Movie Date 101

Hello!! I have returned!! Oh how I’ve missed thee! I was trying to be all Game of Thrones and wait a while before coming back, and I may or may not have wanted to leave some suspense and mystery about my whereabouts. Anywho,It has been a crazy year and I swears I’ll write about it at some point. I can’t just throw it all out there, then what would I have to write about. I decided to come back with a bang, and bring back my favorite… lists! So if you would kindly continue reading on for my criteria on what a potential significant other needs to become a significant other. It’s a working title I’m sure I’ll figure out a good name by the end of this.

1. Must not talk during a movie. I thought that was a relatively simple rule to follow. Even the movie theater tells you in a very nice way to shut the fuck up right before the movie starts. One would think everyone would shut the fuck up….buuuuuuuut that’s not always the case.

2. Must not talk during movie after a person specifically told you that she was really excited to see the movie.

3. Must not attempt to kiss person during the movie she said she really wanted to fucking see.

Ok guys I’m not sure if you see a pattern, but the she I was referring to is me. Here’s the story behind my new potential significant other criteria… honestly it’s more like a guide on how to behave during a Movie date. Ooooo guess what I’m calling this…MOVIE DATE 101.

As I was saying, about a week or so ago I went on a date. Well first you should know that this was a let me give this guy a second chance second date. It wasn’t a OMG I can’t wait to see this guy again second date… you get my drift. So basically this guy already had 1 strike against him and if you didn’t know I’m a former huge baseball fan (ever since Derek Jeter retired I can’t call myself a huge baseball fan anymore, but this is completely unrelated). As I was saying homeboy already had 1 strike against him and in my game there’s no balls ; ok that sounds wrong but if you know baseball you know that there are balls and strikes but I’m not getting into the rules of baseball. Anyway there are only strikes in my game is what I’m trying to say. Holy shit that took way to long for me to get to that point.

So this guy already had 1 strike against him, but I followed my slutties ( if you don’t remember, because I know it’s been a while, Slutties is a term of endearment I call my friends) advice and decided to give this guy a second chance. Our first date wasn’t horrible or anything, I just didn’t feel anything towards this guy. Our second and last date was to go see the movie Yesterday, which I was soooo excited to see because I’m a fan of the Beatles.

Throughout the entire movie this guy, let’s call him Motormouth, wouldn’t shut the fuck up… the. ENTIRE. TIME! For someone like me who thoroughly ( idk why this word just looks like I spelled it wrong but I spelled check and it didn’t correct me so onward we go) enjoy watching movies. I especially wanted to see this movie and I had expressed that fact when we made the plans to go and then again when we got into the theater. So it wasn’t like I only told him once and he forgot! That shit was fresh in his mind! (By the way this was strike numero dos… number 2 for those who may not know Spanish)

His blabbering wasn’t the only problem. In the middle of the movie he attempted to kiss me! KISS! ME!!! Like mofo did you even listen to me when I said I wanted to fucking see this movie! So I literally snuffed his face and told him in a very angry hushed voice (because I have common decency and didn’t want to ruin the movie for other people) NOT! DURING! THE! MOVIE! (I would greatly appreciate it, if you would read this in an angry hushed voice it really brings it home). (For those I’m the back still keeping count that was strike numero trois…(that’s number three for those that don’t know French… don’t worry I had to google translate that) YOU’RE OUT!!!

So in conclusion, don’t fuck with me during a movie I will Heisman the fuck out of you!

Well folks that’s all for today. Oh how I’ve missed our little chats!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily (future Heisman Trophy winner)

End Of A Chapter, Start Of A New!!

I mentioned a couple weeks ago that I got a new job. Well the time has come! I start said new job tomorrow. I have a little secret… I’m extremely nervous! Before I start blabbing in about this new job , let me fill you in on the last two and half weeks of my previous job.

