Mama Moon!!

As Lil’ Kim would say “I been gone for a minute now I’m back with the jump off…”. I know I know I’ve been so freaking inconsistent lately, but I wasn’t in the right mind set to write, and I’ll get to that reason next week. BUT!!! I thought today would be the best day for my return! “Why?” you ask. Because any chance I get to talk about my momma is a good day to start writing again! So this post is dedicated to Mama Moon.

First and foremost I want to say Happy Mother’s Day to the lady that carried me in her tum tum. There have been times where I’ve written about my mom but what you guys don’t know is what an incredibly strong woman she is! Without my mom all of us would be lost! This woman is the key to our survival! Once a year or so my mom has to go away for a couple days for work and when I tell you we don’t know what to do with ourselves it’s not a joke. My dad would literally just be home sad waiting for my mom to get back. It’s like this man doesn’t know how to be a functioning adult man without her.

For me, my mom is my best friend. She’s the one person I can confide in and I know that she would totally judge the shit out of me but still love me! Honestly I do do some judge worthy shit and I’m cool with it and 95% if the time she’s cool with it too. My mom is my therapist, my doctor, my window shopping buddy that inevitability turns into actual shopping because we can’t control ourselves, partner in crime (just know if you ever see me speeding through a yellow light, that it’s my mom next to me yelling “GO GO GO GO!”), food aficionado and my number 1 fan. You know what the best part about this is, she pays for everything and all I have to do is drive her around… just kidding ok not really she mostly does pay for everything😁. But here’s one thing I don’t tell her enough (I’m sure this goes out to a lot of us) but Mom you are my fucking super hero and I love you so much! Without you I wouldn’t be half the woman I am today. I’m incredibly lucky to have you as my mother and I wouldn’t have it any other way!

I love you Mum from the Moon and Back,

Mimi ( your favorite child. Don’t worry that other one already knows)

P.S. I also want to thank everyone that has kept reading my blog while I’ve been gone. I really appreciate you. I also have another page solely dedicated to my latest hobby (photography). So if you want to check out my photos the page is called Moon View and here’s the link ( Moon View ).

End Of A Chapter, Start Of A New!!

I mentioned a couple weeks ago that I got a new job. Well the time has come! I start said new job tomorrow. I have a little secret… I’m extremely nervous! Before I start blabbing in about this new job , let me fill you in on the last two and half weeks of my previous job.

So the last two weeks of my previous job started off exciting turned into nerves which quickly changed into vomiting flipped back to nerves after I handed in my resignation letter (which I don’t mean to toot my own own but… toot toot… was hands down the most amazing thing I’ve ever written in a workplace capacity. It had genuine gratitude, heartfelt thanks and a whole lot of bullshit)nerves turned to gratitude back to vomiting then ultimately me calling my mom crying because the vomiting wasn’t from nerves like I had originally thought, but from either a stomach bug or food poisoning ( I say food poisoning but my mom says differently) and my mom having to pick me up from work and drop me off at home and all this happened between 3pm Tuesday afternoon and 9:30am Wednesday (just to be clear I would like everyone to read that without taking a breath hence the no commas nah mean jelly bean… I feel like you’ll really feel what I went through). After I got home I mostly slept, ran to the bathroom, drank Gatorade and Ginger-ale and repeat. Yes a lot went on in those first 48hrs (I say 48hrs because I ended up calling out sick the next day)of my last two weeks at my last job.

Let’s fast forward to this past Wednesday, my last day at my previous job! My last day was bitter sweet. It was filled with a mix of excitement, joy, nerves, a little sadness and of course food and lots of turtles. I’m most definitely going to miss the friends I made and the fun times that were had, but I’m very happy to be starting a new chapter in my life. It was just time for me to move on and after all the slightly guilt inducing sadness from my former coworkers they were genuinely happy for me and wanted me to become great and obviously never forget them. Which I never will and even though none of them read this I just want to thank them for everything they taught me and especially for treating me like family and taking care of me when I needed it.

