Tag: lists

Movie Date 101

Hello!! I have returned!! Oh how I’ve missed thee! I was trying to be all Game of Thrones and wait a while before coming back, and I may or may not have wanted to leave some suspense and mystery about my whereabouts. Anywho,It has been a crazy year and I swears I’ll write about it at some point. I can’t just throw it all out there, then what would I have to write about. I decided to come back with a bang, and bring back my favorite… lists! So if you would kindly continue reading on for my criteria on what a potential significant other needs to become a significant other. It’s a working title I’m sure I’ll figure out a good name by the end of this.

1. Must not talk during a movie. I thought that was a relatively simple rule to follow. Even the movie theater tells you in a very nice way to shut the fuck up right before the movie starts. One would think everyone would shut the fuck up….buuuuuuuut that’s not always the case.

2. Must not talk during movie after a person specifically told you that she was really excited to see the movie.

3. Must not attempt to kiss person during the movie she said she really wanted to fucking see.

Ok guys I’m not sure if you see a pattern, but the she I was referring to is me. Here’s the story behind my new potential significant other criteria… honestly it’s more like a guide on how to behave during a Movie date. Ooooo guess what I’m calling this…MOVIE DATE 101.

As I was saying, about a week or so ago I went on a date. Well first you should know that this was a let me give this guy a second chance second date. It wasn’t a OMG I can’t wait to see this guy again second date… you get my drift. So basically this guy already had 1 strike against him and if you didn’t know I’m a former huge baseball fan (ever since Derek Jeter retired I can’t call myself a huge baseball fan anymore, but this is completely unrelated). As I was saying homeboy already had 1 strike against him and in my game there’s no balls ; ok that sounds wrong but if you know baseball you know that there are balls and strikes but I’m not getting into the rules of baseball. Anyway there are only strikes in my game is what I’m trying to say. Holy shit that took way to long for me to get to that point.

So this guy already had 1 strike against him, but I followed my slutties ( if you don’t remember, because I know it’s been a while, Slutties is a term of endearment I call my friends) advice and decided to give this guy a second chance. Our first date wasn’t horrible or anything, I just didn’t feel anything towards this guy. Our second and last date was to go see the movie Yesterday, which I was soooo excited to see because I’m a fan of the Beatles.

Throughout the entire movie this guy, let’s call him Motormouth, wouldn’t shut the fuck up… the. ENTIRE. TIME! For someone like me who thoroughly ( idk why this word just looks like I spelled it wrong but I spelled check and it didn’t correct me so onward we go) enjoy watching movies. I especially wanted to see this movie and I had expressed that fact when we made the plans to go and then again when we got into the theater. So it wasn’t like I only told him once and he forgot! That shit was fresh in his mind! (By the way this was strike numero dos… number 2 for those who may not know Spanish)

His blabbering wasn’t the only problem. In the middle of the movie he attempted to kiss me! KISS! ME!!! Like mofo did you even listen to me when I said I wanted to fucking see this movie! So I literally snuffed his face and told him in a very angry hushed voice (because I have common decency and didn’t want to ruin the movie for other people) NOT! DURING! THE! MOVIE! (I would greatly appreciate it, if you would read this in an angry hushed voice it really brings it home). (For those I’m the back still keeping count that was strike numero trois…(that’s number three for those that don’t know French… don’t worry I had to google translate that) YOU’RE OUT!!!

So in conclusion, don’t fuck with me during a movie I will Heisman the fuck out of you!

Well folks that’s all for today. Oh how I’ve missed our little chats!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily (future Heisman Trophy winner)

Calling Out 101

Let’s say… obviously hypothetically speaking of course… that you had to call out of work last week. What reason would one have to call out you ask? Well Ms./Mr. Goodie Two Shoes!!! Some of us have really good f🌙cking reasons! Any way as I was saying you might have a Doctors appointment, something else, something equally as important, you just don’t feel like going to work, OR you might have an interview for another company and you don’t want the place you’re working at to know that you’ve been looking for other employment… you know something along those lines, nah mean. Let’s say one of those thing just magically appeared and you haven’t been planning it for alittle over a week or anything like that… WHAT! No way I’m not talking about me having an interview last Thursday and having to call out or anything! That did not happen!

As I was saying I have some tips for those of you that might have one of this situation pop up. I shall call this list: Calling Out 101!

1. (This one only matters if you’ve had this call out planned, if not please skip step one). The day before this call out happens you need to build your backstory. Start acting like you’re getting sick. Sneeze a lot, clear your throat and sniffle the shit out of your nose!

2. You need to set your alarm to about an hour and a half before the time you need to be at work. Reason for this is depending on what type of job you work you’re giving the company enough time to call around for someone to cover your shift. If you don’t work in retail and you work in an office setting, you would most likely start work 7,8 or 9am. This way when you call out it’s right after you wake up and your voice will sound authentically raspy and sick like.😉

3. Make sure you have some kind of backstory just in case those people you work with are nosy and ask questions.

Well my chickadees that is all I have for you.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily (Any relatives that are reading this… let’s make believe that this blog is Vegas… what ever is said here stays here… nah mean!! Ok I love ya buh bye!)

