Diets I’ve Tried!

So this topic came about in a special way. I’m actually writing a paper for my class (which is actually due tonight at midnight and I haven’t even started it yet… *sigh* procrastination at its best). What I’m about to write about is what my paper will be about, so I figured no better time like the present than to bring this topic up! Tonight’s topic is about (drum roll please… tatatatatatata 🥁) weight loss…I know I already hate it BUT I must continue on!

I’ve struggled with my weight my whole LIFE!!! I’ve tried every diet under the sun. “Which diets have you tried Emily?” I’m glad you asked you nosey son of B🌙tch. I shall make a list for you and I shall name it The Diets I’ve Tried/Attempted:

1. Atkins: for those of you that don’t know the Atkins diet, it’s basically a protein based diet which means a lot of meats and no carbs. Well that’s how it was when I tried it (mind you it was some time when I was in high school so probably around the age of 14ish). I’m not sure what the diet entails now, but I’ve seen many improvements. The other day I saw some meal bars and frozen foods with Atkins all over it so I’m assuming it’s doing well.

2. “Low Carb”: this one had more carbs than the Atkins a little less protein and a very sad Emily. I shall move on.

3. Jenny Craig(just so you know Jenny Craig is one expensive lady… this b🌙tch high maintenance): I tried Jenny my senior year of high school, and to my surprise it worked for me for a while… I lost a little over 50 lbs or so on this diet and I felt great. With Jenny you have a meal plan prepared for you from your consultant (you buy these frozen meals from Jenny Craig or they have a JC cookbook that you can work with). So you meet with this person once a week or every two weeks depending on how far along in the process you are, and you weigh in and talk about what’s happened that week, why you might not have hit your weight loss goal for that week and where improvements can be made. This worked for me until I went away to college and no longer had the JC meals. And the freshman 15 (you know the weight you gain in your first year of college) well that turn to the freshman 50 because I gained all that weight right back and then some. I was so distraught and disappointed in myself that I kind of gave up at that point in my life.

4. Liquid Base: when I was 21/22 my dad and I went on a liquid diet (NO there wasn’t alcohol involved… you jerk I know what you were thinking… bunch of alcoholics). For breakfast we would have a smoothie, lunch would be a protein shake and my dad went with no dinner and I was like HELL NAW I’m drinking something for dinner. So I would have soup but only the broth. This went on for about a month. This did work for a little while, but then I was like yo I’m peeing every two seconds and I was always tired because I wasn’t getting enough nutrients and shit and I was miserable and moody and I hated myself. Also around this time I was also a vegetarian for about a year at this point. So what I’m trying to say is I wasn’t a happy camper.

5. Weight Watchers: I was about 23ish when I tried this one and it’s a similar concept as Jenny Craig, but less expensive.

6. Paleo Diet: did this for about 2 days and was like fuck this! I didn’t do enough research on this diet I just jumped into it. Not the smartest idea! 

My weight has fluctuated a lot throughout these diets and every diet ended the same well except that paleo one, I really had no clue what I was doing. With the other diets I would hit a plateau, and nothing happened throughout this time in these diets and I was always active. In high school I played sports all year round. When I was dorming in college and even when I was commuting I joined a volleyball and softball league. When I wasn’t playing sports I was working out. I was at a stand still and that’s when all the doubt and discouragement kicked in and I would slowly start eating my feelings. All the progress that was made would go to shit and I would be back where I started or even worse. It’s a horrible cycle to put your body and mind through. 

This past week I’ve taken new strides on this weight loss journey of mine. I attended a weight loss surgery seminar, and made an appointment to see the doctor who held the seminar. This is a pretty huge step for me. I’d thought of getting weight loss surgery for a long time. It was a couple of years ago, but that story is for another time (maybe it’ll be my first episode on the podcast that I’ve been wanting to start… if I get there I’ll let you know). When it came to weight loss surgery I NEVER wanted to do it! I told my self over and over that I can get myself there without having to get surgery. I wanted to do this strictly with just diet and exercise. But sometimes it doesn’t work out that way. I’ve tried for years (about 13 years to be exact) to live a healthier life and lose weight and most importantly keep the weight off. Nothing has worked for me and I’m not getting any younger. I’m getting closer and closer to that age where my mom started having kidney issues. 

