I’m Sorry, Que?

New episode up right now!!!

This week I talk about how I’m the greatest gift my mother ever received, moving out of my parents house and I completely butcher the song Ella y Yo by Aventura and Don Omar in the Im sorry, Que segment.

Linked below are all the platforms you can find the podcast. I hope you come by and experience life through me. 😂

Anchor:

https://anchor.fm/lifeasamoon

Apple Podcast:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/life-as-a-moon/id1485767206?uo=4

Spotify:

https://open.spotify.com/show/5yuaE0CsX5MuqHEaDYIjK4

Google Podcast:

https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy9mYjhmYmI0L3BvZGNhc3QvcnNz

Breaker:

https://www.breaker.audio/life-as-a-moon

Pocket Cast:

https://pca.st/8kxhqus0

Overcast:

https://overcast.fm/itunes1485767206/life-as-a-moon

We’re Siblings, We’re Happy and We’re Singing and We’re…

New Episode up now!!! My brother joins me on this weeks episode and we had the best fucking time! Guys the podcast is basically available everywhere! We’re on Anchor, Spotify, Apple Podcast, Google Podcast! It’s everywhere guys!!! I hope you come by to listen!!! Links below!

https://anchor.fm/lifeasamoon

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/life-as-a-moon/id1485767206?uo=4

Mama Moon!!

As Lil’ Kim would say “I been gone for a minute now I’m back with the jump off…”. I know I know I’ve been so freaking inconsistent lately, but I wasn’t in the right mind set to write, and I’ll get to that reason next week. BUT!!! I thought today would be the best day for my return! “Why?” you ask. Because any chance I get to talk about my momma is a good day to start writing again! So this post is dedicated to Mama Moon.

First and foremost I want to say Happy Mother’s Day to the lady that carried me in her tum tum. There have been times where I’ve written about my mom but what you guys don’t know is what an incredibly strong woman she is! Without my mom all of us would be lost! This woman is the key to our survival! Once a year or so my mom has to go away for a couple days for work and when I tell you we don’t know what to do with ourselves it’s not a joke. My dad would literally just be home sad waiting for my mom to get back. It’s like this man doesn’t know how to be a functioning adult man without her.

For me, my mom is my best friend. She’s the one person I can confide in and I know that she would totally judge the shit out of me but still love me! Honestly I do do some judge worthy shit and I’m cool with it and 95% if the time she’s cool with it too. My mom is my therapist, my doctor, my window shopping buddy that inevitability turns into actual shopping because we can’t control ourselves, partner in crime (just know if you ever see me speeding through a yellow light, that it’s my mom next to me yelling “GO GO GO GO!”), food aficionado and my number 1 fan. You know what the best part about this is, she pays for everything and all I have to do is drive her around… just kidding ok not really she mostly does pay for everything😁. But here’s one thing I don’t tell her enough (I’m sure this goes out to a lot of us) but Mom you are my fucking super hero and I love you so much! Without you I wouldn’t be half the woman I am today. I’m incredibly lucky to have you as my mother and I wouldn’t have it any other way!

I love you Mum from the Moon and Back,

Mimi ( your favorite child. Don’t worry that other one already knows)

P.S. I also want to thank everyone that has kept reading my blog while I’ve been gone. I really appreciate you. I also have another page solely dedicated to my latest hobby (photography). So if you want to check out my photos the page is called Moon View and here’s the link ( Moon View ).

End Of A Chapter, Start Of A New!!

I mentioned a couple weeks ago that I got a new job. Well the time has come! I start said new job tomorrow. I have a little secret… I’m extremely nervous! Before I start blabbing in about this new job , let me fill you in on the last two and half weeks of my previous job.

