Month: October 2015

Vino Viernes!!

Hello, it’s me… I’ve been back from California for about two weeks… Sorry I had to because Adele is back!!!!!!! If you haven’t heard her new single Hello then you better… And just be ready for a lot of feelings to arise. OOOO Adele how I’ve missed you!! Where you been all my life!!!

Any way…. I’M BAAAAAAAAAACK!!!! I know I’m two weeks late but what had happened was laziness over took my life and I didn’t know how to return. I was originally going to start up again on Wednesday, but I heard the most horrid news ever!!! DEREK JETER IS FREAKING ENGAGED!!! How dare he think he can be happy and get engaged without talking things out with me!!! I’ve been by his side since I was SIX YEARS OLD!!! That’s 19 and half years wasted!!! So clearly I was heart broken and haven’t been myself for the past couple of days. Thank god today is VINO VIERNES… Well it honestly doesn’t matter because I’ve been drowning my sorrows since Tuesday with my strong ass Canadian Wine ( you like how I just threw that in there uh uh… I know I’m good). Now that that chapter in my life has ended, well unless he becomes single again… Cuz you know I’m jumping right back in love with him. Who am I kidding I will forever be EMILY-ANN JETER!! I do have to give homeboy props because future wifey is HOTT, and if this 25 years old (me) can’t have him then I grudgingly pass the reins on to that 25 year old (Hannah Davis). Ugh what hurts the most is that she’s my age!!!

Moving on there’s a lot of California/West Coast stuff I’m going to be writing about for the next few days so I decided to break it up into each city I visited. So the Line up for next weeks post will be hopefully as follows: Monday San Francisco day, Wednesday Los Angeles/ Santa Monica day and Friday Las Vegas day. A lot of fun stuff and not so fun stuff happened. So I’ll see (well not really see but whatevs) you on Monday. HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!

Love Ya From the Moon and Back,
The real Mrs. Jeter (just so you know I will never be over Derek JETER getting engaged… NEVER!!

Ps. Although I’m a Yankee fan I want to say… I hope the Mets win the World Series…LET’S GO METS!!

Vino Viernes!!

This whole week has revolved around getting ready for my vacation, I like to call it prepping for Cali week. The following is what was done to prepare for California: getting my nails and toes done, buying the last couple of things I forgot to get, getting my hair done, packing, and finally taming the caterpillars on my lower forehead right above my eyes aka eyebrows.

Prepping week started off on Saturday when I went to get my nails done did. Me and my momma dukes went to a new place, and don’t get me wrong they did a really good job but that shit was expensive and they were having a 40% off sale… Imagine how much that shit is at regular price… Scandalous!!!! Also the second most awkward situation is when you get your nails done and while they’re drying your manicurist gives you a back rub and they’re hurting you more than relieving back ache and you don’t know how to say can you fucking stop your hurting me without being a bitch so you sit there in pain pretending that it feels really good… I think I should win a freaking Oscar for making my lady believe she gives and amazing back massage.

Next was getting my toes done. I love getting my toes done , but girl when they get to scrubbing it tickles like a mofo, and apparently my pedicurist is a drill sergeant giving me orders and shit… Stretch! Switch! You have ugly toes… Gasp hurtful!( so she didn’t say that but she was definitely thinking it).

Now please tell me I am not the only one that curses out my eyebrow lady in my head at a very loud inner head voice? If the lady that does my eyebrows could read my mind I wouldn’t leave with hair any where. Well, Tonight I’m toasting to my future adventures in California with a glass of Sutter Homes Sparkling Pink Moscato… As you might know I’m a BareFoot fan but I didn’t have to pay so I’m a Sutter Home lady tonight.

Ps. I’m taking a two week hiatus so I’ll see you guys two Vino Viernes’ from now!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily (California here I come!!)

Damn You Elevator!

