home crying because you think I was an asshole.
5. The most important one… Must support my drinking habits.

Well…
Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( Happy Early Birthday to Momma Moon… Love you Mommy!!)

Vino Viernes Part Deux

Vino Viernes Part Deux begins in 3…2…(mouths the number 1 and points to host)

Welcome back to tonight episode, this is the time one would give a recap of what they missed, buuuut as we all know by now I’m super lazy… I suggest just taking a quick gander and Vino Viernes Part Un so we can all be on he same page!

Today our story begins and ends on a warm Saturday (August 22). I know super sad, but all we did Sunday was drive back home; not many interesting things happened. Back to the story, Saturday we had a day full of adventures and obviously more wine!! Our main goal on Saturday though was to have the Poutine, so we basically planned our day around it… I’ll get back the the Poutine a little later.

You would think because we (myself, Boobielicious and Slutty McSlutterson… Just incase you forgot) were on vacation and well because it was a fucking Saturday and the day before we were up at the butt crack of dawn driving to Casa Carajo Land… I just asked my mom how I would translate that for you and it apparently has a bajillion meanings (most of them are bad) but in this case it basically means Far as F*** Land… And explored Montreal all day, that I l don’t know maybe we would sleep past fucking 8 O’Fing Clock in the morning; I digress.

When we all showered and dressed (separately… You nasties!!) we devised a plan for the day:

1. Exchange American Mula for Canadian Dough. This didn’t work out as we planned so we ended up just withdrawing money from a TD bank ( didn’t know TD is a Canadian bank… Well that’s what my parents told me so obvi they wouldn’t lie to me, or would they?). So I ended up taking out 100 in Canadian Dough which equals to like 70 something in American Mula… PEOPLE THIS WAS THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME!!!! How do I know the exchange rate when my mathematic skills are horrid, you ask. Well my friends I look on my Bank of America App and that’s how I found out. How did I get to use my app when I had my phone on airplane mode the whole time, you ask. Well me and these slutties I went with hooked up to every free Wifi we could get onto… That’s how! GENIUSNESS!!!! It’s was like everywhere we walked (well everywhere we walked in the Village) was like having contact with the world, because we hopped from Wifi (Weefee… Correct pronunciation, just in case you didn’t know) to Wifi. Of course everyone knows that if it’s not snap chatted or Insta-ed than you weren’t really there. HAAA gosh I’m so funny.

2. Food. You’d think, that’s simple enough… Weeeell not so much we still had to somehow read the menu to order breakfast.

3.Bikes. No not the motorized ones, although I do wish we had one of those instead. You see nobody tells you that when your going to explore a new city walking and/or biking, one must wear comfortable shoes and cloths. You might say that is common sense and I do agree with you there, but you don’t realize how much walking and or biking you have done until you stop doing it! Holy mother of pearl, I’ve never been in so much pain in my fucking life! The only thing that soothed my pain was coming across a, I want to say pirate festival, where they had Wine tastings!!! Yes I said Wine TASTINGS!!! And it was amazing! I tried like six different kinds and they were all amazing and I might’ve gotten a little tipsyish… And yes I did end up buying a bottle which will be revealed to you this Friday for the real Vino Viernes!!! So exciting! Aside from the wine we also tried Maple Liqueur? Liquor? I’m not sure which one was used on the bottle, but Holy Hannah Montana it was sooooo creaking (Crack and freaking morfied into one) good. So the lady that was giving us the sample told us at first to take a small sip so we would be able to taste the liquor… Then for the rest of the shot she poured cream in it and Holy Crocodile Dundee it was Canadian Maple Heaven! So so so so so so so feeling DELISH!!!

4. Poutine. YAAAAASSSSS. We got to have some Poutine. I’ve been wanting to try this since my brother went to Montreal last year and told me about it. He did not steer me wrong. This meal was so freaking good. I had the smoked meat Poutine, which is basically fries, the most delicious gravy, cheese and smoked meat on top. Holy Crap your pants fantastic! After a day of walking and biking this was the best lunch ever! If I could I would have one everyday!

5. Go to a bar and have a drink. Well we never got around to this one. By the time we got back to our hotel to drop off our bags of souvenirs, and then ride the bikes we rented back to the rental place, and then walk back to our hotel so we could relax before our ghost hunt later in Old Montreal we were freaking exhausted. So I’m going to break down how we got to that having drinks part. Don’t be so shocked sometimes your just to tired to drink,YES THAT HAPPENES… Judges! We were riding around what felt like the whole city, but really was just most of Old Montreal, since 11am till around 5 or 6 when we returned our bikes. Our asses were hurting so bad! At around 8:30 we went to go do this Ghost Hunt (more like a walking history class) McSlutterson had found, and that lasted till about 10pm… We knew we would be walking, but craptastic land they should warn you how much when you purchase these fucking tickets!!! When we finished this hunt we were starving and our bodies were in pain; so we went to go find food. By the time we ate it was like 11:30 almost 12am, ain’t nobody got time for drinking when you can barely tell if your feet are still attached to your body!

