This weeks episode I talk about how much I love Derek Jeter and some other stuff. But the Derek Jeter part is the only thing that matters. For “I’m Sorry, Que?” I went with a “Cell Block Tango” from the Broadway musical Chicago.
If you want to listen to this weeks episode it’s up and waiting to infiltrate your life. š
Links below:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/life-as-a-moon/id1485767206?uo=4
Hello!! I have returned!! Oh how Iāve missed thee! I was trying to be all Game of Thrones and wait a while before coming back, and I may or may not have wanted to leave some suspense and mystery about my whereabouts. Anywho,It has been a crazy year and I swears Iāll write about it at some point. I canāt just throw it all out there, then what would I have to write about. I decided to come back with a bang, and bring back my favorite… lists! So if you would kindly continue reading on for my criteria on what a potential significant other needs to become a significant other. Itās a working title Iām sure Iāll figure out a good name by the end of this.
1. Must not talk during a movie. I thought that was a relatively simple rule to follow. Even the movie theater tells you in a very nice way to shut the fuck up right before the movie starts. One would think everyone would shut the fuck up….buuuuuuuut thatās not always the case.
2. Must not talk during movie after a person specifically told you that she was really excited to see the movie.
3. Must not attempt to kiss person during the movie she said she really wanted to fucking see.
Ok guys Iām not sure if you see a pattern, but the she I was referring to is me. Hereās the story behind my new potential significant other criteria… honestly itās more like a guide on how to behave during a Movie date. Ooooo guess what Iām calling this…MOVIE DATE 101.
As I was saying, about a week or so ago I went on a date. Well first you should know that this was a let me give this guy a second chance second date. It wasnāt a OMG I canāt wait to see this guy again second date… you get my drift. So basically this guy already had 1 strike against him and if you didnāt know Iām a former huge baseball fan (ever since Derek Jeter retired I canāt call myself a huge baseball fan anymore, but this is completely unrelated). As I was saying homeboy already had 1 strike against him and in my game thereās no balls ; ok that sounds wrong but if you know baseball you know that there are balls and strikes but Iām not getting into the rules of baseball. Anyway there are only strikes in my game is what Iām trying to say. Holy shit that took way to long for me to get to that point.
So this guy already had 1 strike against him, but I followed my slutties ( if you donāt remember, because I know itās been a while, Slutties is a term of endearment I call my friends) advice and decided to give this guy a second chance. Our first date wasnāt horrible or anything, I just didnāt feel anything towards this guy. Our second and last date was to go see the movie Yesterday, which I was soooo excited to see because Iām a fan of the Beatles.
Throughout the entire movie this guy, letās call him Motormouth, wouldnāt shut the fuck up… the. ENTIRE. TIME! For someone like me who thoroughly ( idk why this word just looks like I spelled it wrong but I spelled check and it didnāt correct me so onward we go) enjoy watching movies. I especially wanted to see this movie and I had expressed that fact when we made the plans to go and then again when we got into the theater. So it wasn’t like I only told him once and he forgot! That shit was fresh in his mind! (By the way this was strike numero dos… number 2 for those who may not know Spanish)
His blabbering wasnāt the only problem. In the middle of the movie he attempted to kiss me! KISS! ME!!! Like mofo did you even listen to me when I said I wanted to fucking see this movie! So I literally snuffed his face and told him in a very angry hushed voice (because I have common decency and didnāt want to ruin the movie for other people) NOT! DURING! THE! MOVIE! (I would greatly appreciate it, if you would read this in an angry hushed voice it really brings it home). (For those I’m the back still keeping count that was strike numero trois…(that’s number three for those that don’t know French… don’t worry I had to google translate that) YOU’RE OUT!!!
So in conclusion, donāt fuck with me during a movie I will Heisman the fuck out of you!
Well folks thatās all for today. Oh how Iāve missed our little chats!
Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily (future Heisman Trophy winner)
Hello, it’s me… I’ve been back from California for about two weeks… Sorry I had to because Adele is back!!!!!!! If you haven’t heard her new single Hello then you better… And just be ready for a lot of feelings to arise. OOOO Adele how I’ve missed you!! Where you been all my life!!!
