APRIL, HOW THE HECK ARE YOU?!?

HELLO APRIL, The best month ever! “But Emily, why is April the best month ever?”. I’m glad you asked. There are a lot of reasons, the first and most important one being is that I, Emily, was born in the month of April twenty-one plus years ago (for those who really want to know my age I was born in 1990… you do the math I’m not gonna make this easy on you… although I have mentioned it in previous posts, just saying…you might not want to do math, and I don’t blame you!). There you have it the main reason April is the freaking best is the day of my birth ( just in case anybody wants to get me an extravagant present, you still have time my special day isn’t until the 21st so get on!).

Another reason why Abril (April in Spanish) is fantabulous is because I will be in NEW ORLEANS next weekend!!!! I’m so freaking excited!! This will be my first time going and I can’t wait to see all the magical things NOLA has to offer!! The second best thing about going to NOLA, is the build-up for it. This past week I’ve been buying little things I might need, and of course I need some sluttie outfits. Because I’m not going down there just for the fun of it. Okay, well I am but there’s a bigger reason. I’m going down there for a bachelorette weekend!!! So there will be an abundance of alcohol consumption, hopefully some nakedness happens, and just a whole bunch of shenanigans that I will most likely not remember and I CANT WAIT!!

So basically what I’m trying to tell you is that there will be no post next Sunday, because 1. I will not be in my bathroom at home to write this to you. And 2. I will hopefully not remember my name for a few hours, so how do you expect me to remember to write a post… that’s really needy and selfish of you. Well that’s all for tonight I must mentally prepare myself for next weekend I’m not as young as I used to be and will need a lot of rest leading up to this adventure. Toodles!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,Emily (if I come back Mrs. Emily Some-random-guys-last-name don’t be alarmed, because that’s what I’m hoping for.)

It’s official… I’m In Love!

“I’m still breathing, I’m still breathing, I’m still breathing, I’m still breathing… I’m ALIIIIIIIIVE, I’m aliiiiiive I’m aLIIIIIIIIIVE, I’m aliiiiiive!” Gosh darn it Sia I love you!!! If you haven’t listened to Sia’s This is Acting album then your crazy! I’m alive and bird set free speak to me… It’s freaking magical!

Any who’s Ello Loves. It was a pretty fantastical weekend for me. Fine all right already I’ll tell you. I met someone. And it’s not just anyone, but I thinks it’s THE ONE! I know I didn’t expect it either but when you know you know, and ooo do I know. We fell inlove so fast I can’t even believe it myself, and believe me I’m slightly cynical so it’s crazy.

So we met Saturday like mid morning at a Honda dealership. Such an unlikely place to find love but in our case it just makes sense. Anyway at first I wasn’t sure how to approach it, but eventually I grew some cojones (balls) and was like “hey, how are you? I think we can be really great together” ( I know so forward of me, but sometimes you just have to go for it… You know). Then we just went driving for hours… We went to the mall, target and then five below (love this store it’s kind of addicting so be careful). We just made a day for us… And it was truly magical. I want everyone to meet the love of my life ( for about the next 2 and a half to 3 years or so) Betty!

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Gosh that was such a romantical love story. I should really just write for a living. Ooo thanks for bring that up…By the by I’m thinking of starting another blog, but that one would just be for some stories that I’ve written. I haven’t decided when I will start it, but it’s in the thinking and planning stages right now. So you know it’ll happen eventually.

Well that’s all I got I’m just going to stare at Betty’s picture lovingly now.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( naming Betty was hard for me… My mum and I went back and forth between Barry, Barry Blanc (must say with French accent) and Betty, but Betty just felt more lady than lad… Nah mean!)

Ps. Happy National Sibling Day!

June…Is It you?

