The Magical Things I’ve Figured Out This Past Month!

So I’ve been the shittiest of the shittiest people. I said that I would post something on the Fourth of July and here we are on August 7. WOW!! Doesn’t time just like fly by. Anywho, I’ve stumbled across a couple of pretty Awesomeballz things and some pretty stupid shit this past month. I was going to write this in my OOOOOH so favorite list form but then decided against it because what I have to say cannot be numbered. Only because some of it is long. Ooo fuck it I’m making a list!! I shall call this list The Magical Things I’ve Figured Out This Past Month!:

1. Stop what you’re doing because I know how to figure out who you’re meant to be with by finding out what day they’re birthday lands on. If both your birthdays land on the same day then…(Drum roll Sam… Tap tap tap tap tap… That was Sam… My drummer) YOU’RE MEANT TO BE!! “But Emily how do you know these other worldly things… Well it’s easy… My parents have been married for more than a thousand years and they still seem to tolerate each other and their birthdays land on the same day!!

2. People who don’t know how to staple papers correctly apparently piss me off! I learned this at my new job. Everyday I have to remove staples from stacks of f🌙ing papers and then re-staple those mofos. Like how hard is it to staple in the fucking top left side! Holy freaking walrus balls!!

3. As we all know I am a very indecisive person. I’ve told you about my dabbling in several majors and hobbies and all that good stuff. But I have a new hobby that I’m really getting into. Photography. I took a class once,  you know in that time when I was trying to be pre-med ( and realized this shit ain’t like Grey’s Anatomy, but then simultaneously remembered that in Greys they were already done with the whole pre-med part of becoming doctors so you know long story short… I’m not a Doctor) and I thought the class was kind of a joke. My professor was a tad bit on the eccentric side( basically she was a little nutty bar). Now thinking back on this class I wish I would have taken it serious. I’ve always loved taking pictures but now I wish I learned more about it. Damn me and my asshole ways!!

4. Once upon a time a girl named Emily decided to go braless. It’s was a magical time but she came across some thing she had never thought of before this day. So the day Emily decided to let her titties be free was the day she was hugging everybody and their mom (this is just an expression I really wasn’t hugging moms… Just wanted to clarify this). Those people Emily hugged felt a whole lot they weren’t expecting. It was just full on titties with no bra barrier and it might have been slightly chilly… Just saying. This same night Emily meets a new person all the others she had hugged till this point she didn’t care if they felt tittie because they were her friends and they know that Emily is a little on the not normal side, but on this marvelous day of tittie freedom she met a new person and oh was he a hugger he went straight for the kill… And in her head she was like damn it this guy just felt nip town. Oh and a little advise for those with bigger chesticles… You might want to bring baby powder with you because you will get swamp tittie.

5. Finally I wanted to tell you about the time at my other job when I was complimented on my speaking voice. This woman had me so freaking flattered that I was blushing! She asked me if I ever considered working in radio! I was like GIRL!!!! Who is paying you to say these wonderful things to me! Needless to say I’m obviously going to pursue and career in radio now. Because I have a “beautiful speaking voice”. OOOO Gosh! *blushing* Still gets me every time.

Well that’s all I have for tonight. I shall see thee when I see thee!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily (A couple of weeks ago I had a dream that I was pregnant, and woke up freaking out reaching for my belly and was immensely relieved that it was not true… So clearly I’m totally ready to have a baby.)

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