Now tomorrow is the start to this new chapter, and as I said before I’m very nervous. I know you might think I’m lying, but I’m a very shy person. It’s only after I feel comfortable enough to fart in front of you that my crazy shows… joking I shan’t fart in front of these new people any time soon … I’m pretty sure they’re mostly men and that takes at least a year till I become that comfortable if ever. All jokes aside meeting new people and having to learn something new is nerve wracking. The part that gets me the most is having to learn new names… I AM HORRIBLE WITH NAMES AND FACES! It’s gonna be bad. Well that’s all for now. Wish me luck. 🤞🏽

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Nervous Nelly I mean… Emily (by the way from what I know as if right now, there is one British man that works in this office. I know I’m freaking out 😱)

The List Of Things That Happened To Me Since The Last Time!

Guys so many things happened to me these past two weeks. Oh, where shall I begin. You know what, I haven’t done a list in so long I think it is time. I shall call it The list of things that happened to me since the last time. I know that’s kinda long but also perf!

  1. Don’t pick up the phone you know he’s only calling cause he’s drunk and alone… sorry I couldn’t help myself that song is forever in my head. Any way I got my nails done… I know that might not seem like a big deal and that’s because it’s not. I just decided to have a little me time and have a nice relaxing nail day where my nail tech (are they called nail techs or just like the lady that does my nails. I don’t really know the term.) decided that I didn’t need my cuties aka cuticles, and proceeded to zzzzz (that’s the sound the nail filing thing makes… clearly I did my research on this.) until I bled. Really it was as relaxing as it sounds, but my nails do look cute so I guess pain is beauty.
  2. I decided that I want to cut my hair because its super long (well for me any way because I usually keep my hair short) and I don’t want to deal with it. But then at the same time I don’t want to cut my hair because I want to see how long I’ll let it grow until I ultimately cut it. So I’m back at square one, nothing getting done… the usual.
  3. I got a new laptop! Which I am currently typing tonights post on which is why its probably going to be super long because I’m usually writing from the bathroom on my phone. It’s where all my best thinking happens. Just so you know I got a MacBook Air. I know moving on up!
  4. I saw Black Panther the weekend it came out and it was the most amazing thing I’ve seen in so long. In my opinion it is the best marvel movie! The storyline… Amazing! The Villian… HOT also Amazing! The fact that this movie not only showcased talented black people from the actors to the director, but the fact that the powerful black women were the driving force… was fucking MAGICAL! This movie was so good I watched it twice and I’m trying to go watch it again, so whoever wants to go let me know!
  5. This is a big one people! I got a new JOB! I know I’m so excited! For those of you that don’t know I’ve been on the job hunt and let me tell you it has not been easy. When I first started looking I told myself that I only wanted to apply for jobs that I would be passionate about. If some of you don’t know I’m currently going to school for Creative Writing. So logically I want to be a New York Times Bestselling Author, but apparently one needs to write and wait for it publish a book for that to happen. But never fear I’m in the process of writing a little something something, nah mean jelly bean. I do have a back up career and that is to work in publishing. Just so you know getting a job in publishing is incredibly hard… honestly getting a job in any field is hard. After a couple of months with no luck, I broaden my scope. I can learn more in whatever field I get into and when I finish my degree and can go back out there and try again. With that being said I start my new job, not in publishing but that’s ok, in two weeks! In the mean time I’ll just keep writing and go with the flow!
  6. Finally, I was asked a very important question last night! A couple of weeks ago I mentioned that two of my slutties got engaged. Well Frover, my most favorite sluttie of all, asked me to be her bridesmaid! AAAAHHHHH! I’m so excited!! She asked in the cutest way! She gave us (her bridesmaids) a wine glass with the question written on it! It was the most beautiful thing. I got teary eyed and everything! Just thinking about it now has my eyes watery! Please enjoy the picture below because I had about an hour-long photo shoot with my glass!

IMG_3476

Well this went on as long as I predicted… god I love this fucking MacBook… I really just like writing MacBook… and just think about it guys I could be writing the next New York Times Bestselling book right here on this MacBook!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily (future Bridesmaid! and hopeful New York Times Bestselling Author!)

Holy Harry Potter World

I was supposed to post this last week, but let’s be serious there was a Justin Timberlake concert I had to prep for. For those of you that don’t know what I’m talking about… last Sunday was the Super Bowl and JT was the half-time show performer. So I had to mentally prepare myself all day. So let us begin where we left off.

