The One Where My Friends Came

On this weeks episode my friends/my slutties/my main bitches joined me in talking about everything we could think of. There was some DR stories, some NOLA stories and a lot about tits, dicks, ass and we played a little game of “Whats Dat Song?”.

Instagram: @lifeasamoon and @em_ily421

Follow the links below to come and listen!

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/life-as-a-moon/id1485767206?uo=4

https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy9mYjhmYmI0L3BvZGNhc3QvcnNz

“Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy”

New episode up right now!

On this episode I talk about my trip to Texas and some other shit. Big and Rich’s “Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy” gets its time on “I’m Sorry, Que”

If you i don’t know want to listen or follow me on Instagram below are the links to listen and my Instgrams

@Lifeasamoon and @em_ily421

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/life-as-a-moon/id1485767206?uo=4

I’m Sorry, Que?

New episode up right now!!!

This week I talk about how I’m the greatest gift my mother ever received, moving out of my parents house and I completely butcher the song Ella y Yo by Aventura and Don Omar in the Im sorry, Que segment.

Linked below are all the platforms you can find the podcast. I hope you come by and experience life through me. 😂

Anchor:

https://anchor.fm/lifeasamoon

Apple Podcast:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/life-as-a-moon/id1485767206?uo=4

Spotify:

https://open.spotify.com/show/5yuaE0CsX5MuqHEaDYIjK4

Google Podcast:

https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy9mYjhmYmI0L3BvZGNhc3QvcnNz

Breaker:

https://www.breaker.audio/life-as-a-moon

Pocket Cast:

https://pca.st/8kxhqus0

Overcast:

https://overcast.fm/itunes1485767206/life-as-a-moon

Holy Harry Potter World

I was supposed to post this last week, but let’s be serious there was a Justin Timberlake concert I had to prep for. For those of you that don’t know what I’m talking about… last Sunday was the Super Bowl and JT was the half-time show performer. So I had to mentally prepare myself all day. So let us begin where we left off.

After finally arriving in Orlando after the deathly mission Slutty Mcslutterson and I had to accomplish, we just relaxed that day. We had originally planned on getting to FL on Thursday night and then go to Universal Friday and then on Saturday just hang out around our hotel buying souvenirs and all that touristy sh🌙t. Because of the little mishap we had everything was moved around. Since we arrived on Friday morning we decided to just hang out do some tourist sh🌙t, drink and get tattoos. You know the normal things you do when one goes on a trip. You might be wondering how this whole get “a tattoo” thing happened, when a week before we went on our trip Mcslutterson and I had gotten tattoos (I’m pretty sure I have pictures of them on my Instagram @lifeasamoon…yes that was a shameless plug).

This new tattoo came about when Mcslutterson and I were walking around Old Town(Old Town is a promenade of sorts that also has a mini carnival). Anywho, Mcslutterson had mentioned getting tattoos (which she does every trip we go on) and I told her “I’m down” (which I tell her every time she mentions it). So, while walking in Old Town we saw the tattoo shop Mcslutterson had found on le google. We went into the shop and our plan was if it’s not too expensive we’re gonna get tats. Lo and behold, we got new tats later that night.

Now it is Saturday and we are in Universal. Mind you I’ve never been to Universal so I’m fully tourist-ing out. I’m taking pictures of everything and staring up at all the attractions and mentally asking myself… “how the f🌙ck?”. When we got to the Harry Potter attraction I was f🌙cking blown away!! Full disclosure I was never a super potter head. I watched the movies but I never got super into them. Before this trip Mcslutterson demanded that I’d watch all the movies, so the Harry Potter universe was fresh in my mind. I was in f🌙cking awe at how detailed everything was. I felt like I was transported to Hogsmeade and Hogwarts. It was f🌙cking magical!!! The more we explored Harry Potter world the more I fell in love with it all! What really pushed me over to becoming a Potterhead was the ButterBeer! Holy crapola that was the most delicious drink I’ve ever drunk in my life!

If you ever get a change to go to Universal,The Wizarding World of Harry Potter is the place to be! Well that’s all for this muggle.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily (ooo also I found out that I’m House Hufflepuff! YAAAAAASSSSS!)

P.S. pictures of trip will be on my instagram @lifeasamoon. But here’s a little sneak peek.

Living On The Edge!

Even though tonight are the GRAMMYs I am still writing! Look how dedicated I am. Also I might or might not be watching the GRAMMYs and I just remembered that I needed to post something. Anyway, let’s pick up where I left off last week. So last week I wrote about the magical proposal. This week I’m writing about the most adventure-ist (I know it’s not a word but it should be it really, just wraps the whole shebang.)

