Month: May 2015

Un-Vino Viernes…Sober Sally!

So I’m being super boring today and I am not drinking! I know I’m such a loohooo ser-er (when reading that just think Jim Carrey in Ace Ventura Pet Detective). I’ve decided because I drank Vino on Wednesday that I can have a pass on Friday. Also because I didn’t buy a bottle of vino nor did I have an alcoholic beverage at dinner tonight… So I’ve decided to stay Sober Sally, but that doesn’t mean that everyone has to be sober… I hope someone out there is carrying of the Vino Viernes tradition and is getting they’re drink on and have a drink for me please, I’d really appreciate it.

On to more interesting things… These past couple of days… Actually weeks I’ve been super duper emotional, and it SUCKS BIG WALRUS BALLZ!!! I…excuse me my brother is texting…BRB (be right back… for those not up on the AOL/AIM lingo).

Okay I’m back… gosh he’s so freaking annoying! As I was trying to say before my brother rudely interrupted; I have either been crying my eyes out or I get a little watery eyed, and it’s for the stupidest reasons. It’s not really anything cry your eyes out worthy. Well except these freaking videos of soldiers reuniting with family…that gets me every time… I sob like its nobodies business, and it’s a real loud ugly cry man. Ooo gosh another thing that made me cry the other day was this video of people doing nice things for one another. Holy Chocolate Chip Cookies… I cried a freaking river.

So there are different types of cry’s I have discovered in these long and emotional weeks. I’m pretty sure I’m just super sensitive because I have like a hormonal blockage or something. This shit can’t last, right? Any way back to what I was saying. These are my types of crys. Damn that was beautiful cry…where you just attempt a smile but cover it with three fingers and either shake your head or nod. There’s also the extra ugly (because no one looks cute crying…you like scrunch up your face trying to hold it in…its not pretty) any who that gut wrenching cry…where you can barely catch your breath…I usually get these when I see those really sad dog commercials… you know the ones with that song in the back ground “in the arms of an angel”…UNCONTROLLABLE SOBS. I literally have to change the channel or else ill go broke trying to adopt all those beautiful animals…even the cats and I’m not the biggest fan of cats! And finally it’s the your not going to let these people at your job see you cry Emily one. This one is me hiding the fact that whatever news story I just read made me want to cry, so I lean my head back open my eyes wide and blink until I have dried my eyes.

Today I teared up at least six times, fours times at work because the news was really hitting me in the lady gonads today, and finally, twice about and two hours ago at the movies. Boobielicious and I went to the movies to see Aloha… which was great I absolutely loved it!!! In the movie there’s a scene where Rachel McAdams cries and I felt my eyes glisten. Anytime Rachel cries you have to cry because she’s so freaking good at it!! Rachel is the only one that cries pretty…the only one! I love Rachel McAdams!!

Okay I’m done telling you about my crying fits. Now on to something super freaking weird. I had a dream the other night where I was stuck in a 21st century Romeo and Juliet. You remember the Romeo and Juliet version with Leonardo Dicaprio, where they had guns and all that jazz. Well my brains version was much worse. Mine had…I’m assuming… my boyfriend and his family living on one side of a it’s either a football or baseball field and my family living on the other side. Our families hated the idea of us together that they started shooting at each other. Not just with regular handguns, these mofos had skilled snipers and AKs. Shit got serious; it felt like a scene right out of The Purge. While our families are fighting, my boyfriend and I are running away and doing some pretty awesome parkour stunts.

Either I’m completely bat-shit crazy, and this is my minds way of slowly breaking down on me or I’m a FREAKING ARTISTIC GENIUS. I wonder if we’ll ever find out. Well I’m done for tonight…see you on the flip side.

 

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily (I think all these tears are making me lose my mind)

 

Ps. I had Chili’s for din din tonight and they have to most DEEEEELISH cheese things (I don’t remember what they’re called)…holy Hannah Montana they were freaking amazeballz!