After finally arriving in Orlando after the deathly mission Slutty Mcslutterson and I had to accomplish, we just relaxed that day. We had originally planned on getting to FL on Thursday night and then go to Universal Friday and then on Saturday just hang out around our hotel buying souvenirs and all that touristy sh🌙t. Because of the little mishap we had everything was moved around. Since we arrived on Friday morning we decided to just hang out do some tourist sh🌙t, drink and get tattoos. You know the normal things you do when one goes on a trip. You might be wondering how this whole get “a tattoo” thing happened, when a week before we went on our trip Mcslutterson and I had gotten tattoos (I’m pretty sure I have pictures of them on my Instagram @lifeasamoon…yes that was a shameless plug).

This new tattoo came about when Mcslutterson and I were walking around Old Town(Old Town is a promenade of sorts that also has a mini carnival). Anywho, Mcslutterson had mentioned getting tattoos (which she does every trip we go on) and I told her “I’m down” (which I tell her every time she mentions it). So, while walking in Old Town we saw the tattoo shop Mcslutterson had found on le google. We went into the shop and our plan was if it’s not too expensive we’re gonna get tats. Lo and behold, we got new tats later that night.

Now it is Saturday and we are in Universal. Mind you I’ve never been to Universal so I’m fully tourist-ing out. I’m taking pictures of everything and staring up at all the attractions and mentally asking myself… “how the f🌙ck?”. When we got to the Harry Potter attraction I was f🌙cking blown away!! Full disclosure I was never a super potter head. I watched the movies but I never got super into them. Before this trip Mcslutterson demanded that I’d watch all the movies, so the Harry Potter universe was fresh in my mind. I was in f🌙cking awe at how detailed everything was. I felt like I was transported to Hogsmeade and Hogwarts. It was f🌙cking magical!!! The more we explored Harry Potter world the more I fell in love with it all! What really pushed me over to becoming a Potterhead was the ButterBeer! Holy crapola that was the most delicious drink I’ve ever drunk in my life!

If you ever get a change to go to Universal,The Wizarding World of Harry Potter is the place to be! Well that’s all for this muggle.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily (ooo also I found out that I’m House Hufflepuff! YAAAAAASSSSS!)

P.S. pictures of trip will be on my instagram @lifeasamoon. But here’s a little sneak peek.

Living On The Edge!

Even though tonight are the GRAMMYs I am still writing! Look how dedicated I am. Also I might or might not be watching the GRAMMYs and I just remembered that I needed to post something. Anyway, let’s pick up where I left off last week. So last week I wrote about the magical proposal. This week I’m writing about the most adventure-ist (I know it’s not a word but it should be it really, just wraps the whole shebang.)

This all started a few months ago when Slutty Mcslutterson group texted us (when I say us I mean my group of very sluttie friends) and said that she wanted to go Harry Potter Christmas in Universal for her Birthday. I told her that I would go because 1. I’ve never been to Universal and 2. I fucking love Christmas! Our other friends couldn’t make it so it ended up just being us two. Ironically we might’ve started our own little Birthday vacation tradition that I like to call BIRTHACATION! Our first Birthacation was for my bday two years ago where we went to the Dominican Republic. That’s a whole other story that I might’ve already wrote about so go back to around April 2016.

Any who, fast forward to January 1, 2018. We’ve been checking the weather because we live in New Jersey and it’s winter so you never know what’s gonna happen. When I first checked in the beginning of the week my weather app said there was no snow for the day of our flight which was for Jan 4th. So we were in the clear… or so we thought. It is now Jan 3rd and Slutty Mcslutterson calls me to tell me that our flight has been cancelled due to inclement weather! Of course with our luck this f🌙cking Winter Storm Greyson decides to not only hit the Northern East Coast, but decides to drop some of his snowy shit practically up and down the whole coast. It f🌙cking snowed in northern Florida!! Mind you it wasn’t a lot but still Florida is where we were headed… I digress.

