Am I A Gold-Digger?

Nothing too B.A.N.A.N.A.S. sandwich happened this weekend. I went to IKEA and realized that I only like shopping in IKEA…I tried writing IKEA with you know, the (I) being capitalized and the rest of the letters lower case, but It’s not as aesthetically pleasing to the eye… Ikea…see what I mean, I don’t like it. As I was saying I only like shopping at IKEA online. I cannot deal with the walking around in circles and having to walk throughout the whole store to get to what I’m looking for. If you haven’t been to IKEA, let me break it down for you. The store is laid out like a gallery; everything is set up by the section of the house they should be in, like everything that goes in a bedroom is in the bedroom section, the bathrooms, the kitchens, the kids rooms…and blah blah blah. So on Saturday Boobielicious and I went to look around and I was kind of sort of looking for a bookshelf but not really, any way it took us like twenty minutes to get to that section, and by the time I got there I wanted nothing to do with bookshelves. Of course I still looked at them though, since it practically took us three hours to find them! After we passed the bookshelves it took us another hour to get out of the store because we had to follow the freaking arrows to get out. Moral of the story I shant return to IKEA!

If you remember on Vino Viernes I gave everyone the 411 on how to gauge a woman’s mood by the amount of Oreos she’s consumed. Well I think I might have another doozer for you.

Again based on obvious scientific facts, I’m going to let you know, how you know the man/woman your about to go on a first date with is a keeper. Now you must remember, this only works as a first date thing. If you’re on like date five, I’m sorry to tell you but your shit outta luck, I got nothing for you… maybe next time. So it’s pretty simple… if your date takes you to lets say Applebees for your FIRST DATE you might have to tell homeboy/homegirl to get to steppin. He/she’s only taking you there so he/she can do some two for $20 action, HOW RUDE (thank you Stephanie Tanner for your wise words)!! This is the one time you’re supposed to impress this person…it’s like they always say (I’m not sure who they are but they say this) first impressions can make or break you, I feel like somewhere in the world this has been said. And no I’m not a gold-digger…anymore…hehehehe I joke I joke (now I ain’t saying she a gold-digger, but she aint messin with no broke n****… thank you Kanye I couldn’t have said it better my self) any other time Applebees is the spot…especially after 10pm for those half price apps (appetizers). I just feel it’s not a first date kind of place. Now if your date takes you to Red Lobster, Joe’s Crab Shack, or Olive Garden that mofo is in it for the long haul…if he/she likes it or not, they’re stuck with you for life…bwuhahahaha!!! You know your date is going to be dropping a decent amount on this date…okay so I might, slightly be a gold digger…live with it, I am. You might ask “Emily the Great how do you come up with this geniusness?” Well my child this is how it went down. I was walking by a Red Lobster and turned to Boobielicous and was like “Yo if a dude brought me to Red Lobster, or Joe’s Crab Shack on a first date, that mofo is a keeper…you know he’s gonna be dropping dough cuz these mother-Fers (obviously I cursed forreals then) are expensive”. Voila, the science behind my theory! So sad, It’s that time again…don’t miss me too much!

 

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily (re-formed Gold Digger…kinda)

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