Puppy-Love and Stalkerish Tendencies.

I’m back and creepier than ever. When I say creepier I mean it in the most wonderful way it can possibly sound. You know what Ixnay on the creepier-ay… I could possibly be the next CIA/FBI/Secret Agent/Detective/007, honestly any of those would work that’s how good my (I don’t want to say stalking but if the shoe fits) investigative skills are. I shall give thee a little story on the person you are about to learn about. 

Once upon a time there was a pre-teen (or maybe even teen-teen) and she went by the name of… umm let’s just say she went by the name of… you know what her name was Emily and it was me. Any who this pre-teen/teen-teen met a boy through her neighbor and bestie at the time…we are no longer neighbors nor are we really friends anymore you know how that goes, you get older one of you becomes a little, how you say, sluttie when we were slightly (way) too young for it, so the other one (me) kind of just gradually cuts the sluttie one out of her life. I know I know it was a real sh🌙tty thing to do but I was fucking 14 or some sh🌙t and I didn’t know how to handle it so shut your face and listen to the rest of the story! (We’re still friends in Facebook if that counts)So Emily was introduced to this boy named Garry… his name was Garry with two R’s. So Emily and Garry become really good friends and the best part about this friendship was that his younger cousin lived up the block from her house. They got to hang out all the time and of course Emily fell into puppy love with Garry (with two R’s). This “love” was so serious that practically everyone on the block knew of Emily’s feelings for Garry. As the days went by the kids on the block would play football, tag, manhunt and just hang out on the steps. All of a sudden Garry tells Emily that his family is moving to California. Emily’s little teenager heart was broken she didn’t know how to deal. She had never told Garry that she liked him liked him, so she simply told him that she’d miss him and to keep in touch. 

A year or so passes and Emily is no longer friends with the neighbor that had once been her bestie. Emily is now a freshman (I think) in high school and has somewhat forgotten about her puppy love and is crushing on other boys from her school and some not from her school. One day she had gotten home from I think it was softball practice and she was just hanging out in front of her house eating string cheese, when a boy that looked oddly familiar was walking up the block. Emily just stared at this boy trying to figure out who he was. Meanwhile the boy was also looking at Emily as well. With their eyes locked he continued his trek up the block.

This story is getting really long so what I’m saying is, that boy she saw was Garry and he’d moved back to Jersey and apparently had been back for a while. So Garry and Emily started to hang out again but then his family moved again and I haven’t seen him since. This is where my investigative skills come into play.

While I was awake in the middle of the night (a couple of days ago) when I should’ve been sleeping… something reminded me of Garry (it could’ve been the fact that I was watching SpongeBob and Gary the snail ( 🐌) slithered around the pineapple). The next thing I know I’m googling Garry (with two R’s) lo and behold there he was my Garry just 12 years older and still looking a little like J-Boog from B2K (if you don’t know who B2K is… you may leave right NOW!! j/k you can stay just google them so you get the picture). What I found was not something I liked.

Apparently Garry has a family. He has two kids and a girlfriend and lives somewhere that is not New Jersey. So the moral of this story is… don’t go chasing waterfalls please stick to the rivers and the lakes that your used to I know that your gonna have it your way or nothing at all but I think your moving to fast… LISTEN TO MEEEE (sorry I couldn’t help myself and by the way that was waterfalls by TLC if you didn’t know). Anyway moral of the story is you should probably go to sleep at a decent time so you don’t Instagram stalk the kid you were in love with when you were just a wee little lass. You won’t like what you find even though you should be over him because honestly Emily it’s been 12 years since you last saw him what the f🌙ck did you expect.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily (once upon a time Mrs. Garry with two R’s)

P.S. Happy Early Independence Day/ 4th of July!!!

B-Day Vaca!!!

I’m going on vacation in t-minus 4 days and I’m so freaking excited!!! So for the past week I’ve been prepping and buying things I’ll need for my trip. I’ll be going to a Caribbean Island and I’m not going to tell anyone because I don’t want anyone stalking me…. Okay okay I’ll tell you stop acting crazy. I’m going to le DR (the Dominican Republic) for my birthday which is in 4 days! I know super scandalous I’m leaving the same day of my birth. That’s how we do when we plan out vacation for your birthday.

