Happy Thanksgiving!!!

On this weeks episode I talk about my thanksgiving and that my family and I have decided to start our own home renovation show! In honor of the snow “Baby, it’s cold outside” gets its time on “I’m Sorry, Que”

This podcast is available basically everywhere! Follow me on Instagram: @lifeasamoon and @em_ily421

Follow the links below to get to the podcast!!

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/life-as-a-moon/id1485767206?uo=4

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

On this weeks episode I talk about my thanksgiving and that my family and I have decided to start our own home renovation show! In honor of the snow “Baby, it’s cold outside” gets its time on “I’m Sorry, Que”

This podcast is available basically everywhere! Follow me on Instagram: @lifeasamoon and @em_ily421

Follow the links below to get to the podcast!!

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/life-as-a-moon/id1485767206?uo=4

A Change Gon’ Come

As the amazing Sam Cooke would say…”It’s been a looooong, a long time coming but I knooooow a change gon come… oh yes it is.” With that said, I’ve decided to change this blog into a podcast. I know right, I’m super cool. The podcast will keep the same name as the blog and the same format… even though we all know that there is no structure what so ever on this thing. But on the podcast you’ll get to hear my voice. And just like I like to sing on here for you, I will being singing on the podcast as well. Will it be the best singing you’ve ever heard… possibly, I don’t know what kind of singers you listen to. Or will it be the worst singing ever recorded in the world… probably. But you know what I say…Fuck it! I’m gonna did it anyway. 

So, if you would like to follow me into the podcast world (which I would absolutely love) My first episode will be up on Sunday!!!! I haven’t designated a day the episodes will go up, since you know I’m super indecisive, but I’ll figure it out eventually. I’m super excited about this change and also extremely nervous because you know I’ll be singing for reals, but it’s time for me to try something new and this is it! I will be posting the link to the episode here on Sunday, and if you want to know what else may be going on in my life please follow me on Instagram @lifeasamoon.

Well guys this blogging world has been fun. Hope to hear from you on my new podcasting adventure.
Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily (wish me luck 🤞🏽)

The List Of Things That Happened To Me Since The Last Time!

Guys so many things happened to me these past two weeks. Oh, where shall I begin. You know what, I haven’t done a list in so long I think it is time. I shall call it The list of things that happened to me since the last time. I know that’s kinda long but also perf!

  1. Don’t pick up the phone you know he’s only calling cause he’s drunk and alone… sorry I couldn’t help myself that song is forever in my head. Any way I got my nails done… I know that might not seem like a big deal and that’s because it’s not. I just decided to have a little me time and have a nice relaxing nail day where my nail tech (are they called nail techs or just like the lady that does my nails. I don’t really know the term.) decided that I didn’t need my cuties aka cuticles, and proceeded to zzzzz (that’s the sound the nail filing thing makes… clearly I did my research on this.) until I bled. Really it was as relaxing as it sounds, but my nails do look cute so I guess pain is beauty.
  2. I decided that I want to cut my hair because its super long (well for me any way because I usually keep my hair short) and I don’t want to deal with it. But then at the same time I don’t want to cut my hair because I want to see how long I’ll let it grow until I ultimately cut it. So I’m back at square one, nothing getting done… the usual.
  3. I got a new laptop! Which I am currently typing tonights post on which is why its probably going to be super long because I’m usually writing from the bathroom on my phone. It’s where all my best thinking happens. Just so you know I got a MacBook Air. I know moving on up!
  4. I saw Black Panther the weekend it came out and it was the most amazing thing I’ve seen in so long. In my opinion it is the best marvel movie! The storyline… Amazing! The Villian… HOT also Amazing! The fact that this movie not only showcased talented black people from the actors to the director, but the fact that the powerful black women were the driving force… was fucking MAGICAL! This movie was so good I watched it twice and I’m trying to go watch it again, so whoever wants to go let me know!
  5. This is a big one people! I got a new JOB! I know I’m so excited! For those of you that don’t know I’ve been on the job hunt and let me tell you it has not been easy. When I first started looking I told myself that I only wanted to apply for jobs that I would be passionate about. If some of you don’t know I’m currently going to school for Creative Writing. So logically I want to be a New York Times Bestselling Author, but apparently one needs to write and wait for it publish a book for that to happen. But never fear I’m in the process of writing a little something something, nah mean jelly bean. I do have a back up career and that is to work in publishing. Just so you know getting a job in publishing is incredibly hard… honestly getting a job in any field is hard. After a couple of months with no luck, I broaden my scope. I can learn more in whatever field I get into and when I finish my degree and can go back out there and try again. With that being said I start my new job, not in publishing but that’s ok, in two weeks! In the mean time I’ll just keep writing and go with the flow!
  6. Finally, I was asked a very important question last night! A couple of weeks ago I mentioned that two of my slutties got engaged. Well Frover, my most favorite sluttie of all, asked me to be her bridesmaid! AAAAHHHHH! I’m so excited!! She asked in the cutest way! She gave us (her bridesmaids) a wine glass with the question written on it! It was the most beautiful thing. I got teary eyed and everything! Just thinking about it now has my eyes watery! Please enjoy the picture below because I had about an hour-long photo shoot with my glass!

