Raging Lunatic? Possibly.

Soooo I’ve found out some serious sh🌙t about my self! When I’m around flies I turn into a raging, vicious fly murdering psycho. “Emily, how did you find this out?” Well ”tis the season of gnats (please pronounce with a hard G) and other flying insects and some of them decided to take up residence in Mi Casa (my house). Yesterday I finally bought a fly swatter and I have been having a grand ole time with it. BUT before I had this swatter I was killing these mofos with my bare hands! Three things have come about because of these invaders. 

1. My reflexes are on another level!!! I see one of those mofos flying around and the next thing you know the woosh (that’s the sounds of my hand flying through the air) Gnat dead! So for that I thank thee intruders.

2. My eyesight and focus are amazing! I can follow those fast flying little f🌙ckers around the room. I just wait and watch them until they land some where and BAM!!! You dead little Gnat!! So thank you for making me better at life.

3. I’m slightly paranoid that the ones I haven’t killed are plotting against me to take over! That’s really my driving force, what if I don’t kill them and they decide to ban together and form one big ass GNAT and attack me and my family! All them little f🌙ckers gots to go… THEY GOTS YO GOOOOO! It’s me or them. Survival of the fittest Bitches!!!

Well now that you all know I’m a raging lunatic I shall be gone now!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,Emily (quick tip I figured out that if you wrap your fly swatter with tape it’s easier to kill the flies, that way they don’t have a chance to escape through the little slits in the swatter part… nah mean! 😈)

P.S … Ooooo how I wish there was a fly swatter big enough for those alt-right, white nationalist, racist bigots! I must digress and think peaceful thoughts because Game Of Thrones is on in less than and hour and I must be mentally prepared. 

Damn You Elevator!

I’m having this craving for coffee and I don’t understand why. I’m not a big coffee drinker I prefer tea, but this coffee craving is taking over. It’s like everything I see is coffee, in the TV shows everybody’s drinking it. I feel like every commercial I’ve seen today was either Dunkin Donuts, Folgers, or Starbucks (I might be lying about this one I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Starbucks commercial). Anyway I just thought you should know that I’m craving a nice big cup of coffee preferably Iced French Vanilla light and sweet from Dunkin Donuts… Just in case anybody wanted to buy me one or whatever.

I’m sure most know by now that I’m a little on the weird crazy random thoughts side so this should not come by surprise, anywho the other day when I was in the bathroom I saw a fly and my first instinct is to slap it away because it was in my personal space. After I slapped it away I started to wonder what the fly was thinking, so of course I’ve created a list for you… Thoughts of a Fly:
1. WTF why are you trying to kill me?
2. What have I ever done to you? Stop it, leave me alone.
3. Aye I’m flying here!
4. I wonder if this car will give me a ride on its wind shield (obviously flys are super smart and know what a car and wind shield is… If you didn’t know this then you should go watch the movie A Bugs Life)
5. Hey stop trying to slap me I’m just trying to fly but you keep putting obstacles in my way.
6. I vant to suck your blood, bwuhahahaha (this is how the Vampire Fly aka Mosquito would sound)

Now I would like to end today with a little bit of knowledge. The most awkward situation/ place you will ever be in is an elevator. People trying not to make to much eye contact, or trying not to be to close to one another, or the lack of personal space, and the worst part is being that person who’s waiting for an elevator and when it finally gets to you but it’s full to the point some Final Destination shit can happen and everybody in the elevator just looks at you with pity in their eyes because you now have to wait for the next elevator to come while those bastards get a head start to getting to their cars and getting home before you would get to your house and it has nothing to do with the fact that they might live closer than you and has everything to do with the fact you were that loser who couldn’t be on that first elevator because there were a thousand people already on there… Damn you!!! So don’t mind my run on sentence I don’t believe in proper punctuation I feel like it kills creativity… I’m just saying.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( it’s either 2 or 3 days till Cali I feel like I shouldn’t count today because it’s basically over already… Right?)