Being the besteat friend ever!!! People I’m telling you I basically won and will continue to hold the title of Bestest Most AWESOMEST Friend in the WORLD OF WORLDS. So Wednesday night before our trip, that we weren’t even sure we were going to be able to go on anymore because all flights at this point were being cancelled in all of the Tristate area. Mcslutterson and I start looking for alternate ways to get to Florida! I looked at possible trains that would takes us. We tried to look for other flights in our area that were still flying out. We tried everything we could think of and it wasn’t looking good for us.

So while Mcslutterson was calling the airline to see what we could do, I continued to look at flights, and lo and behold I found a flight only problem is it was flying out of Pittsburgh, PA. For those of you that don’t know Pittsburgh is near Ohio, Ohio is on the western side of Pennsylvania, I live on the eastern side of Pennsylvania (my town is literally across from Manhattan). Basically what I’m trying to tell you is it’s about a 7 hr drive from us. I was completely willing to drive this distance because we couldn’t fly for obvious reasons. And being the good friend that I am I wanted Mcslutterson to have a f🌙cking great birthday and I also wanted to go to f🌙cking Universal! I’ve never been there people, so I might’ve done it for slightly selfish reasons(it’s a very small percent though, it was mostly for Mcslutterson).

Thank the gods above, we were able to switch our flight to Pittsburgh with no extra charge and also get a room in Pittsburgh, since we weren’t flying out till Friday morning, practically for free because Slutty used her points to hook us up(remember all this shit happened Wednesday).

Thursday finally comes and winter storm Greyson was no f🌙cking joke (side note I was planning on naming my future son Greyson and now I think I might name him GrAyson instead! Bwuahahaha get it I just changed the letter. I’m still naming my future son Grayson. So future baby daddy but hopefully husband our sons name will be Grayson. I don’t care what you have to say he will already be getting your last name so I call shotty on the first name!). So the snow was really freaking bad. What would’ve taken us about 7hrs took us almost 10. Which in all honesty is pretty good to me because you know we lived after our parents were like “WHAT THE F🌙CK IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO… ARE YOU TRYING TO GET YOURSELVES KILLED”. All I have to say is that we like to live on the edge… and also NEVER and I mean NEVER drive any amount of distance in a f🌙cking snowstorm let alone to f🌙cking Pittsburgh! That’s shit is dangerous!

Well we lived and I will be writing about our Universal experience next week. This one already got too long and I still have to reread this for errors and sh🌙t nah mean!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily (there were a lot of things I left out but honestly it was exhausting just reliving that day again.)

You Like Me, You Really Really Like Me!

So a couple of you crazy kids reached out and asked if I was coming back and that you missed me! Guys I feel sooo loved, but at the same time you’re kinda smothering me… jk jk.. that’s how I usually respond when I’m talking to a guy and he starts calling me babe and telling me he misses me after hanging out one time. It gets weird! But when it comes from one of you fabulous peeps I feel like I want to run away… less, so that’s good. Anywho, a lot of things have happened in the past month! Ok well not a lot… really just two things. But both things are equally interesting. So I’ve been trying to decide if I should do just one big post about it or if each one should get their own. I’ve decided on the latter, because honestly that’s the easiest option and I won’t have to think of what to write next week.

So the last post left off about a week before Christmas. Oh Christmas what a magical time and a time where money just flies out of your bank accounts. Back to the story. Every year my friends and I have a Christmas party where we exchange our secret Santa gifts, play beer pong and just have a jolly ole time. This year was even more special than previous years.

This year… wait for it…. we got to witness a proposal!!! How f🌙cking magical is that sh🌙t!!! Two of my slutties, Frover and Frenemy, are freaking engaged! These two are the first in our group of friends to get to this stage in their lives. It was pretty amazing to be a part of such a special moment! These two have been together for so long through ups and downs, and now they are taking this next step and I can’t be happier for them! I’m not gonna lie Frenemy might have made my eyes leak a little bit with his speech.

If either of you a reading this I just want you both to know that I’m so incredibly happy for you, and I wish you guys the happiest forever. You both deserve it! Love you guys!!

Well that’s enough of the mushy crap.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily ( I just want everyone to know that I’m probably the best photographer ever bwuahahaha. P.S. that little reindeer in the back is a scary mofo.)

How To Get Exactly What You Want For Christmas!