So the last two weeks of my previous job started off exciting turned into nerves which quickly changed into vomiting flipped back to nerves after I handed in my resignation letter (which I don’t mean to toot my own own but… toot toot… was hands down the most amazing thing I’ve ever written in a workplace capacity. It had genuine gratitude, heartfelt thanks and a whole lot of bullshit)nerves turned to gratitude back to vomiting then ultimately me calling my mom crying because the vomiting wasn’t from nerves like I had originally thought, but from either a stomach bug or food poisoning ( I say food poisoning but my mom says differently) and my mom having to pick me up from work and drop me off at home and all this happened between 3pm Tuesday afternoon and 9:30am Wednesday (just to be clear I would like everyone to read that without taking a breath hence the no commas nah mean jelly bean… I feel like you’ll really feel what I went through). After I got home I mostly slept, ran to the bathroom, drank Gatorade and Ginger-ale and repeat. Yes a lot went on in those first 48hrs (I say 48hrs because I ended up calling out sick the next day)of my last two weeks at my last job.

Let’s fast forward to this past Wednesday, my last day at my previous job! My last day was bitter sweet. It was filled with a mix of excitement, joy, nerves, a little sadness and of course food and lots of turtles. I’m most definitely going to miss the friends I made and the fun times that were had, but I’m very happy to be starting a new chapter in my life. It was just time for me to move on and after all the slightly guilt inducing sadness from my former coworkers they were genuinely happy for me and wanted me to become great and obviously never forget them. Which I never will and even though none of them read this I just want to thank them for everything they taught me and especially for treating me like family and taking care of me when I needed it.

Now tomorrow is the start to this new chapter, and as I said before I’m very nervous. I know you might think I’m lying, but I’m a very shy person. It’s only after I feel comfortable enough to fart in front of you that my crazy shows… joking I shan’t fart in front of these new people any time soon … I’m pretty sure they’re mostly men and that takes at least a year till I become that comfortable if ever. All jokes aside meeting new people and having to learn something new is nerve wracking. The part that gets me the most is having to learn new names… I AM HORRIBLE WITH NAMES AND FACES! It’s gonna be bad. Well that’s all for now. Wish me luck. 🤞🏽

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Nervous Nelly I mean… Emily (by the way from what I know as if right now, there is one British man that works in this office. I know I’m freaking out 😱)

You Like Me, You Really Really Like Me!

So a couple of you crazy kids reached out and asked if I was coming back and that you missed me! Guys I feel sooo loved, but at the same time you’re kinda smothering me… jk jk.. that’s how I usually respond when I’m talking to a guy and he starts calling me babe and telling me he misses me after hanging out one time. It gets weird! But when it comes from one of you fabulous peeps I feel like I want to run away… less, so that’s good. Anywho, a lot of things have happened in the past month! Ok well not a lot… really just two things. But both things are equally interesting. So I’ve been trying to decide if I should do just one big post about it or if each one should get their own. I’ve decided on the latter, because honestly that’s the easiest option and I won’t have to think of what to write next week.

So the last post left off about a week before Christmas. Oh Christmas what a magical time and a time where money just flies out of your bank accounts. Back to the story. Every year my friends and I have a Christmas party where we exchange our secret Santa gifts, play beer pong and just have a jolly ole time. This year was even more special than previous years.

This year… wait for it…. we got to witness a proposal!!! How f🌙cking magical is that sh🌙t!!! Two of my slutties, Frover and Frenemy, are freaking engaged! These two are the first in our group of friends to get to this stage in their lives. It was pretty amazing to be a part of such a special moment! These two have been together for so long through ups and downs, and now they are taking this next step and I can’t be happier for them! I’m not gonna lie Frenemy might have made my eyes leak a little bit with his speech.

If either of you a reading this I just want you both to know that I’m so incredibly happy for you, and I wish you guys the happiest forever. You both deserve it! Love you guys!!

Well that’s enough of the mushy crap.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily ( I just want everyone to know that I’m probably the best photographer ever bwuahahaha. P.S. that little reindeer in the back is a scary mofo.)

How To Get Exactly What You Want For Christmas!