Wining and Painting

I Know I know…I’m sorry this is so late but I actually had plans today I know crazy but I did. My mum brought me to her company gathering. We went to wine and paint night or wine and drink night something like that, and it was AMAZEBALLZ. When I first thought about doing this with my friends I was like YASSS, I need to do this. After the idea settled I started getting a little nervous. Like what if my painting doesn’t come out anywhere near decent or even remotely resemble what ever it is we are supposed to be painting. So I pretty much stressed my self out for nothing. It’s pretty easy, our instructor was really nice and encouraging. Well I suppose she has to be because you know we paid for this. Any who they really take they’re time and walk you through everything. Like what color were staring off with and how to correctly blend colors. Not only was I becoming a painting master I felt at the end of our session that I could be the one instructing. I guess I’ll leave that to you to decide.

image1-2So here’s where we started with a blank canvas and somewhat full glass of wine (I might have had one or two sips)… At this point I was still pretty optimistic that I could handle this. I was glancing over at the example we were going to be painting and it look relatively simple.

FullSizeRender-3At this point I started getting a little worried, my blues weren’t correctly blending with each other and the middle was supposed to go from white to light blue and blah blah blah… There’s a little dark patch there that was really pissing me off. Throughout this whole thing I’m thinking that this would be a relaxing experience, but when my shit wasn’t looking like the instructors I started getting annoyed!! Like honestly how hard is it to just paint the damn canvas blue!!!

image3Now the trees… Ooo these damn trees!!! Looking at the picture they don’t look that bad, but this took a lot of concentration!!! And I learned that I would never be a surgeon… I got some shakes hands man!

image4And finally the finished product and my empty glass of wine ( I at least three after that I decided it would be wise to forget how many I actually had)!!! I’m the next freaking Picasso, Van Gogh, Monet, Rembrandt… I could continue but that’s about the extent of artist that I know. Ooo my art history professor would be so pissed at me. Once the class is done and I’ve passed it I forget everything I was taught as fast as humanly possible. My brain needs room for next semesters classes!
Well I’m out its time for bed!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back.
Emily ( but you can know refer to me as Emily Picasso-Van Gogh-Monet)
Ps. If you haven’t gone wine and painting I suggest you do it… It was the best time ever!!

Electric Daisy Carnival

Happy Memorial Day!!! Thank you to those who fought and are still finding for our Country. You are all truly appreciated!

So as I told you guys on Friday I went to EDC (Electric Daisy Carnival) this weekend!!! It was so much fun but extremely freaking exhausting. I love to people watch…sometimes when I people watch I like to find people that look like they’re having a really intense conversation… so I can add commentary as if I was at a sporting event… it’s a blasty blast, you should try it. There was really no connection between telling you about my weird habit and EDC…I just thought everyone should know.

So I saw some interesting things at EDC… I saw several different color areolas…some were bejeweled while others were just covered by see through shirts. OOOOO I also saw some penises flopping around. The first guy I saw caught me off guard… he had on bright green boxers and when he turned around BAM the area where the sack lays was mesh…MESH PEOPLE!!! I saw it all…and I couldn’t look away!!

So because of my weekend experiences…I’ve composed a EDC Survival Guide and here it is:

  1. Make sure to wear comfortable shoes…because if you don’t your feet will be in pain…if your feet are even still there when you leave. Just saying shit gets intense. Clothing choices are up to you… if you want to go in your birthday suit I suggest wear sensible shoes.
  2. Be prepared to see other people’s goodies and gonads. They will be on full display.
  3. If you plan on drinking I suggest either bringing made dough, mula, money…or just tailgate because it be super expensive.
  4. Ooo I wish I would’ve thought of this, but bring one of those water backpacks because your gonna need it. I was super close to just drinking from some stranger’s water.
  5. Also you should train you bladder and bowels to not have to go…because those porta-pottys are fucking (yes I said fucking) DISGUSTING!!!
  6. While your tailgating I suggest you stretch. Because I’m pretty sure I tweaked some shit.
  7. Be prepared to be extremely sore…or maybe that’s just me because my body is killing me!!
  8. If you plan on going two days in a row like me and my friends did…a couple of months before the festival you should probably build up your stamina because your going to be jumping out of your bras and boxers.
  9. Ladies this is really important…make sure to wear a good bra or maybe four because at the end of the first night…I’m sad to say my bra didn’t make. The underwire popped out so now I gotta buy a new bra. Also my boobs are probably the sorest part of my body. (If you are a member of the itty bitty titty committee…you should be good so disregard this one)
  10. And finally be safe and just have a blasty blast… you will have the best time of your life!
  11. Sorry one more be prepared to get second hand high…because yeah that happens.
  12. Ok ok last one, bring sunglasses…not only for the sun but also for all the lights that will be blinding you.