So the last two weeks of my previous job started off exciting turned into nerves which quickly changed into vomiting flipped back to nerves after I handed in my resignation letter (which I don’t mean to toot my own own but… toot toot… was hands down the most amazing thing I’ve ever written in a workplace capacity. It had genuine gratitude, heartfelt thanks and a whole lot of bullshit)nerves turned to gratitude back to vomiting then ultimately me calling my mom crying because the vomiting wasn’t from nerves like I had originally thought, but from either a stomach bug or food poisoning ( I say food poisoning but my mom says differently) and my mom having to pick me up from work and drop me off at home and all this happened between 3pm Tuesday afternoon and 9:30am Wednesday (just to be clear I would like everyone to read that without taking a breath hence the no commas nah mean jelly bean… I feel like you’ll really feel what I went through). After I got home I mostly slept, ran to the bathroom, drank Gatorade and Ginger-ale and repeat. Yes a lot went on in those first 48hrs (I say 48hrs because I ended up calling out sick the next day)of my last two weeks at my last job.

Let’s fast forward to this past Wednesday, my last day at my previous job! My last day was bitter sweet. It was filled with a mix of excitement, joy, nerves, a little sadness and of course food and lots of turtles. I’m most definitely going to miss the friends I made and the fun times that were had, but I’m very happy to be starting a new chapter in my life. It was just time for me to move on and after all the slightly guilt inducing sadness from my former coworkers they were genuinely happy for me and wanted me to become great and obviously never forget them. Which I never will and even though none of them read this I just want to thank them for everything they taught me and especially for treating me like family and taking care of me when I needed it.

Now tomorrow is the start to this new chapter, and as I said before I’m very nervous. I know you might think I’m lying, but I’m a very shy person. It’s only after I feel comfortable enough to fart in front of you that my crazy shows… joking I shan’t fart in front of these new people any time soon … I’m pretty sure they’re mostly men and that takes at least a year till I become that comfortable if ever. All jokes aside meeting new people and having to learn something new is nerve wracking. The part that gets me the most is having to learn new names… I AM HORRIBLE WITH NAMES AND FACES! It’s gonna be bad. Well that’s all for now. Wish me luck. 🤞🏽

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Nervous Nelly I mean… Emily (by the way from what I know as if right now, there is one British man that works in this office. I know I’m freaking out 😱)

Holy Harry Potter World

I was supposed to post this last week, but let’s be serious there was a Justin Timberlake concert I had to prep for. For those of you that don’t know what I’m talking about… last Sunday was the Super Bowl and JT was the half-time show performer. So I had to mentally prepare myself all day. So let us begin where we left off.

After finally arriving in Orlando after the deathly mission Slutty Mcslutterson and I had to accomplish, we just relaxed that day. We had originally planned on getting to FL on Thursday night and then go to Universal Friday and then on Saturday just hang out around our hotel buying souvenirs and all that touristy sh🌙t. Because of the little mishap we had everything was moved around. Since we arrived on Friday morning we decided to just hang out do some tourist sh🌙t, drink and get tattoos. You know the normal things you do when one goes on a trip. You might be wondering how this whole get “a tattoo” thing happened, when a week before we went on our trip Mcslutterson and I had gotten tattoos (I’m pretty sure I have pictures of them on my Instagram @lifeasamoon…yes that was a shameless plug).

This new tattoo came about when Mcslutterson and I were walking around Old Town(Old Town is a promenade of sorts that also has a mini carnival). Anywho, Mcslutterson had mentioned getting tattoos (which she does every trip we go on) and I told her “I’m down” (which I tell her every time she mentions it). So, while walking in Old Town we saw the tattoo shop Mcslutterson had found on le google. We went into the shop and our plan was if it’s not too expensive we’re gonna get tats. Lo and behold, we got new tats later that night.