As Christmas gets closer and closer, I become increasingly less subtle when giving “hints” about what I want for Christmas. The hunt for my prefect Christmas gift from my parents usually starts around mid-October. My parents would ask me (usually at separate times) what I want for Christmas, and me being the best daughter ever I tell “don’t worry about me, I don’t need anything this year”. Which would make my parents say it’s not about what you need Mimi (that’s one of my many nicknames)it’s about what you want. And then I would be like well I don’t want anything don’t waste your money on me. I know I know you’re all probably wondering,”Mofo what’s wrong with you they want to get you something… shut your face and just tell them what you want!” Listen to me people this is all apart of the plan! I must start off being humble and then progress to my ever growing Christmas list.

Fast forward to about mid-November and this is where the hints start to fly! Let’s say I’m with my mom at Target and we walk by the scarves and hats and gloves and all those pretty accessories, I would casually pick the scarf/hat/glove set that matches and be like “mom isn’t this cute!!! Doesn’t it make me look fierce! Omg feel how soft and warm this is. I think this would look awesomeballz with my coat, and just think of how WARM it will keep me on those COLD, WINTER, SNOWY, BELOW ZERO days” (you know you have to throw in the possibility of catching an pneumonia (please pronounce this properly… the P is not silent here!). Then I would look at the price a be like “WTF! I’d rather freeze my nips then buy this sh🌙t.” Then put it back and look at it longingly while you walk away. This approach works well with everything. Just make sure you find something to make the parentals think that they could possibly be saving your life, but it has to relate to what you want… nah mean.

Fast forward about a week or so to Thanksgiving, and the parentals ask again what I would want for Christmas in a casual convo over dinner or dessert or getting wasted. And I tell them guys I don’t need anything, don’t worry, save your money and buy yourselves something magical. I flip flop a lot during the holiday season. I want to be an amazing daughter and not have them waste their money on me, but at the same time I’m like “I’m your amazing daughter waste ALL your money on me.” Like in everyday life I am also indecisive about what kind of daughter I am.

Fast forward to around this time in December. I am no longer subtle, I’m actually extremely obvious at this point. Please refer to the text convo with my mum, da, and brov. (If you haven’t realized this by now I really wish I had an amazing accent).

When desperation kicks in and the thought of you having to pay almost $200 for a ticket you stop caring about being surprised with your presents and just want exactly what you want so you can spend more money buying sh🌙t you don’t need at Universal.

Well that’s all folks!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily (guys this will be my first time EVER going to Universal and I’m so freaking excited! YAAAAASSSSSS!!!!)

Thanksgiving and All That!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!

This Thanksgiving was freaking stressful for me!! This year I had to actually cook the food!!! Do you understand how stressful that is to not poison people! Yea I had my mom there to tell me what to do, but still she trusted me not to fu🌙ck it up. Thankfully everything came out good and nobody was poisoned or got the you know what💩. All I want to know is how my mom does this every year. That sh🌙t is f🌙cking exhausting!

Anyway on top of becoming the best chef ever, I’ve decided that the older I get the more I need to start wearing make-up.

Every morning I feel like I look like the dead! BUT! When one decides to start wearing make-up you kinda have to know what tones you should use, and let me tell you that makes me not want to wear make-up. Not only do you need the correct tone, you also have to know how to apply it! You also have to know what brush is for what. So basically I have to go to the school of You-Tube and study under the make-up gurus of the world. This is already waaaay to much work. AND that also means I have to start getting up earlier to get all that sh🌙t on my face!! I don’t like to break my sleep! I love sleeping!!!

Well that’s all I have for tonight, I must continue playing Assassins Creed Origins!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Chef Emily (I had a very boring week… don’t judge me!)

Just Keep Swimming, Just Keep Swimming!!

So there are moments in my life when extreme boredom takes over and I decide to do random things. In this case I decided to jump back into the online dating pool ( you get the reason for the title… aren’t I hilarious and also very Punny). Oooohhh it has been a special one. This time around it’s like my profile has been sending all types of vibes and I’ve been getting an interesting mix of guys contacting me. 

