Buzzfeed is Life!!

BUZZFEED IS LIFE!!! I used to think Google was life, but it’s like number two on that list. A couple of weeks ago I figured out that Buzzfeed isn’t blocked at my job… I’ve been on it everyday since then! If you don’t know what Buzzfeed is you need to stopping reading and go to sleep because I can’t talk to you anymore! Okay okay I didn’t mean that, Buzzfeed is where I take 99.99998% of my quizzes. They are the best quizzes ever!! I’m pretty sure I might have taken every possible quiz they have since I found out that I can go on. There are ALOT of quizzes… It’s marvelous!!! Not only do they have quizzes that helps me find out how British I am… They also have actual news, so I kind of know what’s going on in the world. They also have random articles on lifestyle, how adorably amazing Tay Tay (that’s my home girl Taylor Swift… We cool like that so she lets me call her that) and Calvin Harris are together… They’re so cute they make me want to throw up, and 13 movie facts that will make you feel truly old ( that’s one of the articles they have).

So while I was scrolling and clicking random links and pictures I came across an article called “27 Funny, Random, and Bizarre Things People Have Bought Online While Drunk”. Some of these people bought the funniest things… My favorite one was a girl talking about how when her best friend gets drunk she like to order things off of Amazon. Because the girls friend likes to be surprised she never cancelled the orders as long as they weren’t that expensive. The girls friend apparently has ordered her self vibrators, and after 12 of them she started canceling the orders. I laughed so loud that my coworkers thought I was crazier than usual and just stared at me until I stopped laughing.

After going through this list of things that people have bought themselves it got me thinking… Have I ever bought myself anything interesting or fun when I was drunk. That’s when I realized that Sallie Mae hadn’t called me in like 4 days. Those Mofos call me at least 10 times a day… EVERYDAY!! So I was super suspicious, Sallie Mae doesn’t know how to let people live their lives without bothering. With that in mind I checked my account, and apparently my fucking drunk ass on Saturday made a freaking payment to Sallie Mae!!! Apparently drunk me is super responsible and pays off freaking loans instead of buying my self pretty surprises!!! The only surprise I got was when I looked at my bank account and saw that I really did pay that hoe Sallie… It was on my damn statement!!! I must’ve gotten to the point where my drunkness completely passed Delilah and made me a grown up… Ugh!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily (I’m gonna have to start hiding my credit/debit cards when I get drunk… I might end up paying my car two months in advance)

Five Stages of Hungover!

This weekend was fun… Well Friday and Saturday were fun, but Sunday not so much! I had thee worst hangover I have ever had in my life of hangovers! I’m telling you I hadn’t felt that sick in forever! The worst part about it is that I was just drinking beer. I would understand it a little more if I was doing shots or drinking hard liquor on top of the beer, but it was only beer. I’ve had bad hangovers before, like my 21st birthday weekend, well maybe that summer of my 21st birthday I lived with a hangover… But it was never this bad, like EVER! That’s what I get for hanging out with my cousins.

I’m gonna give you a little recap of what happened on Saturday. As I hope most of you know it was the FOURTH OF JULY!!! Yay!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA!! Any who my cousins had a barbecue at their house and everyone and there mother was there. But before people started showing up it was only me and my brother waiting on my cousin (Trap Queen) to get home… Just so everyone knows we were told the party started at “12”… It didn’t really start till 3:30ish.

So when my cousin got home at around 1:30 we started having beers and then gradually more of our family started showing up. I was super popular on Saturday and my cousins were hating. I usually don’t show up to family parties, because 1. I’m super lazy and 2. You have to have a certain tolerance level to hang with these people. As I was saying I was SUUUUPERRR FAMOUS, every body that saw me was like OMG EMILY-ANN, how are you?, what have you been up 2?, I haven’t seen you in so long, and I got like a bazillion hugs. So obviously my cousins got peanut butter and jealous, but I was totes loving it. They don’t understand that’s why I don’t show up for so long, because when the family finally does see me… It’s a magical moment!