Now it is Saturday and we are in Universal. Mind you I’ve never been to Universal so I’m fully tourist-ing out. I’m taking pictures of everything and staring up at all the attractions and mentally asking myself… “how the f🌙ck?”. When we got to the Harry Potter attraction I was f🌙cking blown away!! Full disclosure I was never a super potter head. I watched the movies but I never got super into them. Before this trip Mcslutterson demanded that I’d watch all the movies, so the Harry Potter universe was fresh in my mind. I was in f🌙cking awe at how detailed everything was. I felt like I was transported to Hogsmeade and Hogwarts. It was f🌙cking magical!!! The more we explored Harry Potter world the more I fell in love with it all! What really pushed me over to becoming a Potterhead was the ButterBeer! Holy crapola that was the most delicious drink I’ve ever drunk in my life!

If you ever get a change to go to Universal,The Wizarding World of Harry Potter is the place to be! Well that’s all for this muggle.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily (ooo also I found out that I’m House Hufflepuff! YAAAAAASSSSS!)

P.S. pictures of trip will be on my instagram @lifeasamoon. But here’s a little sneak peek.

Living On The Edge!

Even though tonight are the GRAMMYs I am still writing! Look how dedicated I am. Also I might or might not be watching the GRAMMYs and I just remembered that I needed to post something. Anyway, let’s pick up where I left off last week. So last week I wrote about the magical proposal. This week I’m writing about the most adventure-ist (I know it’s not a word but it should be it really, just wraps the whole shebang.)

This all started a few months ago when Slutty Mcslutterson group texted us (when I say us I mean my group of very sluttie friends) and said that she wanted to go Harry Potter Christmas in Universal for her Birthday. I told her that I would go because 1. I’ve never been to Universal and 2. I fucking love Christmas! Our other friends couldn’t make it so it ended up just being us two. Ironically we might’ve started our own little Birthday vacation tradition that I like to call BIRTHACATION! Our first Birthacation was for my bday two years ago where we went to the Dominican Republic. That’s a whole other story that I might’ve already wrote about so go back to around April 2016.

Any who, fast forward to January 1, 2018. We’ve been checking the weather because we live in New Jersey and it’s winter so you never know what’s gonna happen. When I first checked in the beginning of the week my weather app said there was no snow for the day of our flight which was for Jan 4th. So we were in the clear… or so we thought. It is now Jan 3rd and Slutty Mcslutterson calls me to tell me that our flight has been cancelled due to inclement weather! Of course with our luck this f🌙cking Winter Storm Greyson decides to not only hit the Northern East Coast, but decides to drop some of his snowy shit practically up and down the whole coast. It f🌙cking snowed in northern Florida!! Mind you it wasn’t a lot but still Florida is where we were headed… I digress.

Being the besteat friend ever!!! People I’m telling you I basically won and will continue to hold the title of Bestest Most AWESOMEST Friend in the WORLD OF WORLDS. So Wednesday night before our trip, that we weren’t even sure we were going to be able to go on anymore because all flights at this point were being cancelled in all of the Tristate area. Mcslutterson and I start looking for alternate ways to get to Florida! I looked at possible trains that would takes us. We tried to look for other flights in our area that were still flying out. We tried everything we could think of and it wasn’t looking good for us.

So while Mcslutterson was calling the airline to see what we could do, I continued to look at flights, and lo and behold I found a flight only problem is it was flying out of Pittsburgh, PA. For those of you that don’t know Pittsburgh is near Ohio, Ohio is on the western side of Pennsylvania, I live on the eastern side of Pennsylvania (my town is literally across from Manhattan). Basically what I’m trying to tell you is it’s about a 7 hr drive from us. I was completely willing to drive this distance because we couldn’t fly for obvious reasons. And being the good friend that I am I wanted Mcslutterson to have a f🌙cking great birthday and I also wanted to go to f🌙cking Universal! I’ve never been there people, so I might’ve done it for slightly selfish reasons(it’s a very small percent though, it was mostly for Mcslutterson).

Thank the gods above, we were able to switch our flight to Pittsburgh with no extra charge and also get a room in Pittsburgh, since we weren’t flying out till Friday morning, practically for free because Slutty used her points to hook us up(remember all this shit happened Wednesday).