HELLO JAN… I mean JUNE!!! I don’t know about you but I’m pretty sure it’s supposed to be warm, not freaking 55 degrees!!! Mother Nature you have got to get your shit together girl. It’s not cute anymore. I understood having this kind of weather in April… But home girl we are officially in June. Stop yourself before you go to far. This time of year is supposed to be warmer weather for us in the east coast of the U.S. I’m not sure if you got your A countries/continents mixed up but we’re north AMERICA… not AUSTRALIA, where they are in fall going into winter. Here in North AMERICA it’s spring going into summer. I just thought I should clarify that for you because girl what ever your smoking, it must be some real good shit.
I’m over my rant about the weather, on to something else.
This weekend I got to see all my slutties in one place! That’s a rarity to catch us all together in one place. We were doing the Arthritis walk for Mamasitas daughter Princess Peach. The whole crew showed up even some extras like Mamasitas daughter who I already named and Mamasitas son Yoshi. Ooo one of our other sluttos was there,let’s call him the Green-Eyed Mofo… And Mama and Papa Moon made cameos. So it was a pretty amazing weekend!
Have you ever been in the zone when your driving, and when your at a red light you look around and make eye contact with the driver next to you. Well, that happened to me today… twice, and all at the same red light. I should’ve just stopped and looked forward when I made eye contact with the lady standing at the bus stop. But no why would I do that, as I turned my head to the right, I had a feeling that shit would get weird. Of course it did… I looked over and looked right into this guys eyes, it was so weird I didn’t know what to do with myself. So I smiled awkwardly and waved, meanwhile the guy had already looked away and drove off, so I basically looked like a creep. Ooo wellz… Ta ta for now.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( the weird person that makes eye contact with people)

I won the Lotto… Or I thought I did!

Soooo today I’ve decided to tell you the time I thought I won the lotto! A couple of weeks ago I had this crazy dream that I won the Cash 4 Life (when you win $1,000 a day for the rest of your life…pretty freaking sweet!!). I know I was freaking jumping off, I mean literally jumping off the walls. I was practically levitating, that probably should have clued me in that I was dreaming, but my dream felt so realistic. You know what else should have helped me realize that I was dreaming; was the fact that after I looked at the numbers on my lotto ticket and realized I won, my bank account balance became rather large extremely quick (which of course I wasn’t complaining). I’m pretty sure though that that’s not how it works. Like I don’t think the NJ Lotto Department (whatever the heck they’re called) has your bank info and just direct deposits the money to your account…or does it, because I’ve never won so I probably shouldn’t be talking all this caca.

In my dream I was feeling extremely generous. I paid off all my parents bills, they’re house, they’re cars, I paid off all of they’re debt and I sent them on some extravagant vacation. Another reason I should have known this was a dream…not that I wouldn’t do all that for them because I would in a heart beat if I had the money, but I know that Daddy Moon wouldn’t be caught dead on an air plane. If he can’t drive there he ain’t going (his words not mine). As I was saying I was feeling so generous that after I paid off all of my bills and all that school loan debt…(Dear Sallie Mae, I hate your sinking guts, you make me vomit, you’re the scuuuum between my toes. Love (Hate you) Emily… I freaking love The Little Rascals). What the heck was I saying again…ooo right so after I paid off all my stuff I decided I would pay off my brothers’ debt and pay for my cousins tuition. I know what your thinking… Gosh Darn it even in this wonderful womans dream state she is still the kindest, most generous, most AWESOME soul you’ll ever meet in your freaking life. I wish I could meet her, she sounds amazeballz. The next morning when I woke up, Ladies tell’em I woke up like this…I woke up like this…FLAWLESS (thank you Queen B…Beyonce for those of you that don’t know…and you should be ashamed if you didn’t know who I was talking about… shame shame shame), sorry you should know by now I can’t help breaking out into song and movie quotes
(it’s the tiny Performer I keep in my pocket that just needs to be let free). So when I woke up I was so freaking excited I went straight from my phone, you’d think I’d check my bank account…NOPE, I checked Instagram first… I’m telling you Instagram is a drug, and I’m a freaking addict!

Any who after I checked Instagram, and realized at 6:30 in the morning people are usually still sleeping and no ones really Instagraming (should there be two M’s..Instagramming?), I checked my bank account super excited to find all this dough…TO HAVE MY DREAM SHATTERED… I was just as broke as I was when I first went to sleep. What a freaking horrible way to start off your day, am I right? And on top of everything else it was Monday and that on itself is a suckfest. After I convinced myself not to throw my phone across the room (because obviously it wasn’t the phones fault that my bank account didn’t know that the dream should have been real…I’m totes not over it if you couldn’t tell), so I talked my self off the ledge, and started wondering what I would really do if I won the Lotto. I hope that I can be just as good a person as my dream self was. I know I would definitely do anything and everything I can for my parents, but I hope I can somehow help other people in need, that would be an amazing feeling. Well thanks for getting through this re-telling of my dream… your lucky, my dream used to be much more detailed when I was younger. I would’ve had you here for days.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily (Still broke as hell…but loving my life)

PS. What would you do if you won the Lotto? (ponder that, shall we)

Colorful FRIENDS!!