Soooo fast forward to Sunday!!! Ugh… Just thinking about it now is making me nauseous. In my hungover haze… There were a lot of things that went through my head. I’m sure most of you know this but I’m still gonna hit you with some knowledge. I call this the 5 Stages of HUNGOVER!
1. Hate… This is when your just wake up from the night before, with a pounding headache, nausea, and wondering how much time you have to make it to the bathroom before you throw up all of over the place. This is when you realize how much you hate yourself for what you’ve done.
2. Anger… After you’ve thrown up what you had last night and probably that whole week, you become super Angry at yourself for going past your limit. Your freaking twenty-five years old… You should know when to stop damn it!!! (There might be some residual anger for the next couple days I’ll let you know when it goes away)
3. Tired… You just want to go to sleep, but your head is spinning to much for you to lay down and any sudden movement sends you running to the bathroom again. You might cry in this stage because all you want is to sleep, but your left sitting back against your wall because that’s the time your the least dizzy.
4. Bargaining… Now you’ll tell anyone who will listen that you will never drink again if this nausea and dizziness just goes away. (We all know it’s a lie, but it kind of makes us feel better after we’ve said it)
5. Acceptance… You fucked up… You drank to much, but you had a good time doing it. Now you gotta live with this disgusting feeling for the rest of the day. At this point your making yourself get out of bed and buy your self a Gatorade or like 4 ( Gatorade flavor choice is key, I chose a bad flavor and it made me feel worse… So I bought another one to wash out the nastiness of the first one) and move on with your crappy day, but it slow motion… Remember you move to fast you better find a bathroom and quick!

Love Ya From the Moon and Back,
Emily ( I also somehow got a cold, because I’ve been coughing a lung up all day)

Ps. CONGRATS TO THE U.S. WOMANS SOCCER TEAM FOR WINNING THE WORLD CUP!!!!… Yasssss!!!

Vino Viernes!!!

I finally got my eyebrows done today and that whore muncher fucked my shit up!! One eye brow looks like I’m trying to be The Rock when he does that eyebrow thing, and the other looks somewhat normal… A little thin but normalish.

Okay I’m over it now… I can’t be mad, besides my eyebrows everything else today was AMAZEBALLZ!! First I didn’t have to go to work today… YAAAASSS!!! Second I’m going to the fair tonight!!!! I love the fair!!!! And lastly it’s Friday… And you know what that means!!! VINO, VINO, VINO!!! Yay!!

Last week I tried the wine my cousin told me about, and I ended up buying two bottles a red one and a white one. Well the red one was supposed to be saved for today… Ummm yeeeaaaaa, that bottle did make it passed the weekend ( I ended up drinking the whole bottle on Saturday. Oooo wells!)

So I went out today and bought a new bottle today and it’s called…. CULITOS… Hehehe that means butt. So obviously I got that bottle because the label has three naked people on it. I was intrigued, don’t judge! I wasn’t able to have a full cup because people aka the parentals were rushing me so we could get to the fair, but I was able to take a few generous sips straight from the bottle. Don’t worry I kept it real lady like… I had my pinky up as I took my huge as gulps!! Just so you know it was really freaking good… Just because the bottle is called CULITOS… It doesn’t necessarily mean it tastes like ass.
Any way I gots to go home boys and home girls… I’m here writing to you from the FAIR!!! Deuces!!!!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( I’m soooo excited… I love the FAIR!!)

 

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Roadtrip through the MLB!

I just got back from having dinner with my family, and at dinner my brother in-law was telling us about a business trip he had in France. Which got me thinking:
1. Super duper jealous, I want to go to France.
2. I need a job that sends me on fully paid business trips to France.
3. Also a job that sends me around the world on fully paid business trips.
4. I wish I can learn French and move to France to live a fabulous French life and meet me a French man that I can marry and have 1/3 American 1/3 Dominican 1/3 French babies with.
5. I need to just travel around the world.

And my last thought, which is probably the most important one is to learn how to speak Spanish properly before I try and learn a new language, but that’s besides the point.

Anyway, I’ve always wanted to travel around the world to see beautiful things and experience other cultures, but the one thing I really want to do (beside making Derek Jeter see that I will love him forever, if he just gave me a chance) is to road trip it around North America.
Some of you might be thinking that I want to see historical/famous land marks and cities (which of course I do), but that’s not what this road trip would be about. I want to road trip it to every MLB Stadium/Field. I’ve always had this in my head that one day I would drive to every single Ball Park, and not just to drive by it but to watch a game, I think that would be so exciting. Oh and I guess while I’m driving through the States and to Canada I’ll stop and see the sites that each state has to offer. So far I’ve only been to a game at Yankee Stadium and the Mets old field Shea Stadium, I haven’t even been to Citi Field(I’m so disappointed in myself). I have driven by the field where the Nationals play, and also where the Orioles play but that doesn’t count I need to watch a game in each stadium! I also need to find a great group of people that are super chill and get along who would come on this journey with me, because I’m not trying to deal with no crazies or drama… Ain’t no body got time for that!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( hit the road jack and don’t cha come back no more, no more, no more, no more…well I’ll be coming back, It’s just this song was in my head soooo your welcome)