Thursday finally comes and winter storm Greyson was no f🌙cking joke (side note I was planning on naming my future son Greyson and now I think I might name him GrAyson instead! Bwuahahaha get it I just changed the letter. I’m still naming my future son Grayson. So future baby daddy but hopefully husband our sons name will be Grayson. I don’t care what you have to say he will already be getting your last name so I call shotty on the first name!). So the snow was really freaking bad. What would’ve taken us about 7hrs took us almost 10. Which in all honesty is pretty good to me because you know we lived after our parents were like “WHAT THE F🌙CK IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO… ARE YOU TRYING TO GET YOURSELVES KILLED”. All I have to say is that we like to live on the edge… and also NEVER and I mean NEVER drive any amount of distance in a f🌙cking snowstorm let alone to f🌙cking Pittsburgh! That’s shit is dangerous!

Well we lived and I will be writing about our Universal experience next week. This one already got too long and I still have to reread this for errors and sh🌙t nah mean!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily (there were a lot of things I left out but honestly it was exhausting just reliving that day again.)

You Like Me, You Really Really Like Me!

So a couple of you crazy kids reached out and asked if I was coming back and that you missed me! Guys I feel sooo loved, but at the same time you’re kinda smothering me… jk jk.. that’s how I usually respond when I’m talking to a guy and he starts calling me babe and telling me he misses me after hanging out one time. It gets weird! But when it comes from one of you fabulous peeps I feel like I want to run away… less, so that’s good. Anywho, a lot of things have happened in the past month! Ok well not a lot… really just two things. But both things are equally interesting. So I’ve been trying to decide if I should do just one big post about it or if each one should get their own. I’ve decided on the latter, because honestly that’s the easiest option and I won’t have to think of what to write next week.

So the last post left off about a week before Christmas. Oh Christmas what a magical time and a time where money just flies out of your bank accounts. Back to the story. Every year my friends and I have a Christmas party where we exchange our secret Santa gifts, play beer pong and just have a jolly ole time. This year was even more special than previous years.

This year… wait for it…. we got to witness a proposal!!! How f🌙cking magical is that sh🌙t!!! Two of my slutties, Frover and Frenemy, are freaking engaged! These two are the first in our group of friends to get to this stage in their lives. It was pretty amazing to be a part of such a special moment! These two have been together for so long through ups and downs, and now they are taking this next step and I can’t be happier for them! I’m not gonna lie Frenemy might have made my eyes leak a little bit with his speech.

If either of you a reading this I just want you both to know that I’m so incredibly happy for you, and I wish you guys the happiest forever. You both deserve it! Love you guys!!

Well that’s enough of the mushy crap.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily ( I just want everyone to know that I’m probably the best photographer ever bwuahahaha. P.S. that little reindeer in the back is a scary mofo.)

Newport, You Were A Beaut!!

Every time I visit a new city, I’m reminded of how badly I wish I was a gypsy, nomad, or honestly super f🌙cking rich so I can continuously travel around the world and not have to worry about a job and all that boring adult stuff. You’re probably wondering “Emily where the f🌙ck did that come from?” Well, I’m glad you asked. Last weekend I was in a magical place called Newport, Rhode Island. If you remember from last year (you probably don’t because I barely remember it) my slutties and I had a girls weekend getaway in the beautiful (slightly chilly but still beautiful) Salem, Massachusetts. With this new girls weekend getaway tradition, this year as I said before we went to the magical land of mermaids aka Newport, Rhode Island!

As a courtesy to all you lovely peeps I’ve decided to compile a list called “If you’re planning a trip to Newport here is what you should know” I know super catchy right…. I’m really good and making list titles, me thinks me missed me calling.

1. Don’t drive to Newport when it’s dark out. You see I don’t think they believe in street lights. When me and my slutties started our adventure to the isle of le mermaids we left a tad bit late. Just so you have an estimate of how far we are from Newport it took us roughly 9,000 hours to get there. Okay you caught me it didn’t take that long but that’s how long it took us to get out of Connecticut. There’s no need for CT to be that long. Moral of this story is don’t drive in the dark…it sucks.