Has anybody had one of those weekends or days even, where you don’t do anything crazy but it was still probably the best time you’ve had.

Well that basically sums up this weekend for me. Saturday night was one of the best nights I’ve had in a while. I didn’t do anything out of the ordinary and I absolutely loved it. I spent my Saturday with my favorite Hermanitas (sisters)…I just realized that I have a couple sisters that are my friends…(I swears I love you all…MUAH!!). Any who I hung out with Indigo and Royal Blue, I’ve been friends with these two for as long as I can remember…well I met Indigo through Royal Blue. Royal Blue and I went to Elementary school together and till this day we have no clue how we became friends or even how we met. But I’ve never been more thankful to be able to call these two amazing, talented and B.E.A.UTIFUL people my friends/sisters. Sorry for getting emotional on you there, I just finished listening to Ribbon in The Sky by Stevie Wonder, and let me tell you that dude knows how to pull those heart strings man!

Anyway we spent our night drinking Vino (two big ass bottles), smoking Hookah, and talking crap ranging from: reminiscing about the crazy stuff we used to do, marriage, our book club, will Derek Hough return to DWTS (Dancing With The Stars) to… who would you rather, you know do the nasty with, Derek Hough or Mark Ballas? Sorry Mark you’re a cutie, but I just have this obsession with Dereks… and you know Derek Hough is DEEELISH!! hehehe. We did that who would you rather, you know do the nasty with, for what seemed like hours with a hole bunch of different famous people. Do you know how hard it is to think of celebrities to match up against each other… well I’ll tell you, it was pretty hard man. On any other day I could have told you the persons: full name, where they came from, what movies, shows, music, or sport that person played, but on the day I actually needed this useless information I couldn’t think of anyone’s name. I could see the peoples face perfectly in my head but I couldn’t think for their names to save my life; It’s a good thing I had Google to help me though, because I still would have been saying… you know that guy with face in that movie with the people, and you know the one with the really nice ass. The best part had to be our version of lipsync/rap battle, it was freaking HIGHlarious; I haven’t laughed that hard in what feels like forever (for-ev-er,FOR-EV-ER…gotta love The Sandlot). I say good day to you all!giphy

Love Ya from the Moon and back,

Emily (must say in british accent…We Literally drank two big arse bottles of Wine…two)

P. motherFING S. WHY SHONDA RHIMES WHY… How could you do that to me…DEREK FREAKING SHEPHERD… WHY!!! Hasn’t’ Meredith been through enough shit in her life. HOLY CRAP! This woman knows how to ruin a persons perfectly good Thursday night…DAMN BRUH!

Vino Viernes!!!

IMG_0539Grrrrrr, ruff ruff…. Stop, Drop, Shut’em Down open up shop…OOOO NOOOO that’s how Ruff Ryders Roll (Thank You DMX and the Ruff Ryders for that amazing intro). For the past two days I’ve been feeling real Gangsta…nah mean!! Yesterday I was in the mood to listen to some Tupac Radio on iHeartRadio (which basically consists of obvisously the man Tupac, Snoop Dogg, Biggie, Dmx, Mobb Deep, Big Pun, and all that good stuff), and I haven’t stopped listening since. This morning the song by NWA, you know the one (F the police) came on and of course I drive right by a cop car. I felt like he/she heard it and was going to pull me over and I was freaking out, but then I looked in my rearview (like five exits later… because you know, I didn’t want to attract anymore attention to my self by constantly looking back and slowing done…I swear there was some logic in that) and when I glanced up that cop was no where to be found. Yasssss!!!!

