Month: May 2017

Wedding Bells are Ringing…They’re Not Mine.

“Hello, is it me you’re looking for? I can see it in your eyes, I can see it in your smile.” Do you ever feel like busting out into some Lionel Richie! No? Just me? Well, that got awkward. Anyyyyyy who, I’m baaaaaaaack and I had so many stories to tell you, but I’ve been slacking and not writing my stories down in my notes, and as you know I have horrible memory. But trust me they were going to be epic and hilarious and all the magical things you could imagine. Never fear though because I do have a little story to tell you about a girl and a wedding.

Once upon a time there was a girl (let’s call her Emily) and she went to a wedding (let’s say it was yesterday). Emily danced all night, drank about the same amount as she danced (she also didn’t get drunk if you were wondering… I know I am just as surprised as you!). She basically had the best time ever with her friends! After this magical night where one of her close friends married the love of her life. 

I’m telling you their love story is straight out of a fairytale. It’s one of the most beautiful things to witness from the beginning to their happily ever after. It’s stories like theirs that make you believe in true love and soulmates.

Ok ok back to the story. After this magical wedding Emily started thinking of her own future wedding. Emily always thought that she would just do a quick Vegas thing and just save the money for the most awesomeballz honeymoon ever! But now she finds herself thinking about who she would chose to be her bridesmaids, and that she might actually have her brother as man of honor and cousin as bridesman. She’s also thinking about the color scheme and venue and that she would like a beach, garden or vineyard venue. She might also have a Pinterest board full of wedding related things. Also she’s already decided on the song for her first dance with her future husband. ( La vie en rose by Edith Piaf)So moral of the story is I might actually want a wedding and all that jazz…and I can thank the newlyweds for that.

Ta ta for now! 
Love Ya From The Moon and Back,

Emily ( first things first I need to find me some husband material candidates… I must go now)

Birthday Shenanigans!

Soooooo my inner sloth took over yesterday and decided not to do anything productive, basically I was super lazy and laid in bed all day and caught up on some show… it was magical! Anywho because I was away in New Orleans a couple weeks ago everything is out of order in my life. Last week I had to tell you all about my adventures in such a beautiful city, but I also wanted to write about my birthday shenanigans and there was a huge battle in my head for who shall win aaaaaaand if you read last week New Orleans won. BUT TODAY IS THE DAY FOR MY BIRTHDAY EXTRAVAGANZA! For those that don’t know I celebrated my 6th anniversary of turning 21 years of age a little over a week ago. ‘Twas a weekend spent in the city ( for those who don’t know what city I’m referring to… I be talking about The Big Apple, NYC… In New Yoooooork concrete jungle where dreams are made of. Wow thank you Alicia Keys that was beautiful)

My Birthday weekend extravaganza started out very tamed. On Friday the day of my birth I was with my family. We put some yum yums in my tum tums, then came back home stayed up talking shit and reminiscing. We laughed we cried we laughed some more it was a great night.

Saturday day night is were sh🌙t got cray cray. Me, my brother and a couple of my friends went to the Strip Club!! It was a night to remember. I got some titties in my face. Let me tell you these ladies have the smoothest skin I’ve ever felt in my life! Also I learned that I’m horrible at the whole strip club thing. I did nothing like what I’ve seen on TV. I was gently placing dollars on the floor and when one of the ladies came closer a told me to slap her ass, I gently tapped it… even she was like “girl!! Slap my ass!!” And proceeded to grab my wrist and made me slap her bum. I was even worried that I would give the girls a paper cut…It was hilarious. One of the ladies gave me the biggest compliment of my entire life… the following is how the conversation went (well from what I can remember): 

Exotic Dancer: hi the most awesome person I’ve ever seen in my life I heard it was your birthday…come here (pulls my head to her breasts and shimmies)

Me: (blushing profusely thoughout the night) *giggling* yea it is…thanks. (Gently placed dollar in her g-string) 

Lady that Dances on poles: do you have some Asian in your family. ( crawls on floor)

Me: *gasp* yes I do… can you really tell?

Woman whom shakes her Tatas: yes you look a little Hawaiian! (Pulls g-string open for some mula)

Me: (gently places money in said pulled g-string) Oh my gosh stop it… you’re making me blush!

Lovely lady in nothing but a g-string: really… you look like Moana!!!

Me: OMG I LOVE YOU!!! I’ve always wanted to be a part of Disney!!! (Turns to Frenemy) she said I look like Moana!!! MOANA!! I love her!! How did she know just what to say to me!! (Gave the rest of the money in my hand to the nice lady)

And that was the highlight of the night for me.

 Also, my brother did a T-Pain and went and fell in love with a stripper… so now I might have a future Stripper In-Law. 

Well that’s all for now!
Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily ( or should I say Moana)