Puppy-Love and Stalkerish Tendencies.

I’m back and creepier than ever. When I say creepier I mean it in the most wonderful way it can possibly sound. You know what Ixnay on the creepier-ay… I could possibly be the next CIA/FBI/Secret Agent/Detective/007, honestly any of those would work that’s how good my (I don’t want to say stalking but if the shoe fits) investigative skills are. I shall give thee a little story on the person you are about to learn about. 

Once upon a time there was a pre-teen (or maybe even teen-teen) and she went by the name of… umm let’s just say she went by the name of… you know what her name was Emily and it was me. Any who this pre-teen/teen-teen met a boy through her neighbor and bestie at the time…we are no longer neighbors nor are we really friends anymore you know how that goes, you get older one of you becomes a little, how you say, sluttie when we were slightly (way) too young for it, so the other one (me) kind of just gradually cuts the sluttie one out of her life. I know I know it was a real sh🌙tty thing to do but I was fucking 14 or some sh🌙t and I didn’t know how to handle it so shut your face and listen to the rest of the story! (We’re still friends in Facebook if that counts)So Emily was introduced to this boy named Garry… his name was Garry with two R’s. So Emily and Garry become really good friends and the best part about this friendship was that his younger cousin lived up the block from her house. They got to hang out all the time and of course Emily fell into puppy love with Garry (with two R’s). This “love” was so serious that practically everyone on the block knew of Emily’s feelings for Garry. As the days went by the kids on the block would play football, tag, manhunt and just hang out on the steps. All of a sudden Garry tells Emily that his family is moving to California. Emily’s little teenager heart was broken she didn’t know how to deal. She had never told Garry that she liked him liked him, so she simply told him that she’d miss him and to keep in touch. 

A year or so passes and Emily is no longer friends with the neighbor that had once been her bestie. Emily is now a freshman (I think) in high school and has somewhat forgotten about her puppy love and is crushing on other boys from her school and some not from her school. One day she had gotten home from I think it was softball practice and she was just hanging out in front of her house eating string cheese, when a boy that looked oddly familiar was walking up the block. Emily just stared at this boy trying to figure out who he was. Meanwhile the boy was also looking at Emily as well. With their eyes locked he continued his trek up the block.

This story is getting really long so what I’m saying is, that boy she saw was Garry and he’d moved back to Jersey and apparently had been back for a while. So Garry and Emily started to hang out again but then his family moved again and I haven’t seen him since. This is where my investigative skills come into play.

While I was awake in the middle of the night (a couple of days ago) when I should’ve been sleeping… something reminded me of Garry (it could’ve been the fact that I was watching SpongeBob and Gary the snail ( 🐌) slithered around the pineapple). The next thing I know I’m googling Garry (with two R’s) lo and behold there he was my Garry just 12 years older and still looking a little like J-Boog from B2K (if you don’t know who B2K is… you may leave right NOW!! j/k you can stay just google them so you get the picture). What I found was not something I liked.

Apparently Garry has a family. He has two kids and a girlfriend and lives somewhere that is not New Jersey. So the moral of this story is… don’t go chasing waterfalls please stick to the rivers and the lakes that your used to I know that your gonna have it your way or nothing at all but I think your moving to fast… LISTEN TO MEEEE (sorry I couldn’t help myself and by the way that was waterfalls by TLC if you didn’t know). Anyway moral of the story is you should probably go to sleep at a decent time so you don’t Instagram stalk the kid you were in love with when you were just a wee little lass. You won’t like what you find even though you should be over him because honestly Emily it’s been 12 years since you last saw him what the f🌙ck did you expect.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily (once upon a time Mrs. Garry with two R’s)

P.S. Happy Early Independence Day/ 4th of July!!!

Vino Viernes… Bonus Post!

Vino Viernes is back but for one night only… well honestly who knows it might just come back the the week of January 20, 2017… but I guess we’ll find out when we get there.

After the events of this past week I needed a fucking drink. WHAT. THE. FUCK. HAPPENED?! How is it that someone with NO political background is going to be the next President of the United States! That is some fucked up shit. 

You know what worries me the most about Donald Trump becoming the president… it’s not what he can possibly do, because there are no drastic changes that he can make without the approval or support of congress and the senate and all that shit. What has me worried is what Donald Trump represents. This man represents racism, this man represents misogyny, this man represents sexism, this man represents bigotry, THIS. MAN. REPRESENTS A COUNTRY DIVIDED.