On my way home I was feeling extremely proud of my self for escaping the cops (earlier in the morning) that I was about to go to a tattoo place and get THUG LIFE tattooed across my belly (I didn’t do it by the way… my mom doesn’t approve of the tattoos I have now imagine if I came home with that…my ass would’ve be kicked out). In the middle of my bars (I hear that’s what rappers call it) of Biggies Juicy, I started thinking…holy shit I was like younger than 10 when I first heard these songs and I was rapping along to them then like a boss. But then you think about the things these rappers were saying… scandalous, I feel like the Thug Life gods have just revoked my lifetime pass!!!

Okay on a completely different subject, WTF IS GOING ON WITH THIS KYLIE JENNER CHALLENGE!! Are these kids stupid!!!! What do these kids expect is going to happen by sucking their lips into these shot glasses or whatever the hell they’re using; that they’re going to get these B.E.A.UTIFUL full lips. NEWS FLASH MOFOS that is only attainable if you were either born with them or get some work done on them, nah mean jellybean. I swear these kids are freaking nuts these days…and I thought I was freaking crazy when I was younger. I just don’t understand why these teenagers are trying to emulate another person. Just be yourself and love what was given to you. LOVE YOURSELF PEOPLE!!

OM YEEZUS!! THIS VINO IS GETTING TO ME BRAH!!! I’ M A LITTLE LIGHT HEADED!!! I’m trying a new Vino for tonights occasion its Barefoot Shiraz. It’s not really my cup of tea, but I’m still drinking it because I can’t say no to Vino. It’s a drier wine than what I like, but I put some Sprite in that shit and made my self THE most DEEEELISH Red Wine Spritzer!!!

OOOO so I took another Facebook quiz yesterday. The quizzes name is Which Five-Letter word describes you perfectly? And apparently not only do my friends and family think I’m CRAZY but so does Facebook. I don’t know if I should be offimage1ended or… actually I’m okay with it. You, Facebook, you know me well!! On that note I say good day. This wine is about to have me laid out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Love Ya from the Moon and back,

Emily (This post makes absolutely no sense and. I. LOVE IT!!!)

P.S. AVENGERS AGE OF ULTRON COMES OUT NEXT FRIDAY!!!! AHHHHH!!!!

Childhood Memories Ruined!!!

It’s official people I can’t run away from it any more. I am TWENTY FREAKING FIVE years old. I am a quarter of a century old, I was even told that I am now two and a half decades old and it sucks big walrus balls. I’m pretty sure I have at least ten… grey? or gray? hairs…this color is freaking cuntfused (confused, but as I’ve said before I like to make up words from already made words…and I feel like cuntfused really makes a point) why is there two spellings for this one color anyway…WTF. Okay anyway, I even think my eyesight is going and I can’t hear as well as I did on Monday…every time I move now I swear I can hear my bones creaking… idk man this old age is getting to me. I just have so many emotions right now, it’s the freaking worst (you’re the worst you know what you’ve done to me, and although it hurts I know, I just can’t keep running away…this song just expressed what’s going on in my heart and soul right now about being 25, without even knowing it…daaaayum!! Thanks Jhene Aiko). Okay. Okay. I’m done being melodramatic I shall move on.

So my mum kind of ruined my picture perfect memories of a couple of my birthday parties when I was younger. I remember it like it was yesterday…okay it was actually on Sunday…we (meaning my brother, father and mother) were on our way to Sports Authority; I’m not really sure how the topic of past birthday parties came up, but I was like “guys remember when we used to go ice-skating for my birthday” but my mum shut that shit down real quick by saying…”we only went ONE time”… I felt like she really meant to say…”are you crazy we only went once stupid” (childhood memories crushed). For some reason I always thought that we used to go ice-skating for my birthday, but apparently I was wrong. I always remember having the best time ever with my friends (more like sisters from other misters…I want to give them names but I’m having the hardest time thinking of good ones right now…I think its my old ass, quarter of a century, two and a half decade brain being a douche) and my brother and his friends (his friends were actually my friends brothers…so it was just a big family event…or so I thought) any way we were always together when we were younger. This week I come to find out we only went ice-skating ONE time for my birthday. Where the hell was I getting all these amazing images of me being an Olympic Gold Medalist Ice-Dancing Queen?