And there you have it folks…Emily’s EDC Survival Guidelines.

 

470164_lLove ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily (now I must go ice my body)

 

Ps. Me and some guy shimmied our titties at each other…I’m pretty sure he was gay, but I still call it a win. And it was possibly the most action I’ve had in a while. Saddest panda.

Vino Viernes!!!

Hello my home boys and home girls!! Guess what day it is…Guess. What. Day. It. Is (I hope you all know where I got that from and those of you that do know… no silly it’s not hump day…hehehe…I cracks myself up). Any who it’s FRIDAY and you know what that means… Vino Viernes!! And what makes this Friday even more special is that it’s a Three. Day. WEEKEND!! HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY WEEKED! It is also Fleet Week, which means our service men and women are here in UNIFORM enjoying the wonderful treats NYC has to offer. On that note I want to thank all those in the military for protecting, sacrificing and fighting for our Country. THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING YOU DO!! YOU ARE ALL AMAZING!!

Also I finally get to see one of my slutties… Zebra Cake!!! I haven’t seen her in FOR-EH-VER!! Hey Girl Hey!! Any way onto my Vino for today…ooo I almost forgot I’m also drinking with Zebra Cake and Sluttie McSlutterson!!! This is the first time I don’t feel like an alcoholic…I have friends today…yay!!! Any way we’re drinking Barefoots Riesling…I’m pretty sure I’ve told you all about this one …but just in case I didn’t…this shiznit is AMAZEBALLZ!! So go out and have yourself a bottle!!!

I’m sorry that today’s post is so much shorter than usual…because Sluttie McSlutterson is rushing me because she’s hungry…and you can’t get in her way when food is involved. I’m actually saving all your lives… so you’re welcome. I promise on Monday your gonna just want to shut me up about how much I’m going to write about. Ooo and I’m going to EDC (Electric Daisy Carnival) this weekend and I’m super-duper excited! Okay that’s it for today…Peace out!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily (I’m telling you don’t mess with Sluttie McSlutterson and her food… I’m just trying to live people)

 

 

J.E.R.K.!!!

“You need to give it up…had about enough… it’s not hard to see…THE. BOY. IS. MINE.” Please tell me I’m not the only one that acts out both Brandy and Monica’s parts in the beginning of The Boy Is Mine. I do this no matter where I am. If I manage to catch this song from the beginning I switch into character real quick. When I’m Monica I roll my neck, use my hands a lot and cross my arms. When I’m Brandy I roll my neck (because neck rolls show whose boss), purse my lips and roll my eyes (just so you know while I was writing this i’m obviously acting it out as well). I have each character down packed/down pat…umm, urban dictionary gave me both options so I don’t know what to do with my self (just incase you don’t know what this means…it basically means to have it perfect). As I was saying my performance of The Boy Is Mine could win me both a Grammy and an Oscar!!

I’m trying this new thing where when I get a thought I want to write about I record my self. Because I’m a very forgetful person, I blame it on my self diagnosed ADD. I get so many ideas coming at me at once (especially when I’m driving), and by the time I open the notes app on my phone (I’m not sure if you knew, but it’s super illegal to like text and drive) or get a paper and pen (I know paper and pens/pencils still exist…its pretty incredible the things this paper stuff can do)…hold on I lost my train of thought…see what I’m saying even when I’m writing about how forgetful I am, I forget. Basically what I’m trying to say it that I completely forget what I was just thinking about at that moment. It’s happens to me all the time…I think I need to talk to someone about this… this cant be normal. Well I’m not normal anyway so I guess it works fine for me.

