My Wrists!!! Are You Forserious!

As you may know… if you don’t know now you know (thank you for that Mr. Biggie Smalls). Anywho, I’ve been on a diet for a little over a month now, and I feel pretty good. I’ve lost some weight and that’s awesome but I haven’t really seen it when I look at myself. I’ve heard from my coworkers, my parents, my brother and a couple of my friends that they see it in my face and around my waist. Which is freaking great, at least someone is seeing progress. The other day I did notice alittle something something. You want to know where… I saw that my wrist looks thinner… WTF!!! My wrist! Like I really wanted to go that extra space on my watch! You know where I want to go that extra hole for on my freaking belt!!! Well I don’t wear belts but you get my drift.

Why is it when you start to lose weight, the weight comes off in the most ridiculous areas!! Like I’m ok with fat wrist! I don’t wear bracelets or even fancy watches. I have a freaking Fitbit. Why can’t the weight come if in significant places. I would really appreciate it when my boobs start to look smaller and my chichos (means love handles in le Spanish) start to shrink. I know weight loss is a long and strenuous process, but come on, my fucking WRISTS!!

Well that’s all the rant I have in me… my energy levels aren’t the same since I’ve been starving myself for my wrists to look better.
Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily (my boney ass wrist and I need our beauty sleep.)

Fantasy Football is a Drug!

My past 5 Sundays have been freaking stressful!! “Emily but why have your Sundays been so stressful? Don’t you do absolutely nothing with your life but waste away and just lay around on Sundays?” Damn, well that was a little hurtful. Whoever it is asking these questions needs to take a chill pill. Anyway, yes mean person, I usually don’t do anything on Sundays (if we’re being honest I usually don’t do anything all weekend but let’s not think about the lack of social life I have). As I was saying my Sunday have been come very stressful ever since I became a Fantasy Football participant. When one of my slutties, Frover, asked a group of us if we’d like to join her fantasy football league a couple of months ago, I was like “sure, it’ll been fun… I don’t really care for football that much so I won’t be all crazy competitive and sh🌙t”.  Well I might’ve underestimated my competitive side.

So draft time comes and that was pretty intense. I knew the QB I wanted, and I figured I’d just build my team around my QB. Well about a week before the draft my competitive side starts to show and I started to do some research are players and their stats, you know I wasn’t going to go crazy and have a draft board made or anything, I just wanted to have a decent team and have fun with it. 

Well slutties after my taste of victory in week 1, I’ve been planning out who my starters would be, and checking on potential players stats. It’s been f🌙cking stressful, and the only time that stress goes down is when I win! Fantasy Football is a freaking drug man! Now we’re in week 6 and it’s not looking to good for me. One of my best players wasn’t playing 100% because he broke his f🌙cking ribs two weeks ago. Aaron Rodgers, even though he isn’t on my team, he’s the QB of my top two players, and because he got injured in the first f🌙cking quarter today my RB and WR didn’t do well!!! They were my chance to at least make today’s match-up bearable.
 I’m sorry I’m sorry let me just calm the f🌙ck down and go watch the rest of my players… I need to have some hope that my team will pull through!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

General Manager Emily(Let’s go Team Chumbawamba!!)

Where Did My Brain Go?

I’ve done some incredibly nerve-wrecking things and have had some pretty nerve induced moments in my life, but the nervousness I went through last week was insurmountable. Before I get to the shit show that went down last week let me be incredibly modest and just write about all the magnificent things that have happened in my life. It all started when my mom found out she was pregnant with the most magical being to ever exist… ok you don’t need to know that let’s just fast forward through my incredible existence. 

So, I’ve played sports throughout my life and there have been some nail biting moments then, buuuuut I’ve still done more hand shaking hyperventilating type things. I’ve auditioned for multiple singing competitions. “But Emily, why would that make you nervous? You seem like a pocket full of sunshine and merry-go-rounds, and you would never be nervous for anything.” Well I really appreciate the vote of confidence you have in me, but I actually have something called “Le stage fright”. I know right… ME…having stage fright…. impossible. Negator…extremely possible. When it comes to singing in front of people (doesn’t matter if I know them or not) I have some trouble. The only way I can sing in front of anyone and it doesn’t bother me is if we are related (because you can’t get rid of me I will always be a part of your family… bwuahahahaha) or if I’m really close to you. Ooo also I’ll sing to you if you sing with me… I love doing that!. Anywho so yes I’ve auditioned for American Idol, The Voice (*cough* several times *cough*) and X-Factor. 

After all of that I never thought I would be as nervous as I was then. Oooo but was I wrong! Last week I had to do a video interview for this job I applied for. I know right… super fancy! I thought everything was going to be fine I’ve had experience interviewing before, yes it was my first time doing a video interview but honestly how bad can it be. LET ME TELL YOU… it can go horribly horrendously wrong! Once that little light on my laptop went on letting me know the recording had commenced… my whole body froze! When I say my whole body I mean even my fucking brain!!! It’s like I forgot every word I’ve ever learned in my 27 years of life. I’m pretty sure I forgot my name… actually no that was the only thing I remembered because I introduced myself even though they never asked. Eventually I got over my stupor, but it didn’t get any better. I was so nervous that my hands were shaking and I’m pretty sure I was sweating profusely. All in all it wasn’t great…. possibly the worse experience of my life to date. 

Well I must sleep now because after reliving that interview my nerves are shot.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,Emily (if you were wondering I didn’t get a second interview… Momma always told me… you win some, you lose some and sometimes you ruin your own life… just kidding, she didn’t say that I made that up.)