I’m having this craving for coffee and I don’t understand why. I’m not a big coffee drinker I prefer tea, but this coffee craving is taking over. It’s like everything I see is coffee, in the TV shows everybody’s drinking it. I feel like every commercial I’ve seen today was either Dunkin Donuts, Folgers, or Starbucks (I might be lying about this one I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Starbucks commercial). Anyway I just thought you should know that I’m craving a nice big cup of coffee preferably Iced French Vanilla light and sweet from Dunkin Donuts… Just in case anybody wanted to buy me one or whatever.

I’m sure most know by now that I’m a little on the weird crazy random thoughts side so this should not come by surprise, anywho the other day when I was in the bathroom I saw a fly and my first instinct is to slap it away because it was in my personal space. After I slapped it away I started to wonder what the fly was thinking, so of course I’ve created a list for you… Thoughts of a Fly:
1. WTF why are you trying to kill me?
2. What have I ever done to you? Stop it, leave me alone.
3. Aye I’m flying here!
4. I wonder if this car will give me a ride on its wind shield (obviously flys are super smart and know what a car and wind shield is… If you didn’t know this then you should go watch the movie A Bugs Life)
5. Hey stop trying to slap me I’m just trying to fly but you keep putting obstacles in my way.
6. I vant to suck your blood, bwuhahahaha (this is how the Vampire Fly aka Mosquito would sound)

Now I would like to end today with a little bit of knowledge. The most awkward situation/ place you will ever be in is an elevator. People trying not to make to much eye contact, or trying not to be to close to one another, or the lack of personal space, and the worst part is being that person who’s waiting for an elevator and when it finally gets to you but it’s full to the point some Final Destination shit can happen and everybody in the elevator just looks at you with pity in their eyes because you now have to wait for the next elevator to come while those bastards get a head start to getting to their cars and getting home before you would get to your house and it has nothing to do with the fact that they might live closer than you and has everything to do with the fact you were that loser who couldn’t be on that first elevator because there were a thousand people already on there… Damn you!!! So don’t mind my run on sentence I don’t believe in proper punctuation I feel like it kills creativity… I’m just saying.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( it’s either 2 or 3 days till Cali I feel like I shouldn’t count today because it’s basically over already… Right?)

Hallmark Movie Star!

So I found out a few things about myself these past couple of days (basically yesterday and today, not really that many days it’s really only one day). The most important thing I figured out is that I want to be an actor. Buuuuut it might not be for the same reasons others want to be actors. Some people do it because it’s apart of who they are they love to entertain people and all that good stuff. Don’t get me wrong I love to entertain people I feel like that’s why God was like home girl it’s your turn go the to the next available stork and have them take you to your new life of being crazy awesome and spreading your awesomeness to the world. Yes that’s how babies are made, I refuse to listen to my mother tell me otherwise it’s disturbing and eeeeeewwwww. As I was saying I don’t want to be an actor to be apart of an amazing film and win myself an Oscar, although that would be awesome balls (I literally have to do the cheer AWESOME to help me remember how to spell it… I’ll give you a little snippet if you don’t know how it goes… A W E S O M E, awesome awesome awesome are we! Yeah! let’s got Tigers! Sorry I got a little carried away). The reason I want to be an actor is so that I can be a Hallmark Movie Star! I freaking love all Hallmark Movies especially the holiday ones, those are the best. How did I get to this amazing career choice you ask… Well I was watching a new Hallmark Movie last night and thought I wanna be in a Hallmark Movie and fall in love the way these people fall in love and have it last forever and ever or until the credits roll.

Then later on I figure out that I hate driving, well I’ve known I’ve disliked driving in certain occasions, but the worst part is that if I’m not driving I get car sick! It’s the freaking worst! You’d think I’d be super happy that I don’t have to drive, but then this nauseous feeling comes over me when the car starts moving so then I still have to drive or I’ll throw up all over the place. I remember this one time I had to have my dad pull over because I couldn’t handle it anymore! My mom thinks it’s because when I’m in a car either in the passenger or back seat, my brain automatically clicks into driver mode and my brain doesn’t understand that I’m not the one driving and it’s telling me to stomp on the brake because the person in front of us brake lights are on and the person that’s driving us around is not slowing down and they’re going to hit the car if we don’t STOMP ON THE BRAKE NOW (while my foot is actually stomping on the floor like I actually had a brake there)! So yea that’s what goes on in my head when other people are driving. Maybe that’s why I feel sick or it could be that my brain is trying to tell me that we have telepathic powers and I was trying to control the driver and that is what makes me sick… Me thinks it’s the second one, but who knows. Well Ta Ta for now.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( 5 days still CALIFORNIA!!!)