IMG_3476

Well this went on as long as I predicted… god I love this fucking MacBook… I really just like writing MacBook… and just think about it guys I could be writing the next New York Times Bestselling book right here on this MacBook!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily (future Bridesmaid! and hopeful New York Times Bestselling Author!)

Puppy-Love and Stalkerish Tendencies.

I’m back and creepier than ever. When I say creepier I mean it in the most wonderful way it can possibly sound. You know what Ixnay on the creepier-ay… I could possibly be the next CIA/FBI/Secret Agent/Detective/007, honestly any of those would work that’s how good my (I don’t want to say stalking but if the shoe fits) investigative skills are. I shall give thee a little story on the person you are about to learn about. 

Once upon a time there was a pre-teen (or maybe even teen-teen) and she went by the name of… umm let’s just say she went by the name of… you know what her name was Emily and it was me. Any who this pre-teen/teen-teen met a boy through her neighbor and bestie at the time…we are no longer neighbors nor are we really friends anymore you know how that goes, you get older one of you becomes a little, how you say, sluttie when we were slightly (way) too young for it, so the other one (me) kind of just gradually cuts the sluttie one out of her life. I know I know it was a real sh🌙tty thing to do but I was fucking 14 or some sh🌙t and I didn’t know how to handle it so shut your face and listen to the rest of the story! (We’re still friends in Facebook if that counts)So Emily was introduced to this boy named Garry… his name was Garry with two R’s. So Emily and Garry become really good friends and the best part about this friendship was that his younger cousin lived up the block from her house. They got to hang out all the time and of course Emily fell into puppy love with Garry (with two R’s). This “love” was so serious that practically everyone on the block knew of Emily’s feelings for Garry. As the days went by the kids on the block would play football, tag, manhunt and just hang out on the steps. All of a sudden Garry tells Emily that his family is moving to California. Emily’s little teenager heart was broken she didn’t know how to deal. She had never told Garry that she liked him liked him, so she simply told him that she’d miss him and to keep in touch. 

A year or so passes and Emily is no longer friends with the neighbor that had once been her bestie. Emily is now a freshman (I think) in high school and has somewhat forgotten about her puppy love and is crushing on other boys from her school and some not from her school. One day she had gotten home from I think it was softball practice and she was just hanging out in front of her house eating string cheese, when a boy that looked oddly familiar was walking up the block. Emily just stared at this boy trying to figure out who he was. Meanwhile the boy was also looking at Emily as well. With their eyes locked he continued his trek up the block.

This story is getting really long so what I’m saying is, that boy she saw was Garry and he’d moved back to Jersey and apparently had been back for a while. So Garry and Emily started to hang out again but then his family moved again and I haven’t seen him since. This is where my investigative skills come into play.