Yesterday morning I was listening to Elvis Duran and the morning show and they were talking about little things people do that piss you off. I never noticed how many little things get me mad (clearly a color having more than one spelling really gets me going). One guy that called into the show said that it pisses him off when he sees people eating their cheeseburgers upside down, and that got me thinking…that shit pisses me off too. There’s a reason it’s called a top and bottom bun…like eat it the RIGHT WAY BRUH!!! So now I’m on a roll, I start thinking of all these things that just piss me off. Like when your at a red light and the thing just turned GREEN LIKE HALF A SECOND AGO AND THE ASSHOLE BEHIND YOU BEEPS THEIR STUPID ASS HORN AT ME…OOOO THAT MAKES ME WANT TO PUT MY CAR IN REVERSE RAM THE SHIT OUT OF DOUCHEBAGS CAR…GO FORWARD AND REPEAT AT LEAST TWO TIMES THAN PUT MY CAR IN PARK, GET OUT AND GO POKE YOU IN THE EYEBALL YOU JACK ASS!!!! I’m sorry I got a little carried away and I only gave one example… And I’m already pissed this needs to stop.

OMG…a funny thing happened to me yesterday; when I was driving to work I got hit by a freaking rock in the back of my head. Mind you I was in my car on the freaking turnpike. My window was only a smidge open and that freaking rock pegged me hard as hell, and it scared the crap out of me… for some reason I thought my roof fell on me, but I’m preeeetty sure that would have hurt a lot more. I’ve decided to say goodbye in song… and now I’m bout to throw them deuces up… deuces (that was Chris Browns song…just incase you didn’t know).

IMG_0524Love Ya from the Moon and back,

Emily (I’m so old now… I can’t even think of anything good to put here)

P.S. Don’t judge my white ashy hands…I know your thinking it, because that’s the first thing I noticed!

Four-Twenty (4/20)!!!

Happy Four-Twenty for all my pot heads/stoners out there!!! Today is your day to be free and smoke that: Ganja, that Mary Jane, that Weed, that good shit, that dope, that… okay I ran out of other ways to say marijuana…sorry I’m not really savvy in that department. For those of you that don’t know what 4/20 means (besides it being the 20th day in April, and obviously the day before my glorious birth) you shall find out right now!!! As my trusty Urban Dictionary has told me it’s a “smoking holiday”.

I learned about 4/20 in high school and I never really cared to look into why people get souped (I threw it back old school with that one kid, I’m just not sure if I spelled it right…sooped? Souped? Idk…whatever). Any way I never understood why people were so excited to smoke on this particular day when they smoked every other day…it made no sense to me. But today I’m going to look up (using Google of course, because Google is life and anybody who disagrees can shove it up their bum holes) the origin and meaning of 4/20.

I have returned after 20 mins of looking up the meaning of 4/20, and I’m just as confused as I was when I first started. Wikipedia just blabbed on about blah blah blah consumption of cannabis…blah blah blah cannabis subculture… blah blah blah cannabis itself. See what I mean, Lost as F…bleep. So I shall tell you what I think it means… it means; just go smoke some ganj with some of your home skillets (no I don’t mean frying pans…that’s just another way I say homies or “friends”) talk crap about what life means…you know get all philosophical and shit, and just munch out later.

In the spirit of Four-Twenty, I’ve decided with the help of two of my slutties (Big Booty Judy and Sluttie McSlutterson) and a slutto… a male sluttie, I couldn’t think of anything better at the moment I’ll make something real good up next time…(the gigolo…I don’t think I like this one I think I like slutto better…okay any way Sluttos name is Frienemy). Today we were talking about past (pass the dutch baby… shake shake shake your stuff ladies… that was courtesy of Missy Elliot) sorry I got distracted, past experiences we’ve had with Jane…Mary Jane…and I’ve decided to share two of my experiences with you lunatics. The first time I had some of that good shit I was like… okay I’m not going to incriminate my self and say how old I was because you know mum reads this…any way I was at a friends house and while I was at this persons house I started getting paranoid and wondering “holy shit what if my mum sees my eyes and just knows what I’ve been doing or “ and then I lost my train of thought because ganja did that to me on the reg (regular…I like to shorten words because I like how they sound). The next thing I remember from that day was having the WORST cottonmouth ever, wanting to eat everything in sight, and of course having the BEST sleep of my life!