Vino Viernes!!

So what had happened on Wednesday went down like this. On my way home from work I told my self I was going to eat dinner real quick then take a quick power nap. It was all supposed to be fast. The next thing I know my first of five alarms went off and so yea what I’m saying is that I totally fell sleep on Wednesday hence why I didn’t post anything. I told my self ill just do a quick post on Thursday buuuuuuut I was like nah I’m not going to mess up my rotation. Now on to the main events…Wine, Vino, Du Vin. Todays wine is Barefoots Merlot, I cant remember if I’ve already tried this one but I’m alittle on the broke side and this was the only thing that was in my house soooo Merlot it is…and please its pronounced Mer-Lot, okay thanks. This is another dry wine, and this one has an actual grapey taste, I know wine is basically smooshed grapes’ (this apostrophe was the only way Microsoft Word would let me leave my incorrect sentence structure…so the apostrophe must stay) by people’s nasty ass feet. I might just be talking caca because I put a generous amount of Sprite in my glass before I even took a sip of the wine. I am THE worst wine drinker ever!

I’m going to give you a recap of the past week. I realized on Sunday that it was both a good and bad idea watching San Andreas two weeks (at the time of this thought…it is now one week till California…yay!!) before going to Cali. The bad reason is because I scared the shit out of myself, like why would I do that to myself I’m such an asshole. The good reason is I now have somewhat of an idea on what I should do to survive some shit like that. For example I should get to higher ground, find land lines to call my dad and let him know that I got out of a car in an underground parking garage because of the British boy and his younger brother that I befriended (when I say befriend I mean fall in love… obvi), don’t trust Mr. Fantastic because he’s not going to help you out of said car, stay away from falling glass and light poles, and watch out for big ass holes that might swallow you; the most important one is I really have to get my holding my breath underwater for a really long ass time game up. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson you taught me well, my mom can now rest easy. By the way if you didn’t see the movie you probably shouldn’t read this paragraph there are a lot of spoilers… just saying.

On Tuesday I realized a lot of things the first one is that it only takes me about 8 songs to get to work, but that’s only on those extremely lucky no traffic days. Secondly, McDonalds McfingGriddles are super addicting, only get one if you have enough self control to not buy one every day for a week in a half for breakfast…clearly I failed on this one, so now I have to find a completely different way to work without passing by McDs (which is hard because it’s a block away from my job). Also, I use the little microphone button on my phone to help me spell all the time. Lastly, every time I get a glance at my shadow I’m always like “damn girl your eyelashes are long as hell”, but then I look in the Mirror and I’m like “But where did you go?”

Wednesday morning I was listening to Elvis Duran and the Morning Show and they were talking about when they went crazy town on people for the stupidest/smallest reasons. I automatically thought of the time I flipped out on my brother for taking my phone charger. I rarely get mad and I don’t count road rage as getting mad because honestly when you sit behind the wheel you become a psychopath, but one of the people that can get me so angry at the drop of a hat is my brother. The day I went text crazy on him was already a bad day for me and for me to come home with my phone on 10% battery life and no charger in sight I just lost it. I texted him everything in the book that I know would piss him off. I know it was stupid that it was just a charger, but when your already having a shitty day the smallest thing pushes you over the edge. This is a warning for all you brothers out there with sisters, we remember everything and I mean EVERYTHING, and when you least expect it we will (as Dane Cook likes to say) mind ninja the shit out of you. On that note I say good day.

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily (don’t mess with your sisters…shit will get deadly!)