While I was awake in the middle of the night (a couple of days ago) when I should’ve been sleeping… something reminded me of Garry (it could’ve been the fact that I was watching SpongeBob and Gary the snail ( 🐌) slithered around the pineapple). The next thing I know I’m googling Garry (with two R’s) lo and behold there he was my Garry just 12 years older and still looking a little like J-Boog from B2K (if you don’t know who B2K is… you may leave right NOW!! j/k you can stay just google them so you get the picture). What I found was not something I liked.

Apparently Garry has a family. He has two kids and a girlfriend and lives somewhere that is not New Jersey. So the moral of this story is… don’t go chasing waterfalls please stick to the rivers and the lakes that your used to I know that your gonna have it your way or nothing at all but I think your moving to fast… LISTEN TO MEEEE (sorry I couldn’t help myself and by the way that was waterfalls by TLC if you didn’t know). Anyway moral of the story is you should probably go to sleep at a decent time so you don’t Instagram stalk the kid you were in love with when you were just a wee little lass. You won’t like what you find even though you should be over him because honestly Emily it’s been 12 years since you last saw him what the f🌙ck did you expect.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily (once upon a time Mrs. Garry with two R’s)

P.S. Happy Early Independence Day/ 4th of July!!!

The World of Online Dating… Round 2!

Aaaaaaand welcome back to round two of the disaster that is my life… I mean my “love” life (every time quotation marks are used please know that you must read it the way Dr. Evil would… and if you don’t know whom Sir Dr. Evil is… please don’t take offense to this but… LEAVE, GET OUT RIGHT NOW IT’S THE END OF YOU AND ME!! (Thank you JoJo for that beautiful song). Well I guess you can’t really call it a “love” life if I’m only talking to guys online. So I shall call this my attempt at a possible real world dating life. Yea that sounds much more realistic. This past week I’ve been talking… well more like typing… to three guys (scandalous… I know). 

1. Guy number one… let’s call him Peanut Butter and Jelly. Things started out pretty normal… and that’s odd for me, buuuuuut I went with. Through this normal conversation I found out that PB&J has a cat. I know a CAT!! For those that don’t know, I am NOT a “cat person”. I love all animals but cats just… I don’t like them! They’re assholes and I feel like they always have an attitude and are on the verge of scratching your face off. Sooooo needless to say my future baby daddy… I mean significant other… can NOT have a cat it’s a no go for me. You might be thinking this is where it ends for PB&J, so sorry you shall be wrong. PB&J’s saving grace was that he also has a ferret!!! A freaking ferret! So I was very excited about the turn of events because I’ve always wanted to meet a ferret! After I let PB&J know that his ferret helped him dodge a bullet shot by his cat our conversation headed into much more “Emily-esque” territory. It was great we started talking about quotes that we would want to put on our grave stones… super funny stuff.

2. Hombre numero dos… lets call him Jekyll and Hyde. This conversation was… I want to say was biographical. He just wanted to know my whole life story. Which I feel is super boring. I like to talk about random things that make me think of funny comebacks, but every time I tried something funny he would totally shut it down and ask me some boring question like… “what are your long term goals?”. Honestly I don’t even know what I’m going to wear to work tomorrow… I have no clue what my long term goal is… idk maybe not be broke would be great! All of a sudden he asked me if I had any more pictures. Ooooo you don’t even understand how excited I got. I was like yea I have a lot of pictures… and then J&H was like send me some. So I proceeded to do just that. Below are the pictures I sent Mr. Jekyll and Hyde.

They are amazing I know!!! I had so much fun, buuuuut he was not as amused as I. After that third picture he was like “what’s with all the body parts?”… and I was like “you don’t like them”. I think he was trying to make sure I wasn’t catfishing him or something. But what Mr. Jekyll and Hyde doesn’t understand is that I am waaaaaaay to lazy and also not an asshole to Catfish anyone. Yes, I might be mean on occasion but not that mean. If you’re wondering I still haven’t heard from J&H since that last message.