This next time was the most recent and last time I ever smoked Mrs. Jane (I feel like if marijuana was a real lady she would be a married, respectable lady just trying to make some dough for her four kids and her Marine Vet Husband…idk, that’s just me). It was about five or six years ago and a couple of my friends from school (one of the many I’ve attended…I could seriously be a spokes person for indecisive people) as I was saying, a couple of my friends and I hot boxed in a car (for those who don’t know what hot boxed means: when you smoke in a small room, closet, bathroom, or in my case a car… where there are no open windows or doors, basically no where the smoke can escape to…it is only allowed to go in your mouth and nostrillies…nostrils I like to make up words from already made words). We smoked so many different kinds of weed, I didn’t know that was freaking possible, but we did; and I became a little on the sickly side. Once we got out of the car Slutty McSlutterson and I started walking to our dorm and I told her “yo I don’t feel good I think I have to throw up”, where she turned around and said some variation of… not out here stupid. But I either didn’t want to listen or I just couldn’t hold it in. I personally think I couldn’t hold it in, but who knows I was kind of an asshole
(still am at times)…so I looked around to make sure there was no CP (Campus Police) and threw up on the side of my dorm. After I threw up though I was totes (totally…I’ve already explained to you why I do this) ready for some munchies! Okie Dokie, I’ve said waaaaay too much and now it’s time for me to go…Peace Out Dudes!

The_73a028_1595659 Love Ya from the Moon and back,

Emily (I swears I don’t do that stuff anymore…but I’m not opposed to eating some special brownies *wink*)

 

Vino Viernes!!!

Did ya miss me?.. Did ya miss me?…huh huh. I bet you thought I forgot about Vino Viernes in my old, senile, deteriorating age (25 in 4 fucking days), by the way I will never forget if it has to do with Wine. I’m sorry I cursed I just couldn’t hold it in anymore. The closer and closer I get to that day that shan’t be said out loud (What your TWENTY-FIFTH BIRTHDAY…stop being a little bitch Em. Just accept it sucka, you old. Shut your face Delilah, You. Are. Such. A. DICK!) I feel like I should just say sorry now because I’m sure there are times where apologizes will be needed; when I drink, Delilah likes to make appearances. So about my old age, last weeks Vino Viernes was a trial run and I’ve come to the realization that I can’t hang anymore. Sooooo I will be writing after work on Fridays; I’m telling you last week was a bitch! I looked and felt like a Zombie (well I’m guessing how I felt is how Zombies feel all the time… just saying).

The closer we get to April 21st the more depressed and melodramatic I become. A couple of days ago my mum asked what we should do for the birthday of her favorite child (okay she didn’t say the whole favorite child thing, but I know she wanted to…sorry Snot Rocket). So I told her that we’d skip the festivities this year and that we’ll just celebrate next year, after I’ve gotten used to being, you know that age after 24 (TWENTY-FIVE… just say it man… Dang it Delilah!!!) okay before that slore interrupts again…I remembered that next year I’ll be 26 and declared we shall no longer celebrate Birthdays anymore (blah, blah, blah….stop whining so much). Since Delilah doesn’t want to shut the hell up I’m just going to let her write tonight, go-ahead whore.

Finally she let me out….I’M FREE!!! Hey. Hey. Heeey it’s Delilah bitches! Okay so three of our other slutties…see how I say OUR at least I include Emily, that slut bag only yells at me, and she says SHE’S the nice one; I beg to differ. As I was saying three of our other slutties Cosmopolitan, Tequila Sunrise and Long Island Ice Tea (okay so you might think I’m an alcoholic, but I’m just keeping it in the spirit of Vino Viernes, well and I do love me so liquor); on normal days their names are MelloYellow, Crazy Bat(Man) Lady and Super Sugar-Titz. They mentioned Sugar Daddies, Sugar Mamas, Cougars and Jaguars, older men that go for younger women. Emily and I were like YAAASS BITCH YAAAASSS, were writing about that (well more me than Emily…she doesn’t like to offend people…or so she says, you should hear all the shit that comes out of her mouth).