Anyway, I’m currently listening back to what I wanted to write about today…and it’s a doozer. I’m taking you on a short trip to my younger years. They’ll be several cameos from my slutties. But first I have to tell you that holy Cucamonga, I curse A LOT; and I just called myself an idiot for using Frovers fake name in my recording…ooo how I make myself laugh. Okay back to my flash back.

So back in the day, when myspace was cool, and who ever wasn’t on your top 8 meant that you didn’t give a shit about them, and whoever was booted off your top 8 meant…YOU F***ED UP real bad!

There was a group of slutties/sluttos that called themselves J.E.R.K. (No I’m not gonna tell you why…that’s later when you’ve earned my trust) any who these Slutties created THE longest list of rules to live by (I wanna say it was like 120 rules…Slutties correct me if I’m wrong…I don’t really remember). One of the rules (which was my favorite)…if possible in any scenario answer or speak in song lyrics! The best rules J.E.R.K. lived by were: F*** falling in love, ass before friends (we were real lady like back then), money before ass, and another good one was, your only allowed 1 good cry in front of the rest of us. It’s not like we were heartless bitches (all the time), we just didn’t/still don’t like too many of those things people call “emotions”. Now that were older and bitchy-er we don’t live by these rules anymore. Though we still do believe in Ass before friends; but I wanna say if one of us were really in trouble…then maybe we might think of helping each other…but it has to be really bad…like if you get arrested…I’m sorry your staying there till I’m done.

Well that was today’s episode. See you next time on…Life As A Moon (Vino Viernes edition).

 

Love Ya froimage1m the Moon and Back,

Emily (J.E.R.K. for life!!)

Ps. just wait till I tell you about the UN-DICTIONARY.

Do Blondes Have More Fun?!?!

Soooo I’m super duper BLONDE now…and I’m not sure how I feel about it yet. And when I say I’m super blonde this is what I mean:IMG_0667

So I’ve been getting mixed views on my new hair. Mum Moon and Poppa Moon…HATE IT!! Want to know how I know…my dad said “no me gusta” meaning I don’t like it, and my mom in the beginning was trying to be more subtle… like “I just cant get used to you being blonde” then she said “I hate it”. So yea I don’t think my parents like my new do… but I’m okay with it. My slutties think it looks great and Snot Rockets’ reaction when he got my text was “love you” I responded with thanks man love you 2… then he said LOOKS GREAT! (I might have exaggerated with the all caps…but that’s besides the point) then he continued with You home?…I’m locked out… ahhh brotherly love.

Let me start from the beginning of my hair color-changing obsession! Its not really that big of a deal actually, I just gets bored fast and like to change my hair. Last year after I dyed my hair to what ever color I dyed it to (it was supposed to be a golden brown… ended up being like and orangey brownish color). Anyway I had promised my self that I wouldn’t dye my hair for a year, so I can let my hair rest from all them chemicals…Nah mean. Just so you know I’ve dye my hair what feels like a bazillion times, and I’ve only gone to an actual salon maybe 3 times (this time was one of the 3 times). Back to my story, once the year started getting closer I was getting that urge to do something different to my hair, but because the year was up yet I ended up cutting my hair. I always go through this phase where getting bangs seems like the most logical thing in the world. I always said when I don’t want to do my hair I can just blow dry my bangs and just put the rest up in a colita (I’m not completely sure if I spelled that right… but It means pony tail). If you know me you would understand that I hate doing my hair…so the bangs were a smart decision. I’ve gotten bangs about 5 times in my life…and I’ve hated it every time I don’t know how I always seem to convince my self that I like them…I blame Delilah she’s really good at helping make stupid decisions.