I fully understand that people want a change, but is this the change you were asking for. Did this change include the United States of America regressing. When Donald Trump and his campaign said they wanted to make America Great Again, did he mean when people of color or people in the LGBT community lived in fear, or when woman had no rights. Is that the America he’s talking about. If we want a change we have to BE that change. We have to continue to progress. We have to continue to make America Great, not again, because a Great America is one that stands United, is one that no matter the color of your skin, sexual orientation, or sex you’re opinions mean something, that your concerns and fears are heard and that something productive is done.I hope that Donald Trump does prove me wrong, and works his ass off trying to make our country better.
Well that’s all I got, see you Sunday!( hopefully because you know I am very forgetful and also lazy)
Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( Michelle Obama for President 2020!)

P.S. I’m not even drinking wine, I did buy some though (I bought the Barefoot refreshers and they are Delish!!!). I’m actually drinking Blue Moon. I just couldn’t think of a good title with Blue Moon or Beer.
P.P.S. Happy Veterans Day!! 

Vino Viernes 9/11 edition!

This morning when I turned on the radio Z100 was playing the national anthem, and on a regular day I always get goose bumps, but today I was pretty emotional and it just brought me back to probably the most frightening day I’ve ever experienced. Today 14 years ago I was in 5th grade when I looked out my classroom window and saw smoke coming out of the twin towers. I remember hearing my teachers say that planes crashed into the World Trade Center, at first I was pretty confused because I never knew that the twin towers was the World Trade Center I had always just referred to them as the Twin Towers. Anyway after that I just remember my name being called over the intercom because my aunt came to pick me and my cousin up. After we went to my house and waited for the rest of my family to get home. All we did the rest of the day was watch the news and just be with each other.

It was all so surreal, I can remember that day like it was yesterday. At the time I might not have known the importance of the World Trade Center, but I knew the significance the Twin Towers had on the New York City Skyline. That skyline just looked so empty without them there. Now with the One World Trade there the skyline is almost balanced out. So in memory of all those we lost and to the twin tower I toast to you!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( I drank some Barefoots Sweet Red… which is one of my favorites!!! It’s amazeballz so dooo it!!!)

Five Stages of Hungover!

This weekend was fun… Well Friday and Saturday were fun, but Sunday not so much! I had thee worst hangover I have ever had in my life of hangovers! I’m telling you I hadn’t felt that sick in forever! The worst part about it is that I was just drinking beer. I would understand it a little more if I was doing shots or drinking hard liquor on top of the beer, but it was only beer. I’ve had bad hangovers before, like my 21st birthday weekend, well maybe that summer of my 21st birthday I lived with a hangover… But it was never this bad, like EVER! That’s what I get for hanging out with my cousins.

I’m gonna give you a little recap of what happened on Saturday. As I hope most of you know it was the FOURTH OF JULY!!! Yay!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA!! Any who my cousins had a barbecue at their house and everyone and there mother was there. But before people started showing up it was only me and my brother waiting on my cousin (Trap Queen) to get home… Just so everyone knows we were told the party started at “12”… It didn’t really start till 3:30ish.

So when my cousin got home at around 1:30 we started having beers and then gradually more of our family started showing up. I was super popular on Saturday and my cousins were hating. I usually don’t show up to family parties, because 1. I’m super lazy and 2. You have to have a certain tolerance level to hang with these people. As I was saying I was SUUUUPERRR FAMOUS, every body that saw me was like OMG EMILY-ANN, how are you?, what have you been up 2?, I haven’t seen you in so long, and I got like a bazillion hugs. So obviously my cousins got peanut butter and jealous, but I was totes loving it. They don’t understand that’s why I don’t show up for so long, because when the family finally does see me… It’s a magical moment!

Soooo fast forward to Sunday!!! Ugh… Just thinking about it now is making me nauseous. In my hungover haze… There were a lot of things that went through my head. I’m sure most of you know this but I’m still gonna hit you with some knowledge. I call this the 5 Stages of HUNGOVER!
1. Hate… This is when your just wake up from the night before, with a pounding headache, nausea, and wondering how much time you have to make it to the bathroom before you throw up all of over the place. This is when you realize how much you hate yourself for what you’ve done.
2. Anger… After you’ve thrown up what you had last night and probably that whole week, you become super Angry at yourself for going past your limit. Your freaking twenty-five years old… You should know when to stop damn it!!! (There might be some residual anger for the next couple days I’ll let you know when it goes away)
3. Tired… You just want to go to sleep, but your head is spinning to much for you to lay down and any sudden movement sends you running to the bathroom again. You might cry in this stage because all you want is to sleep, but your left sitting back against your wall because that’s the time your the least dizzy.
4. Bargaining… Now you’ll tell anyone who will listen that you will never drink again if this nausea and dizziness just goes away. (We all know it’s a lie, but it kind of makes us feel better after we’ve said it)
5. Acceptance… You fucked up… You drank to much, but you had a good time doing it. Now you gotta live with this disgusting feeling for the rest of the day. At this point your making yourself get out of bed and buy your self a Gatorade or like 4 ( Gatorade flavor choice is key, I chose a bad flavor and it made me feel worse… So I bought another one to wash out the nastiness of the first one) and move on with your crappy day, but it slow motion… Remember you move to fast you better find a bathroom and quick!