As Christmas gets closer and closer, I become increasingly less subtle when giving “hints” about what I want for Christmas. The hunt for my prefect Christmas gift from my parents usually starts around mid-October. My parents would ask me (usually at separate times) what I want for Christmas, and me being the best daughter ever I tell “don’t worry about me, I don’t need anything this year”. Which would make my parents say it’s not about what you need Mimi (that’s one of my many nicknames)it’s about what you want. And then I would be like well I don’t want anything don’t waste your money on me. I know I know you’re all probably wondering,”Mofo what’s wrong with you they want to get you something… shut your face and just tell them what you want!” Listen to me people this is all apart of the plan! I must start off being humble and then progress to my ever growing Christmas list.

Fast forward to about mid-November and this is where the hints start to fly! Let’s say I’m with my mom at Target and we walk by the scarves and hats and gloves and all those pretty accessories, I would casually pick the scarf/hat/glove set that matches and be like “mom isn’t this cute!!! Doesn’t it make me look fierce! Omg feel how soft and warm this is. I think this would look awesomeballz with my coat, and just think of how WARM it will keep me on those COLD, WINTER, SNOWY, BELOW ZERO days” (you know you have to throw in the possibility of catching an pneumonia (please pronounce this properly… the P is not silent here!). Then I would look at the price a be like “WTF! I’d rather freeze my nips then buy this sh🌙t.” Then put it back and look at it longingly while you walk away. This approach works well with everything. Just make sure you find something to make the parentals think that they could possibly be saving your life, but it has to relate to what you want… nah mean.

Fast forward about a week or so to Thanksgiving, and the parentals ask again what I would want for Christmas in a casual convo over dinner or dessert or getting wasted. And I tell them guys I don’t need anything, don’t worry, save your money and buy yourselves something magical. I flip flop a lot during the holiday season. I want to be an amazing daughter and not have them waste their money on me, but at the same time I’m like “I’m your amazing daughter waste ALL your money on me.” Like in everyday life I am also indecisive about what kind of daughter I am.

Fast forward to around this time in December. I am no longer subtle, I’m actually extremely obvious at this point. Please refer to the text convo with my mum, da, and brov. (If you haven’t realized this by now I really wish I had an amazing accent).

When desperation kicks in and the thought of you having to pay almost $200 for a ticket you stop caring about being surprised with your presents and just want exactly what you want so you can spend more money buying sh🌙t you don’t need at Universal.

Well that’s all folks!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily (guys this will be my first time EVER going to Universal and I’m so freaking excited! YAAAAASSSSSS!!!!)

Calling Out 101

Let’s say… obviously hypothetically speaking of course… that you had to call out of work last week. What reason would one have to call out you ask? Well Ms./Mr. Goodie Two Shoes!!! Some of us have really good f🌙cking reasons! Any way as I was saying you might have a Doctors appointment, something else, something equally as important, you just don’t feel like going to work, OR you might have an interview for another company and you don’t want the place you’re working at to know that you’ve been looking for other employment… you know something along those lines, nah mean. Let’s say one of those thing just magically appeared and you haven’t been planning it for alittle over a week or anything like that… WHAT! No way I’m not talking about me having an interview last Thursday and having to call out or anything! That did not happen!

As I was saying I have some tips for those of you that might have one of this situation pop up. I shall call this list: Calling Out 101!

1. (This one only matters if you’ve had this call out planned, if not please skip step one). The day before this call out happens you need to build your backstory. Start acting like you’re getting sick. Sneeze a lot, clear your throat and sniffle the shit out of your nose!

2. You need to set your alarm to about an hour and a half before the time you need to be at work. Reason for this is depending on what type of job you work you’re giving the company enough time to call around for someone to cover your shift. If you don’t work in retail and you work in an office setting, you would most likely start work 7,8 or 9am. This way when you call out it’s right after you wake up and your voice will sound authentically raspy and sick like.😉

3. Make sure you have some kind of backstory just in case those people you work with are nosy and ask questions.

Well my chickadees that is all I have for you.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily (Any relatives that are reading this… let’s make believe that this blog is Vegas… what ever is said here stays here… nah mean!! Ok I love ya buh bye!)

Thanksgiving and All That!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!