2. Newport is beautiful! I love the ease I felt when I was there. Living close to NYC everything and everyone is always on the move, but being in Newport it was like I was in a whole other world. Everything was very chill (literally and figuratively) but I think what added to that feeling was being surrounded by water. I don’t know if you know this but I love the water… it might be the Dominican in me that feels closer to her homeland by being near water but I love being by the water. Whenever I can I try to go down by the river and I just get this sense of calm whenever I’m there. Annnnyyyyyway, Newport gives you a very mellow feeling… it could’ve also been the fact that it was freezing out and there weren’t a lot of people out and about, but i like to think it was probably a mix of both (aka the freezing temperatures).

3. Whilst on your visit to Newport you should most definitely visit and have wine tastings at their many vineyards. Me and the slutties went to a vineyard called Greenvale Vineyards. It was the best time ever. We sipped on different wines and made believe like we were connoisseurs and we were saying things like “this has an oaky taste” and “oh wow you can really taste the oak in this one”. Listen that is the only thing I know about wines! Don’t judge me! As I was saying we had a really great time walking through the vines… don’t tell anyone but we even tasted the grapes of one of the wines we had tasted and it tasted nothing like the wine but the grapes were pretty delish!

4. If you’re going to go to Newport or any place with your friends, just go with people you know you’ll have a good time with and don’t mind the smell of your farts. That’s all you need in a good road trip. OH you also need snacks because then those people you thought were gonna be fun actually suck because your not on a sugar high. Good thing Big Booty Judy brought the goods with her.

Well my little world travelers that is all I have for thee.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily (please enjoy a few of the beautiful pictures by the best photographer I know… ME!! Bwuahahaha… to see more go to the Life As A Moon instagram: @lifeasamoon)

Just Keep Swimming, Just Keep Swimming!!

So there are moments in my life when extreme boredom takes over and I decide to do random things. In this case I decided to jump back into the online dating pool ( you get the reason for the title… aren’t I hilarious and also very Punny). Oooohhh it has been a special one. This time around it’s like my profile has been sending all types of vibes and I’ve been getting an interesting mix of guys contacting me. 

I’ve been back in the “scene” for about 3 weeks and I’ve been proposed to several times already. It’s all great and dandy and extremely flattering but when asked if I would poop on you right after said marriage proposal… it doesn’t seem quiet as flattering anymore. It’s like this guy was just swiping left until he saw my picture and was like YUP!!! This girl looks like a sh🌙tter!! The funniest part about it is that this guy isn’t the only one asking me to take dumps on him, but at least he did propose before hand so there’s that.

One guy just straight out asked me if I took big dumps. Of course I responded with “YEAH!! I take HUGE sh🌙ts!!!” Then he asked if I would sh🌙t on him and I said “would you like soft served or hard”… I know I know I even disgusted myself with that response so much that I just blocked him without seeing his response, and honestly I’m a little disappointed in myself that I couldn’t last longer with that convo. Just imagine the ammo I would’ve had. Let’s move on.

In the middle of all this poop talk there were some decent guys. One guy is actually from my town let’s call him the Town Traitor or T2 for short. After T2 and I figured out that not only do we live in the same town but we actually live in the same vicinity. It was pretty crazy. This is the first time I’ve ever met someone on these dating sites that are from my town that I don’t know. Because of that reason I asked if he just moved to our town or if he grew up here, and funnily enough he grew up here!!! This guy even knows one of my cousins!!! In all honesty knowing one of my cousins isn’t really a stretch, because I’m pretty sure the majority population of my town are related to me in some capacity. Yes, my family really likes to procreate. Any who I ended up finding out the reason I didn’t know this guys was because he went to school in my towns rival town schools!!! I know what a traitor!!! Hence the name. So now it made sense why I never knew this kid before hand.