I’m telling you I think I have some form of A.D.D. I get distracted so easily. About two months ago I started thinking of what color I wanted to dye my hair I went through all the colors my hair has been, I’ve had: my natural color (which I honestly don’t remember what it is I think its like Dark Brown… I only know this because of my eyebrows), red, like a dark copper, to light brown with blonde highlights, to like a burgundy color. So when I thought of all these colors the first color to pop into my head was….PURPLE!!! Which isn’t the most “Professional” looking hair color, but I didn’t care. I started looking at different shades of purple and I found one that I loved and could’ve kinda, sorta, almost, not even close pass for black… hehehehe. So that’s why my hair is blonde, well basically yellow. That’s all I got for today home slices!

 

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily (my hair could be put in place of the M for McDonalds and you wouldn’t know the difference)

 

Ps. I think that whole blondes have more fun is a lie…I’ve having the same amount of fun I was having as a half brunette, half other color I was before.

Vino Viernes!!!

Hey hey hey!!! Its’ Friday, and I’m super sorry that this is going up so late. But, you know what Friday means!!!! VINO!!! Well in this case BEER!!! I totally forgot to pick up some wine yesterday and the only wine left in my house was that nastiness I had last week and I was not going to put my self through that again. So I’m drinking some Cerveza instead…that’s the fastest alcoholic beverage to find in my fridge. The beer I’m drinking which everyone should get on, is Leinenkugel’s Summer Shandy!!! THIS IS HANDS DOWN MY FAVORITE BEER!!! I especially love it because Papa Moon hates it… which you know, means he won’t be drinking my BEER!!! Or so I thought I got home today and there was only 1 left, because home boy drank all my shit.

Down to what I really wanted to talk to you guys about. MUSIC!! So in memory of B.B. KING all I listened to today was blues and jazz music. At first I didn’t realize I knew any blues artist until my coworker started pointing out all my favorite old school singers; like Edith Piaf , Etta James, Ella Fitzgerald, Louis Armstrong, and Billie Holiday… I felt like the biggest douch… I didn’t even realize they were blues artist. After listening to blues all day it got me thinking that the music we listen to today is freaking terrible!!! Music back in the day had substance… it had meaning behind it…there was actual LYRICS!! Yes people Lyrics… I know unheard of right. Listening to actual music makes you think…what the heck are we listening to. The songs now a days are all about booties, drugs, and sex. Yes I know songs from back in the day spoke about the same things, but they were classier and smoother with it.

A couple of weeks ago I was with Indigo and Royal Blue and we were listening to 90s rap and older songs. Then Whitney Houston’s song “Wanna Dance with Somebody” came up… and I love this song!!! Like when I hear this song I. wanna. Dance. You know because Whitney said. Any way Indigo brought up Jeremiahs song about him wanting to drink with somebody, and take shots with somebody, and then he wants to go home with somebody. I was like damn man!! You just messed up an amazing Whitney Houston song.

Any way so we were talking about that and it got me thinking, its true music today is shit, it has no meaning… if you have a catchy beat and a phrase that means absolutely nothing that people like you’ve struck gold… because apparently we’re all stupid (yes I include myself as well because honestly man…stupid) because they don’t make any sense. Now we have people becoming rich and famous off of this stupidity. When you think about the music even from the 90s it might have started to lean towards the nonsense we listen to now, but we still had artist like Lauryn Hill and Boyz II Men, who had something meaningful to say and it was poetic.

It’s just pretty disappointing to think that this music we listen to is what might identify our generation. There aren’t many artists out today that give me goose bumps, like when I listen to the music my mum listened to. And it’s just sad. There’s only a handful of artist today that give me that feeling; like Justin Timberlake (any thing he does I will always listen to he is the exception because I love him) Ed Sheeran, Sam Smith, Jessie J, Adele, Kelly Clarkson, Colbie Calliet,, Jason Mraz and I think that’s it. For a person that loves music as much as I do, my list should still be rolling out. I don’t know, maybe I should branch out and listen to different genres. What evs I’m just talking shit. It’s been swell!!

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily (Music Enthusiast)

 

Final Destination…Baby?!?!

I know I know this post is super late, but what can I say I got lazy.