As I was saying I’ve been buying different things I might need and I went a little overboard because I’m only going for 5 days and I have way to many cloths for a place I will be in my bathing suit 95% of the time. So what I’ve been telling myself to feel better is that I could use these cloths for the summer so don’t worry. Yup it’s been working pretty well so far.

Well that’s all I have for now I shall be back in two weeks.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( I wonder if I’ll meet my future husband on this trip and have a super romantical long distant relationship because he’ll be from some magical place in Europe and we’re going to have a hard time in the beginning and break up because it’s too stressful being apart all the time until he surprises me 2 months later telling me how much he loves me and that we can make it work because we’re meant to be and we live happily ever after in his far away kingdom with 2 sets of twins our first twins would be a boy and a girl and our second would be boys and it will all be amazing… But no pressure or anything for this trip.)

Best Bestie Ever!

Have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry? Have you ever needed something so bad you can’t sleep at night? Have you ever tried to find the words, but they don’t come out right? Yeah me either. For those who might be a little Confucius (this is how I like to say confused don’t judge me) the intro to today’s post are lyrics from the song Have you ever? By Brandy. For some reason this song is always in my head. I can’t get rid of it. I’ve known that it’s a permanent song in my head for a while, but this morning while I was showering I forgot to bring my new water proofish speaker. So long story short I decided I’ll just sing songs from my mems (memory), and the one and only song I could freaking remember was Have you ever. Every time I would start a different song It would turn into Have you ever. It was feeling frustrating.

Anywho you should know that I’m the best friend you could ever have. Why you ask. Because I’m currently at JFK Airport picking up Sluttie McSlutterson! Because this slore decided she was gonna go to freaking Dubai without me. I know right… How Rude (Stephanie Tanner voice). This is why I feel like I am the bestest friend anyone can ever have. How many people would cut their super busy and exciting Sunday of doing absolutely nothing short to go pick up a friend. ME. That’s who. Well I must go Sluttie McSlutterson has finally arrived.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily I totes got a hair cut!! And I finally did my eyebrows)

Brotherly Love!

Have you ever wondered if you’ve already met “the One” but met him/her at the wrong time in your life? Or if you’ve already met your “soulmate” but didn’t even realize it? No, so just me… Is it my loneliness aka single as Fuckness kicking in and messing with my head. That actually might be it, but I was actually thinking about my brothers life when this popped into my head, and of course it later turned into me thinking about the same things for myself, but I’ll tell you that a little later.

I guess we can start off with why I was thinking about my brothers life… obviously there was alcohol involved, but honestly when isn’t there. We were at our cousins house Saturday night, and having an in the backyard loud as hell R&B session… And when R&B/ slow jams are playing one tends to think about either romantic things or their last breakup. In this case I started thinking about my brothers ex-girlfriends and wondering if he had met any one of them at a different time in his life would one of them have ended up being my sister in-law. For those who know me I hope you know which one I’m talking about. I feel if he met this one Ex of his at a later time in his life things would’ve been different for them… In all honesty I think she was the One, but at the wrong time.

Then I started thinking if she was his soulmate. I know some might think “the One” and “soulmate” are one in the same, but I feel like they’re completely different. For me the One is that person who compliments you; who even though they might not see or believe things the same way you do they still want to be apart of your life, they want to make a life with you, they feel like they can’t live without you, that person who loves you unconditionally with your flaws and all that good shit that comes with you. I swear I read and watch way to much romantical shit, and it has ruined me for life. Any way, a soulmate is that person who you connect with on another level, someone you knows you inside and out, and not necessarily in a romantical way, it’s that person that you feel you can be your absolute self and you honestly don’t give a fuck what they think because they’re probably doing and the thinking the same thing about you. I feel like my brother has already found his soulmate, and it’s his best friend. Those two are like two peas in a pod, they’ve been best friends for as long as I can remember and they are still the best friends you would ever meet. At times I’m kind of jealous of their friendship… Of course I love my friends to death they are like my sisters, but this bond that my brother and my Brother from Anotha Motha (my brothers bestie) have is something beautiful. It’s like they were just meant to be in each others lives.

Well this was a lot longer than I thought it was going to be. That’s all for now… Maybe on Friday I’ll tell you about what I think I discovered about myself.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( I’m sure there are people who have been fortunate enough to find both their soulmate and the One in one person, and I hope to one day be apart of those fortunate.)