I’ve been back in the “scene” for about 3 weeks and I’ve been proposed to several times already. It’s all great and dandy and extremely flattering but when asked if I would poop on you right after said marriage proposal… it doesn’t seem quiet as flattering anymore. It’s like this guy was just swiping left until he saw my picture and was like YUP!!! This girl looks like a sh🌙tter!! The funniest part about it is that this guy isn’t the only one asking me to take dumps on him, but at least he did propose before hand so there’s that.

One guy just straight out asked me if I took big dumps. Of course I responded with “YEAH!! I take HUGE sh🌙ts!!!” Then he asked if I would sh🌙t on him and I said “would you like soft served or hard”… I know I know I even disgusted myself with that response so much that I just blocked him without seeing his response, and honestly I’m a little disappointed in myself that I couldn’t last longer with that convo. Just imagine the ammo I would’ve had. Let’s move on.

In the middle of all this poop talk there were some decent guys. One guy is actually from my town let’s call him the Town Traitor or T2 for short. After T2 and I figured out that not only do we live in the same town but we actually live in the same vicinity. It was pretty crazy. This is the first time I’ve ever met someone on these dating sites that are from my town that I don’t know. Because of that reason I asked if he just moved to our town or if he grew up here, and funnily enough he grew up here!!! This guy even knows one of my cousins!!! In all honesty knowing one of my cousins isn’t really a stretch, because I’m pretty sure the majority population of my town are related to me in some capacity. Yes, my family really likes to procreate. Any who I ended up finding out the reason I didn’t know this guys was because he went to school in my towns rival town schools!!! I know what a traitor!!! Hence the name. So now it made sense why I never knew this kid before hand.

Something funny happened the other day revolving around T2. When we first started messaging each other we were talking everyday. One day neither of us started a conversation so I decided to be a creep and go on this guys Instagram account and see who else he might know that I would know. Well on my journey of exploration I found out that he doesn’t post many pictures, also I found out we have another friend in common. This other friend went to high school with him, but I met the other friend when I went away to school in Connecticut. I know!!! CRAZY SH🌙T!! Any who so while I was creeping on this guys 5 pictures, I went to the likes to see the people who’ve liked his pictures… and because of my fat f🌙cking thumb and the fact that I believe Instagram did this on purpose and put the number of likes directly under that f🌙cking heart sh🌙t, I ended up liking one of his pictures. And NO!!! It wasn’t a recent picture, then I wouldn’t have felt like such a creep. Mind you his most recent pic is from like April (so either way it would’ve been creepy). I liked a picture that was from f🌙cking 2013 or some sh🌙t!!! I KNOW!!!! GASP!!!! THE HORROR!!!! 

So after this happened I went to the dating app and proceeded to delete our messages because I already knew the outcome of this! I looked like a stalker liking a picture from the f🌙cking ice ages. Beat’em to the punch and all that good shit. BUT!!! Luckily enough he either didn’t see what I did(obvi he saw it I just wanted to make myself feel better) or he found it flattering in a not stalker way (spoiler alert: extremely stalker way I should probably stop talking to him… what does this say about him… why is he still talking to me) that I would go through is pics and like one of them. Whatever the case is he and I are still messaging each other so I guess he might be the one because he can deal with my crazy or he just might be equally as crazy but much stealthier than I am hence why he didn’t like any of my pictures even though he probably goes through my page everyday thinking “gosh I’m so lucky to have met this amazingly awesome unicorn like being”.

Well that’s all I have for today… I know what your thinking this one was long as f🌙ck! 
Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( I’m sorry I made you read so much I’ll never let this happen again!)

Where Did My Brain Go?

