It’s official people I can’t run away from it any more. I am TWENTY FREAKING FIVE years old. I am a quarter of a century old, I was even told that I am now two and a half decades old and it sucks big walrus balls. I’m pretty sure I have at least ten… grey? or gray? hairs…this color is freaking cuntfused (confused, but as I’ve said before I like to make up words from already made words…and I feel like cuntfused really makes a point) why is there two spellings for this one color anyway…WTF. Okay anyway, I even think my eyesight is going and I can’t hear as well as I did on Monday…every time I move now I swear I can hear my bones creaking… idk man this old age is getting to me. I just have so many emotions right now, it’s the freaking worst (you’re the worst you know what you’ve done to me, and although it hurts I know, I just can’t keep running away…this song just expressed what’s going on in my heart and soul right now about being 25, without even knowing it…daaaayum!! Thanks Jhene Aiko). Okay. Okay. I’m done being melodramatic I shall move on.

So my mum kind of ruined my picture perfect memories of a couple of my birthday parties when I was younger. I remember it like it was yesterday…okay it was actually on Sunday…we (meaning my brother, father and mother) were on our way to Sports Authority; I’m not really sure how the topic of past birthday parties came up, but I was like “guys remember when we used to go ice-skating for my birthday” but my mum shut that shit down real quick by saying…”we only went ONE time”… I felt like she really meant to say…”are you crazy we only went once stupid” (childhood memories crushed). For some reason I always thought that we used to go ice-skating for my birthday, but apparently I was wrong. I always remember having the best time ever with my friends (more like sisters from other misters…I want to give them names but I’m having the hardest time thinking of good ones right now…I think its my old ass, quarter of a century, two and a half decade brain being a douche) and my brother and his friends (his friends were actually my friends brothers…so it was just a big family event…or so I thought) any way we were always together when we were younger. This week I come to find out we only went ice-skating ONE time for my birthday. Where the hell was I getting all these amazing images of me being an Olympic Gold Medalist Ice-Dancing Queen?

Yesterday morning I was listening to Elvis Duran and the morning show and they were talking about little things people do that piss you off. I never noticed how many little things get me mad (clearly a color having more than one spelling really gets me going). One guy that called into the show said that it pisses him off when he sees people eating their cheeseburgers upside down, and that got me thinking…that shit pisses me off too. There’s a reason it’s called a top and bottom bun…like eat it the RIGHT WAY BRUH!!! So now I’m on a roll, I start thinking of all these things that just piss me off. Like when your at a red light and the thing just turned GREEN LIKE HALF A SECOND AGO AND THE ASSHOLE BEHIND YOU BEEPS THEIR STUPID ASS HORN AT ME…OOOO THAT MAKES ME WANT TO PUT MY CAR IN REVERSE RAM THE SHIT OUT OF DOUCHEBAGS CAR…GO FORWARD AND REPEAT AT LEAST TWO TIMES THAN PUT MY CAR IN PARK, GET OUT AND GO POKE YOU IN THE EYEBALL YOU JACK ASS!!!! I’m sorry I got a little carried away and I only gave one example… And I’m already pissed this needs to stop.

OMG…a funny thing happened to me yesterday; when I was driving to work I got hit by a freaking rock in the back of my head. Mind you I was in my car on the freaking turnpike. My window was only a smidge open and that freaking rock pegged me hard as hell, and it scared the crap out of me… for some reason I thought my roof fell on me, but I’m preeeetty sure that would have hurt a lot more. I’ve decided to say goodbye in song… and now I’m bout to throw them deuces up… deuces (that was Chris Browns song…just incase you didn’t know).

Love Ya from the Moon and back,

Emily (I’m so old now… I can’t even think of anything good to put here)

P.S. Don’t judge my white ashy hands…I know your thinking it, because that’s the first thing I noticed!