This all started a few months ago when Slutty Mcslutterson group texted us (when I say us I mean my group of very sluttie friends) and said that she wanted to go Harry Potter Christmas in Universal for her Birthday. I told her that I would go because 1. I’ve never been to Universal and 2. I fucking love Christmas! Our other friends couldn’t make it so it ended up just being us two. Ironically we might’ve started our own little Birthday vacation tradition that I like to call BIRTHACATION! Our first Birthacation was for my bday two years ago where we went to the Dominican Republic. That’s a whole other story that I might’ve already wrote about so go back to around April 2016.

Any who, fast forward to January 1, 2018. We’ve been checking the weather because we live in New Jersey and it’s winter so you never know what’s gonna happen. When I first checked in the beginning of the week my weather app said there was no snow for the day of our flight which was for Jan 4th. So we were in the clear… or so we thought. It is now Jan 3rd and Slutty Mcslutterson calls me to tell me that our flight has been cancelled due to inclement weather! Of course with our luck this f🌙cking Winter Storm Greyson decides to not only hit the Northern East Coast, but decides to drop some of his snowy shit practically up and down the whole coast. It f🌙cking snowed in northern Florida!! Mind you it wasn’t a lot but still Florida is where we were headed… I digress.

Being the besteat friend ever!!! People I’m telling you I basically won and will continue to hold the title of Bestest Most AWESOMEST Friend in the WORLD OF WORLDS. So Wednesday night before our trip, that we weren’t even sure we were going to be able to go on anymore because all flights at this point were being cancelled in all of the Tristate area. Mcslutterson and I start looking for alternate ways to get to Florida! I looked at possible trains that would takes us. We tried to look for other flights in our area that were still flying out. We tried everything we could think of and it wasn’t looking good for us.

So while Mcslutterson was calling the airline to see what we could do, I continued to look at flights, and lo and behold I found a flight only problem is it was flying out of Pittsburgh, PA. For those of you that don’t know Pittsburgh is near Ohio, Ohio is on the western side of Pennsylvania, I live on the eastern side of Pennsylvania (my town is literally across from Manhattan). Basically what I’m trying to tell you is it’s about a 7 hr drive from us. I was completely willing to drive this distance because we couldn’t fly for obvious reasons. And being the good friend that I am I wanted Mcslutterson to have a f🌙cking great birthday and I also wanted to go to f🌙cking Universal! I’ve never been there people, so I might’ve done it for slightly selfish reasons(it’s a very small percent though, it was mostly for Mcslutterson).

Thank the gods above, we were able to switch our flight to Pittsburgh with no extra charge and also get a room in Pittsburgh, since we weren’t flying out till Friday morning, practically for free because Slutty used her points to hook us up(remember all this shit happened Wednesday).

Thursday finally comes and winter storm Greyson was no f🌙cking joke (side note I was planning on naming my future son Greyson and now I think I might name him GrAyson instead! Bwuahahaha get it I just changed the letter. I’m still naming my future son Grayson. So future baby daddy but hopefully husband our sons name will be Grayson. I don’t care what you have to say he will already be getting your last name so I call shotty on the first name!). So the snow was really freaking bad. What would’ve taken us about 7hrs took us almost 10. Which in all honesty is pretty good to me because you know we lived after our parents were like “WHAT THE F🌙CK IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO… ARE YOU TRYING TO GET YOURSELVES KILLED”. All I have to say is that we like to live on the edge… and also NEVER and I mean NEVER drive any amount of distance in a f🌙cking snowstorm let alone to f🌙cking Pittsburgh! That’s shit is dangerous!

Well we lived and I will be writing about our Universal experience next week. This one already got too long and I still have to reread this for errors and sh🌙t nah mean!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily (there were a lot of things I left out but honestly it was exhausting just reliving that day again.)

Birthday Shenanigans!

Soooooo my inner sloth took over yesterday and decided not to do anything productive, basically I was super lazy and laid in bed all day and caught up on some show… it was magical! Anywho because I was away in New Orleans a couple weeks ago everything is out of order in my life. Last week I had to tell you all about my adventures in such a beautiful city, but I also wanted to write about my birthday shenanigans and there was a huge battle in my head for who shall win aaaaaaand if you read last week New Orleans won. BUT TODAY IS THE DAY FOR MY BIRTHDAY EXTRAVAGANZA! For those that don’t know I celebrated my 6th anniversary of turning 21 years of age a little over a week ago. ‘Twas a weekend spent in the city ( for those who don’t know what city I’m referring to… I be talking about The Big Apple, NYC… In New Yoooooork concrete jungle where dreams are made of. Wow thank you Alicia Keys that was beautiful)

My Birthday weekend extravaganza started out very tamed. On Friday the day of my birth I was with my family. We put some yum yums in my tum tums, then came back home stayed up talking shit and reminiscing. We laughed we cried we laughed some more it was a great night.