I’ve done some incredibly nerve-wrecking things and have had some pretty nerve induced moments in my life, but the nervousness I went through last week was insurmountable. Before I get to the shit show that went down last week let me be incredibly modest and just write about all the magnificent things that have happened in my life. It all started when my mom found out she was pregnant with the most magical being to ever exist… ok you don’t need to know that let’s just fast forward through my incredible existence. 

So, I’ve played sports throughout my life and there have been some nail biting moments then, buuuuut I’ve still done more hand shaking hyperventilating type things. I’ve auditioned for multiple singing competitions. “But Emily, why would that make you nervous? You seem like a pocket full of sunshine and merry-go-rounds, and you would never be nervous for anything.” Well I really appreciate the vote of confidence you have in me, but I actually have something called “Le stage fright”. I know right… ME…having stage fright…. impossible. Negator…extremely possible. When it comes to singing in front of people (doesn’t matter if I know them or not) I have some trouble. The only way I can sing in front of anyone and it doesn’t bother me is if we are related (because you can’t get rid of me I will always be a part of your family… bwuahahahaha) or if I’m really close to you. Ooo also I’ll sing to you if you sing with me… I love doing that!. Anywho so yes I’ve auditioned for American Idol, The Voice (*cough* several times *cough*) and X-Factor. 

After all of that I never thought I would be as nervous as I was then. Oooo but was I wrong! Last week I had to do a video interview for this job I applied for. I know right… super fancy! I thought everything was going to be fine I’ve had experience interviewing before, yes it was my first time doing a video interview but honestly how bad can it be. LET ME TELL YOU… it can go horribly horrendously wrong! Once that little light on my laptop went on letting me know the recording had commenced… my whole body froze! When I say my whole body I mean even my fucking brain!!! It’s like I forgot every word I’ve ever learned in my 27 years of life. I’m pretty sure I forgot my name… actually no that was the only thing I remembered because I introduced myself even though they never asked. Eventually I got over my stupor, but it didn’t get any better. I was so nervous that my hands were shaking and I’m pretty sure I was sweating profusely. All in all it wasn’t great…. possibly the worse experience of my life to date. 

Well I must sleep now because after reliving that interview my nerves are shot.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,Emily (if you were wondering I didn’t get a second interview… Momma always told me… you win some, you lose some and sometimes you ruin your own life… just kidding, she didn’t say that I made that up.)

Diets I’ve Tried!

So this topic came about in a special way. I’m actually writing a paper for my class (which is actually due tonight at midnight and I haven’t even started it yet… *sigh* procrastination at its best). What I’m about to write about is what my paper will be about, so I figured no better time like the present than to bring this topic up! Tonight’s topic is about (drum roll please… tatatatatatata 🥁) weight loss…I know I already hate it BUT I must continue on!

I’ve struggled with my weight my whole LIFE!!! I’ve tried every diet under the sun. “Which diets have you tried Emily?” I’m glad you asked you nosey son of B🌙tch. I shall make a list for you and I shall name it The Diets I’ve Tried/Attempted:

1. Atkins: for those of you that don’t know the Atkins diet, it’s basically a protein based diet which means a lot of meats and no carbs. Well that’s how it was when I tried it (mind you it was some time when I was in high school so probably around the age of 14ish). I’m not sure what the diet entails now, but I’ve seen many improvements. The other day I saw some meal bars and frozen foods with Atkins all over it so I’m assuming it’s doing well.

2. “Low Carb”: this one had more carbs than the Atkins a little less protein and a very sad Emily. I shall move on.

3. Jenny Craig(just so you know Jenny Craig is one expensive lady… this b🌙tch high maintenance): I tried Jenny my senior year of high school, and to my surprise it worked for me for a while… I lost a little over 50 lbs or so on this diet and I felt great. With Jenny you have a meal plan prepared for you from your consultant (you buy these frozen meals from Jenny Craig or they have a JC cookbook that you can work with). So you meet with this person once a week or every two weeks depending on how far along in the process you are, and you weigh in and talk about what’s happened that week, why you might not have hit your weight loss goal for that week and where improvements can be made. This worked for me until I went away to college and no longer had the JC meals. And the freshman 15 (you know the weight you gain in your first year of college) well that turn to the freshman 50 because I gained all that weight right back and then some. I was so distraught and disappointed in myself that I kind of gave up at that point in my life.