Something funny happened the other day revolving around T2. When we first started messaging each other we were talking everyday. One day neither of us started a conversation so I decided to be a creep and go on this guys Instagram account and see who else he might know that I would know. Well on my journey of exploration I found out that he doesn’t post many pictures, also I found out we have another friend in common. This other friend went to high school with him, but I met the other friend when I went away to school in Connecticut. I know!!! CRAZY SH🌙T!! Any who so while I was creeping on this guys 5 pictures, I went to the likes to see the people who’ve liked his pictures… and because of my fat f🌙cking thumb and the fact that I believe Instagram did this on purpose and put the number of likes directly under that f🌙cking heart sh🌙t, I ended up liking one of his pictures. And NO!!! It wasn’t a recent picture, then I wouldn’t have felt like such a creep. Mind you his most recent pic is from like April (so either way it would’ve been creepy). I liked a picture that was from f🌙cking 2013 or some sh🌙t!!! I KNOW!!!! GASP!!!! THE HORROR!!!! 

So after this happened I went to the dating app and proceeded to delete our messages because I already knew the outcome of this! I looked like a stalker liking a picture from the f🌙cking ice ages. Beat’em to the punch and all that good shit. BUT!!! Luckily enough he either didn’t see what I did(obvi he saw it I just wanted to make myself feel better) or he found it flattering in a not stalker way (spoiler alert: extremely stalker way I should probably stop talking to him… what does this say about him… why is he still talking to me) that I would go through is pics and like one of them. Whatever the case is he and I are still messaging each other so I guess he might be the one because he can deal with my crazy or he just might be equally as crazy but much stealthier than I am hence why he didn’t like any of my pictures even though he probably goes through my page everyday thinking “gosh I’m so lucky to have met this amazingly awesome unicorn like being”.

Well that’s all I have for today… I know what your thinking this one was long as f🌙ck! 
Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( I’m sorry I made you read so much I’ll never let this happen again!)

Fantasy Football is a Drug!

My past 5 Sundays have been freaking stressful!! “Emily but why have your Sundays been so stressful? Don’t you do absolutely nothing with your life but waste away and just lay around on Sundays?” Damn, well that was a little hurtful. Whoever it is asking these questions needs to take a chill pill. Anyway, yes mean person, I usually don’t do anything on Sundays (if we’re being honest I usually don’t do anything all weekend but let’s not think about the lack of social life I have). As I was saying my Sunday have been come very stressful ever since I became a Fantasy Football participant. When one of my slutties, Frover, asked a group of us if we’d like to join her fantasy football league a couple of months ago, I was like “sure, it’ll been fun… I don’t really care for football that much so I won’t be all crazy competitive and sh🌙t”.  Well I might’ve underestimated my competitive side.

So draft time comes and that was pretty intense. I knew the QB I wanted, and I figured I’d just build my team around my QB. Well about a week before the draft my competitive side starts to show and I started to do some research are players and their stats, you know I wasn’t going to go crazy and have a draft board made or anything, I just wanted to have a decent team and have fun with it. 

Well slutties after my taste of victory in week 1, I’ve been planning out who my starters would be, and checking on potential players stats. It’s been f🌙cking stressful, and the only time that stress goes down is when I win! Fantasy Football is a freaking drug man! Now we’re in week 6 and it’s not looking to good for me. One of my best players wasn’t playing 100% because he broke his f🌙cking ribs two weeks ago. Aaron Rodgers, even though he isn’t on my team, he’s the QB of my top two players, and because he got injured in the first f🌙cking quarter today my RB and WR didn’t do well!!! They were my chance to at least make today’s match-up bearable.
 I’m sorry I’m sorry let me just calm the f🌙ck down and go watch the rest of my players… I need to have some hope that my team will pull through!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

General Manager Emily(Let’s go Team Chumbawamba!!)

Camping Virgin… I Think Not!