Love Ya From the Moon and Back,
Emily ( I also somehow got a cold, because I’ve been coughing a lung up all day)

Ps. CONGRATS TO THE U.S. WOMANS SOCCER TEAM FOR WINNING THE WORLD CUP!!!!… Yasssss!!!

Vino Viernes!!!!

Sip, sip, sip, sip, sip EVERYBODY!!! One, two, three… One, Two, Three Drink! EVERYBODY put your glasses up and I drink to that! Now Raise your glass! OOO GOSH I can’t think of another songs that talkS about drinking… How is that possible!!!
Anyway if you haven’t noticed by my wonderful intro…IT’S. VINO. VIERNES!!!! My favorite day of the week!!!! Today I’m drinking something my cousin Harry Queen of the Potters told me to try! It’s called Real Sangria… And all I have to say is that this is REAL DELISSSSH!!! I bought two different types, a red one and a white one… Because you know me if you give me options I can’t handle the pressure… So the logical thing to do is buy both bottles, which I did! YASSS!!! So today I’m drinking the white one and leaving the red one for next week!
Not only is it Vino Viernes, but there is a one of the greatest reasons to drink a little something something today/tonight!! Some historical shit happened today!! Finally the U.S. of the motherfing A has equalized marriage!!! This is a huge mile stone not only for the LGBT Community, but for Americans! I’ve always felt that no matter who you love you should be able to express yourself and not feel like there are restraints or feeling of judgement! Fuck what other people think about you and just love who you want, be with who you want, Marry who you want! You should be able to Marry that man or woman that you want to spend the rest of your life with, that’s your choice, and finally everyone gets to make that choice! LOVE WINS!!! I honestly have no other words for you today, I’m just very happy for everyone. So on that note, I would like everyone to please raise a glass and help me toast for the Equalization of Marriage and for LOVE CONQUERING ALL!!! Now EVERYONE get DRUNK IN LOOOOOVE!!!

Love You from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( I know this is a short one, but that’s all that needs to be said for tonight… LOVE WINS!)

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June…Is It you?

HELLO JAN… I mean JUNE!!! I don’t know about you but I’m pretty sure it’s supposed to be warm, not freaking 55 degrees!!! Mother Nature you have got to get your shit together girl. It’s not cute anymore. I understood having this kind of weather in April… But home girl we are officially in June. Stop yourself before you go to far. This time of year is supposed to be warmer weather for us in the east coast of the U.S. I’m not sure if you got your A countries/continents mixed up but we’re north AMERICA… not AUSTRALIA, where they are in fall going into winter. Here in North AMERICA it’s spring going into summer. I just thought I should clarify that for you because girl what ever your smoking, it must be some real good shit.
I’m over my rant about the weather, on to something else.
This weekend I got to see all my slutties in one place! That’s a rarity to catch us all together in one place. We were doing the Arthritis walk for Mamasitas daughter Princess Peach. The whole crew showed up even some extras like Mamasitas daughter who I already named and Mamasitas son Yoshi. Ooo one of our other sluttos was there,let’s call him the Green-Eyed Mofo… And Mama and Papa Moon made cameos. So it was a pretty amazing weekend!
Have you ever been in the zone when your driving, and when your at a red light you look around and make eye contact with the driver next to you. Well, that happened to me today… twice, and all at the same red light. I should’ve just stopped and looked forward when I made eye contact with the lady standing at the bus stop. But no why would I do that, as I turned my head to the right, I had a feeling that shit would get weird. Of course it did… I looked over and looked right into this guys eyes, it was so weird I didn’t know what to do with myself. So I smiled awkwardly and waved, meanwhile the guy had already looked away and drove off, so I basically looked like a creep. Ooo wellz… Ta ta for now.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( the weird person that makes eye contact with people)

Electric Daisy Carnival

Happy Memorial Day!!! Thank you to those who fought and are still finding for our Country. You are all truly appreciated!

So as I told you guys on Friday I went to EDC (Electric Daisy Carnival) this weekend!!! It was so much fun but extremely freaking exhausting. I love to people watch…sometimes when I people watch I like to find people that look like they’re having a really intense conversation… so I can add commentary as if I was at a sporting event… it’s a blasty blast, you should try it. There was really no connection between telling you about my weird habit and EDC…I just thought everyone should know.