Ps. I want to take this time to thank the men and women that have fought for our country and our freedom. You all are truly Amazing/Brave/Beautiful human beings and I love you all. Happy Veterans Day!

Snap… Crackle… Pop!

“Do you recall not long ago we would walk on the sidewalk…Innocent. Remeber? All we did was care for each other…but the night was warm. We were bold and young. All around the wind blows. We would only hold on to let go… Blow a kiss, fire a gun. We need someone to lean on. Blow a kiss, fire a gun. All we need is somebody to lean on!!!” I abso-freaking-lutely love this song… It just gets me going. This would be the song I listen to to start my day, it just make me happy! By the way that songs name is Lean On by DJ Snake and Major Lazer.

Anyway, a couple of days ago I was sitting in my room watching chiropractors adjust (aka crack… I watched so many I learned the lingo) people’s backs, necks, hips and feet. Practically everything that can be cracked was cracked and it was the most glorious thing I’ve ever seen in my life. Not only did it look like it felt incredibly amazing , but the loud cracking sounds was like music to my ears. When I crack my bones and I hear that loud pop I just have this deep soul quenching amazingness feeling seep through my body, like my work is complete… It’s thee best. You know what is almost at the same level but not really, is watching other people get parts of there body cracked… Omg I love it!!!

Ooo your gonna think I’m even weirder than you probably already do. I know you probably thought it couldn’t possibly get any worse… Weeeeellll it’s about to. So I LOOOOOOOVE watching people get their pimples popped!!! Ahhhh I know it sounds B.A.N.A.N.A.S, but it’s the truth. I have no clue what it is about it I just get so excited! And the bigger the pimple the better it makes me feel… I think I just like the feeling of being grossed out. At least I know I’m not the only one, my sluttie Royal Blue feels the same way I do. I think that’s one of the many reasons we love each other so much. We’re like two pimples in a pore…you get it like two peas in a pod but like way grosser… I’m pretty sure grosser is not a word, but I don’t care deal with it!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( two days till Canada!!!!!)

Ps. This is what my YouTube home page looked like!

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Sistah from Anotha Mistah!

Just a warning I don’t really have much to say today. Not because I can’t think of anything to write about, but because I’m suuuuuperrrrr tired. “Emily, why are you so tired its not like you do anything?” Well first off that’s hurtful I do plenty of things like driving to and from work, singing in my car( which takes a lot out of you… Okay!), and I stopped to get gas today. I know your judging, but I don’t care.

Anyway the real reason I’m tired is because I actually acted my age yesterday. Yesterday was a normal day, I got home from work at around 6ish and did my usual routine. Which is check the mail, then use the bathroom ( because I’ve been holding my pee pee for way to long), but then I also bought a lottery ticket ( buying lottery tickets isn’t the norm… So don’t be thinking I have some big gambling problem; I’m toooooo broke for that life… I just had an extra dollar). Okay back to my story, the rest of the night goes by and at this point it’s like 9:30pm and I’m starting to get ready for bed. Yes I said 9:30pm, I’m a freaking Vieja (old lady) at heart. But then I get a text from my Sistah from anothah Mistah!! Me and Sistah from anothah Mistah have known each other since we were wee little lads! Her brother and my brother are besties for life, and of course so are we! This girl is my freaking Ride or Die chick… We can go weeks without seeing or even talking to each other, but once you get us together it’s like no time has passed… We just pick it up where we left off and keep it moving. As I was saying, Sistah texted me last night at like 9:30ish and asks me where I was. So I tell her I’m home… She replies come to the bar. Of course I’m thinking this girl is cray it’s like 9:50 I’m about to go to sleep. I’m guessing she knew what I was think so she texts me saying Rover (which is the name of the bar) and that’s it. So I had no choice… I got dressed again and went to meet her at Rover. I’m telling you she has a way with words and is VERY persuasive and she is the only person that can get me to do anything!

So basically I’m tired because I got home at like almost 1am… Don’t judge me I told you I’m a Vieja and one in the morning is late for me!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( to my surprise my brother, her brother and some other peeps were there… I’m kinda glad I broke my Vieja ways, I had fun)