HELLOOO!!! Guess what I did this weekend?! And no it was not stay home and nap all day. (Gasp!!) I know it’s crazy even to my own eyes, but I actually went out this weekend. I went camping for the first time in my life! I popped my camping cherry!! Ooo how I learned a thing or two about camping. 

1. Don’t camp when it’s cold outside. Just don’t do it! I usually don’t get cold because I’m practically a freaking walking human furnace and I (pause on the I so you understand the emphasis I’m trying to make) felt like my lady bits were no longer attached to my body! I thought I lost toes, but never fear, I still have all 10 little nuggets. So basically if you decided to go camping in September in Upstate NY for two nights, pack as if you’re moving to Antarctica to study the migration pattern of polar bears (or whatever reason you possibly have to go to Antarctica).

2. I feel like Pop Tarts make better S’mores than the real thing, but I was also reminded that I’m a lazy Emily Snow( for those of you that don’t watch Game of Thrones…first you should be ashamed of yourself and secondly Snow means bastard) and I only really like Pop Tarts better because it’s already made for you. Well all I have to say to you is that. Is. Absolutely. True! I am a lazy mofo. Also the real smores were pretty freaking delish!

3. There are a lot more stars in the sky then the four or five I see and the random planes that trick me into thinking there are blinking red stars. This is how one knows you are a city kid. The last time I saw that many stars I was 13 and on vacation with my family in the Dominican Republic. 

I know I might not be painting my weekend getaway in the best light, but I did have a great time! I got to see some friends haven’t seen in a while. I got to sit by a fire and make believe that I was a Targaryen (Game of Thrones reference again… smh to those of you who don’t know what I mean… please watch GOT because it’s too long for me to go through 7 seasons to explain what I mean … okay thanks!). All in all I would definitely go camping again (hopefully when it’s warmer out), it’s a great experience and it’s a great way to spend time with friends laughing and playing whiffle ball… and possibly over act when you get hit by a pitch and fall to the ground to inevitably hurt yourself because you were playing hurt! Oooo karma you is a bitch! Yes it was I who won an Oscar on getting hit by a pitch through method acting.. thank you but please hold the applause.

Well my baby nuggets it’s been swell!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily (Camper Extraordinaire)

P.S. Life As A Moon has an Instagram account!!! Yay!! It’s actually been up for a couple of months I just keep forgetting to tell people. Anywho if you want to see random things I like to post and any updates about the blog please follow @lifeasamoon

Diets I’ve Tried!

So this topic came about in a special way. I’m actually writing a paper for my class (which is actually due tonight at midnight and I haven’t even started it yet… *sigh* procrastination at its best). What I’m about to write about is what my paper will be about, so I figured no better time like the present than to bring this topic up! Tonight’s topic is about (drum roll please… tatatatatatata 🥁) weight loss…I know I already hate it BUT I must continue on!

I’ve struggled with my weight my whole LIFE!!! I’ve tried every diet under the sun. “Which diets have you tried Emily?” I’m glad you asked you nosey son of B🌙tch. I shall make a list for you and I shall name it The Diets I’ve Tried/Attempted:

1. Atkins: for those of you that don’t know the Atkins diet, it’s basically a protein based diet which means a lot of meats and no carbs. Well that’s how it was when I tried it (mind you it was some time when I was in high school so probably around the age of 14ish). I’m not sure what the diet entails now, but I’ve seen many improvements. The other day I saw some meal bars and frozen foods with Atkins all over it so I’m assuming it’s doing well.

2. “Low Carb”: this one had more carbs than the Atkins a little less protein and a very sad Emily. I shall move on.

3. Jenny Craig(just so you know Jenny Craig is one expensive lady… this b🌙tch high maintenance): I tried Jenny my senior year of high school, and to my surprise it worked for me for a while… I lost a little over 50 lbs or so on this diet and I felt great. With Jenny you have a meal plan prepared for you from your consultant (you buy these frozen meals from Jenny Craig or they have a JC cookbook that you can work with). So you meet with this person once a week or every two weeks depending on how far along in the process you are, and you weigh in and talk about what’s happened that week, why you might not have hit your weight loss goal for that week and where improvements can be made. This worked for me until I went away to college and no longer had the JC meals. And the freshman 15 (you know the weight you gain in your first year of college) well that turn to the freshman 50 because I gained all that weight right back and then some. I was so distraught and disappointed in myself that I kind of gave up at that point in my life.