So I saw some interesting things at EDC… I saw several different color areolas…some were bejeweled while others were just covered by see through shirts. OOOOO I also saw some penises flopping around. The first guy I saw caught me off guard… he had on bright green boxers and when he turned around BAM the area where the sack lays was mesh…MESH PEOPLE!!! I saw it all…and I couldn’t look away!!

So because of my weekend experiences…I’ve composed a EDC Survival Guide and here it is:

  1. Make sure to wear comfortable shoes…because if you don’t your feet will be in pain…if your feet are even still there when you leave. Just saying shit gets intense. Clothing choices are up to you… if you want to go in your birthday suit I suggest wear sensible shoes.
  2. Be prepared to see other people’s goodies and gonads. They will be on full display.
  3. If you plan on drinking I suggest either bringing made dough, mula, money…or just tailgate because it be super expensive.
  4. Ooo I wish I would’ve thought of this, but bring one of those water backpacks because your gonna need it. I was super close to just drinking from some stranger’s water.
  5. Also you should train you bladder and bowels to not have to go…because those porta-pottys are fucking (yes I said fucking) DISGUSTING!!!
  6. While your tailgating I suggest you stretch. Because I’m pretty sure I tweaked some shit.
  7. Be prepared to be extremely sore…or maybe that’s just me because my body is killing me!!
  8. If you plan on going two days in a row like me and my friends did…a couple of months before the festival you should probably build up your stamina because your going to be jumping out of your bras and boxers.
  9. Ladies this is really important…make sure to wear a good bra or maybe four because at the end of the first night…I’m sad to say my bra didn’t make. The underwire popped out so now I gotta buy a new bra. Also my boobs are probably the sorest part of my body. (If you are a member of the itty bitty titty committee…you should be good so disregard this one)
  10. And finally be safe and just have a blasty blast… you will have the best time of your life!
  11. Sorry one more be prepared to get second hand high…because yeah that happens.
  12. Ok ok last one, bring sunglasses…not only for the sun but also for all the lights that will be blinding you.

And there you have it folks…Emily’s EDC Survival Guidelines.

 

470164_lLove ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily (now I must go ice my body)

 

Ps. Me and some guy shimmied our titties at each other…I’m pretty sure he was gay, but I still call it a win. And it was possibly the most action I’ve had in a while. Saddest panda.

Aren’t We in 2015?

I’m not one to watch the news…because it’s super freaking depressing… but a couple of days ago I was listening to Elvis Duran and the Morning Show (the best morning radio show…EVA!!!) and they brought up the situation that’s going on in Indiana and Arkansas (this is how I pronounce it…ARE-Kansas…I like it better that way). For those that don’t know what’s going, because your like me and don’t watch the news as much, Indiana and Arkansas had passed a law/bill allowing Religious Freedom. Which to me just sounds like letting people legally discriminate against others that have a different sexual orientation than what they’ve been told to believe is correct. I completely understand that every one has the right to believe what he/she wants and I respect that, but when it comes to a point where your demeaning or degrading someone for who they are is not acceptable. When I was younger I was taught to treat people the way you would want to be treated, amongst other things like…Emily-Ann don’t put that in your mouth…Emily-Ann stop moving so much…Emily-Ann don’t touch that…and my favorite one was “coño niña para de correr tanto” (which basically means WTF girl stop running around so much) I know you wouldn’t be able to tell from the Awesomeness that you reading but I was a demon child. On the news the other day (yes I watched it, but only because the control was no where near me) I heard a family owned business refused service to a paying customer because of that persons sexual orientation, and that makes me wonder how they would feel if that happened to them (I’m pretty sure they would feel like crap ass). I’m not trying to disrespect anyone’s religion, and if I did I’m truly sorry (I have absolutely nothing against religion…I honestly don’t understand it because I’ve never been a religious person).

Being that we’re in the year 2015 one would think we would have learned from the past struggles this country has had with segregation. I for one think it’s freaking (this is really meant to be the other F word *wink*… but I’m trying to some what sensor myself) time people be accepted for who they are. I don’t mean to get all patriotic and shit but America is known for its diversity… soooo WTF bruh. Just because someone doesn’t fall under another persons definition of normal or right doesn’t mean it should be held against him or her. On that note, I would love to hear your thoughts on the subject so don’t be afraid to write to me. Whew… Holy cheese sticks its exhausting being serious.

 

Love, everything about Ya, from the Moon and Back,

Emily

 

P.S. from what I read the other day, Indiana has made some adjustments to the law stating that no one can be turned away due to their sexual orientation.