I generally think I’m a nice and kind person. Today I found the mean girl inside. At work around 330ish, my coworker tried getting my attention while I was in the middle of meditating at my desk… AKA a really quick power nap while making it seem like I wasn’t sleeping (It’s an art form, when it’s perfected). So my coworker calls my name and when I turn to her she mouths to me with her eyes bulging out “look at her BOOBS!!!”. At this point my mind was still on my “meditating”, and I had no clue what she was trying to say… So she tells me again and when I finally understand I glance up and HOLY GUACAMOLE!!! These were the biggest BOOBIES, knockers, literally watermelons I’ve ever seen… Like ever!!! What made it worse was that this ladies boobies were being confined by a shirt a tad to small for her chest. It looked like this woman had four boobies because the shirt was extra tight in the middle of her breasts; so she had two boobs under the crease and above the crease that was practically touching the woman’s chin.
This is where the mean girl came out, once the woman left I turn to my coworker and we just start laughing uncontrollably. I told my coworker that she could probably take a nap on those bad boys, and she would never drown because they would save her because they’re floating devices. I might have said other mean things, but I can’t remember (of course I remember I just don’t want to write them and make me look like even more of a jerk face). After I said it I felt like an ass, and even though she didn’t hear me I still felt like I should go find her and apologize.
After Our laughter subsided I started thinking this woman’s back must be freaking killing her. As much as I love my Thelma and Louise ( I have a feeling that I already named my boobs, but I don’t remember the original names) they hurt my back and they aren’t even as close to this other womans size. Then of course my next thought was holy shit… She must pay a fucking fortune for one BRA!!! Holy White Cheddar Popcorn the one in the black bag that’s so delish… I pay at least 40 bucks for a bra that lasts like maybe 3 months, obviously because I’m too broke to be buying better quality Bras or more than two at a time. Any who this is me apologizing to the woman with the big boobies…I’m sorry for being a mean girl, I’ll try not to do it again, but I can’t make any promises… I kinda like being mean sometimes.
Love Ya from the Moon and Back,
Emily (yes I have flaws, but everyone must love me any way… Or else I’ll let Delilah out and you don’t wanna mess with her)