I wants me a Sugar Daddy and no I don’t mean that Caramel Creation on a stick, but I wouldn’t mind some caramel on my men *wink*(holy bananas Delilah…this shit is bananas B.A.N.A.N.A.S… mum might read this you doof. Stop being a baby Em). Any way I’m totally talking about a man that has mula, money, dinero, ching ching and can buy me things…you know what I’m sayin. Long Island Ice Tea said she wouldn’t mind being a cougar, but wouldn’t want to be a sugar baby or a sugar mama, because she aint trying to give money to no one. For me, I wants me a sugar daddy, but I aint doing shit for that so I would probably be a sugar baby FAILURE…bwuhahahaha. Tequila Sunrise on the other hand wants to know what these males and females do to keep they’re sugars happy. She thinks there’s a lot of disgusting oral going on and uncomfortable sodomy; which of course had me ROTFL (Rolling On The Floor Laughing…for those un-savvy with the text lingo).

So basically my friends wanted to know how these type of relationships work? When does being a sugar baby turn into prostitution, and what are people willing to do to be a sugar baby and for how much? Let us know what your thinking people! Delilah Out!

 

Love ya from the Moon and back,

Emily (Sorry about that crazy whore, I can’t help it)

P.S. We are drinking Barefoot’s Sweet Red again because my brother bought me a big ass bottle and we had some left over. I promise next week we’ll try a different Wine.

Waaaaay Back Wednesday!!!

“On Wednesdays, we wear pink”. You might be wondering why I quoted Mean Girls, and my reasons are:

  1. Because I felt like it
  2. Why not
  3. Whenever you can quote a movie, especially Mean Girls, you go on and quote that movie till you little nugget heart desires.
  4. Mean Girls is the Bomb Dot Com and one should live by it
  5. Because I did my favorite thing ever… I took another one of those Facebook/Buzzfeed quiz I love oh so much.

The name of the quiz is…drum roll please… I said…drum roll please…Damn it Tony pay attention (*throws chair at Tony*)!! Sorry I just had a Whiplash moment… if you haven’t seen Whiplash yet, IT’S. A. MUST. , That movie is amazing. As I was saying the name of the quiz is… tatatatatatata (thank you Tony that was beautiful) Which One Of The Plastics Are You? I got freaking Cady Heron! IMG_0427Honestly who wants to be Cady…besides the whole living in South Africa, which sounds pretty cool, she’s too nice…BORING! I wanted to be Regina George. She is freaking amazing…she’s such a bitch and I love it . I think its HIGHlarious, aaaand I’m also slightly obsessed with Rachel McAdams. Although, I do like Fetch (even if Regina kept shutting it down… “Gretchen, stop trying to make fetch happen! It’s not going to happen.”) I can TOTES make Fetch happen.

Keeping in the spirit of High School I did a little reminiscing and a small amount of threatening bodily harm with my friends yesterday through group text. While I was at work there was a customer and her kids names were Emily and Fable (that’s not the boys real name by the way). Any who, in high school I had the biggest crush on a guy named “Fable”, he’s my brothers friends brother, and okay it was more than a crush it t’was LOVE…the truest love of them all…hehehehe (I laugh through my pain). So I decided to text my friends to tell them what I always knew was true…that we were meant to be… I just wasn’t sure if it was in a happily married with like 9 kids situation or if we were just meant to be siblings …so I’m kinda pissed at you FATE!!! How could you break my heart more than it already is? If you’re wondering why I shan’t be with the former (okay maybe I’m not totally over it…I’m holding out till he gets married…because I’m not a home wrecker, well I hope I’m not, I’ve never been in that situation) any way, the former love of my life is currently in a relationship; with some Whore…okay she’s probably not a whore I don’t even know this girl, she’s probably one of the nicest people ever, but I don’t care!!! It’s the principle that matters okay…sheesh! She’s a thief, even though he was never technically mine… blah blah blah, whatevs! I think I reminisced too much and the teenager inside has emerged. On that note, I’m out this bitch.

Love Ya from the Moon and back,

Emily ( the 15 year old inside me is crying…holy crapola it’s been 10 years I needs to get over this ish)

P.S. I want to say Happy Birthday to Ditzy Doodle, one of my slutties, Love you Slore ( slut whore for those that don’t know what that means).