OMG!!! it feels like I was just writing and drinking for last weeks Vino Viernes, it might be because all my days just kind of blend into one another.

As most of you should know by now I’m a huge advocate of Barefoot Wine!!! I just love it, even if it does taste like I’m drinking sand paper!!! It’s the best sand paper I’ve ever had. Yesterday my friend Houdini told me about this wine brand that he likes, its called Cupcake and that I should try it for Vino Viernes!! Sooooo guess what wine I’m trying…. that’s right I’m drinking Cupcakes Zinfandel (this isn’t the wine Houdini told me he liked…he likes the Merlot; this was just one of the bottles I found…and yes I said one of the bottles because if I was trying a red one I’m trying a white one but that’s for next week). I’ve told you guys before that I have no clue how to describe wines, or what wine pairs best with whatever food, but today I can tell you that this wine taste like freaking twigs!! Like Grandmother Willow was stomping on these grapes with her branchy ass stumps and dropped a couple twigs and berries, if you know what I mean. I thought I used to get bad cottonmouth after a night of drinking…this COTTON MOUTH I HAVE RIGHT NOW RIVALS ALL COTTON MOUTHS!! And my glass is still a little more than half full!! Excuse me Cupcake I would like a glass of wine with my COTTON!! I even tried putting some Sprite in this bitch, but I think the sprite was scared because homeboy is nowhere to be found!!

Since todays brand of wine is called Cupcake I decided to stay in the dessert aisle for today.

When I got out of work yesterday I was in the mood for something sweet. So I stopped at a store on my way to my car and bought some Oreos. On my drive home while I ate my Golden Double Stuf’d Oreos, I thought this is a perfect way to figure out where a girls head is at… you know to see if she’s in a good mood or BITCH DON’T EVEN LOOK IN MY VICINITY. Just so you all know this is purely scientific facts, so obviously this is all correct…because I’m like a super duper Scientist. The tools needed are the Jumbo box of Oreos (can be found at your local Sam’s, BJs, Costco…wherever you buy your bulk sized goods…it brings about 8-10 sleeves of Oreos). Keep in mind the flavor and stuf’dness of the Oreo comes into great consideration. Lets just say anything Double Stuf’d your kinda in pre-menstruation mode already, so beware anything can happen. The regular kind vary… if you’re buying seasonal ones your just testing those, so those don’t count…unless they’re the new Red Velvet ones…Giiiiirl them shits are DEEEELISH… eat as many as you can!!

So here’s the Oreo Mood Finder Breakdown.

4-6 cookies: is just because you didn’t want to buy the while bag of Oreo’s so you just bought those small “snack” packets

1-1.5 sleeves of cookies: well that’s just a normal day, watching T.V.

2-4 sleeves of cookies: now were starting to enter pre-Menstruation mode, and would likey bite someones arm if they try to take the cookies away because, they think “it’s for your own good”. Also would probably cry at the drop of a dime.

Anything 5 and up: MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY… full menstruation going on and/or I’m sorry to tell you this but if you didn’t know yet CONGRATS your: expecting, bun in the oven, knocked up, some spermulators got all up in your eggnog, or you know the most common term PREGNANT!

Well ladies and gentlemen your very welcome for this insider info!! Dueces!

Love Ya from the Moon and back,

Emily (Your Oreo Guru)