Did ya miss me?.. Did ya miss me?…huh huh. I bet you thought I forgot about Vino Viernes in my old, senile, deteriorating age (25 in 4 fucking days), by the way I will never forget if it has to do with Wine. I’m sorry I cursed I just couldn’t hold it in anymore. The closer and closer I get to that day that shan’t be said out loud (What your TWENTY-FIFTH BIRTHDAY…stop being a little bitch Em. Just accept it sucka, you old. Shut your face Delilah, You. Are. Such. A. DICK!) I feel like I should just say sorry now because I’m sure there are times where apologizes will be needed; when I drink, Delilah likes to make appearances. So about my old age, last weeks Vino Viernes was a trial run and I’ve come to the realization that I can’t hang anymore. Sooooo I will be writing after work on Fridays; I’m telling you last week was a bitch! I looked and felt like a Zombie (well I’m guessing how I felt is how Zombies feel all the time… just saying).
The closer we get to April 21st the more depressed and melodramatic I become. A couple of days ago my mum asked what we should do for the birthday of her favorite child (okay she didn’t say the whole favorite child thing, but I know she wanted to…sorry Snot Rocket). So I told her that we’d skip the festivities this year and that we’ll just celebrate next year, after I’ve gotten used to being, you know that age after 24 (TWENTY-FIVE… just say it man… Dang it Delilah!!!) okay before that slore interrupts again…I remembered that next year I’ll be 26 and declared we shall no longer celebrate Birthdays anymore (blah, blah, blah….stop whining so much). Since Delilah doesn’t want to shut the hell up I’m just going to let her write tonight, go-ahead whore.
Finally she let me out….I’M FREE!!! Hey. Hey. Heeey it’s Delilah bitches! Okay so three of our other slutties…see how I say OUR at least I include Emily, that slut bag only yells at me, and she says SHE’S the nice one; I beg to differ. As I was saying three of our other slutties Cosmopolitan, Tequila Sunrise and Long Island Ice Tea (okay so you might think I’m an alcoholic, but I’m just keeping it in the spirit of Vino Viernes, well and I do love me so liquor); on normal days their names are MelloYellow, Crazy Bat(Man) Lady and Super Sugar-Titz. They mentioned Sugar Daddies, Sugar Mamas, Cougars and Jaguars, older men that go for younger women. Emily and I were like YAAASS BITCH YAAAASSS, were writing about that (well more me than Emily…she doesn’t like to offend people…or so she says, you should hear all the shit that comes out of her mouth).
I wants me a Sugar Daddy and no I don’t mean that Caramel Creation on a stick, but I wouldn’t mind some caramel on my men *wink*(holy bananas Delilah…this shit is bananas B.A.N.A.N.A.S… mum might read this you doof. Stop being a baby Em). Any way I’m totally talking about a man that has mula, money, dinero, ching ching and can buy me things…you know what I’m sayin. Long Island Ice Tea said she wouldn’t mind being a cougar, but wouldn’t want to be a sugar baby or a sugar mama, because she aint trying to give money to no one. For me, I wants me a sugar daddy, but I aint doing shit for that so I would probably be a sugar baby FAILURE…bwuhahahaha. Tequila Sunrise on the other hand wants to know what these males and females do to keep they’re sugars happy. She thinks there’s a lot of disgusting oral going on and uncomfortable sodomy; which of course had me ROTFL (Rolling On The Floor Laughing…for those un-savvy with the text lingo).
So basically my friends wanted to know how these type of relationships work? When does being a sugar baby turn into prostitution, and what are people willing to do to be a sugar baby and for how much? Let us know what your thinking people! Delilah Out!
Love ya from the Moon and back,
Emily (Sorry about that crazy whore, I can’t help it)
P.S. We are drinking Barefoot’s Sweet Red again because my brother bought me a big ass bottle and we had some left over. I promise next week we’ll try a different Wine.