I know, I know it’s May 6th now but what evs bruh.
Yesterday some weird shit happened to me. I woke up thinking I was in some type of Zombie Apocalypse. I roll out of bed looking for my Zombie Survival Kit, which includes: my rifle with extra ammo, machete, cargo pants, hiking boots, extra pairs of socks (because everyone knows you need extra socks just incase your feet get wet…derf you need to change your socks…I learned from countless War related movies), of course my Hunger Games Bow and Arrow is in my kit…if you were wondering I have Katnis Everdeen Skills (well that’s what the archery game I play on my phone tells me). So when I fully woke up I was like WTF am I doing and what year is it? I must have had some extremely realistic Zombie dream. Some might think it’s a nightmare…not me, I think I would be freaking amazing in a Zombie Apoclypse. What I’m trying to say here kids is you should not play The Last of Us, well really any Zombie or other Apocalyptic type of video games before going to bed…because shit got real for me.
So after my brush with the zombies that morning, this overwhelming need to be extra Hispanic came over me. Don’t get me wrong I’m super proud to be Hispanic, but if you really got to know me you would understand that I’m probably less Spanish than my Irish friends, truth. So as I was saying, I was feeling real Spanish yesterday…and I had no clue why. So I went on with my day jamming to my entire collection of favorite Spanish artist… from iHeart… because I don’t have an actual collection because you know I’m super American. Anyway I finally realized that the spanishness seeping through my veins is because it was Cinco de Mayo. No I’m not Mexican, I’m Dominican, but Hispanic is Hispanic nah mean… and I do love anything that is celebrated by drinking. Salude (cheers).
So on Sunday I was walking into the living room and I saw a commercial for DWTS (Dancing With The Stars) and just in case you didn’t know I might be slightly obsessed with Derek Hough…I mean DWTS, hehehehe. So when I walked into the living room my mom was there and I started breaking out my super AWESOME dance moves. You know I was Tangoing, Paso Dobleing (I think I spelled it right besides the ING at the end)… keeping my frame up…yea that’s right I know some dance terms. As I was showing my mum my mad dance skills (which I think I would definitely get a 10 from LEN and the other judges) I asked her “I could totes be on dancing with the star…right mum?” her response was “Yea, but you have one problem…you need to be a star”. I know right…HURTFUL!! I had some choice words for her like, you big meanie… you’re my mother!!!
OOOO before I forget…so today was supposed to be my first time as a Juror. When I first got the summons I was like, are they crazy they can’t give me this kind of power. I can’t handle the pressure what if I send an innocent person to jail for not paying their street sweeper ticket. Those freaking street sweepers are freaking annoying, they don’t clean shit… They just push it to the other side of the street. Sorry I got side tracked, okay so after I got used to the idea of being a juror I thought… “This is gonna be pretty awesome I can’t wait to say, You just got Lawyered!! Suckas!!”. I’m pretty sure the Supreme Court heard my thoughts because as soon as that popped into my head I got an email saying I wasn’t needed anymore! Rude, after all the preping I did.
On that note, Andele andele mami, E.I. E.I.
Uh-ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh! What’s poppin tonight? (Nelly, you my Dude!)
Love Ya from the Moon and Back,