This Thanksgiving was freaking stressful for me!! This year I had to actually cook the food!!! Do you understand how stressful that is to not poison people! Yea I had my mom there to tell me what to do, but still she trusted me not to fu🌙ck it up. Thankfully everything came out good and nobody was poisoned or got the you know what💩. All I want to know is how my mom does this every year. That sh🌙t is f🌙cking exhausting!

Anyway on top of becoming the best chef ever, I’ve decided that the older I get the more I need to start wearing make-up.

Every morning I feel like I look like the dead! BUT! When one decides to start wearing make-up you kinda have to know what tones you should use, and let me tell you that makes me not want to wear make-up. Not only do you need the correct tone, you also have to know how to apply it! You also have to know what brush is for what. So basically I have to go to the school of You-Tube and study under the make-up gurus of the world. This is already waaaay to much work. AND that also means I have to start getting up earlier to get all that sh🌙t on my face!! I don’t like to break my sleep! I love sleeping!!!

Well that’s all I have for tonight, I must continue playing Assassins Creed Origins!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Chef Emily (I had a very boring week… don’t judge me!)

Newport, You Were A Beaut!!

Every time I visit a new city, I’m reminded of how badly I wish I was a gypsy, nomad, or honestly super f🌙cking rich so I can continuously travel around the world and not have to worry about a job and all that boring adult stuff. You’re probably wondering “Emily where the f🌙ck did that come from?” Well, I’m glad you asked. Last weekend I was in a magical place called Newport, Rhode Island. If you remember from last year (you probably don’t because I barely remember it) my slutties and I had a girls weekend getaway in the beautiful (slightly chilly but still beautiful) Salem, Massachusetts. With this new girls weekend getaway tradition, this year as I said before we went to the magical land of mermaids aka Newport, Rhode Island!

As a courtesy to all you lovely peeps I’ve decided to compile a list called “If you’re planning a trip to Newport here is what you should know” I know super catchy right…. I’m really good and making list titles, me thinks me missed me calling.

1. Don’t drive to Newport when it’s dark out. You see I don’t think they believe in street lights. When me and my slutties started our adventure to the isle of le mermaids we left a tad bit late. Just so you have an estimate of how far we are from Newport it took us roughly 9,000 hours to get there. Okay you caught me it didn’t take that long but that’s how long it took us to get out of Connecticut. There’s no need for CT to be that long. Moral of this story is don’t drive in the dark…it sucks.

2. Newport is beautiful! I love the ease I felt when I was there. Living close to NYC everything and everyone is always on the move, but being in Newport it was like I was in a whole other world. Everything was very chill (literally and figuratively) but I think what added to that feeling was being surrounded by water. I don’t know if you know this but I love the water… it might be the Dominican in me that feels closer to her homeland by being near water but I love being by the water. Whenever I can I try to go down by the river and I just get this sense of calm whenever I’m there. Annnnyyyyyway, Newport gives you a very mellow feeling… it could’ve also been the fact that it was freezing out and there weren’t a lot of people out and about, but i like to think it was probably a mix of both (aka the freezing temperatures).

3. Whilst on your visit to Newport you should most definitely visit and have wine tastings at their many vineyards. Me and the slutties went to a vineyard called Greenvale Vineyards. It was the best time ever. We sipped on different wines and made believe like we were connoisseurs and we were saying things like “this has an oaky taste” and “oh wow you can really taste the oak in this one”. Listen that is the only thing I know about wines! Don’t judge me! As I was saying we had a really great time walking through the vines… don’t tell anyone but we even tasted the grapes of one of the wines we had tasted and it tasted nothing like the wine but the grapes were pretty delish!

4. If you’re going to go to Newport or any place with your friends, just go with people you know you’ll have a good time with and don’t mind the smell of your farts. That’s all you need in a good road trip. OH you also need snacks because then those people you thought were gonna be fun actually suck because your not on a sugar high. Good thing Big Booty Judy brought the goods with her.

Well my little world travelers that is all I have for thee.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily (please enjoy a few of the beautiful pictures by the best photographer I know… ME!! Bwuahahaha… to see more go to the Life As A Moon instagram: @lifeasamoon)