Mother’s side of the family has Polycystic Kidney Disease and my mom and both her siblings have either done dialysis or in my mother’s case has had a kidney transplant. My fathers side of the family ain’t no picnic either. On his side I have diabetes and colon cancer to worry about. And I have ovary issues since I was 19 (I think I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, but I technically haven’t been diagnosed, but when you constantly be having cysts on your ovaries.. I feel like it’s a given). So I’m pretty much f🌙cked if I don’t get my shit together. With these diseases looming over my head I have to act now while I’m still young and relatively healthy to make sure I stay that way. When you’re younger you don’t think about these things, but now that I’m older and I can really see and understand the toll these diseases take on your body… I don’t want any part of that. If having this weight loss surgery and using it as a tool (I learned this phrase from the seminar… I’m such a good student) to better my health and possibly decrease the risks of me inheriting any of the medical issues, I have to continue on this path that I’ve started. I’m extremely scared and nervous, but after seeing first hand the successes in my friends weight loss surgery journeys… I’m also looking forward to this next step in my own story.

That’s all for now!Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily ( this one was a lot longer than I thought it would be… it should count for 2 Sunday’s… nah mean)

P.S: Life As A Moon has its own Instagram. For updates on the blog and hopefully the podcast and just some random stuff I post on there follow me @lifeasamoon 

Raging Lunatic? Possibly.

Soooo I’ve found out some serious sh🌙t about my self! When I’m around flies I turn into a raging, vicious fly murdering psycho. “Emily, how did you find this out?” Well ”tis the season of gnats (please pronounce with a hard G) and other flying insects and some of them decided to take up residence in Mi Casa (my house). Yesterday I finally bought a fly swatter and I have been having a grand ole time with it. BUT before I had this swatter I was killing these mofos with my bare hands! Three things have come about because of these invaders. 

1. My reflexes are on another level!!! I see one of those mofos flying around and the next thing you know the woosh (that’s the sounds of my hand flying through the air) Gnat dead! So for that I thank thee intruders.

2. My eyesight and focus are amazing! I can follow those fast flying little f🌙ckers around the room. I just wait and watch them until they land some where and BAM!!! You dead little Gnat!! So thank you for making me better at life.

3. I’m slightly paranoid that the ones I haven’t killed are plotting against me to take over! That’s really my driving force, what if I don’t kill them and they decide to ban together and form one big ass GNAT and attack me and my family! All them little f🌙ckers gots to go… THEY GOTS YO GOOOOO! It’s me or them. Survival of the fittest Bitches!!!

Well now that you all know I’m a raging lunatic I shall be gone now!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,Emily (quick tip I figured out that if you wrap your fly swatter with tape it’s easier to kill the flies, that way they don’t have a chance to escape through the little slits in the swatter part… nah mean! 😈)

P.S … Ooooo how I wish there was a fly swatter big enough for those alt-right, white nationalist, racist bigots! I must digress and think peaceful thoughts because Game Of Thrones is on in less than and hour and I must be mentally prepared. 

Writers Block or Boring Life? That is the Question.

I have the worst case of, what people like to call, “writers block”. It’s either that or my life is not interesting enough for even ME to want to tell you about. I keep trying to think of something somewhat funny or entertaining and I’ve. Got. NOTHING! I have proof. (please refer to image below)

This is why I’ve been so inconsistent. All these ideas are CRAP! I don’t even know what that revelation is anymore. That ship has sailed! I’m not even joking the only fun thing that’s happened the past couple of months is that Game of Thrones is back on. That’s all I have. So basically my Sundays are the only exciting day of the week for me and it’s only really from 9pm to 10pm. 

Oh Gosh guys, I’m already boring myself… I’ve yawned about 15 times while writing this shit. You know what I’m going to do! Im going to buy the game Twister, take the spinning thing, throw the rest of the game in the garbage ( because my ass can barely bend down to tie my shoes (I don’t wear shows that need laces they’re all slip ons)without hearing something crack… so forget about me trying to play this game). Any who I’m gonna use that spinning thing and around it write things that I’ve always wanted to do. So once a week I’ll spin it and whatever it lands on I’ll most likely not do… but it’s the thought that counts.
Well that’s all I have.
Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily (saddest panda… I hope August has some exciting things up its sleeve.)