Any way…. I’M BAAAAAAAAAACK!!!! I know I’m two weeks late but what had happened was laziness over took my life and I didn’t know how to return. I was originally going to start up again on Wednesday, but I heard the most horrid news ever!!! DEREK JETER IS FREAKING ENGAGED!!! How dare he think he can be happy and get engaged without talking things out with me!!! I’ve been by his side since I was SIX YEARS OLD!!! That’s 19 and half years wasted!!! So clearly I was heart broken and haven’t been myself for the past couple of days. Thank god today is VINO VIERNES… Well it honestly doesn’t matter because I’ve been drowning my sorrows since Tuesday with my strong ass Canadian Wine ( you like how I just threw that in there uh uh… I know I’m good). Now that that chapter in my life has ended, well unless he becomes single again… Cuz you know I’m jumping right back in love with him. Who am I kidding I will forever be EMILY-ANN JETER!!Ā I do have to give homeboy props because future wifey is HOTT, and if this 25 years old (me) can’t have him then I grudgingly pass the reins on to that 25 year old (Hannah Davis). Ugh what hurts the most is that she’s my age!!!
Moving on there’s a lot of California/West Coast stuff I’m going to be writing about for the next few days so I decided to break it up into each city I visited. So the Line up for next weeks post will be hopefully as follows: Monday San Francisco day, Wednesday Los Angeles/ Santa Monica day and Friday Las Vegas day. A lot of fun stuff and not so fun stuff happened. So I’ll see (well not really see but whatevs) you on Monday. HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!
Love Ya From the Moon and Back,
The real Mrs. Jeter (just so you know I will never be over Derek JETER getting engaged… NEVER!!
Ps. Although I’m a Yankee fan I want to say… I hope the Mets win the World Series…LET’S GO METS!!
I want to know who decided the best way to congratulate a teammate is by slapping their ass.
I can imagine that first person who did it was probably just trying to give his/her teammate a pat on the back but when they were about to they tripped over their own foot and while they were falling their hand was still in the ready position to pat said teammate on the back but because of the momentum of their body ended up slapping their teammates ass. Classic.
Now imagine said teammates reaction to having their ass slapped, they were probably scandalized and then figured their teammate that slapped their butt did it because he/she wanted to make him/her feel special and gave them a special pat on the lower region of their back (aka their ass). When in reality the teammate that slapped the other teammates ass was just trying not to do a face plant. It was all just a mistake but the rest of them team already saw it and were like yes this is how we should congratulate each other from now on because it’s super special!
Ooo what I would give to be the only lady on any sports team full of delicious men. Even if they messed up I would still slap their ass so they know I’m trying to make them feel special about themselves. And of course I would want the same respect I have given them, I would even bend over and say “guys didn’t I do a great job today” with a huge smile on my face. Hehehehe when I said that to my mom yesterday she laughed looked and my dad and said “did you hear what your awesomely whorish daughter said” (I might have tweaked what she said just a little).
It’s about that time again… Peace and Chicken Grease!
Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily (since were on the sports subject… I LOVE DEREK JETER!)
So tonight’s post is a collection of random stuff that has occurred in the past two days. I shall write them in order of when each thought popped into my noggin. Since of course I love making lists and will find any reason to make one I shall give thee one now. I call this list Randomness of the Noggin (before I start the list I want to let everyone know that I have THE worst handwriting ever I don’t understand half the shit I wrote… Why did I write this down 1st, you ask?… IDK)
Here is my list:
1. Yesterday on the way home from work I got stuck behind the train. The first thing that popped into my head was a scene of me running on top of a moving train; like in all action movies ever, and of course that part when Joey Fatone and Chris Kirpatrick ran away from that crazy chick in the Bye Bye Bye video… Classic.
2. Have you ever wanted aliens to take over the world, or even for there to be a zombie apocalypse so you wouldn’t have to pay your bills anymore. Sigh, that would be the life. I think I would be a magnificent alien slave or badass zombie, just saying.
3. When I was younger I had cut my lip open and I had to get stitches…Because you know I was an angel as a child. Yesterday my mom asked me if you could still see the scar from where I got stitches and ever since I’ve been having phantom stitches pain, thanks mom!
