I just finished watching Caitlyn Jenner’s show on E (I Am Cait), and I’m going to continue to watch this show. I’m not a fan of reality T.V; the only time I ever watch it is if there is nothing else on. This show just hit me in the Corazon (heart) really hard. I think it’s because this show to me feels genuine, sincere, and was able to make me feel so many different emotions I didn’t even know I had, it was incredible. I was able to empathize with her; I went from feeling scared and anxious with her when she was about to introduce her sisters and mother to Caitlyn, to happy for her being able to be who she really is an was her entire life.
While watching this show I started thinking about what she and other transgenders have gone through and are going through. Especially the teenagers, it’s hard enough being a teenager, having to deal with high school and cliques and puberty; on top of all that they are also struggling with who they are mentally, physically and emotionally. I just hope one day everyone can be accepted for they are.I know my life is nothing like Caitlyn Jenner’s life, but this show made me think about my experience. It’s one of the reasons why I loved it so much.
Throughout the show, I started thinking back to when I was a teenager constantly feeling like I lived in my brothers shadow, while struggling to find my place and my voice. I always wanted to please people, but at the same time be myself… I know that’s confusing, but that’s how I felt and sometimes still feel. That’s where I feel l can relate to Jenner. Because I felt like I lived in my brother shadow; I was always trying to be better than him, and to be seen as my own person and not just as Luna’s little sister. There were times where I felt like the only reasons I played sports was to be seen as either an equal or better athlete than my brother ( I felt like that was the only way to be seen at all). A lot of the time I felt like I was in competition with him. In high school I was always compared to my brother (Is she as good a ball player like her brother?… That one was my favorite). There were even times where I thought that my parents cared more about my brother than they did me. When your younger I feel like you only see through one spectrum; you only see what’s happening at that moment, and all these emotions are coming at you in full force. I felt that my parents were much more involved in my brothers sports than they were mine. So of course that lead to me believe that they loved him more. As an adult I can see the other side of things, the reason why it was difficult for my parents to make it to my games ( my games were at 4 pm, while my brothers were at 6pm… My parents were still at work when my games started).
I feel because I know who I am ( well sort of I’m still working on it, but I’m getting there), and because I’m older (I suppose) I can see things differently… I have a new point of view.
I feel like I just had and MTVs Diary moment; “You think you know, but you have no idea… This is the Diary of Emily.”
Well that’s it for tonight… I know I know my thoughts are all over the place… To bad deal with it!
Lova Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily ( I say everyone shall watch I Am Cait… You won’t regret it)