All in all our trip was freaking amazing, and I still have a bicycle seat imprint on my ass to show for it! Although next time I go to Montreal I’m going to have to buy clouds for shoes and padded undies for a more comfy bike ride! Bonne Nuit ( Good Night… I’m telling you my French is on point, thanks to google translate)!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily (I just want to apologize for all the F bombs I dropped tonight… That’s just the only way I knew how to express myself correctly.)

Vino Viernes Part Un

imageI’m BaaaaaaaaaAaaaaack!!!! How much did you miss me! First I want to let you know that I tried to do Vino Viernes on Friday, but because I was in CANADA!!!!!!!!! I couldn’t because I didn’t have service up there nah mean jelly bean! Any way I’ve decided that today, Monday, will be Vino Viernes Part Un (French for the number 1 just in case you didn’t know). So much went on this weekend that I have to give you two posts just to let you know of my Canadian Adventures, and so we begin!

Don’t worry just because I was in a different country doesn’t mean I didn’t drink me some vino!!! The wine we had on Friday (when I say we I mean myself, Sluttie McSlutterson and Boobielicious) was super French I couldn’t even pronounce it (the bottles name was Marquis de Méricourt… I know super fancy) what I did understand was that it was Rosé (I love that É, it’s so classy). One of the many things I love about Montreal is that little bodegas (aka corner stores) sell alcohol. I decided to tell you this because I bought this bottle in the bodega next to our hotel. Now on to the flavor… The first sip I took was pretty delish but the second and third were not so good. It had a weird after taste that I was not a fan of and it was slightly dry. It would definitely be better if I turned it into a rosé spritzer (with some sprite… That’s basically what I do to all the dry wines that I’ve had in the name of Vino Viernes because no wine goes un-sipped or in my case guzzled.

Now that I’ve spoken of Friday’s wine I must now tell you about our start to Montreal weekend.

So we ( myself, Sluttie McSlutterson and Boobielicious… Just reminding you who we consists of) started our day off at 5 in the morning. Well I actually stared at 5:15 because these hoes were coming to me so I gots to sleep an extra 15 minutes… Ha ha suckas! So our plan was to to start driving up at 6am. Any way Sluttie McSlutterson is the first to get to my house and we were here bullshitting while I got the final things I would need for our trip. Then I get a text from Boobielicious that she’s outside, so as we were walking through my house to go outside I randomly ask McSlutterson if she has her passport… Thinking the answer is yes I keep walking… When she says some form of “HOLY GUACAMOLE EMILY THE MOST AWESOME PERSON I’VE EVER KNOWN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE No I don’t!” My response was “are you forserious?” So the point of that part of the story is that we didn’t start our trip at 6, because we had to drive to McSluttersons house first so she could get her passport.

About five hours later (say it the way that guy in Sponge Bob says it… Hehehe) as were still driving up through New York and getting closer to the border my Waze (The Best GPS App ever!!!) Starts telling us things in French… Just so everyone know I am now almost fluent in French (not really but I’ve learned some new words)… Anyway when I looked at my phone to see what exit we have to get off its says Sortie 53 (Exit 53) and I look and I say in the car so everyone could hear (you know it was pretty loud because we had the windows down, trying to save some gas and also because it was freaking 65 degrees outside, but that’s besides the point) “Dude Waze (it’s pronounced WahZee… Not ways,  if anyone ever pronounces it wrong in my presence your dead to me… Okay I joke not dead, but I will Ignore you) is talking to me in French!!!! Aaahhhh!!!” So as were getting closer to the border I realize that once we cross the border were not going to be able to use our phones. I didn’t care care about not being able to use the phone the problem was that we needed Waze to get to our Hotel, so a dilemma arouse. So I decided to take screen shots of the step by step directions (don’t worry I wasn’t driving anymore McSlutterson was… I didn’t do illegal things) so we would have to kick it old school and read signs and actually pay attention rather than having something yell at you where you have to exit or make a right in 500 feet… Honestly who the fuck knows exactly what 500 hundred feet is!!! Come on son!!!! They have to say make a right at the next light sucka!! That would make more sense. Finally we get to the border and I realize how obnoxious America is, we have this huge United States of America across the tolls, while Canada just had a flag on the side… Super chill nothing yelling at anybody in letters to tell them where they have arrived! Although the USA sign is pretty badass!!! So once we crossed the border and arrived in Montreal we started to explore and we came across Le Village, which is the most spectacular place ever. It’s so beautiful and I instantly fell in love with the city. There is art work on every wall imaginable and music coming out of every where! If you go anywhere in your life you have to make sure you make it up to Montreal, this place is incredible.