4. Liquid Base: when I was 21/22 my dad and I went on a liquid diet (NO there wasn’t alcohol involved… you jerk I know what you were thinking… bunch of alcoholics). For breakfast we would have a smoothie, lunch would be a protein shake and my dad went with no dinner and I was like HELL NAW I’m drinking something for dinner. So I would have soup but only the broth. This went on for about a month. This did work for a little while, but then I was like yo I’m peeing every two seconds and I was always tired because I wasn’t getting enough nutrients and shit and I was miserable and moody and I hated myself. Also around this time I was also a vegetarian for about a year at this point. So what I’m trying to say is I wasn’t a happy camper.

5. Weight Watchers: I was about 23ish when I tried this one and it’s a similar concept as Jenny Craig, but less expensive.

6. Paleo Diet: did this for about 2 days and was like fuck this! I didn’t do enough research on this diet I just jumped into it. Not the smartest idea! 

My weight has fluctuated a lot throughout these diets and every diet ended the same well except that paleo one, I really had no clue what I was doing. With the other diets I would hit a plateau, and nothing happened throughout this time in these diets and I was always active. In high school I played sports all year round. When I was dorming in college and even when I was commuting I joined a volleyball and softball league. When I wasn’t playing sports I was working out. I was at a stand still and that’s when all the doubt and discouragement kicked in and I would slowly start eating my feelings. All the progress that was made would go to shit and I would be back where I started or even worse. It’s a horrible cycle to put your body and mind through. 

This past week I’ve taken new strides on this weight loss journey of mine. I attended a weight loss surgery seminar, and made an appointment to see the doctor who held the seminar. This is a pretty huge step for me. I’d thought of getting weight loss surgery for a long time. It was a couple of years ago, but that story is for another time (maybe it’ll be my first episode on the podcast that I’ve been wanting to start… if I get there I’ll let you know). When it came to weight loss surgery I NEVER wanted to do it! I told my self over and over that I can get myself there without having to get surgery. I wanted to do this strictly with just diet and exercise. But sometimes it doesn’t work out that way. I’ve tried for years (about 13 years to be exact) to live a healthier life and lose weight and most importantly keep the weight off. Nothing has worked for me and I’m not getting any younger. I’m getting closer and closer to that age where my mom started having kidney issues. 

Mother’s side of the family has Polycystic Kidney Disease and my mom and both her siblings have either done dialysis or in my mother’s case has had a kidney transplant. My fathers side of the family ain’t no picnic either. On his side I have diabetes and colon cancer to worry about. And I have ovary issues since I was 19 (I think I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, but I technically haven’t been diagnosed, but when you constantly be having cysts on your ovaries.. I feel like it’s a given). So I’m pretty much f🌙cked if I don’t get my shit together. With these diseases looming over my head I have to act now while I’m still young and relatively healthy to make sure I stay that way. When you’re younger you don’t think about these things, but now that I’m older and I can really see and understand the toll these diseases take on your body… I don’t want any part of that. If having this weight loss surgery and using it as a tool (I learned this phrase from the seminar… I’m such a good student) to better my health and possibly decrease the risks of me inheriting any of the medical issues, I have to continue on this path that I’ve started. I’m extremely scared and nervous, but after seeing first hand the successes in my friends weight loss surgery journeys… I’m also looking forward to this next step in my own story.

That’s all for now!Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily ( this one was a lot longer than I thought it would be… it should count for 2 Sunday’s… nah mean)

P.S: Life As A Moon has its own Instagram. For updates on the blog and hopefully the podcast and just some random stuff I post on there follow me @lifeasamoon