BUZZFEED IS LIFE!!! I used to think Google was life, but it’s like number two on that list. A couple of weeks ago I figured out that Buzzfeed isn’t blocked at my job… I’ve been on it everyday since then! If you don’t know what Buzzfeed is you need to stopping reading and go to sleep because I can’t talk to you anymore! Okay okay I didn’t mean that, Buzzfeed is where I take 99.99998% of my quizzes. They are the best quizzes ever!! I’m pretty sure I might have taken every possible quiz they have since I found out that I can go on. There are ALOT of quizzes… It’s marvelous!!! Not only do they have quizzes that helps me find out how British I am… They also have actual news, so I kind of know what’s going on in the world. They also have random articles on lifestyle, how adorably amazing Tay Tay (that’s my home girl Taylor Swift… We cool like that so she lets me call her that) and Calvin Harris are together… They’re so cute they make me want to throw up, and 13 movie facts that will make you feel truly old ( that’s one of the articles they have).
So while I was scrolling and clicking random links and pictures I came across an article called “27 Funny, Random, and Bizarre Things People Have Bought Online While Drunk”. Some of these people bought the funniest things… My favorite one was a girl talking about how when her best friend gets drunk she like to order things off of Amazon. Because the girls friend likes to be surprised she never cancelled the orders as long as they weren’t that expensive. The girls friend apparently has ordered her self vibrators, and after 12 of them she started canceling the orders. I laughed so loud that my coworkers thought I was crazier than usual and just stared at me until I stopped laughing.
After going through this list of things that people have bought themselves it got me thinking… Have I ever bought myself anything interesting or fun when I was drunk. That’s when I realized that Sallie Mae hadn’t called me in like 4 days. Those Mofos call me at least 10 times a day… EVERYDAY!! So I was super suspicious, Sallie Mae doesn’t know how to let people live their lives without bothering. With that in mind I checked my account, and apparently my fucking drunk ass on Saturday made a freaking payment to Sallie Mae!!! Apparently drunk me is super responsible and pays off freaking loans instead of buying my self pretty surprises!!! The only surprise I got was when I looked at my bank account and saw that I really did pay that hoe Sallie… It was on my damn statement!!! I must’ve gotten to the point where my drunkness completely passed Delilah and made me a grown up… Ugh!
Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily (I’m gonna have to start hiding my credit/debit cards when I get drunk… I might end up paying my car two months in advance)