4. Outback has the most Delish bread ever!!! I love it!
5. Newest musical obsession is Alessia Cara! I’ve heard her song “Here” on the radio a couple of times but I was never able to get her name or the name of the song… Until yesterday when I heard her on Elvis Duran and the Morning show. I already loved her song, but after hearing her sing “Here” live and acoustic on the radio I completely fell in love! As soon as I got to work I bought her EP, which is called Four Pink Walls-EP! Everyone must get it! She’s amazing!!!!
6. Finally, this new Instagram DM confused the shit out of me. Frover sent a DM to me and the rest of the Slutties and when I opened it I thought I was in a group chat… Confusions.
Alright, alright it’s about that time. I say good day!
Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily (by the way my hand cramped up at least 6 times while I was writing this. Just so you know I was physically hurt why writing tonight’s post.)
Rest in Peace to the greatest catcher in pinstripes Yogi Berra. “If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.” -Yogi Berra
I just got back from having dinner with my family, and at dinner my brother in-law was telling us about a business trip he had in France. Which got me thinking:
1. Super duper jealous, I want to go to France.
2. I need a job that sends me on fully paid business trips to France.
3. Also a job that sends me around the world on fully paid business trips.
4. I wish I can learn French and move to France to live a fabulous French life and meet me a French man that I can marry and have 1/3 American 1/3 Dominican 1/3 French babies with.
5. I need to just travel around the world.
And my last thought, which is probably the most important one is to learn how to speak Spanish properly before I try and learn a new language, but that’s besides the point.
Anyway, I’ve always wanted to travel around the world to see beautiful things and experience other cultures, but the one thing I really want to do (beside making Derek Jeter see that I will love him forever, if he just gave me a chance) is to road trip it around North America.
Some of you might be thinking that I want to see historical/famous land marks and cities (which of course I do), but that’s not what this road trip would be about. I want to road trip it to every MLB Stadium/Field. I’ve always had this in my head that one day I would drive to every single Ball Park, and not just to drive by it but to watch a game, I think that would be so exciting. Oh and I guess while I’m driving through the States and to Canada I’ll stop and see the sites that each state has to offer. So far I’ve only been to a game at Yankee Stadium and the Mets old field Shea Stadium, I haven’t even been to Citi Field(I’m so disappointed in myself). I have driven by the field where the Nationals play, and also where the Orioles play but that doesn’t count I need to watch a game in each stadium! I also need to find a great group of people that are super chill and get along who would come on this journey with me, because I’m not trying to deal with no crazies or drama… Ain’t no body got time for that!
Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( hit the road jack and don’t cha come back no more, no more, no more, no more…well I’ll be coming back, It’s just this song was in my head soooo your welcome)
So I’m being super boring today and I am not drinking! I know I’m such a loohooo ser-er (when reading that just think Jim Carrey in Ace Ventura Pet Detective). I’ve decided because I drank Vino on Wednesday that I can have a pass on Friday. Also because I didn’t buy a bottle of vino nor did I have an alcoholic beverage at dinner tonight… So I’ve decided to stay Sober Sally, but that doesn’t mean that everyone has to be sober… I hope someone out there is carrying of the Vino Viernes tradition and is getting theyāre drink on and have a drink for me please, I’d really appreciate it.
On to more interesting things… These past couple of days… Actually weeks I’ve been super duper emotional, and it SUCKS BIG WALRUS BALLZ!!! I…excuse me my brother is texting…BRB (be right back… for those not up on the AOL/AIM lingo).
Okay Iām backā¦ gosh heās so freaking annoying! As I was trying to say before my brother rudely interrupted; I have either been crying my eyes out or I get a little watery eyed, and itās for the stupidest reasons. Itās not really anything cry your eyes out worthy. Well except these freaking videos of soldiers reuniting with familyā¦that gets me every timeā¦ I sob like its nobodies business, and itās a real loud ugly cry man. Ooo gosh another thing that made me cry the other day was this video of people doing nice things for one another. Holy Chocolate Chip Cookiesā¦ I cried a freaking river.