4. Liquid Base: when I was 21/22 my dad and I went on a liquid diet (NO there wasn’t alcohol involved… you jerk I know what you were thinking… bunch of alcoholics). For breakfast we would have a smoothie, lunch would be a protein shake and my dad went with no dinner and I was like HELL NAW I’m drinking something for dinner. So I would have soup but only the broth. This went on for about a month. This did work for a little while, but then I was like yo I’m peeing every two seconds and I was always tired because I wasn’t getting enough nutrients and shit and I was miserable and moody and I hated myself. Also around this time I was also a vegetarian for about a year at this point. So what I’m trying to say is I wasn’t a happy camper.

5. Weight Watchers: I was about 23ish when I tried this one and it’s a similar concept as Jenny Craig, but less expensive.

6. Paleo Diet: did this for about 2 days and was like fuck this! I didn’t do enough research on this diet I just jumped into it. Not the smartest idea! 

My weight has fluctuated a lot throughout these diets and every diet ended the same well except that paleo one, I really had no clue what I was doing. With the other diets I would hit a plateau, and nothing happened throughout this time in these diets and I was always active. In high school I played sports all year round. When I was dorming in college and even when I was commuting I joined a volleyball and softball league. When I wasn’t playing sports I was working out. I was at a stand still and that’s when all the doubt and discouragement kicked in and I would slowly start eating my feelings. All the progress that was made would go to shit and I would be back where I started or even worse. It’s a horrible cycle to put your body and mind through. 

This past week I’ve taken new strides on this weight loss journey of mine. I attended a weight loss surgery seminar, and made an appointment to see the doctor who held the seminar. This is a pretty huge step for me. I’d thought of getting weight loss surgery for a long time. It was a couple of years ago, but that story is for another time (maybe it’ll be my first episode on the podcast that I’ve been wanting to start… if I get there I’ll let you know). When it came to weight loss surgery I NEVER wanted to do it! I told my self over and over that I can get myself there without having to get surgery. I wanted to do this strictly with just diet and exercise. But sometimes it doesn’t work out that way. I’ve tried for years (about 13 years to be exact) to live a healthier life and lose weight and most importantly keep the weight off. Nothing has worked for me and I’m not getting any younger. I’m getting closer and closer to that age where my mom started having kidney issues. 

Mother’s side of the family has Polycystic Kidney Disease and my mom and both her siblings have either done dialysis or in my mother’s case has had a kidney transplant. My fathers side of the family ain’t no picnic either. On his side I have diabetes and colon cancer to worry about. And I have ovary issues since I was 19 (I think I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, but I technically haven’t been diagnosed, but when you constantly be having cysts on your ovaries.. I feel like it’s a given). So I’m pretty much f🌙cked if I don’t get my shit together. With these diseases looming over my head I have to act now while I’m still young and relatively healthy to make sure I stay that way. When you’re younger you don’t think about these things, but now that I’m older and I can really see and understand the toll these diseases take on your body… I don’t want any part of that. If having this weight loss surgery and using it as a tool (I learned this phrase from the seminar… I’m such a good student) to better my health and possibly decrease the risks of me inheriting any of the medical issues, I have to continue on this path that I’ve started. I’m extremely scared and nervous, but after seeing first hand the successes in my friends weight loss surgery journeys… I’m also looking forward to this next step in my own story.

That’s all for now!Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily ( this one was a lot longer than I thought it would be… it should count for 2 Sunday’s… nah mean)

P.S: Life As A Moon has its own Instagram. For updates on the blog and hopefully the podcast and just some random stuff I post on there follow me @lifeasamoon