Dear Vroom Vroom, I hate you but I love you so much!

I’ve come to the conclusion that I have a love/hate relationship with Manny Mandingo (that be my car). Some days I wonder in horror what kind of life would I live if I didn’t have Manny. While other times I wish he never existed. Why do I have so strong feelings about Manny I shall tell you in the form of a list (oh how I love to make lists).

The following are the reasons why I Love Manny:
1. Homeboy gets me places. Anywhere I want to go he got my back.
2. I love to randomly drive around with the windows down and the music blasting! I only like doing this when its night time and there aren’t a lot of cars in the streets. The less cars the less people judge me when I’m performing for my adoring fans!
3. I love to speed. I just get this rush when I’m going fast… I have moments where I think I’m in Need For Speed or GTA (Grand Theft Auto) and the cops are following me and I have to get away from them so the blinking stars on the top of my screen go away. Ooo good times.
4. Music just sounds better when your aimlessly driving. The only works when there is no one else in the car with you and your just strolling around town and your connecting with the music because at that moment iHeart just knows how your feeling and they put that song that makes you feel things and your just like “Damn iHeart you know me so well it’s like your in my soul.”
5. When I need a place to be by myself and just work my shit out I know I can trust Manny to listen to me either cry, talk shit about my friends or whine about my parents. Manny just understands me like nobody else. The best part is when I’m talking to him nobody really judges me because they probably think I’m just animatedly talking on the phone… Well I hope that’s what they’re thinking.

The following are the reasons I Hate Manny:
1. This mofo makes me pay for his loyalty and friendship monthly!
2. On top of having to pay for him to stay around this mofo expects me to feed him as well. It might only be like once a week, but damn I’m like paying at least thirty bucks to make sure he’s full and sometimes that’s not even enough!
3. Driving when a lot of other people are on the road and being stuck in traffic… Sucks AssCakes!!
4. This thing is like a child not only do I need to feed it, but I also have to give this mofo a bath! Like my laundry I pay for someone else to do it for me.
5. I have very bad road rage because of him and other people! I’ve realized once I started driving I hated people with faces! I have very bad anger/hatred issues because of Manny!

Even after all the crap Manny puts me through I love him more than I hate him, because without my car I wouldn’t be able to get to work, go to the movie theatre, or even go on fun road trips. I love you Manny Mandigo I swear one of these days I’ll get you some gas and take you to get washed… Hopefully sometime this week, you know how lazy I get!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( I’ve become extra lazy, but that’s not only Mannys fault… That just started happening after I got my license and has just become worse because of Manny and Hammy Mocha Baby (my first car).

Car Lights? Blimps? and Hair? Oh My!

I don’t know what it is about Wednesday’s, but apparently everybody and their mother decides to go to work on this day of the week. Every other day there aren’t that many cars on the road, but today shit was cray cray. I was like why are there so many cars today it’s freaking Thursday… But then something on the radio said something about it being Wednesday, and I was like oh now all these mofos on the road makes sense. Because every Wednesday there’s always a trillion cars out. I want to know where these other people work because if they only have to work on Wednesday… Where can I send my resume (daaaayum I should be a rapper… You saw how that ish rhymed!!)!! And the others if you took of Monday and Tuesday why go back Wednesday, might as well stay home all week.

Speaking of driving, on my way home today the car that was on my right had a red little light on the side view mirror. I see this and I become fascinated with it. The whole ride home I’m making sure I stay near the car so I can look at this light (I think I was either a cat or a dog in a past life because I get distracted very easily). Out of no where the cars little light turns off, and I was like where’d ya go, where’d ya go, come back! So I speed up to get closer to the the car, and the light turns on again. I was super excited, the lane I was in started going slower than the one the other car was in; so I slow down and the cars little light turns off again. My lane starts moving faster and I get closer to the car, and you wouldn’t believe what happened… The light turned on again. I finally realized that this car was sensing my car every time I got closer. That car was so freaking smart man!! It was tell it’s mommy that I was in her blind spot. What I nice little car. When I can trade Manny Mandingo in ( my vroom vroom) I’m totes gonna get a car that tells me when there’s other cars next to me, only because I like the little light in the mirror.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed but there is absolutely no structure in these posts. So on that note, I’m probably the only one that thinks this but anyway, on Saturday I went to Walmart with my cousin (let’s call him Sacamoco Tira Peo… Translation: take out your boogers and throw farts) and just so you know Walmart is packed at all hours of the day!!! We were there at freaking 10 something at night and there were a bajillion people… Like go home people were here trying to buy some fans!! As I was saying while we were getting out of the car I saw a white blimp over the city. I turned to Sacamoco and tell him “you know every time I see a blimp I just think theres an evil mastermind in there with his crew plotting evil things.” It’s not just any evil mastermind, I usually picture Dr. Evil and his crew sitting at an oval table in the middle of a parana moat. This is every time I see blimp, but this blimp especially screamed Dr. Evils secret layer, it was all white and Dr. Evilish!

Okay my children it’s been fun but it’s that time of year again…I have to go shave! I swear I’m gonna get waxed!! Ugh I hate shaving! OOOO if I ever become super rich the first thing I’m doing is getting laser hair removal for my whole body, well except for the hair on my head, but I would totes get my eyebrows perfectly lazered so I wouldn’t have to do them again!!! This is like the most genius plan ever!!!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( I can’t wait till I become super duper rich so I can be hairless)