Blogging 101 (Emily’s Way)

First things first I find my self f🌙cking hilarious! I’ve been playing around with this SnapChat filter, and I keep cracking myself up.

Now on to the topic at hand. A couple of people have asked me how I come up with stuff to write about and I guess my process… idk people just being nosey as hell (jk jk not really but sorta). Well I shall let you all in on a little secret. I usually have absolutely no clue what I’ll be posting on Sundays. I literally type up most of the posts while I’m in/on the loo (for those that don’t understand British… that means bathroom/toilet). I know you must be wondering is she in the bathroom while she’s typing this? Yes, yes I am. I do my best thinking in the bathroom and I figured it’s better spent typing my blog than playing some game that will eventually piss me off.

For those rare occasions (like tonight) that I actually have an idea of what I want to write, I have a list of points (for reference please see following two photos: 1st photo is my typed version for those times I’m either at a red light or stuck in traffic or maybe when it’s not Sunday yet and I’m sitting on the toilet and a magical thought comes to mind and I know with the memory I have I’ll forget in the next .05 seconds if I don’t type it somewhere. 2nd photo is for those times where I’m driving or walking because I can’t multitask like normal people. My brain can’t compute typing and walking without tripping or bumping or getting hit by car at the same time, and also for those times when my lazy really kicks into high gear and I don’t want to type.)
So my advice to those that are thinking of starting a blog (or really just want to know how I come up with my genius) just do it!!! Write about whatever you want! But most importantly do it in the bathroom because no one will bother you while your writing.

Love Ya From The Moon and Back,
Emily ( also if you’re super anal and need to follow a set of rules… well you’ve come to the wrong place.)

Pros And Cons Of Being A Lady!

So I started thinking of pros and cons for this topic last week, and I only came up with 3 pros (which I thought of today so this should be fun) and a shit load of cons. So lets get this party started on a sunday (I know it should be saturday but for todays purpose it shall be sunday) night …even though I miss Pink from the 2000’s; I can’t lie I still like this song. Of course this will be in my beloved list form:

 Pros:

1. Cloths, Shoes, Jewelry and of course Purses

2. Getting Mani and Pedis… LOVE!

3. Getting to eat anything you want when you’re on your period or even when you’re pregnant, so you can blame it on either one and no one can judge you.

 Cons:

1. Lets Start of with one of the three P’s. PAIN (we have to go through so much freaking pain at least once a month or during freaking giving birth! WTF)

2. Periods or if you’d like to be more technical Menstrual Cycle ( I just got over this one a couple of days ago so I’d rather not talk about it).

3. Now for the big P… Pregnancy. I know its suppose to be the most beautiful thing and then the whole miracle of life and all that good stuff, but honestly if there wasn’t nausea and the freaking pain of child birth then I’d put it on the Pro side.

4. Shaving. I just got out of an hour shower because I was shaving my freaking life away, because I must take VAnessa GINA to the doctor tomorrow. Ok the whole shaving might/could possibly be partly my fault; I let my legs turn legs turn into animals, but come on I’m done with this shaving shit!

5. Waxing. Why can’t I  just live my life as a hairy beast, why do I put myself through the torture of getting hair fucking ripped off my face and other areas (even though I’m way to scared of the pain to put my poor Vanessa Gina through that).

 There are way more cons than this buuuuuut I didn’t want this to turn into a long winded whine feast. So that’s all folks.

 Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily (I don’t really mind being a lady I’ve had 26 years to get used to it

I Love Making Lists!

Just finished watching the movie The Giver… All I gots to say is… EVERYONE MUST WATCH THIS! I don’t care if it’s not your kind of movie… Dooo it!!! Okay okay maybe I should tell you a couple of things to persuade you to watch it!

1. I said it’s amazing and that should be reason enough… I joke I joke… But seriously watch it it’s really good.

2. The main character (played by Brenton Thwaites) is absolutely gorgeous… Although I thought he was like 16ish turns out he’s actually 26 (thank the lord for that).

3. Brenton Thwaites is Australian… And also plays Prince Philip in Maleficent… Nuff said.

4. Jeff Bridges… Loves him!!!

5. The goddess of all Meryl MotherFing Streep… Hellur!!!

6. Cute babies all over the place

7. It can be a total mind fuck, which I love!

8. Eric Northman (Alexander Skarshard) is still a beautiful creature… If you don’t know Erin Northman you better get up on that True Blood!

9. If movies aren’t your thing, this movie is based off a Book by the same name… And if the movie was this good… The book is probably 20 times more amazing (as books usually are).

10. T. Swizzle, Tay Tay, Swifty, my home girl Taylor Swift makes a 10 minute cameo! So what are you freaking waiting for!!!

I just told my cousin Saca Moco that I wasn’t gonna write about the movie… I lied I wanted to keep him in suspense!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( just so you know it’s hot as the Devils sons armpit in this freaking room)