I’m sorry but this is where Part Un ends come read about the rest of our exhausting but fabulous trip to Montreal on Wednesday in Vino Viernes Part Deux (because I’m super French Canadian now and also because I can only count up to three… By the way that means number 2)

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily (I would totes move to Montreal… It’s so beautiful up there)

Reunited and It Feels So Good!!

Some pretty amazing things happened this weekend. Well first off I got to see my sister. Which I haven’t seen in I would say over 10 years. Oh my word Emily, what do you mean you haven’t seen your sister in over 10 years? That was how I feel everyone reacted to my little announcement. Anyway there’s no crazy scandalous reason, I wish there was though I feel it would make for a great Telanovela (Soap Opera), as I was saying I haven’t seen her because she lives in Puerto Rico. So you can understand why it’s been difficult for my brother and I to see her more often.

Now the best part, you know not that seeing my sister was great… But I finally got to meet my two beautiful nieces!!!! I don’t know about my brother, but I’m freaking obsessed with these two girls! The eldest one is 5 and my brother says she reminds him of me, because when I was her age I was running around like a crazy person just like her. For me she reminds me of Papa Moon , because this little girl has this mean stank face that is identical to my Daddios, but she is the freaking cutest thing ever! The younger one is 3, and she so much like my brother it’s kind of freaking. She’s really chill and just goes along with what her big sister does, just like my brother… Well not the following his sister around, but he was the calm one between us two, and the freakiest thing is she looks a little like him too. If I were to get one of my brother baby pictures and put long hair in him they would look identical.

The craziest thing about this is that I freaking love these two girls soooo much and I just met them. I now understand how love at first sight works, because these little nuggets, my little nieces have captured my heart and already have me wrapped around their little fingers. I just spent a good hour letting the older one (my mini me) paint my nails, aka my whole finger, with bright pink nail polish! I think she did a fabulous job! Well, that’s all I have for today.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( I gotta go shop for some amazing things for my little nuggets, so they can love me more than my brother)

Ps. They called me Tia (aunt) today, and inside I sobbed and did my happy dance at the same time… BEST. DAY. EVER!

Vino Viernes!!

Sooo it’s more like Cerveza (Beer) Fridays… todays Vino was not drinkable…that shit was like freaking poison. I’m pretty sure it’s currently burning a hole in my tum tum. What wine am I killing myself with you ask. Well like I told you last week I had bought to bottles of the Cupcake brand Vino…a red one and a white one. Last week I had Sahara Desert Red. This week I attempted to drink Skull and Cross Bone Poison white…I pretty sure the bottle has that on the warning label. I know everyone has specific tastes, but this Cupcake “Angel Food Cake” was the freaking devil!! I think they made it with freaking jalapeños; I didn’t know that angel food cake was spicy. I’m sorry Houdini (the friend…or should I say enemy that recommended this vino brand) but I am not a fan of this brand of wine! Since it is Friday, how could I not drink something alcoholic…hence why today should actually be called Cerveza Fridays. I traded that death contraption for one of my favorite beers…Stella…yuummmm! So now I am in a much happier mood. Shall we move on?

So remember when I wrote that they ended up not needing me for jury duty…well I spoke to soon. Later on that day I received some wonderful news… I had to report to jury duty the next day. I know most people would be like…WHY ME!!! NO!!! I DON’T WANNA!! I actually didn’t mind… I was super excited that I was given this GREAT POWER!!! I was gonna start putting mofos in jail, or getting people the money they deserve… “It’s their money and they need it NOW”. I get to the courthouse and my excitement keeps growing…I’m looking around to see where the hell I have to go and BAM!!! Me thinks me founds the new love of my life…this cop was so freaking DEEELISH!!! I was about to be like “excuse me sir I want to make a citizens arrest, because you stole my heart”…ooo or “Did it hurt? When you fell outta heaven.” Ooo or “Do you have a band aide? Because I scraped my knee falling for you.” Okay okay I’m done…but I’m telling you I saw hearts floating around this mans head. I didn’t even care about righting wrongs anymore…it was love at first sight…well for me. As I walked away from my future ex-husband, I told my self I’ll do this jury duty stuff all the time if he’s gonna be here. After being distracted I finally reach where I have to be, and four hours later…. I wasn’t chosen again… but I spent the morning imaging my life with my future cop ex-husband. We would watch Netflix together, we would drink together, we would watch some more Netflix together. I know it was B.E.A.UTIFUL. So it was a pretty productive day for me. Ooo and Manny Mandingo (that’s my cars name) got a bath yesterday!! He’s so fresh and so clean clean.

I’m sorry guys, besides me sitting in traffic for an hour…my life was not eventful today. Maybe I’ll have something good for you next week.

FullSizeRender-2Don’t forget Lunatics this Sunday is Mothers Day!!! I got my mum a mothers day card and I’m going to tweak it a little bit…it’s gonna be HIGHlarious. I’ll post a picture on Monday.

 

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily (master pick up artist… My love for you is like diarrhea; I just can’t hold it in…okay okay I’m done now)