Finally, Homme nombre trois ( this is suppose to be French… but I’m not exactly sure if it’s correct I google translated it) lets call him Juniper Berry ( I just googled this it’s a real thing). So with JuJu Bee it felt like one of those ice-breaker conversation you would have on the first day of class where you say your name, where you’re from and your major. Yea so basically it was super entertaining (I literally side eyed while typing that) and the conversation hasn’t gone anywhere from there. 
Well there you have it folks… that’s the end of round two.
Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( I think I’m going to be a “dog-lady” when I grow up.)

I’ll Always Remember The Night I Lost An Hour!

A couple of years ago… (I’m pretty sure it was 2011 because I remember thinking it’s not illegal to drink when you’re gonna be 21 in a month right?) me and a couple of my friends went to a bar about five blocks from my house. This bar was having a St. Patrick’s Day party. There was corned beef, cabbage, potatoes, more corned beef (there was a lot of food I just don’t remember it all it’s been years and I have trouble remembering what I did an hour ago you can’t expect me to remember what I did 6 years ago!) but most importantly there was a lot of alcohol! 

I got extremely hammered. When I say hammered I mean I drank enough that you could probably open a tap on me and serve my alcohol laced blood… it was some serious shit. I remember there being a lot of shots a couple Yjeger?… jyeger? (how the f🌙ck do you spell this…hold on I must go google…it’s actually super easy to spell… Jesus Emily!) Jagerbombs and I’m pretty sure there were beers. The best part about all this is I don’t think I paid for a damn thing. I remember having money going in and the next day there was still money in my wallet… sooooo I call that a win.So that night I remember going outside the bar a calling this guy I liked back then…just so everyone knows I’m one of those people that likes to drunk dial, well now it’s more drunk text because I hate talking to people, but back then I was really into talking to people on the phone, ok well more like just talking to this one guy on the phone… as I was saying I was talking to this guy and I remember him asking me to go with him to NYC because he didn’t want me out drinking without him (again so everyone knows I hate traveling to The City, even though it’s only about a 15 min bus ride in I still hate it, but once I’m there I have the best time it’s just getting the motivation of actually going that kills it for me). I told this kid he was f🌙cking nuts, one I would have to meet up with him in my already extremely inebriated state and then he expected me to hang out like this, like I said he was f🌙cking nuts. Any way he got mad at me and then I got even more mad because he was mad at me and the alcohol taking up residency in my blood stream didn’t help the situation… I know I know I’m super surprised that I remember this much from this night, but this night is engraved in my brain.

So in my pissed off state I wanted to go home. Boobielicious and I started walking to my house from this bar at like 1:30ish or something. Boobielicious was meeting up with a friend of hers close to my house so she decided to walk with me. When I finally got home its was THREE O’CLOCK IN THE MORNING!!!! It shouldn’t have taken me and my friend an HOUR to get back to my house!!! This bar was 5 blocks away from my house!! When I say 5 blocks I literally mean 5 blocks. So I was really confused and wondered if I blacked out or if I decided to take the extremely long way home… which basically would be me walking around my whole town because it’s not that big for it to take me an hour to get home from a bar that was FIVE BLOCKS AWAY!!! 

Soooo long story short…even though I basically already gave you the whole story… the next morning when I woke up (basically on my death bed) and went to get some water the clock on the kitchen stove said it was 10am which matched what my phone said. For some of you you might be thinking “well yeah that’s what clocks should do… tell the right time” well you see the clock in my kitchen only tells the correct time about 6 months out of the year… the other 6 months it’s usually an hour ahead. That is when I figured out where that hour went… it was daylight savings time. Well there you have it… that is how I lost an hour and it was also the last time I got that drunk… I think.
Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily ( I really am extremely impressed with myself that I remembered that much from that night considering my already bad memory and the amount of drinks I had)