Just so everyone knows I have horrible memory. With that being said I’m not exactly sure if I wrote about online dating…and I’m way to lazy to go through my precious posts Sooo yeah. I’m going to write about a couple experiences that I had these past two weeks with this thing people call online dating.Once upon a Monday or Tuesday ( I’m not really sure what day) a lovely lady received a message from two possible suitors and the following is what transpired in these interactions. ( I know you like it when I speak all sophisticated and what not)
So this guy messages me letting me know that I have beautiful lips and if I was good with my lips… First of all guys don’t, just don’t do that, you sound like a pervy creep so just don’t. Any who I know I should’ve ignored him but honestly I love fucking with people so I replied with… “Well I’ve had them for about 26 years or so I would assume I’m pretty knowledgeable on how they work.” Of corse because I don’t know when to stop I continued. “I’m pretty good at like talking with them and like shoving food in between them and chewing said food and also I’m pretty fucking amazing at like drinking water and alcoholic beverages with them.” I guess home boy didn’t expect that reply so he said “no that’s not what I meant… Are you good with Sally ( I actually don’t remember the name he used, but he used some name that Was meant to reference giving some headsies). So I replied with ” actually no I’ve never met Sally, but I heard she’s a real bitch.” And well that’s the last k heard from him. Moral of the story here is I should really learn this new lingo the kids are using these days cause I really couldn’t gotten my self into some shit if I wasn’t a smarty pants nah mean.
Now onto our next story. I got into an argument with a stranger the other day about proper getting to know a person etiquette. According to this guy I over stepped when I asked him what he does for work? He tells me he doesn’t have a job. In my head I was like ummmm WHAT?!? You’re a 28 years old man and you don’t have a job! And then I was like Emily calm your tits maybe he’s just I between jobs you know because I know it’s hard out in these streets to get job right now…in real life I said ok… So what are your hobbies?… I’m here just trying to get to know home boy and he comes at me with paragraphs…. PARAGRAPHS… Of why that was Inappropriate for me to be asking such questions to a person you don’t know and blah blah blah… So I respond (probably not the best way but I can’t help myself I’m an asshole and he pissed me off while I was having my delicious General Tso’s Chicken) well isn’t someone getting a little defensive. How else would you like me to get to know you by asking you how you think the weather is today? He comes back with well maybe with other dudes you can ask questions like that but not with me I prefer to be asked those question in person or on the phone… So I said well I guess we’re never going to know anything about each other because you won’t tell me what you like to do… I’d like to get a heads up if shanking people is your thing. Moral of this story is If you didn’t know don’t ask people about possible employment or activities they enjoy doing it can set off a shitload of banana hammocks that you didn’t ask for.
Oh!!! I’m currently having a conversation with douche number 3. His opening line was I heard that you’re famous. In my head I was like fuck yaaassss I’m famous… For being awesome! In real life though I said actually that’s the first time I’ve heard this. And he was like yea you’re famous for sloppy blowies. (Honestly man what the ever loving duck is wrong with guys). Any who I said “oooo sorry no, you must have me confused with yourself.” And I have no moral for this story right now because it’s still writing itself.
Well that’s all I got for tonight.
Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( guess who has their own domain now!!! ME!!!! Life As A Moon is officially LifeAsAMoon.com holy shit balls!! 💃🏽… if you can’t see this emoji it’s the dancing lady in the red dress!)