So there are different types of cryās I have discovered in these long and emotional weeks. Iām pretty sure Iām just super sensitive because I have like a hormonal blockage or something. This shit canāt last, right? Any way back to what I was saying. These are my types of crys. Damn that was beautiful cryā¦where you just attempt a smile but cover it with three fingers and either shake your head or nod. Thereās also the extra ugly (because no one looks cute cryingā¦you like scrunch up your face trying to hold it inā¦its not pretty) any who that gut wrenching cryā¦where you can barely catch your breathā¦I usually get these when I see those really sad dog commercialsā¦ you know the ones with that song in the back ground āin the arms of an angelāā¦UNCONTROLLABLE SOBS. I literally have to change the channel or else ill go broke trying to adopt all those beautiful animalsā¦even the cats and Iām not the biggest fan of cats! And finally itās the your not going to let these people at your job see you cry Emily one. This one is me hiding the fact that whatever news story I just read made me want to cry, so I lean my head back open my eyes wide and blink until I have dried my eyes.
Today I teared up at least six times, fours times at work because the news was really hitting me in the lady gonads today, and finally, twice about and two hours ago at the movies. Boobielicious and I went to the movies to see Alohaā¦ which was great I absolutely loved it!!! In the movie thereās a scene where Rachel McAdams cries and I felt my eyes glisten. Anytime Rachel cries you have to cry because sheās so freaking good at it!! Rachel is the only one that cries prettyā¦the only one! I love Rachel McAdams!!
Okay Iām done telling you about my crying fits. Now on to something super freaking weird. I had a dream the other night where I was stuck in a 21st century Romeo and Juliet. You remember the Romeo and Juliet version with Leonardo Dicaprio, where they had guns and all that jazz. Well my brains version was much worse. Mine hadā¦Iām assumingā¦ my boyfriend and his family living on one side of a itās either a football or baseball field and my family living on the other side. Our families hated the idea of us together that they started shooting at each other. Not just with regular handguns, these mofos had skilled snipers and AKs. Shit got serious; it felt like a scene right out of The Purge. While our families are fighting, my boyfriend and I are running away and doing some pretty awesome parkour stunts.
Either Iām completely bat-shit crazy, and this is my minds way of slowly breaking down on me or Iām a FREAKING ARTISTIC GENIUS. I wonder if weāll ever find out. Well Iām done for tonightā¦see you on the flip side.
Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily (I think all these tears are making me lose my mind)
Ps. I had Chiliās for din din tonight and they have to most DEEEEELISH cheese things (I donāt remember what theyāre called)ā¦holy Hannah Montana they were freaking amazeballz!
I know that yesterday was Mother’s Day , but mum just think of this as another part of your gift. I hope you liked your gift and the extremely thoughtful card your son-in-law (Derek Jeter) and I got for you. Before I go any further I want you to know that I love you soooooooooooo much. I know I probably don’t say it enough, and I’m sorry for that.
So Growing up I’ve been ask several times; who do you want to be when you grow up? , what do you want to do when you grow up?, who do you look up to? or even who is your hero? As I got older my answers always changed, it would range from; a singer to a doctor, make people laugh to helping others, the Spice Girls to Jane Austen, and Derek Jeter to well Derek Jeter(sorry I just really love him). But if I was asked those questions now I would have very different answers. I want to say it’s because I’m older now and I feel I better understand myself and the world around me, but if I’m being honest the following answers to these questions have always been there, I just never realized it before.
Who do you want to be when you grow up?
I want to be someone that my mother will be proud of. I want her to be proud of the person I’ve become, and that everyday I try to be better than the day before, and that she can trust everything she’s taught me has made me who I am today. Mom I know that I’ve done things to disappoint you and I might do things that you don’t approve of, but I want you to know that when I grow up ( because I still see myself as a kid even though I’m 25) I hope to be just half of the person you are… Because just being half of the most amazing, caring, understanding and beautiful person, is more than enough for me.
What do you want to do when you grow up?
I can finally say I want to be a writer. The person I can thank is of course my mom. She has told me for as long as I can remember that even when I was a wee little lad I was bringing home the most amazing stories, that I wrote. I’m sure they weren’t as good as she says they were, but that’s the thing she’s my mum and she has always supported me and continues to support me in every random thought or idea that comes to mind. Mom I just want to say thank you for always being there for me and telling me that I can do anything I set my mind to. I appreciate you more than you know.
