10 F🌙cking Years!!!

Guys I know I’m slacking hardcore and I keep telling you that I’ll be back next week and I keep lying to you. In all honesty I’ve just been having a hard time thinking if things to write about. It’s like I don’t have anything relatively fun to say. Instead of calling this thing that I have a “writers block” let’s just say I’m in a pretty big consistent slump. Every player has their bad games. This is my bad game that’s been going on for a while.

Anyway the real reason I’m writing today is not only because it’s Father’s Day and I want to write something super special, beautiful and heartfelt for my dad. But also because my FUCKING 10 YEAR HIGH SCHOOL REUNION is next Friday and I’m NOT a New York Times Bestseller (because I haven’t written anything yet), A Grammy Award winning singer, an Academy Award Winning Actress, a Tony Award winning Lead Actress in a Musical, an Olympic Gold Medalist, nor am I super rich and famous for no reason… don’t tell anyone I still don’t have a bachelors degree. And as much as I love my dad and want to write about him, he would literally just tell me “Mimi, fuck you”. Let me be clear when he curses you out it’s really all love so don’t think bad about him, he’s the best. I’m pretty sure he’s buying me a pair of sneakers right now when I should be the one buying him gifts! So basically what I’m saying is that I’ll be writing about my FUCKING 10 YEAR HIGH SCHOOL REUNION.

As I said before in a very uplifting and positive way, I ain’t done shit in the last 10 years since I fucking graduated HS. So I’m having a lot of mixed feelings about this reunion. First I feel that in this day of social media we don’t really need a HS reunion. I know everything that’s been happening in my former classmates lives, so really what is there to catch up on. Also majority of my graduating class is either married, in serious relationships, and/or have kids. Meanwhile, I’m here thinking like aren’t we too young to be getting married forgetting that I’m on the precipice of 30 (I’m not even sure I used precipice correctly… that’s how fucked I am). I’m no where near where I thought I would be. With my reunion looming over my head, it’s really putting my shit show of a life into perspective. Yes I’m working towards my degree and I have a job and all that jazz, but I feel like I’ve wasted the last 10 years of my life. God damnit this is some fucking depressing shit. I’m also 1000% sure this post has the most curse words I’ve ever written before. Also, I guess I’ll get to see people I haven’t seen in a while so that should be fun.🤥

Well guys on that depressing ass note, I’m going to go drown my sorrows in a large glass of water (because my tum tum is upset with me and I don’t want him to continue to be upset with me.). I will also try and think of a way to become rich and/or famous but preferably rich in one week or less. Should be super fucking easy.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily aka Debbie Downer (Should I even go to this reunion? Aren’t they for like people to show off how amazing their lives turned out. I feel like I don’t fit the criteria. Maybe I should do some Romy and Michelle shit and make believe I invented Post-its/Sticky notes. And if you don’t know what I’m referring to, please just go watch Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion… you see I can’t even tell you to go fuck off that’s how sad I be.)

P.S. Happy Father’s Day to all you amazing Dads. Especially my dad that dude is the fucking best!

Fantabulous!!

The other day I heard someone…or I might’ve seen it in a movie or maybe I read it in a book, I don’t really remember. I get so into movies and TV shows and Books that sometimes I can’t tell if what I’m talking about really happened to me or the characters. That’s probably not a good thing. One this is for sure if it’s a very extravagant, exciting, elegant you know all those E words that have other letters after it, I know for sure it wasn’t my life… Sorry any way back to what I was saying.

So I heard a person/ or character ( just covering all my bases) say the word fantabulous, and I was shocked because I always thought that I made this word up. Come to find out someone else made up this word and it’s actually in a dictionary. So basically I have been the saddest panda ever since.

Anywho I want to say Happy Father’s Day to Papa Moon. He’s the best daddio EVER!!! I love you papi!!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily (Sooo super exciting news…. I got a new job… Yay!!!!)

Vino Viernes!!

Leeeeeet’s get ready to RUMBLLLLLE!!!! Sorry I just saw this meme with Steph Curry and Lebron James in a boxing ring!!! It’s HIGHlarious! It’s Friday people!!!! It’s been waaaay tooooo long since I last saw you Friday and I’ve missed you. Since your here today lets drink some Vino, shall we. I haven’t changed my vino since last week… It’s just way too good to give up so soon!

Today we are having a special edition of Vino Viernes! Since Father’s Day is this Sunday I decided to dedicate this Friday to my home boy Papa Moon! This isn’t going to be like my Mother’s Day post. I’m not gonna get all emotional because I’m pretty sure Papa Moon doesn’t read this so it would be pointless. So what I’m gonna do today is just tell everyone a little bit about my Daddio in what I like to call…

The Guide to Understanding Papa Moon:
1. He looks mean and bald, but he’s harmless…Sometimes
2. He knows how to work a pink shirt… Work it girl… Fierce!!
3. He wants anything and everything that Apple makes… If Apple painted a portrait of a banana, B.A.N.A.N.A.S, he would buy it.
4. BEER!
5. He’s most likely the clumsiest person I’ve ever met. When he shaves his head, he always manages to fuck his shit up. This mofo makes himself bleed like he cut a main artery.
6. If you buy something to eat or drink and you leave it the refrigerator, don’t ever think of eating or drinking it again. His policy is “if it’s in MY Fridge, it’s mine”.
7. He just tried to drink my wine!
8. He’s the one that wanted all these dogs.
9. He has a lot of nick names, but we like to call him the Tank!
10. Mother Fucker… Is his favorite thing to say… Ever
There you have it kiddies. He’s the best dad ever… I wouldn’t trade him for anything!!! HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!!!

I Love You Mother Fucker for ever and ever and ever,
Mimi ( your favorite child… Everybody knows it’s true!!)