HOLY DONKEY KONG!!! I just wanna rip out my lady parts and throw them into on coming traffic… And walk away like I never knew them!!! Today VAnessa GINA decided she wanted to have her friend TECOMM over without asking permission. This mofo hasn’t been around for months and now this thing wants to show up! Real cute TECOMM real freaking cute. For those of you that might be saying “what the flap jacks just happened”; I’m bout to school you right now.
So basically what I’m trying to say is… I am menstruating! For most womans baby makers they get a friend visit monthly, which they call TOM (time of the month). Buuuut for me, not so much… VAnessa and I like to call this friend TECOMM. Why do we call it TECOMM you ask. Well it’s because it likes to come when ever the hell it feels like coming. It’s real rude like that! It doesn’t even ring a door bell or anything. It’s like I walk into my house and this mofo is just chillen on my couch, watching tv, drinking my wine, and eating all my stashed Oreos. Like I said this mofo is real rude! It’s not house broken!! By the way TECOMM stands for Time Every Couple of Months… MAYBE! Some of you might be like… isn’t that good that you don’t have to bother with it every month! Weeeeelll no… No… Not at all!! Just because TECOMM might not be flowing… Doesn’t mean I don’t get the horrible shanking, ripping, burning? ______( insert whatever word that can inflict excruciating amounts of pain here … Thanks) sensation that comes with having lady parts! Basically every month around the time I’m supposed to get TECOMM… I’m in pain, soooo, no it’s not a good thing! So I’m over talking about that… Just wanted to give you all that little snippet of my life.
Soooo I have this super border line obsessive crush on Chris Crocker!! If you don’t know who I’m talking about… You have to check him out. He’s freaking HIGHLARIOUS!!! I love all his Vlogs. Not only does he preach the truth, He absolutely makes my day! I would love to Vlog, but then that would mean I would actually have to wax my hairy ass eyebrows every two weeks and have my hair done all the time…. And Honey Bunches of Oats my ass is to lazy for that life. So I chose to Blog instead so I only show my face when I’m camera ready… And that’s only on special occasions. Now I vicariously Vlog through Chris Crocker!!!
Well it’s time for me to go perform for my beloved fans ( I gotta go wash my hair)!!!

Love Ya from The Moon and Back,
Emily ( if you heard the things I want to do to these freaking ovaries right now… OOOO girl you wouldn’t believe it!)