Today I had this weird déjà vu feeling come over me when I was driving to work. When I finally got to work I realized what it was… I had pictured a scene from final destination. I know your probably extremely confused, so I’m gonna break it down for you. The whole way to work this morning I was surrounded by trucks. At one point I was in the middle lane with a truck hauling like a million wood planks on my right .. okay it was more like 20 but whatevs I’m dramatic deal with it, on my left a truck had some type of metal poles in the back and in front of me was a truck full of flammable container, I’m telling you somebody was trying to scare the crap out of me. Congrats you have succeeded.

At one point I thought I just rolled up into a scene from Final Destination, and of course that’s when I had this That’s so Raven moment ravenand pictured a scene from one of the movies… the one where that truck lost control and it was carrying a bunch of logs and the logs got loose and done killed mad peeps. I freaked my self out, on my way home every time I saw a truck I flinched. Final destination done messed with my head man! The worst part is I haven’t seen any of the movies in like forever… So it’s not like I just watched them and that’s why I starting getting visions.

Anywho onto a completely different subject, the other day I was with Boobielicious and I don’t really remember…ooo wait we had just finished eating dinner and she remembered that she had to buy her little nugget nephew something for his birthday. So we went to Toys ‘R Us/ Babies R’Us so she can get him a gift (I’m not exactly sure where the commas go…which I find HIGHlarious because I worked there once upon a time). Once we were there I remembered that I had to buy something for my little nugget god son because his bday is coming up…as we walked around the store picking up random board games like clue, and jumbo Jenga which I really wanted to buy, but then I remembered that I hate regular size Jenga, so why would I buy the Jumbo one. Any way you didn’t need to know any of that, long story short (it’s not really a long story, I don’t know why people say that, I feel like their Spark notes version of the story is probably just as long as the original story, maybe even longer.) sorry I keep distracting my self. Any way there was a lot of pregnant woman in the area. After seeing these woman, I swear to you, for a split second I heard my biological clock ticking…right after that though I felt a sharp jab in my lower region; which I took it as VAnessa GINA (that’s the name of my girlie parts…like the sublte way I highlighted the word vagina..hahahahahaha I crack myself up), anyway that was her way of basically saying “Bitch please, you can barely take care of yourself, turn away and keep it moving.” Thank you Vanessa Gina for knocking some sense into me. That’s all folks (think of Bugs Bunny when you say this please and thank you).

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily (I think I still hear my baby making clock ticking…STOP YOURSELF NOW!!!)

 

A Letter For Momma!!!

I know that yesterday was Mother’s Day , but mum just think of this as another part of your gift. I hope you liked your gift and the extremely thoughtful card your son-in-law (Derek Jeter) and I got for you. Before I go any further I want you to know that I love you soooooooooooo much. I know I probably don’t say it enough, and I’m sorry for that.
So Growing up I’ve been ask several times; who do you want to be when you grow up? , what do you want to do when you grow up?, who do you look up to? or even who is your hero? As I got older my answers always changed, it would range from; a singer to a doctor, make people laugh to helping others, the Spice Girls to Jane Austen, and Derek Jeter to well Derek Jeter(sorry I just really love him). But if I was asked those questions now I would have very different answers. I want to say it’s because I’m older now and I feel I better understand myself and the world around me, but if I’m being honest the following answers to these questions have always been there, I just never realized it before.
Who do you want to be when you grow up?
I want to be someone that my mother will be proud of. I want her to be proud of the person I’ve become, and that everyday I try to be better than the day before, and that she can trust everything she’s taught me has made me who I am today. Mom I know that I’ve done things to disappoint you and I might do things that you don’t approve of, but I want you to know that when I grow up ( because I still see myself as a kid even though I’m 25) I hope to be just half of the person you are… Because just being half of the most amazing, caring, understanding and beautiful person, is more than enough for me.
What do you want to do when you grow up?
I can finally say I want to be a writer. The person I can thank is of course my mom. She has told me for as long as I can remember that even when I was a wee little lad I was bringing home the most amazing stories, that I wrote. I’m sure they weren’t as good as she says they were, but that’s the thing she’s my mum and she has always supported me and continues to support me in every random thought or idea that comes to mind. Mom I just want to say thank you for always being there for me and telling me that I can do anything I set my mind to. I appreciate you more than you know.
Who do you look up to?
That’s an easy one… My mother. When I was a sophomore(I think I don’t really remember) in high school, my mom was diagnosed with kidney disease. She’s been through so much, like having to do dialysis for years, finally getting a kidney transplant for that kidney to stop working, going back on the transplant list, and finally getting another kidney transplant. Through it all, which I know she was in pain and tired, she always made sure my brother and I never really knew the full extent of what she went through… Just because she didn’t want us to worry. She always puts her families needs before her own and that’s something to admire.
Who is your hero?
My mother.
Mom I know when I was growing up we didn’t always see eye to eye, but I can honestly say that you are my best friend. I love the dynamic of our friendship and I love that we can talk about anything. Your amazing… Your an inspiration… I appreciate you. I love you and I hope I become a wonderful person and mother like you some day.