Who do you look up to?
That’s an easy one… My mother. When I was a sophomore(I think I don’t really remember) in high school, my mom was diagnosed with kidney disease. She’s been through so much, like having to do dialysis for years, finally getting a kidney transplant for that kidney to stop working, going back on the transplant list, and finally getting another kidney transplant. Through it all, which I know she was in pain and tired, she always made sure my brother and I never really knew the full extent of what she went through… Just because she didn’t want us to worry. She always puts her families needs before her own and that’s something to admire.
Who is your hero?
My mother.
Mom I know when I was growing up we didn’t always see eye to eye, but I can honestly say that you are my best friend. I love the dynamic of our friendship and I love that we can talk about anything. Your amazing… Your an inspiration… I appreciate you. I love you and I hope I become a wonderful person and mother like you some day.
I Love You Mom from all the Moons in the Universe and Back,
Mimi
Ps. Check out the card I got my mum… I’m super creative… lol
OOO Vanessa Carltonā¦kinda sorta love her. Last night I was watching Miss Congeniality (The first one though Iām not a big fan of the second), and it reminded me of the time when my Aunt (I called her Titz because it basically just shortened Titiā¦well not really same amount of letters… weeeell it was fun screaming it through stores) any who back to what I was sayingā¦ Titz and my mum (must be said with British accent) used to say my uncle (their brother..letās call him Tio Platypus) was Miss Congeniality. I never understood why they would call him that because he was, well I donāt want to call him an asshole but if the shoe fitsā¦okay no I joke it was just difficult to get along with him. He was nothing like Gracie Lou Freebush from New Jersey. So you understand why my 10-year-old mind was very confusedies. One day I asked my aunt why they called Tio Miss Congeniality when he was a meany (just remember this movie came out in 2000 I was a younginā¦I wasnāt allowed to curse back then, well in front of grow-ups anyway). My aunt replied with a laugh and said āMimi itās because heās an asshole.ā I must have looked like I was trying to solve some algebraic crap (like I wrote before thatās not my cup of tea) because she decided to finally tell me she was being sarcastic. I said OOOO I get it, laughed and walked away (I had no clue what that meant either so I looked up the definition…bwuhahahaha). The moral of this story people is that thatās when my sarcasm and an evil genius was bornā¦and thank goodness for that itās much more fun to say mean thingsĀ when itās laced in sarcasm (you know not that I would ever say such mean things or anything, thatās all Delilah).
BASEBALL IS BAAAAAACK!!! Iāve lived and loved baseball for as long as I can remember. Although, when I was younger I used to get dragged to Snot Rockets, aka my brothers, games All. The. Time. Of course I hated going because I couldnāt play I could only watch, but that is where I met some of my closest friends, so It wasnāt all that bad (Iām sure our parents would say differently though). The running joke in my house was that I would come back dirtier than my brother and heās the one that was supposed to be sliding around in dirt and grass (I did tell you that I was a demon childā¦I’m reformed now… I was a member of DCA…Demon Child Anonymous). Any way what I was trying to say is that right around that time when my homies and I used to sneak through broken gates at the little league to get to the park in the back (we wereĀ all under the age of 10 just so you know, hehehe good times) I fell IN LOVE with DEREK JETER (Derek Jeter, Baseball they’re basically the same thing)!!! Heās still and will always be the love of my life, but sadly I donāt think baseball is anymore. How am I supposed to watch the Yankees play without him, I honestly only used to watch the games for my husband (YES HEāS MY HUSBANDā¦SO BACK OFF!!!). Well I guess we’ll have to see what happens this season.
Before I bid you adieu thereās something that Iāve been wondering. Why isnāt there a gesture other than the middle finger to show the proper amount of anger, sorry Rufus and Mindy (those are my middle fingers names) you guys just arenāt given me what I need to express myself anymore. Like when a freaking cheese dick decides to cut you off in the middle of the freaking TURNPIKE and slow down instead of speeding up like a normal freaking human beingā¦ the middle finger just doesnāt cut itā¦ I almost got out of my car and jabbed that MOFO in the throat. Well today was funā¦until next time.
Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( aka Mrs. Emily-Ann Jeter)
Life As A Moon 