Saturday day night is were sh🌙t got cray cray. Me, my brother and a couple of my friends went to the Strip Club!! It was a night to remember. I got some titties in my face. Let me tell you these ladies have the smoothest skin I’ve ever felt in my life! Also I learned that I’m horrible at the whole strip club thing. I did nothing like what I’ve seen on TV. I was gently placing dollars on the floor and when one of the ladies came closer a told me to slap her ass, I gently tapped it… even she was like “girl!! Slap my ass!!” And proceeded to grab my wrist and made me slap her bum. I was even worried that I would give the girls a paper cut…It was hilarious. One of the ladies gave me the biggest compliment of my entire life… the following is how the conversation went (well from what I can remember): 

Exotic Dancer: hi the most awesome person I’ve ever seen in my life I heard it was your birthday…come here (pulls my head to her breasts and shimmies)

Me: (blushing profusely thoughout the night) *giggling* yea it is…thanks. (Gently placed dollar in her g-string) 

Lady that Dances on poles: do you have some Asian in your family. ( crawls on floor)

Me: *gasp* yes I do… can you really tell?

Woman whom shakes her Tatas: yes you look a little Hawaiian! (Pulls g-string open for some mula)

Me: (gently places money in said pulled g-string) Oh my gosh stop it… you’re making me blush!

Lovely lady in nothing but a g-string: really… you look like Moana!!!

Me: OMG I LOVE YOU!!! I’ve always wanted to be a part of Disney!!! (Turns to Frenemy) she said I look like Moana!!! MOANA!! I love her!! How did she know just what to say to me!! (Gave the rest of the money in my hand to the nice lady)

And that was the highlight of the night for me.

 Also, my brother did a T-Pain and went and fell in love with a stripper… so now I might have a future Stripper In-Law. 

Well that’s all for now!
Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily ( or should I say Moana)

APRIL, HOW THE HECK ARE YOU?!?

HELLO APRIL, The best month ever! “But Emily, why is April the best month ever?”. I’m glad you asked. There are a lot of reasons, the first and most important one being is that I, Emily, was born in the month of April twenty-one plus years ago (for those who really want to know my age I was born in 1990… you do the math I’m not gonna make this easy on you… although I have mentioned it in previous posts, just saying…you might not want to do math, and I don’t blame you!). There you have it the main reason April is the freaking best is the day of my birth ( just in case anybody wants to get me an extravagant present, you still have time my special day isn’t until the 21st so get on!).

Another reason why Abril (April in Spanish) is fantabulous is because I will be in NEW ORLEANS next weekend!!!! I’m so freaking excited!! This will be my first time going and I can’t wait to see all the magical things NOLA has to offer!! The second best thing about going to NOLA, is the build-up for it. This past week I’ve been buying little things I might need, and of course I need some sluttie outfits. Because I’m not going down there just for the fun of it. Okay, well I am but there’s a bigger reason. I’m going down there for a bachelorette weekend!!! So there will be an abundance of alcohol consumption, hopefully some nakedness happens, and just a whole bunch of shenanigans that I will most likely not remember and I CANT WAIT!!

So basically what I’m trying to tell you is that there will be no post next Sunday, because 1. I will not be in my bathroom at home to write this to you. And 2. I will hopefully not remember my name for a few hours, so how do you expect me to remember to write a post… that’s really needy and selfish of you. Well that’s all for tonight I must mentally prepare myself for next weekend I’m not as young as I used to be and will need a lot of rest leading up to this adventure. Toodles!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,Emily (if I come back Mrs. Emily Some-random-guys-last-name don’t be alarmed, because that’s what I’m hoping for.)

I Don’t Want This To Be My Life!

In my 27 years of life…okay okay I’m actually 26 but once the New Year comes I actively start saying the age I’m going to be so that my brain gets used to it and by the time my birthday actually does come around I’m already a pro at saying my age. I started doing this because BAM the next thing I know it’s September and I’m telling people I’m 21 when in actuality I’m 27 nah mean jelly bean I know I didn’t explain that correctly but I’m not going to delete everything I just typed. 