I Love You Mom from all the Moons in the Universe and Back,
Mimi

Ps. Check out the card I got my mum… I’m super creative… lol

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Vino Viernes!!

Sooo it’s more like Cerveza (Beer) Fridays… todays Vino was not drinkable…that shit was like freaking poison. I’m pretty sure it’s currently burning a hole in my tum tum. What wine am I killing myself with you ask. Well like I told you last week I had bought to bottles of the Cupcake brand Vino…a red one and a white one. Last week I had Sahara Desert Red. This week I attempted to drink Skull and Cross Bone Poison white…I pretty sure the bottle has that on the warning label. I know everyone has specific tastes, but this Cupcake “Angel Food Cake” was the freaking devil!! I think they made it with freaking jalapeños; I didn’t know that angel food cake was spicy. I’m sorry Houdini (the friend…or should I say enemy that recommended this vino brand) but I am not a fan of this brand of wine! Since it is Friday, how could I not drink something alcoholic…hence why today should actually be called Cerveza Fridays. I traded that death contraption for one of my favorite beers…Stella…yuummmm! So now I am in a much happier mood. Shall we move on?

So remember when I wrote that they ended up not needing me for jury duty…well I spoke to soon. Later on that day I received some wonderful news… I had to report to jury duty the next day. I know most people would be like…WHY ME!!! NO!!! I DON’T WANNA!! I actually didn’t mind… I was super excited that I was given this GREAT POWER!!! I was gonna start putting mofos in jail, or getting people the money they deserve… “It’s their money and they need it NOW”. I get to the courthouse and my excitement keeps growing…I’m looking around to see where the hell I have to go and BAM!!! Me thinks me founds the new love of my life…this cop was so freaking DEEELISH!!! I was about to be like “excuse me sir I want to make a citizens arrest, because you stole my heart”…ooo or “Did it hurt? When you fell outta heaven.” Ooo or “Do you have a band aide? Because I scraped my knee falling for you.” Okay okay I’m done…but I’m telling you I saw hearts floating around this mans head. I didn’t even care about righting wrongs anymore…it was love at first sight…well for me. As I walked away from my future ex-husband, I told my self I’ll do this jury duty stuff all the time if he’s gonna be here. After being distracted I finally reach where I have to be, and four hours later…. I wasn’t chosen again… but I spent the morning imaging my life with my future cop ex-husband. We would watch Netflix together, we would drink together, we would watch some more Netflix together. I know it was B.E.A.UTIFUL. So it was a pretty productive day for me. Ooo and Manny Mandingo (that’s my cars name) got a bath yesterday!! He’s so fresh and so clean clean.

I’m sorry guys, besides me sitting in traffic for an hour…my life was not eventful today. Maybe I’ll have something good for you next week.

FullSizeRender-2Don’t forget Lunatics this Sunday is Mothers Day!!! I got my mum a mothers day card and I’m going to tweak it a little bit…it’s gonna be HIGHlarious. I’ll post a picture on Monday.

 

Love Ya from the Moon and Back,

Emily (master pick up artist… My love for you is like diarrhea; I just can’t hold it in…okay okay I’m done now)