As I was saying in my almost 27 years of life ( Jesus!, that hurts to say. I’m gonna be f🌙cking 27… ooo if you were wondering my birthday in on April 21st just in case my present is super extravagant and needs time to be shipped to me) I’ve finally accepted that I’m not one for repetition. I need change, I need to be on the move, I need something different everyday. I think that’s why I excel when starting something new. It’s the excitement of learning something. I wish that translated through my academic career but NOPE my brain was like bitch we like learning FUN new things. Well I guess starting a new job isn’t really fun but it’s a necessity that makes me Awesomeballz at what I’m doing, but after a couple of months I fall into this slump and become very veeeeeery bored! I know you’re wondering where the f🌙ck did this insightful sh🌙t come from…. well I was sitting at my desk at work and stopped what I was doing looked around the office and in my head I thought “F🌙CK!, I don’t want to do this for the rest of my life. I don’t want this to be my life!”. So I picked up my phone and started typing this out because I didn’t want to forget (because I have an awful memory) and then I went back to work, because I needs to pay bills and all that sh🌙t that sucks the fun out of everything.

Well that’s all I have for today I must go back to watching Shameless.

Love Ya From the Moon and Back,

Emily (in case you were wondering “why the f🌙ck is there a moon emoji in between the curse words? Or if your also like “why can’t I see said emoji?”  I’ve decided to make it a fun little game and when ever there is an emoji in place of a letter or word you can decided which ever curse word you like. For those who might not be able to see the moon emoji it’s because you don’t have an IPhone and can’t experience the magic of our emojis so sorry.)

B-Day Vaca!!!

I’m going on vacation in t-minus 4 days and I’m so freaking excited!!! So for the past week I’ve been prepping and buying things I’ll need for my trip. I’ll be going to a Caribbean Island and I’m not going to tell anyone because I don’t want anyone stalking me…. Okay okay I’ll tell you stop acting crazy. I’m going to le DR (the Dominican Republic) for my birthday which is in 4 days! I know super scandalous I’m leaving the same day of my birth. That’s how we do when we plan out vacation for your birthday.

As I was saying I’ve been buying different things I might need and I went a little overboard because I’m only going for 5 days and I have way to many cloths for a place I will be in my bathing suit 95% of the time. So what I’ve been telling myself to feel better is that I could use these cloths for the summer so don’t worry. Yup it’s been working pretty well so far.

Well that’s all I have for now I shall be back in two weeks.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( I wonder if I’ll meet my future husband on this trip and have a super romantical long distant relationship because he’ll be from some magical place in Europe and we’re going to have a hard time in the beginning and break up because it’s too stressful being apart all the time until he surprises me 2 months later telling me how much he loves me and that we can make it work because we’re meant to be and we live happily ever after in his far away kingdom with 2 sets of twins our first twins would be a boy and a girl and our second would be boys and it will all be amazing… But no pressure or anything for this trip.)

It’s official… I’m In Love!

“I’m still breathing, I’m still breathing, I’m still breathing, I’m still breathing… I’m ALIIIIIIIIVE, I’m aliiiiiive I’m aLIIIIIIIIIVE, I’m aliiiiiive!” Gosh darn it Sia I love you!!! If you haven’t listened to Sia’s This is Acting album then your crazy! I’m alive and bird set free speak to me… It’s freaking magical!

Any who’s Ello Loves. It was a pretty fantastical weekend for me. Fine all right already I’ll tell you. I met someone. And it’s not just anyone, but I thinks it’s THE ONE! I know I didn’t expect it either but when you know you know, and ooo do I know. We fell inlove so fast I can’t even believe it myself, and believe me I’m slightly cynical so it’s crazy.

So we met Saturday like mid morning at a Honda dealership. Such an unlikely place to find love but in our case it just makes sense. Anyway at first I wasn’t sure how to approach it, but eventually I grew some cojones (balls) and was like “hey, how are you? I think we can be really great together” ( I know so forward of me, but sometimes you just have to go for it… You know). Then we just went driving for hours… We went to the mall, target and then five below (love this store it’s kind of addicting so be careful). We just made a day for us… And it was truly magical. I want everyone to meet the love of my life ( for about the next 2 and a half to 3 years or so) Betty!

image
Gosh that was such a romantical love story. I should really just write for a living. Ooo thanks for bring that up…By the by I’m thinking of starting another blog, but that one would just be for some stories that I’ve written. I haven’t decided when I will start it, but it’s in the thinking and planning stages right now. So you know it’ll happen eventually.

Well that’s all I got I’m just going to stare at Betty’s picture lovingly now.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( naming Betty was hard for me… My mum and I went back and forth between Barry, Barry Blanc (must say with French accent) and Betty, but Betty just felt more lady than lad… Nah mean!)

Ps. Happy National Sibling Day!